A/N – This chapter is interesting. It changes everything just a little more. So, enjoy, and I hope you will.
Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS or the characters
Chapter 25 - What the…?
Washington, DC
Ziva's POV
What was I thinking?
We stayed in each other's arms for a long while, just taking in all that had just transpired. My face was pressed into his chest and his head was resting on mine. My heart was flying faster than it had in a very long time and my breath was coming in quick spurts. I could feel his heart pounding against me as I rested my forehead against his chest.
We had just been nose to nose and staring into each other's eyes. We had both been thinking about it. What surprised me was how much I wanted to kiss him in that moment. That was definitely crossing the lines. That was definitely not what we should be doing only a week after returning home. What the hell was that?
My emotions flew. I already knew that I loved Tony. The butterflies in my stomach were a statement to that. The knot of nerves in my stomach proved that I might just be ready for this. But, how did I know? I did not and could not, until I acted on it. What would have happened if I had acted on it? My mind was flying with thoughts and emotions.
After several minutes of just standing in Tony's arms, my heart rate came down, my breathing leveled out, and I relaxed a little. I could feel that Tony's heart rate was calmer too. I was not sure I was ready to meet his gaze when I did decide to look up. I took in a breath and dared to look into his green eyes.
I was met with a gaze of adoration. His eyes were gentle and he was smiling at me. I was sure that only a few moments before he was struggling with his own thoughts and emotions, but now he was at ease. Now he was simply admiring me. I couldn't help but return his smile.
Without another word I pulled my shirt on, realizing I was totally topless still and pulled him toward the bed. I had to admit that I was surprised that Tony's eyes never wandered from my face in all that time that I had remained topless. He laid down and opened his arm for me, as we always did, but usually after a nightmare.
I curled into his side and placed my head over his heart. I smiled as I snuggled into his side. I fit perfectly and felt like I belonged there. This was not how we usually slept. Usually my back was to him and I allowed him to wrap his arms around me protectively. Now, I was full into his side. His arm hesitated a moment and I could feel a slight chuckle that never escaped his lips. Then, he wrapped his arms around me and held me protectively where I was.
I slid into an easy and dreamless sleep. It was relaxing and the scent of Tony was filling my nose. And, though no nightmares came, I still did not get a full night of sleep. At some point I did start to dream.
We were standing in a darkened room, staring into each other's eyes. Our faces were so close together that we could feel each other's breath brushing across our faces. His arms were wrapped around me and mine around him. Finally, I leaned in and pressed my eager lips to his. My eyes slid closed and our lips parted. Our tongues began a sort of tango, working with each other's. Tony's hands wandered a little, hugging my every curve and exploring the body that was long hidden to him.
When we parted, I could see lust and love filling those green eyes of his. My heart was racing and my breath was coming up short. I wanted more. I leaned back in and began another passionate kiss. He pressed my back up against the wall, one hand laced through my hair and the other at the base of my back. I slid one hand down his back as his hand slid to my butt and then my upper thigh. As I picked the leg up, my hand slipped under his shirt, meeting his skin.
I woke with a start. I was startled. My breath was catching in my throat and there was sweat dripping from me, as though I had actually been experiencing that. I noted our position. Our legs were tangled together and my head was resting at the base of his neck, with my hand on his bare stomach. His hand was at the base of my back, touching the skin there. I knew he was awake and fully aware that I had been dreaming of something. I picked my head up and glanced at the clock.
Two in the morning. That was the longest amount of sleep that I had gotten in a very long time. My heart was racing and there was heat between my legs that I had not felt in a very long time. My breath hitched a little more as I noted this. I sat up and ran my fingers through the mess of curls on my head.
"Nightmare?" Tony asked, sitting up and putting one arm around me.
"Not exactly," I whispered, my voice low and suggestive. The butterflies in my stomach caused a knot to form and my breath to catch a little further. What the hell was that? "Excuse me."
I got out of bed and heard Tony follow me. But, he did not say anything and did not push the subject. Everything was apparently still so sensitive around me. When had this change taken place? What would have happened if I had kissed him.
I made my way into the living room area and walked over to the piano, where my phone was. I put both my hands on the piano and lowered my head, trying to collect my thoughts and think clearly about anything. But, the more I thought the more my heart raced and the more nervous and excited I felt.
I picked up the phone and dialed out the number, staring at it for a moment and thinking. We had never had to use Gibbs' offer to call at whatever hour of the day or night. Could I talk to Tony about this? Should I talk to Tony about this? Sure, I could, but I did not know if I should. Gibbs was the only other person I would trust with anything of the sort, not that he liked details.
