Naruto's POV
They hadn't found the kid.
(Weak. Lazy. Useless.)
They had spent all day searching for him. Naruto had spawned what felt like hundreds of clones to traipse through the island and look under bushes and down the shore.
(Lazy. Useless. Weak)
A dull stab of pain throbbed behind his temples. His hands shook and he felt nauseous from the exertion of the chakras. Even with his amazing new abilities, even with his goal to become awesome enough to become the Hokage, even with his absolute faith in his team mates and teacher-
(Useless. Weak. Lazy)
They hadn't found the kid.
Tsunami had gone to her room and hadn't emerged since the sun went down. She had been crying earlier, but had stopped sometime before Kakashi had called Sakura into the other room. Tazuna had retreated to his own room, a bottle of sake clutched tightly in his shaking hands and eyes deeply lined. Sasuke had finished cleaning up the simple meal of rice and fish, and was now cleaning his kunai methodically in the corner.
He was waiting.
They were both waiting.
(Have to wait. Reduced to waiting. Too useless to do anything. Can't even find one missing kid)
The door slid open and Sakura stumbled out. It was a slight fall- her ninja reflexes catching her so quickly it was easily disguised as a step, but her eyes were shuttered and dull. The happy Sakura-chan whose eyes were so bright and lively, hesitated when she saw them waiting in the main room.
(Doesn't want to be near you. You disappointed her. If you had found the boy, none of this would have happened. She would be happy. Your fault. It's your fault.)
She took a step towards the room she shared with Tsunami. Stopped. Took a small step towards the door. Stopped. Stared at her hands, then lifted her head. Naruto could see the effort it took to submerge whatever pain she was in, to raise her chin and relax her shoulders like she hadn't been called into the other room like a scolded child. Knew that the faintly pleased look she plastered on her face was a lie. Knew that crossing the room to sit next to him was an effort. Knew that she thought repressing the worries and fears and pain was making her into a better ninja and team mate. Knew there was nothing he could do but accept this attempt at normalcy.
(If she trusted you, she wouldn't lie. If she really saw you as her team mate, as her friend, she wouldn't feel the need to pretend everything was alright. But you're useless and she has to coddle you, pander to you. Because she can't trust you.)
"Naruto, are you feeling alright?" Sakura asked as she knelt next to him and raised a hand to his forehead. And when she was trying so hard to pretend everything was normal and fine and ok, how could he do anything but grin back at her.
"Of course! We're going to find him tomorrow, Sakura-chan. Believe it! Don't you worry!"
Please, please don't worry.
Sakura smiled back falsely, "I'm not." She lied. "You were really cool today. All those clones were amazing!"
"You think so?" He rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment, still unused to direct praise. Usually the best he could expect was not to be insulted.
"Yeah!" Honesty colored her tone and her smile grew more genuine, "Naruto- I've never seen so many clones, and they were all independent and thinking. That's an amazing jutsu."
Naruto laughed, "Thanks! You were pretty amazing yourself."
Her face fell- the mask freezing in place a moment later, but it was too late. Naruto already knew that he screwed up.
(Idiot. Idiot. Can't even manage a conversation right. Why are you even here?)
"Uh. Yeah. Thanks." Her knuckles had gone white as she dug her fingers into the remains of her dress. She abruptly rose. "I'm going to run a perimeter check."
(Now she's leaving. You drove her away. The only person who has cared about you.)
Naruto struggled to his feet, "Here- I'll come-"
(Going to leave. Never come back. Broke everything.)
"No." Her voice was sharp with stress, but she immediately softened it to the same, falsely calm tones. Like she was trying to apologize for her own stress. "Naruto, you need to rest up for tomorrow. I've got this."
(Gone. Slipping through his fingers. He would be alone again. No one would look at him. No one would smile. He was alone.)
"Sakura."
Damnit, he wouldn't be hurt when she stopped at Sasuke's word, even as she ignored his. It was just who she was. She always listened a little closer to Sasuke. Always paid just a little more attention. Ever since the days of the Academy when he knew that she crushed on the Uchiha bastard, like every other girl in the school.
