(Argh, sorry the Zexya bits are all scrunchied up. I don't like it, but I didn't want it to be about them--this is a total XemSai chap, make no mistake. Also, Axel being generally awesome and insane. Personally, I prefer him when he's a vicious, overprotective, and slightly insane Nobody, rather than just a perverted, possessive and doting boyfriend to Roxas. Although, when the two mesh, it's sweet--however, writing him when he's PISSED is fun. Don't know why, it just is.
Also, implied sex in this chapter--I assume you can guess who's involved, but I was iffy about putting the scene itself in. And this, coming from someone who has pretty much no problem discussing the interplay of fetishes in psychological states of being, or whatever the fuck I talk about when Pokemon Rule 34 comes up, that should be a shock, but I wanted to keep a T rating for awhile--at least, until spoiler redacted.
(Fee, that one's for you.)
Anyways, the drabble collection has started up~ If anyone has a better title suggestion, I'm willing to listen--either way, I hope that's up to par and will eventually explain many of the in-jokes and relationships of FtM.
Don't own KH blah blah blah you get my point.
This chapter is dedicated to everyone who could use it--yes, I've done it before, but for anyone who needs to smile today, this chapter's for you!)
It took them a painfully slow second to react. Then Axel finally snapped his mind back to the present. He could see Roxas and Senayax at Saix's side, Senayax trying to comfort Xemnas and warm Saix at the same time, while Roxas was trying to convince Xemnas to let go of Saix so they could help him.
Axel, however, didn't care about Xemnas. All he saw, all he cared about, was his best friend half-dead and frozen on the floor. He snarled in rage, and would have decked the Superior had he not been keening, clutching Saix in a vain attempt to warm him. Axel knelt closer and let the flames under his skin pull towards his fingers, allowing them to focus. He closed his eyes, and pressed his hand against Saix's chest, where his heart would be.
"Come on, baby," he muttered, "light my goddamn fire!" He felt the ice covering his skin turn to liquid, then into steam. He managed to take his hand away before it burned Saix, still shaking. He closed his eyes and waited. It was up to the darkness now to decide whether he would live or die.
Xemnas was still keening, his voice thrumming throughout the castle. "Saix." He whispered. "Saix, please. I love you, I need you, I'm so sorry...please, Saix, come home...I'll be here, I swear, I'm sorry...I love you, I love you, please, you have to come back. YOUR MASTER NEEDS YOU!" He roared, before burying his face into's Saix's neck, sobbing. "Oh, my pet...my beautiful diviner, please...I need you. Come home. I need you." He didn't receive a response. With a grim resignation, Xemnas closed his eyes and awaited his lover's fading from his arms.
"M-master..." His eyes snapped open, as Saix shifted in his arms. "Master...you said...l-love...do you mean...it?" He murmured, tears already trailing down his cheeks. Xemnas pulled him close, hugging him as tight as he could, still crying.
"Yes." He whispered. "Yes. I am so sorry, Saix. I drove you from your home..." He said, voice thick with misery. Saix shook his head.
"No, master...forgive me, I--" He shuddered, closing his eyes from the pain. Xemnas hissed, and kissed him with ferocious abandon.
"You will not apologize for this." He spat, feeling himself shaking with fury he couldn't comprehend. "It was my fault. You left your home because of me. You left the only people who ever made you feel accepted because of something I did." He shook his head. "I am sorry. For taking you away from everyone else. I ruined your home." He murmured, shaking his head. Saix managed a small snuffle of amusement.
"M-master...I...I left home...but...I yearned to be back...here..." He gestured around to the splendor of the castle and whispered, "this...this is home, yes...but my place, the place where I belong and I must always come back to..." He closed his eyes for a second, and as he opened them again, he smiled. "...Within your arms, master. I will always...come back."
Xemnas burst into tears. Axel, Roxas, and Senayax looked at each other and without even needing to debate, they all let the darkness take them from the room.
Senayax managed a small smile as she walked through the darkness of the castle, glad just to see Xemnas and Saix home and safe. She couldn't wait to tell Zexion.
"I don't think we're going on that mission right now." Senayax said, reappearing crosslegged on Zexion's bed. He put his hairbrush down, shaking his head in amusement.
"Why not?" He asked. She grinned.
"Cause Xemnas and Saix are home." She was bubbling with happiness, having obviously been waiting to share that secret. Zexion smiled.
"I noticed. I already heard Axel. He's probably going to tend to Saix and then verbally gut the Superior." He muttered. Senayax nodded, giggling at the thought. Then she spied the hairbrush and leapt up to grab it, holding it tightly in her hands. Holding it up for Zexion, she smiled.