I glanced over my shoulder. Tony was standing in the doorway to the living room and watching me. His eyes were curious and he was wondering what this was about. I had left him totally out of the loop, other than the fact that I had not had a nightmare and had to get up out of a bed that we were sharing to compose myself. I could not find composure.
I hit send on the phone and pressed it to my ear. I was going to take Gibbs up on his offer. I sighed. The phone only rang once before a sleepy voice answered on the other end.
"Yea, Gibbs?" asked the voice, sounding as though he were still half asleep.
"Gibbs," I said into the phone.
"Ziva. Everything okay?" he asked with a slight groan at the time.
"Um… I'm not sure," I said to him uncertainly.
How was I supposed to do this? I did not even know where this had come from? The only clear thought I had was: what the fuck?
"What's wrong?" Gibbs asked.
"Dream that I cannot shake," I whispered.
"Nightmare?" he asked.
"No," I said. "Not a nightmare. Something else that has nothing to do with Somalia."
"Talk to me, Ziva," Gibbs said. "What was the dream about?"
"Gibbs? You do not like details, yes?" I asked clarifying what I thought to be true.
"Keep it simple," he said.
"Well… Tony," I said to him quietly.
I could hear a sharp intake of breath and I could hear the bed below him shift as he sat up in the bed.
"Oh!" his voice said suddenly, realizing exactly what the dream was about. "How far did the dream go?"
"Not far," I said. "It startled me."
"How far? Were you about to… you know? Or were you still at the beginning? Kissing, small touches, you know?"
"Beginning," I said to him. "It just startled me."
"What do you feel? Panicked?"
"Not at all," I said. "I feel… well… I want…."
"Got it," Gibbs said. "Good sign. What triggered it?"
"We almost kissed last night," I said to him.
I wondered if there was ever such a short sided conversation on both sides before. Gibbs, who did not like to talk much and me who did not like to talk much. Here we were not talking much on both ends of the conversation. Made for many exchanges in turn to talk.
"When?"
"Before we went to bed," I said to him.
"How long before?"
"About five minutes," I said to him.
"And you sleep separately," he said quietly.
"Not last night," I whispered, almost afraid to admit it. "And not most nights by the end of the night."
"No nightmares at all tonight?" he asked. "Were you sleeping in his arms or something?"
"Usually am when we share," I admitted sheepishly. "Gibbs, am I ready for this?"
"How do you feel when you think about it?"
"Nervous and excited," I said to him.
"Yes," he said simply. "Ziva, it's time to talk to Tony. It's time to share this with him. It's time to show him how you feel and eventually tell him."
"Thank you," I said quietly.
"No problem. I'm going to get some more sleep," he said quietly and hung up the phone.
I hung up mine as well. My mind was still flying and there was still a heat inside me that was so foreign to me. I was not entirely sure what to do with it. When I finally let out a breath I did not know I was holding, it rattled a little. I grabbed what little confidence I had and turned around.
Tony was still standing in the doorway, leaning his side into it and looking at me. His eyes were wide. He was curious and concerned. He was wondering what was bothering me that I could not talk to him about. But, he was being oddly patient considering how open we had been in the past week about the nightmares and all that I had been through.
We stood there looking at each other for a moment, while my mind flew with wild thoughts of what I wanted to do with him. Eventually, I shook my head and leaned my back against the piano, thinking that this was a safer distance to talk from.
"Ziva?" he asked finally seeing that I was ready to talk.
"I did not know if I should talk to you about that or not," I said to him. "I can. I just did not know if I should."
"What?"
"My dream," I said quietly.
"Which was not a nightmare, I got that. Was it a bad dream?"
"No," I said to him, shaking my head. "It was actually rather… pleasant." His eyes widened as he stood straight and away from the doorway. "It just startled me, that's all. Of all of the things to dream about, that was not what I expected."
"You were having a sex dream?" he asked curiously, his eyes a little hurt, though he was trying to hide it. He was obviously assuming that it was someone else in my dream.
"Well, it did not go that far," I admitted to him. "It was only just some kissing. Some touching. You know. It just startled me. I did not think that even my subconscious was ready to consider thinking about sex."
His eyes widened more. We were openly talking about this. We were openly talking about a sex dream and he did not even know the subject of the dream yet.
"Was it someone you knew, at least? Who was in your dream?"