(Of course she would. Sasuke is skilled. A good ninja. Everyone wants to know him.)
Said Uchiha bastard was standing now, hand shoved in the pockets of his shorts and looking every inch the arrogant bastard no one else but Naruto was able to see.
"Yes, Sasuke?" Sakura's voice was brittle. The last thing she wanted to do right now was be in the room. Didn't Sasuke see that? What did he want?
"I've been thinking," His eyes slid from her to the wall and he shifted as if the conversation was difficult. Then don't have it, teme. Just let Sakura have some time to be alone, sort things out- she needed that. Naruto knew now that as much as he wanted to spend every hour of every day with her, Sakura started getting quiet and moody if she didn't have an hour to herself.
"There are some advanced fire jutsu, in the Uchiha library. I have decided to master them as my first step in my vengeance." Sasuke rocked back on his heels, looking faintly pleased with himself.
What.
(What?)
At least, Sakura appeared equally confused as she stared at him with increasing tension. Her lips pressed down into a thin, white line and her fists balled at her sides.
(Angry at him, how long will it take before she directs that anger at you?)
"Sasuke," She hissed finally, "Not everything on this kami-damned planet is about you. Or your stupid vengeance."
Sasuke actually took a step back- face pale and shocked as if she had reached over and slapped him. Naruto stared, open mouth, as Sakura spun on her heel and ran out the door. Her footsteps slowly faded into silence as she curved into the forest.
(Gone. Left. If you had done something – anything- none of this would have happened)
"Teme-" Naruto growled as he strode over to his stupidly heartless, brainless team mate, "What the hell was that!"
Usually, when Sasuke looked at him, his eyes were dismissive or condescending or challenging. But now, they were dark with confusion. He glanced between Naruto and the empty door as if he couldn't figure out why Naruto was grabbing him by the collar and Sakura had fled.
"She. . ."
"She's upset!" Naruto snapped. Even the brain dead Uchiha should have enough empathy to pick up on that! "Why did you start prattling on about jutsu and vengeance- and-"
"I was helping!" Sasuke muttered, then, glancing to the empty room, "Trying to help."
"How."
"She…" Sasuke sighed and jabbed Naruto's wrist with his thumb. Numbness radiated out from the point and Naruto dropped Sasuke with a howl as his hand went lifeless for a second. But Sasuke didn't run away this time. Instead he shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at the corner of the room like it held the answers to this problem. Finally, a decision reached he looked back at Naruto.
"She told me to come up with goals for my vengeance. It was good advice. I thought she needed to know. . . " Sasuke broke off, frustrated, but understanding was already dawning in Naruto's mind. So the Uchiha wasn't a completely heartless bastard- just a stupid one.
"You were trying to show her that her advice was still good?"
"Hn." Sasuke agreed.
"Yeah, that didn't come across at all." The anger drained away from him as quickly as it came. Honestly, it was like the Uchiha bastard had never spent any time watching normal people interact. He half expected everyone to be a mind reader and then to agree to his every demand.
"Hn," He knew that already, dobe.
"You should probably explain what you were trying to do- Not right now!" Naruto threw himself in front of the door with arms outstretched as Sasuke started to run after Sakura. The Uchiha bastard glared at him, but didn't knock him over. Good. At Naruto's state, he probably couldn't do much to stop him.
"Sakura needs alone time," Naruto explained, "She's so smart, she gets mixed up in her head because she can see too many sides of the issues. She needs some time to sort out things out before she can talk to you without getting all-" he waved his hands in front of his face and tried to effect the pleasantly blank expression Sakura wore under stress.
Sasuke understood got it. With a sigh, he spun away from the door and paced back to the table, though his kunai had been sharpened to a razor's edge and his med kit had been packed and re-packed four times.
"How do you know her so well?" Sasuke finally asked. He sounded frustrated, but if it was with himself, Naruto, or Sakura- Naruto couldn't tell.
Naruto shrugged, "I watch her. Notice things."
"I watch her." Sasuke protested, then added with Naruto only raised an eyebrow. "She only exercises for two and a half minutes before she finds some excuse to pause and adjust her hair, stretch, whatever."