"I brush your hair, you brush mine!" She laughed to herself, finding this amusing. Zexion smiled as he sat back on the bed, feeling a gentle hand separate the strands of hair surrounding his face. He paused, as his eyes met hers. She blinked. As she observed him, Zexion had to make a conscious effort to keep breathing.
"You have such a pretty face." She stated. "I don't see both your eyes unless I wake up an' you're actually asleep. Um, then..." She blushed. "Cause I brush the hair out of your eyes, and look. You're just...so pretty. I don't get to see your eyes often." She said. Zexion was at a loss for words.
Then she kissed him, once upon each closed eyelid. She grinned as she took the brush in her hands and began to run it gently through his hair, stroking and kissing each strand as she finished. Zexion closed his eyes and tilted his head back.
Axel could deal with the Superior's foolishness, he mused, so long as he could have this moment.
--
Senayax had brushed his hair for almost an hour before Zexion had taken it from her and cuddled her close. He'd brushed her hair, running his fingers through the wispy strands as he realized that he needed to do this more often. Her soft sighs of contentment had been enough to lull him to sleep with her still situated on his lap.
Looks like he fell asleep before me. She grinned, amused by this. Normally, she was the one who fell asleep first, only awakening for a few moments every hour or so, just to hear him turn a page in his book; the rush of paper across his fingers was her comfort, her lullaby. But he was tired, and the rhythm of brushstrokes had lulled him to sleep. She looked at his hair, still silky and spread across the pillow, a sign of her work. Then she looked at the forelock over his eye and sighed, pleased.
She pushed it back and looked at his face. She was just so happy to see his face, even if it was so familiar. She smiled, kissing his eyes, then pausing. She kissed his lips, tapping them with her tongue before giggling at her mischief and cuddling under the blanket as she curled up against him.
Zexion had awoken to the feel of her lips on his. He was soon pulled back into sleep, but feeling her lying beside him, he could focus on one thought.
This is heaven.
The second he'd been able to move, Saix had been safely tucked into Xemnas's bed under a mass of pre-warmed blankets. He'd flat-out refused to stay anywhere else, even though Axel was fully prepared to throw him over his shoulder and put him right in his own room, far away from Xemnas.
His Superior was standing outside the door, debating whether or not to go in. Axel was not going to allow that. He snarled in hatred and slammed Xemnas against the wall, barely registering that he hadn't reacted at all.
"Do not push me," he spat, "because regardless of the consequences, in the mood I'm in right now, I will kill you where you stand." He hissed venomously. Xemnas merely watched him. Axel was dangerous when he was angered, and even Xemnas willingly admitted that. He snarled.
"You asshole." He hissed, taking him by the shoulders and shaking him, trying to make sure he understood his point, desperately trying to hurt him in some way. "You almost killed him." He dug his thin fingers into Xemnas's shoulders. Xemnas still merely observed him. Axel almost roared in anger and frustration.
"He fucking lived for you!" He screamed. "HE FUCKING DID EVERYTHING YOU SAID! HE ADORED YOU, AND YOU FUCKED IT UP! YOU RUINED HIM!" The anger began to swirl in him, a hideous greasy flame sparking an entire inferno inside him. "I said nothing. Because he loved you. He thought you were worth it. Then you fucking broke him. I watched him cry, Xemnas. He cried for you." His voice became harsh. "You don't deserve a single goddamn tear." Xemnas still said nothing, face neutral.
Axel finally snapped.
"HE IS MY BEST GODDAMN FRIEND! AND IT MEANT NOTHING TO YOU! HE GAVE EVERYTHING TO YOU AND IT MEANT NOTHING!" He slammed his fist into Xemnas's face, breathing heavily as he watched him slump to the ground.
"AXEL! AXEL!" He could hear Roxas coming up the steps and he swore, supporting himself against the wall with one hand and dragging his fingers down the side of his face as he snarled in frustration.
"Shit." He hissed. "Didn't want him to see this. Figure he doesn't need to see me die." Xemnas looked up at him, eyes blank.
"I deserve everything you just said." He finally said flatly. "I deserve all of that, and more." Roxas ran up to Axel, burying his face into the taller man's chest.
"Oh god, Axel, please...please, you could've died." He whispered. Axel pulled him close.
"Would've given him a hell of a fight, Roxy." He murmured, kissing the younger boy's head. "Give me that much credit." Roxas wailed, but he managed to laugh through his tears. Axel smiled with relief as he stroked his lover's hair.
Xemnas finally spoke, locking eyes with Axel as he stood. He didn't look away from his Superior's eyes, but the utter resignation in them made him pause.
