This Morality Play

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. He didn't want to do this, especially when Pepper wasn't there with him. He hated these press conferences, but he did them because 1.) he was obligated to, and 2.) Pepper was always standing off to the side, offering him an encouraging smile. He'd never really realized how heavily he leaned on her for sanity, but he certainly appreciated it now.

But all he had now was Rhodey, so he'd have to make do. With a sigh of defeat, he stepped up to the podium and delivered the usual progress report. Weapons were still being stolen all over the world. He was still doing his best to intercept the weapons before they were used for mindless destruction. Blah, blah, blah. The reporters shifted impatiently, and he knew that they cared nothing about what he was saying.

Some gossiping hen from the SI office had leaked to the media that Tony had proposed to Pepper. He wasn't even sure how anyone had found out, but it had been all over the tabloids the next day.

Some of the rumors were fairly mild: they were engaged, but Pepper just didn't want to wear the ring yet for fear of drawing too much attention to herself.

Other rumors were really… not: Pepper had accepted his proposal to make Jude Law jealous, and Tony had proposed because he was tired of waiting for Eva Mendes.

Pepper had probably been working overtime on Tony's behalf, but she hadn't spoken a word to him in the four days since his proposal. As far as he knew, she hadn't commented on the situation, and neither had Tony. He didn't want to talk about it, and he didn't relish being asked multiple questions about it by these reporters.

And he didn't have to be a genius to know that his proposal was the question on the tip of everyone's tongue. As his progress report drew to a close, he figured that he'd give the reporters fair warning that he didn't want to be messed with on this particular day.

"Before we start with the questions, let me say this," he began. "I am not in the mood to answer any questions that have nothing whatsoever to do with Iron Man or Stark Industries." Out of the corner of his eye, Rhodey was furiously shaking his head, but Tony ignored him. Reaching around the podium, he plucked a pencil away from a reporter, who immediately gave out an irate cry that Tony also ignored. "Here to help me clear up some of the concerns and misconceptions concerning my supposed engagement to Ms. Potts, I give you; this pencil."

He held it up for all to see. "You know, Mr. Stark," Tony said, his voice pitched higher as he wiggled the pencil, "I thought maybe I heard some rumors floating around about you and your personal assistant Ms. Potts maybe being engaged."

His voice returned to normal as he said, "Let me clear that up, my friend, by saying that we are not at all engaged. I'll have you know that I did ask Ms. Potts to marry me, but her answer was no. Is it because she'd rather have Jude Law? Well, that's possible. I mean, I wouldn't mind Jude Law. Did I ask her to marry me because I've given up on Eva Mendes? Not at all. Eva is a doll, but I'm not in love with her."

"Well, holy crap! I'll bet you don't want to share the intimacies of your personal life with me or the rest of the world, do you?"

"That's actually an accurate observation. By the way, what is your name?"

"Oh, I'm any generic reporter that happens to ask you a question about Pepper Potts and/or any engagement related issues."

His face completely devoid of emotion, Tony nodded and broke the pencil in half, tossing the pieces back at the reporter that he'd stolen it from. "This morality play was made possible by a generous grant from the 'Just See If I Was Kidding' Foundation," he said smoothly. "Questions?"

One reporter stood eagerly and it seemed that a question about Pepper was on the tip of his tongue. Tony slumped forward, draping himself across the podium and smiled sweetly at the reporter. "Choose carefully."

There was a long pause before the man said in a strained voice, "Concerning the weapons recently found in Haiti…"

"Atta girl," Tony muttered, nodding for him to continue.

The other reporters followed suit, and the Q&A section wrapped up in less than five minutes.

Tony climbed into the limo with Rhodey and they drove off. His friend strummed his fingers on his bicep, shaking his head in disappointment. "I hope you know that Pepper is going to kill you…"

Tony's sour expression lifted to reveal a triumphant grin. "But she'll talk to me."

Rhodey nodded. "Uh-huh, right… before she kills you…"

"Well, maybe she'll let me plea my case before she pushes me down an elevator shaft."

"If you honestly think that a plea will save you…" Rhodey shook his head. "It's been nice knowing you."

**

Pepper didn't want to watch the press conference, but she knew that she should. No matter their personal relationship, he was still her boss, and it was her job to know anything and everything about Tony Stark. Watching his press conferences was almost a requirement.

But she didn't even want to hear his voice. Partly because she still felt awkward after his proposal, but mostly because Kel's words still rang clear as day in her mind. She hadn't stopped thinking about it since he'd said it.

"Whatever you feel for him, I guarantee that he feels the same about you."

She really did love him, but she didn't want to get hurt. How could she be sure that Tony wouldn't break her heart? Or how could she be sure that she wouldn't break his heart?

She finally turned on the TV as Tony was discussing weapons that he'd intercepted in various countries. She half paid attention to what he was saying, and seriously considered turning it off when it seemed that he was just giving a plain old status report. "And I'll bet he's done as soon as I turn it off," she muttered as she reached for the remote.

"I'm not in the mood to answer any questions that have nothing whatsoever to do with Iron Man or Stark Industries," he said flatly. "Here to help me clear up some of the concerns and misconceptions concerning my supposed engagement to Ms. Potts, I give you; this pencil."

Pepper dropped the remote. "Don't you dare," she hissed at the television.

"…I'll have you know that I did ask Ms. Potts to marry me, but her answer was no. Is it because she'd rather have Jude Law?"

Shaking from rage, Pepper turned off the TV and placed the remote on the coffee table as gently as possible. She heard only white noise roaring in her ears as she stood and began pacing.

He hadn't…

He hadn't…

…

… the FUCK?!

She sat down and took deep breaths. She was Pepper Potts, dammit! She could get through this!

Gladstone – who Pepper had volunteered to watch after an irate call from Jarvis – clumsily hopped up onto the couch and settled himself on her lap. He gently picked at the collar of her shirt and she stroked the duck's soft feathers. "I'm going to kill your daddy," she muttered to the bird.

Inspired by a speech made by Dr. Cox from the show 'Scrubs.'