So I was going to get this out for the Holidays... but things got busy and in all honestly this is not a 'Merry' chapter at all. Angst ahead.

Happy new year guys!

DROH

Chapter 25: Fears

Things came to Kira in flashes of reality that were skewed and blurred all at once. They were bright and painful like the lightning that had struck her down, coming in too fast for her to do much else but view them.

First there had been pain; agonizingly sharp and brilliant, it had blocked out everything else, even the pain in her throat and ears from her own screaming. She'd tried to not scream. Tried and fail over and over again, but after a time she'd been unable to reason with anything, even herself. Then it had been gone. Just like that the pain withdrew, tapering back to its origin and fading away. She'd heard his voice after that, beautiful and smooth compared to her own torn one.

Her mask had been off and she vaguely remembered Aya, but her wavering attention was focused on him and the way his hand had curled around her cold fingers. The grip was almost too tight with how ripped up her knuckles were but she couldn't even think about telling him to let go. She'd rather have her hand chopped off. She asked him, in the sandpaper whisper her voice had become as the minutes passed, how bad it was because even with the pain gone she knew it was bad. Why else would he look so pale at the question?

His answer had been soft, liquid silk to her aching ears, but the meaning behind his words wasn't much of a comfort. She'd screwed up and if Gaara was worried then she'd be stupid to not realise how bad things were even in fuzzy state of mind she was in. She felt his other hand run lightly through her hair, pulling out the bands that kept things tied and braided. There was a sense of dread and mild panic in the back of her mind, one that seemed to be shared by him and reflected back in his endless sea colored eyes.

She knew she couldn't let things stay as they were between them, on the edge of normal and something else, all because of her words. He was there now, and she could rectify it. He was there and she could hear him and feel him and see him and then it was all gone. He was gone. Snatched away before she could say what she needed to - just in case.

Too late.

Too far gone into the deep waters of darkness.

.

.

.

The second time she woke up, it was because of a blazing heat.

Her eyes flew open and she was greeted with the dark sky and tree tops. Or at least she recognized that's what it should have been. The colors were wrong. Too vibrant and wrong to be right. Trees weren't blue... were they?

"Kira?" His voice echoed in her ears and it seemed to take everything in her to get her eyes to move, to roll in their sockets to find him. He was sitting next to her, knees bent and only then did she realise she was on the ground, the cold earth hardly felt. Why were they not moving? Shouldn't they be trying to get help? Gaara must have realised what she was thinking because his eyes flashed to the side, but Kira didn't follow them. Too tired. Too much heat. "We are stopping for an hour of rest, then we'll get moving again."

Question answered, Kira couldn't seem to focus on much after that. Her clarity too faded again and the heat boiled at her skin, her throat. She felt like she was choking, her lungs unresponsive. Managing to open her gridlocked teeth she got words out of a whispered breath that had nothing to do with what she felt but what she saw instead.

"...Why is your hair yellow?"

The only response she got was in the form of widening eyes and then something pressed against her forehead - a hand?

She heard him curse and then say her name but even as she stared at him, her vision darkened and changed. She blinked her eyes, darkness unfolding in them and it took her a long time to see anything again. Time was gone, she had no reasoning of time, or place for that matter, but the burning heat in her and around her blazed on and on till finally she saw something - and wished she hadn't.

She saw monsters.

Not horror movie monsters that creative directors came up with, not the things told to scare children. Real monsters - her monsters.

She saw Korin, but not as she knew him to be, with a stern face and unreadable motives. His eyes were red, glowing and leaving room for no other colors, hair longer and wet, dripping some dark substance. His face was twisted into a wicked smile, the one he'd used when she'd first met him to lull her into a sense of safety, one that she knew now was bad. His serrated blade was out, extended towards her and she could hear his names for her as if they were whispered in her brain as screeching tones. Kyote. Scavenger. Mongeral. Dog.

Kimimaro was next to him in his cursed form, snarling at her in that raving mad expression. The ends of his snow white hair were drenched red and a crown of bones looped about his head, tail thrashing about. He seemed lost in anger, eyes darting to and fro, body tense as if he would maul anything that moved wrong, even the man next to him.