"Certainly, I deserve all you've said." He said quietly. "But you challenged me, knowing you would have someone to mourn your passing. I must admit, it was brave. But," he said softly, "it was stupid. If nothing else, learn from my mistakes. All of you." With that, he opened the door to his room and shut it behind him, the lock snapping into place.
Axel turned away and looked at Roxas. His eyes were filled with tears, and he was shaking with fear as he clung to Axel desperately. Axel sighed, before he smiled in amusement and kissed all of his tears away.
Saix felt wonderful. The warmth he'd craved without even noticing was surrounding him, filling him with nothing but a sweet warm scent that screamed 'home'. This bed was his master's bed, and now he was back in it. It was their bed again. He was so grateful to be home, to be so close to his master once more.
Then he heard the bed shift. As he looked up, Xemnas's breathing pattern reached his ears. He was choking back tears. Saix wriggled his way out of the blankets and looked up at Xemnas, reaching up to stroke his hair.
"Master?" He said, wondering if he should try to help. Xemnas shook his head.
"No. No, no more." He whispered in pain.
Xemnas knew Axel was right. He needed to walk away. He didn't know how he could ever tell Saix that, but he had almost killed his beautiful moonbeam, his precious pet. He would let him go, and he would let him stay with someone who could love him with a real heart. He would have his regrets, but he was going to make sure he never hurt Saix again.
"I'm not your master any longer, Saix." He said quietly.
Saix's eyes widened.
"Master! Please...I...I'm so sorry..." His voice began to rise and his breathing became shallow as he fought down gone and long ago feelings of terror. Xemnas looked up, and his eyes narrowed.
"You are not to apologize, Saix. I have failed. Therefore, since I have failed you, I...I don't deserve you. It's all right. I can go sleep downstairs, and--"
Saix snarled, throwing him on the bed and pinning him down on the mattress. Xemnas blinked in surprise as he looked up into his eyes. Saix hissed as he clutched his shoulders tighter, pinning Xemnas in place almost painfully. He didn't dare to breathe.
"Xemnas, I will never leave you. I forgive you. Please." His voice became thick with worry and hysteria. "Please. Xemnas, don't leave me." He nuzzled Xemnas's neck, trying to receive some assurance, any at all, that he wouldn't leave. His lover shuddered. That was what he wanted to hear--but not what he deserved to hear.
"Saix...I didn't...tell you. When you needed it the most, I failed you. I am truly unworthy of someone so...beautiful." He closed his eyes for a moment. "Brilliant as the moon..." Xemnas said softly, tilting his head back to stare up at him in the moonlight. Saix pressed his lips frantically against his, moaning and trying to keep him close.
"Xemnas! Xemnas, listen to me! Please! Don't leave just because of a mistake!" He took a deep, shuddering breath. "If you leave, you cannot fix your mistake. You can't...ever truly be sorry, if you don't at least try." Xemnas kept watching him, not even allowing himself to hope for it, refusing to believe Saix would still want him. Saix seemed to know that, and kissed him again.
"Xemnas, I will always love you. I don't care about hearts. They will come--we will all have them because of you. You are truly my savior and master. I...I don't want you to go..." He clutched Xemnas tighter, beginning to shake as he tried to get closer.
"Oh goddess, master, please. I need you so much. I need you." He said, as a few tears rolled down his cheeks, dripping onto Xemnas's chest. Without another word, Xemnas leaned up, and pulled Saix down onto his chest. Their eyes met, and Xemnas finally let himself believe it.
"And I need you, my beautiful diviner," he said, voice deep with utter longing. Saix smiled as their eyes met. In that moment, he was so beautiful it almost hurt Xemnas to look at him. He moaned, and brought him closer. "Saix..." He could only murmur his name, voice gone. His berserker leaned up slightly, just enough to look into his eyes.
"Make love to me." He said.
Xemnas would've fallen over, had he been standing.
Saix let his hair cascade down his shoulders, not even bothering to flick it away. "Claim me, Xemnas. I am yours, and I know this. I don't think you do." He said gently. Xemnas shook his head.
"Saix, I--" He pressed a clawed finger to Xemnas's lips, interrupting him. He managed a smile, and the smile only grew wider at Xemnas's shocked expression.
"Xemnas, I'll be honest. I need this. I need you. I forgive you. Please. It makes me ache to see you this miserable." He whispered, stroking his lover's hair. Xemnas tilted his head back to stare straight into his diviner's eyes.
"Are...are you sure?" He managed a husky whisper. He was still trying to get over the fact that it was happening. His pet, his Saix...he wanted him. It was enough to make Xemnas lose himself right there, but he held back his joy and tried to keep his breathing even. Saix nipped his neck.
