Lawl and Order: Konoha Unit
A/N: This is an AU. The characters showing up in this story may be twisted and misplaced, pairings will be numerous and changing, and the story will swing from amusing to dramatic whenever I feel like it. It is also written completely in prompted drabbles which may be a few pages to a few paragraphs long. Feel free to give your own prompts. :D
25. "Quit looking at my eyes. My boobs are down there." - Shlee
It's Umino Iruka's birthday.
Iruka hates his birthday. It's not that he gets upset over the gaining years or has some complex about celebrating his birth. No, what he hates about his birthday is that four or five years out of seven, it's on a weekday and half the time, right before school lets out. Weekdays mean school days. School days mean students, but even that's not the worst part.
The worst part is Mitarashi Anko.
It's his birthday today and it's a Wednesday.
Iruka manages to avoid her most of the day. Someone told his students what day it was and he's inundated with apples, which will come in handy because he's going straight home. With the last bell, he pokes his head out the door and then merges with the crowd. He gets all the way to his car.
"Iruka! I heard it's your special day!"
He suddenly wishes he'd never been born. Slowly, Iruka turns to give Anko his best fake smile even though he's pretty sure she can tell. But Anko doesn't care about that.
"I'm driving," she says cheerily. He pretends he doesn't know what she talking about.
"My car's fine and I've got tests to grade-"
"Iruka, honey, stop looking at my eyes. My boobs are down there."
"What?" But he looks anyway without even thinking and, yes, they are down there and, yes, they are something rather admirable… And that's when something smashes into the back of his head and he wakes up an hour or so later in a bar.
A karaoke bar.
In hindsight, after Anko and the other teachers manage to get him on stage to sing some new idol's song that he's never heard before, Iruka thinks he has a pretty damn good case to sue for battery and a host of other things, including cruel and unusual punishment.
The only upside is that eventually some of his old students get there and at least when Naruto's belting out a tone-deaf chorus, Iruka doesn't have to be on stage.