"Yeah and do you know why?" Naruto asked. When the resulting sullen silence indicated Sasuke very much didn't, Naruto explained, "It's so her face doesn't get red. It's something all the girls in the Academy did- so they never looked out of breath or sweaty."
"That's stupid."
"Yeah." Naruto agreed, "I don't think she really realizes she does it though. But that's what I mean. You notice the physical stuff, but you don't notice why. Or the human stuff."
"Tch." Sasuke looked away but didn't disagree. "How long should I wait?"
Naruto rolled his neck as he considered. Sakura was pretty upset. Normally, he'd give her ten minutes to calm down, but after today it might be better to give her longer.
"Half hour to forty minutes?" He suggested. Sasuke immediately rose- "Hey where are you going?"
"That's enough time to cook you some rice." When Naruto blinked at him in confusion, Sasuke gave him a superior smirk, "Your stomach was growling earlier. I noticed that."
Sakura POV
The traps were set. The paths to the house wired so no one could approach without the sentry knowing. The trees were strung with the bells and wooden clappers that should a shinobi approach through the trees, they would either be impeded by caution or they would be exposed.
Dozens of traps taking advantage of the natural formations- the large trees, the brook running to the south, the slight ridge to the north west. She had been so pleased with her Team's traps. Pleased with how safe Tsunami and Inari were every time they left the house. She had been so wrong.
She had been so wrong about many things.
(Like hell she was!)
Traps checked. Perimeter secured. Kunai counted. Shuriken prepped. Report mentally detailed. House secured.
Unless she was wrong about that too.
(Like hell she was!)
"If you can't accept that, maybe you need to think about why you want to be a ninja."
They hadn't started sentry duty yet. Everyone was still awake. So it wasn't technically desertion when she suddenly bolted into the woods, running heedlessly through the darkened forest as though she would be able to outrun her sensei's words. Prove, with her speed that she deserved to still be on the team. Even if she was weak. Even if she was stupid. Even if her chakra reserves were tiny.
(Fuck all that, she was awesome!)
But Sasuke was faster. Naruto could run further. After less than a mile her breath was harsh in her throat and her sides ached. The boys would have run to the edge of the island. Have found some suitably dramatic rock to sit upon and brood in the moonlight.
Instead, Sakura turned abruptly and ran full tilt at one of the large pines that dotted the island. Her feet found the chakra of the tree easily and she transition from running on soil to running on bark with barely a hesitation.
When she burst through the canopy to the clear sky above, it was as if she had run to the most deserted part of the island. There were no lights in wave country. A few flickering torches at the village, but few had running electricity or the money to waste on lighting their homes. Instead, they had regressed to pre-crash technology- huddled around fires and lamps when in Konoha Sakura sometimes left the hall light on when she went to bed. Just so she could see her way to the bathroom. It wasn't fair.
"If you can't accept that, maybe you need to think about why you want to be a ninja."
With no chores left to finish, no team mates to distract her, no desperate run to wipe her mind clean, Kakashi's words filtered back. Her brain immediately re-arranged the phrase to be more palatable: why I want to be a ninja, an essay by Sakura Haruno.
She wanted to be a ninja because. . .
Her normally well trained and logical brain came up blank.
She wanted to be a ninja because it was never a question that she would enter the academy that her parents had graduated from. Because Ino was there and she would never leave her best friend (though Sasuke and hormones later proved how fickle her assertions could be). Because it was all she ever knew and didn't know what else she would do.
Because who else would make sure Naruto wasn't killed in combat because he didn't know how to properly throw an explosive tag? Or make sure that he ate something other than ramen on days when Sasuke didn't cook? And who would give Sasuke awkward half hugs and be conveniently awake when Sasuke had one of his frequent nightmares?
"Sakura."
From far below, Sasuke's voice floated up to her and Sakura huddled closer around herself as if that would make her less detectable. The last thing she wanted to do was talk to anyone and if someone had run out to find her, she would have preferred Naruto. Naruto, for all his energy and babble, at least knew how to be comforting. Maybe Sasuke would overlook her hiding place?