I pushed away from the piano and walked up to him. His expression was darkened by jealousy. It felt cruel to make him wait so long for an answer, but I had to be close to him. I could not resist the contact that I had grown to need over the past week. I depended on that contact. I needed that contact. And I wanted that contact.
I walked right up to him and placed both my hands on his chest. His arms wrapped automatically around me, but the jealousy remained in his eyes and the concern on his face. I looked straight into those green eyes that stared back at me.
"You," I whispered and wrapped my arms around his neck.
This was not what he expected from me. He had not expected me to be this close to him or to press my entire self into him as I told him that I was having a dream about him that led to sex. His heart was pounding and so was mine. They were beating almost in unison. He held me tight to his body, fighting some urge, judging by the look in his eyes.
"And?" he asked.
"And, I liked it," I said. "I liked the dream, that is. I liked what we were doing. I liked thinking about it. It just startled me that that was where the dream went."
I leaned up and into him and pressed my lips to his. We were both shocked by this and stayed there a short moment to adjust to the new contact between us. Then, our mouths parted at the same time and we hesitated, his hands tightening on my body, protectively. Our tongues found each other's and started to explore a little. They were not battling for dominance and it was nothing like our undercover kiss.
This kiss was tender. It was filled with passion. But, it was cautious. We were definitely testing the waters and pushing the boundaries with each other. My heart was racing. My fingers found his hair and laced through it. One of his hands moved up my back, slowly, so as not to cause any pain from the healing gash there. He laced his fingers through my curls, locking my face to his, but not too tightly, so I knew I had an escape.
The kiss deepened for a moment and then our hands started to wander a little. He was cautious though. His hands never left my back and sides. Mine never left his back and hair. He was respecting me, but the heat inside me was too much. I moaned and my eyes squeezed shut tightly as I broke the kiss, knowing that if we continued it, it would go too far for one night.
We rested our foreheads together. Our bodies were still pressed together. Aside from what that kiss did to me, I could feel exactly what it did to him and I smiled and even giggled a little bit. I felt like a teenage girl who was falling head over heels for her biggest crush. I heard him laugh too.
"What is so funny, Ziva?" he asked.
"Not funny, just pleasant," I whispered, looking up at him and pressing another kiss to his lips, but not allowing this one to go as far as the other one had. "I could get used to that."
"Mmm?" he hummed, smiling. "I think I could, too."
Now I smiled. I took his hand and looked back toward the bedroom. He hesitated and I looked at him.
"It might be better if I slept on the couch," he suggested, glancing down at himself and knowing that I was feeling the same way by the look in my eyes.
"It might be better for what we want and what we're not ready for, yes. But, I really do prefer that kind of dream over the nightmares, Tony," I admitted to him.
He leaned in and I could feel his breath on the skin of my neck, sending shivers down my spine. "I should hope so," he whispered and pulled back to see that I was okay, since he felt the shudder in me. He met a smile on my face and returned it. "Do you know what made me believe you were alive?"
I shook my head and gave him a curious look. "What?" I asked.
"Your letter, Ziva," Tony said. "I got it. Gibbs gave it to me, as you asked. The part where you said you were fighting for me. It's how I knew. I knew you were good to your word after opening up that much. I knew you couldn't have died on the Damocles like it was reported. You would fight harder than that."
I smiled. "You were right," I said to him. "But, I was not even on the ship when it sank. I did not even know it sank until this week when you told me about it. I did fight, Tony. I fought for you the whole time. This was never their body to touch and it was never my permission that they needed to ask."
His eyes widened again and he cocked his head to the side curiously.
"It was your permission they needed, Tony," I whispered to him quietly, tears filling my eyes as two emotions coursed through me.
The love I felt for Tony, which was being brought out now, along with the pain of what was done to me in our time apart was too much. It brought tears to my eyes. But, the love overwhelmed the pain and I leaned up on my toes and kissed him again. This was a little different. This was passionate and I poured my heart out into the kiss. It was not rushed, but it was hungrier than the last kiss. It was desperate to tell him all that I could not yet say. When we broke apart, we were both desiring more.
"I know," he whispered quietly. "I know how you feel, Ziva. I feel the same."
"I know," I said and his eyes widened in wonder. "What else would drive a man crazy enough to travel halfway around the world on either a vendetta or a rescue mission?"
We both smiled. Something good came out of all this. Something very good and very natural. Something we had both been longing for, for longer than we were willing to admit tonight. And what the hell were we doing? Who knew, but it felt so right!