"I have always been sure. Foolish as you may be about emotions, remembered or otherwise...I love you. I will always want you." He leaned his head back, exposing his neck while he purred. "Take me, Xemnas."
There was a second's pause before Xemnas picked him up and let Saix move against him, feeling his pet's skin against the silk of his pants, and closing his eyes in pleasure. Xemnas almost moaned at the utterly blissful expression on his pet's face, and reached up to stroke his chest.
"My beautiful Saix." He whispered, enjoying his small whimper of shyness and faint blush. He laughed. "Accept your beauty, my diviner, and undress for me." He purred.
Saix nodded, and began to undress, haste forgotten as he let his master's hands roam his skin. He moaned softly as Xemnas kissed his chest, tongue exploring the pale skin and mapping out the way down to his stomach. Xemnas sat up, and laid Saix on his back, sick of toying with his beautiful lover. Saix blushed as his master began to tug urgently at the waistband of his pants. "Um, Xemnas, we really should...should...aah!" Xemnas had yanked them down in one swift movement, and smiled.
"My dear, I must thank you. You've made my job much easier. I would've just torn the boxers off, either way." He murmured in amusement. Saix was now burning red. Xemnas purred. "Sweet little naive virgin." He murmured. "I've taught you kissing, now...I think we can move on to more advanced lessons." Saix rolled his eyes.
"Horrible, Xemnas, truly." He muttered, laughing under his breath. Xemnas snorted in amusement as Saix removed his pants. He tore them to shreds with ease, his claws gliding across skin teasingly.
"You deserve it for ruining those pants, you know." He muttered. But then Saix pulled him into a kiss, and he didn't really feel like complaining anymore.
--
Saix cradled his master close, stroking his hair. Xemnas had buried his face into his neck, kissing him occasionally, but more often moaning small noises of utter relief. He was so grateful that Saix was simply alive. He had kissed him back each time, reminding him he was still there. Saix tilted his head up and stared at the moon.
They had made love. It...it was strange, but beautiful. He knew he was clumsy, still unsure, but Xemnas had guided him. He had claimed him, truly claimed Saix as his own, forever. Saix managed a smile as he kissed Xemnas's forehead, murmuring, "Master, you really should sleep." Xemnas grunted, shifting in his position and glaring up at his amused lover balefully.
"No. Not if it involves me moving away from you in any way." He mumbled. Saix managed to laugh.
"Master, you can still sleep next to me. I'm certainly not feeling up to moving." He teased, kissing his forehead again. Xemnas chuckled, as Saix slid down, head fully settled on the pillow. Xemnas simply shifted his arms slightly to wrap around his waist.
"Saix?" He murmured, staring up at Kingdom Hearts. "Saix, this...this is beautiful. But we can't feel it." He said, a tear trailing down his cheek. "We can't...understand the beauty of what we have." Saix sighed, sitting up and looking at Xemnas. He sat up as well, laying his head down on his lover's shoulder.
"I can say that I love you all I like, but it means nothing. Not when I can't feel it." He said, shuddering slightly. "It's just words." Saix watched him for a moment, then managed a smile.
"You are indeed correct, master." Saix said quietly. "They're just words. But they're beautiful ones. And in time, they'll come to mean something." He said, bowing his head and kissing Xemnas. He smiled, and stroked his lover's hair, teasing the azure strands between his fingers.
"Everything, to us." He murmured. Saix smiled, and sunk down onto the pillows, pulling Xemnas close.
"Indeed." He mumbled, stifling a yawn. Before he could go to sleep, however, Xemnas tilted his head up. Saix watched him for a moment. Xemnas smiled.
"You are my life, Saix." He murmured. Saix smiled. He sat up slightly and kissed Xemnas again, bringing his lover close and entwining their legs. Xemnas stroked his hair as Saix leaned in, kissing the tip of his master's nose. He grinned at Xemnas's mystified expression.
"I know, Xemnas." He murmured. "You are my everything." He whispered. Xemnas watched him with wide eyes.
"Even when your feelings are nothing?" He murmured, voice husky with wonder. Saix grinned.
"Yes. Because you are everything." He whispered, pulling him close. "And for me, that is enough."
Xemnas pulled him closer. "Then I am yours, Saix. And you, my beautiful everything...you are indeed enough. More than I could've dreamed for." He whispered back. Saix nodded sleepily, laying down and settling his head on Xemnas's chest. He managed a smile. "I love you, Saix." He whispered. Saix looked up.
"I love you too." He whispered. Xemnas nodded and smiled, kissing his forehead as Saix curled close and both fell asleep.