No such luck. Sasuke wasn't their top graduate for nothing. A huff, snap of twigs and muttered curse and Sasuke climbed up to her perch on the top of the tree. Well, looks like someone had mostly mastered the tree climbing exercise.
"Sakura, come down from there. It's not safe." Sasuke paused on a lower, sturdier branch unwilling to venture onto the whippy top boughs that Sakura was sitting on. Sakura wrapped her arms tighter around her shoulders and refused to look down. But the urge to share was overwhelming.
"You can use your chakra to anchor yourself," She said and lifted her foot as a demonstration. The thin twig lifted with her. As long as you didn't try to put any weight on a dead branch that would snap off, the upper boughs were pretty secure.
Sasuke huffed and muttered something under his breath, but climbed gingerly up to the branch next to her. His shoulders were tight as he balanced himself- his grip almost white knuckled as he held to the trunk. It wasn't fair that he could make even nervousness look gorgeous.
If you had promised Sakura at the end of graduation that she would have been irritated by the famous Uchiha's presence, she would have knocked you out of the park in indignation. But now, Sakura resented his presence. Resented the apology that she was no doubt expected to give. Because no matter how irritated she was, how frustrating Sasuke was, it wasn't right to snap at him and say that his reason for being a ninja was stupid. Who was she to judge? She didn't even have a reason.
Still, the silence between them needed to be broken. Sasuke certainly didn't track her through the darkened woods and climb a tree just to be a comforting presence at her side. He clearly-
"….sorry."
"What?" A sudden grab for the trunk saved her imminent tumble as her surprise broke her passive concentration on sticking to the branches. Sasuke shot her an annoyed glare.
"I said, I was sorry."
"I heard you." Sakura snapped back, "I'm just surprised. What are you sorry about?"
Sasuke shifted uncomfortably on his branch, edging around so he could face her more squarely. The moon, waxing gibbeous, was bright enough at this height to highlight the sharp angles of his face. It looked like he was chewing on the edge of his tongue as he sorted through his thoughts- eyes scanning the horizon rather than looking at her.
"I'm sorry . . . that I wasn't a good team mate." He glanced at her, but she was struck mute by the apology. Irritated with her silence, he continued in halting tones, " I was trying to show you that your judgment is good. Even if Kakashi doesn't agree. But my vengeance isn't stupid." He finished fiercely and glared at her.
Sakura blinked at him, too astonished to even register the sharp, final words. Sasuke never apologized- not with an actual explanation. It was like saying the sky was green or the grass purple. Her ninja instincts told her to cast a quick genjutsu dispersal, but her social skills reminded her that would probably offend him. Still, in the light of the apology, her irritation melted like the first snows of April.
"It's not," She agreed softly, "I'm sorry for saying it was stupid. I wasn't a good team mate either."
"Hn." Sasuke agreed, but seemed content to let the matter settle at that. He shifted a little closer to the trunk and drew up his leg to his chest. Apology accepted, he was clearly willing to wait for her to descend.
But Sakura was hesitant to go back to the house. Sasuke was only one of three issues. She didn't want to go back and face Kakashi without having his question answered. Didn't want to face Tsunami without having found her son. But it was… nice to have Sasuke sitting next to her- too cool to mention the chill wind or the late hour.
(We don't need him! We can figure this out ourselves, for sure!)
Sakura sighed and rubbed her hands through her hair, dislodging her headband. She caught it before it could fall, but instead of putting it back on, stared at the forehead protector. Ninja. Why was she a ninja? No plan for vengeance like Sasuke. No dream of Hokage like Naruto. Just a sense of inertia and worry for her team mates. But if she was a terrible ninja, she wouldn't be able to take care of them, be a liability and-
"Sasuke, do you think I am a good ninja?" Her boldness surprised her. The question falling from her lips, before her mind caught up to remind her that Sasuke, even a Sasuke who apologized, wasn't interested in her weaknesses.
"No."
Even expected, the response still hurt. Sakura couldn't hide the flinch from a pain as real as if Sasuke had sucker punched her in the stomach. She blinked rapidly so the tears which suddenly formed didn't spill down her cheeks and betray the effect of the one syllable.
So. That was what he thought. All the training, all the lunches and late night conversations- they amounted to something- she wasn't so stupid as to dismiss those gestures. But respecting her as a shinobi? As a colleague and team mate? Sakura had never realized how important that respect was to her. She didn't just want Sasuke's attention or friendship, she wanted his respect.
"I see." She said and Sakura was absurdly pleased that she was able to keep her voice steady despite the rising tide of despair.
"You're not a good ninja," Sasuke continued conversationally. "You care too much about your appearance. You don't work hard. You care too much what people think about you. And you spend too much time hanging out with the Dobe instead of training."
Each criticism was another twist of the blade he had sunk in her stomach with that first syllable. By the end Sakura felt almost breathless and light headed. When had Sasuke paid enough attention to her to make these judgments? And where was this coming from? She had asked a question intending to be comforted, like how Naruto would have, but he was beating her down?
The worst part, if Sakura could be honest, was that he was right.
Just a little bit.
Sakura hung her head and took a deep, stabilizing breath. Her fingers flexed into fists to hide their shaking whether from shock or rage, she wasn't sure. But she had never wanted to punch Sasuke in his smug, fat face as much as she did in this moment.
But Sasuke wasn't finished.
"You could be a good ninja," He finally added, "But you lack focus. What is your goal?"
Never had her childhood goal of being the Uchiha's bride been so far from her mind. Like she would ever, ever, ever think of marrying this bastard.
"To become the best Kunoichi!" She snapped with real feel. That goal had started out as a way to protect Naruto's feelings, but it had transformed into a real desire over the months of competing with Ino.
"Mmm. That doesn't sound like a sustainable goal." The smug, self satisfaction of throwing her own words back at her was so thick, she could have sliced it open with her kunai. "Do you have an objective measurement?"
"I'm going to beat Ino in every conceivable field."
"Tch. So you are going to break up the team." Sasuke's voice when from smug to cold so quickly it gave her emotional whiplash. Suddenly, he was all brittle tension.
"What? No!" She protested. Arguing with Sasuke was worse that sparing with him. She hadn't been able to get a firm foothold since he arrived.
"Then why are you competing with an Intelligence ninja? Ino's. . . fine, but," He made a dismissive gesture and Sakura's heart soared despite her anger and discomfort. Someone didn't think Ino was so great. Sasuke didn't think Ino was better than her. Oh, Sakura might not be good, but at least Ino wasn't either. "You need a rival who can actually push you."
"Oh yeah? Like who?"
"Me."
For the second time that evening, Sakura felt like she had been punched in the gut by a single syllable.
"You?" She squeaked.
"Hn." Sasuke nodded and glanced over at her for the first time in their conversation. "If you want."
"No, yes. I-" Her brain finally caught up to her mouth and made her pause, "Wait. If I'm such a bad ninja, how am I going to push you."
Sasuke glanced down to where he was still clutching at the trunk of the tree and slowly unwrapped his hand. Sakura used the pause to try and take stock of the conversation. Sasuke wanted her as a rival? Her? That was-
This was almost better than if he asked her on a date.
"My chakra control's not good." He finally admitted, though from the grimace on his face the admission was physically painful. "The dobe didn't even know how to channel chakra into his feet until two days ago and I'm still not beating him. But you were up the tree almost before Kakashi finished explaining. It's pathetic. And if I'm going to start medic training after we become Chunin I need almost perfect control."
Huh. Sasuke actually wanted to pursue becoming a medic nin. Not just the first aid provider of the team, but a fully fledged, hospital trained medic nin. Sakura couldn't quite see it.
"Ok-" Sakura began.
"And you're smart." Sasuke frowned at her as if this was her fault, "You're interested in things that I wouldn't even think to ask about- like the dobe's clones."
"Ok?" Sakura hesitated, half hoping that Sasuke would interrupt her with another compliment. But he didn't. "I'm also better at people."
"Naruto's better at people than you."
Sakura opened her mouth to correct him, but, upon thinking about it decided it wasn't worth debating. "I'm still better than you." She finally concluded and Sasuke only grunted in dismissal.
Sakura glanced down at the forehead protector in her hands, then resolutely tied it back around her head. She stood up and stretched, feeling the strength return to her limbs after sitting in the cold night air for so long. Then she glanced down at where Sasuke was glowering at her feet, balanced on the thin boughs easily.
"Can I check some assumptions with you?"
"Hn." Sure.
"Do you prefer long hair?"
"Hn." I don't really care.
"Do you prefer slender girls?"
"Hn." Same answer as above.
"Do you prefer feminine and gentle girls?"
"Hn?" What?
Ok. Well, clearly Ino and Ame were off their rockers all through the Academy. Sakura retied her hair back into a low ponytail and felt rather annoyed with herself. How long had she been operation on terrible intelligence about Sasuke's preference- defining her entire life around what was now obviously only guesses and assumptions.
"Alright, one last question." She narrowed her eyes down at him. "Is it true that boys like a girl who can challenge them but will always let them win?"
Sasuke frowned at her for a second and then pulled the side of his mouth into a smirk.
"Sakura," He carefully rose to his feet until they were almost level, "If you beat me at a challenge that isn't about chakra control or intelligence, I'll-"
"Go get a manicure with me?" Sakura interrupted brightly, "And let me choose the color."
Sasuke stared at her in shock but Sakura couldn't contain the delight that was rising out of the pit of her stomach. Maybe it was emotional overload of her brain, but after the stress of the day, the despair of Kakashi's lecture, and the anger, then relief, at Sasuke's words- she was as giddy as a toddler. Sasuke wanted her as a rival. Sasuke was willing to bribe her with rewards for challenges. There was no limit to the fun she could have.
"Fine." He finally allowed and glared at her.
"Hell yeah!" She cheered. Now they would see if there was anything sillier than an Uchiha in nail polish. "Ok. First challenge- who can get back to the house first."
Then, before Sasuke could protest, she kicked off the branch and flung herself into the empty air. After all, Sasuke thought she was smart. She'd figure out a way to hit the ground gently.
"Sakura!"
0X0X0X0
"Sakura!"
Sasuke won that challenge.
Oh, Sakura reached the ground first. It wasn't, she realized, that difficult to slow your descent with the generous application of tree walking to the branches she dodged on the way down. She had hit the forest floor and was running towards the house faster and harder than she ever had in her life before Sasuke even was half way down the tree.
But her fastest and hardest was neither that fast nor that hard, Sakura quickly realized. And she was pretty sure that Sasuke was just taunting her by running just a few steps ahead of her the entire time. Which meant she couldn't slow down. Or take a breather. Or do anything but push herself just a bit faster when that stupid fan was just a few feet ahead of her.
Which meant that she was red faced and breathing like a cow in labor by the time they both arrived in the back yard (Sasuke unruffled, Sakura almost stumbling). Which meant that Naruto, who had been waiting anxiously on the front porch, had freaked out, sweeping her up into a bone crushing hug while demanding that Sasuke heal her.
"M-finm, Naruto." She finally pushed him away enough to take a full breath, "I'm fine. Sorry I ran off. I just need-"
"Needed some space," Naruto finished for her, then leaned in to whisper, "Did that teme apologize like I told him to?"
"Yep." She glanced over at where Sasuke was standing a little ways away. "We're good."
A/N: A return to your regularly scheduled fluff. Sort of.
If I ever go back and rework this story, I'll clean up this chapter emotionally. It's all over th place as a direct consequence of writing it over the course of many days. Do any of you authors have tips on how to keep an emotional focus or tone of a chapter?
Also, I was playing with Sakura having her inner voice as well in this chapter. It might be the big difference between her and the boys- their internal monologues are super depressing and hers is fiesty. Which can also be a problem, because contentment doesn't push you to succeed. Let me know if it workwd for you.
Have a great week you guys! I am loving all the reviews and comments! Next up- the final battle.