Above them both, looking like a hell beast, was the one tails, inky eyes filled with hate for her as if he knew from the start she'd been there watching Gaara and preventing his killing. He opened his mouth to let out a roar, stony teeth gleaming as if he would consume her, sand shifting and dripping within him. She had not seen him in years, not since she was a child, but the feeling of that anger in him had never left her, festering and waiting. It had been one of her biggest reliefs to know the monster had been gone and to see if again brought back every sick feeling she'd had as a child.

Around them all was blood, so thick it coated everything in sight, making walls and a floor as it seeped out from the darkness, spreading like water on ice. Her feet slipped on it. There was so much of it she could have drowned and then she thought maybe that was what she was choking on. She thought maybe it wasn't blood they had split, but she herself had. All of the people she'd killed in the name of her village, her country. All of the lives she'd ended for some greater good.

Only, to those souls it hadn't been that, it had simply been murder. Korin was hissing again, words full of venom. You'll drown in their blood and then you'll be just like us. They all grinned at that, even Shukaku with his puffy misshapen raccoon like face and jagged rock like teeth. They grinned and the world shifted.

The world spun and the monsters moved.

Kira lashed out with her hand as Korin reached for it, ranking nails across the side of his neck, her training reflexively there but weakened and clumsy.

She tried to get away.

She wasn't sure when she'd started screaming. She screamed and whimpered, his name on her lips as she pleaded for help.

All she got in reply was a faded, echoing voice nearly too distorted to understand saying that they needed to hurry. Something cool ran down the side of her face, tracing her jawline. she wondered what it was but all she could see was blood and the monsters that chased her.

She slipped in a puddle of red, the world tilting as she fell, glowing eyes and whispering voices following after her in the form of disembodied wraiths.

...

At least they were moving again.

Gaara had hated to stop, even if only for an hour, but he had known it was needed. Everyone was exhausted and after such a fight he couldn't deny them an hour of rest before pushing on. He probably should have tried to rest as well, but had opted for guard duty while everyone slept, too restless and worried to even think about shutting his eyes. He was used to little sleep anyway, despite Kira's efforts and routine 'bedtime' demands. It was the longest hour of time he'd felt in a very long time as he watched over his beaten and bloody ANBU team, all unresponsive due to either injury or chakra depletion. It wasn't something Gaara was used to seeing, and it made the time crawl by even slower.

In the end, they hadn't even gotten a full hour either way.

Kira had woken up suddenly, dazed and whatever relief he might have felt had disintegrated upon her confused, misplaced question. He'd heard of fever causing the mind to see things wrong, to change colors or cause hallucinations, but he'd never thought he'd see it first hand from the girl he was in love with. First it had been the colors not being right and then she'd blacked out for a time, only to come back screaming and thrashing about loud enough to wake Tenten from her curled up spot next to Lee.

Words passed through the shadow user's lips randomly, hoarse and nearly silent pleas for help. She spoke of monsters and blood, she'd shake her head back and forth repeating the word 'no' over and over again, but worst of all was when his name passed her lips. A whispering cry for help, for his help and Gaara had been struck silent next to her, staring in empty agony at the truth of the matter: he could do nothing to help her.

It hadn't stopped him from trying as the rest of the leaf ninja had woken back up. Without thought he leaned closer, taking a careful hand to touch her cheek, to brush back her hair and tell her that he was here - anything to calm her down. It had been a mistake, or rather a thoughtless action. Too quickly for him to move away completely, Kira's hand had suddenly moved at his advancement, fingers rendered into claws that had sliced the pale skin on his left cheek and jawline as he jerked back. Gaara was rather sure if he hadn't moved she would have caught his neck. He'd been too shocked to move for nearly a minute after that, wondering just what she was seeing.

His sand hadn't protected him, hadn't seen her as a threat and Gaara didn't know how to respond to that simply because it had never happened before. He'd forgotten he had taken off his sand armour during his fight with Mu due to the ninja's startling ability to turn sand into glass from the sure heat of his red flames. Gaara had been too distracted afterward to replace it.

Things had moved in staggering speed after that and all the while Kira had burned, her skin nearly too hot to touch. Gaara opted for moving Kira by way of his sand cloud as to not disturb her anymore then she already was and to not risk her lashing out again at things that weren't there. He stood next to her on his sand, stationed in the middle of the Leaf ninja as they continued their way through the thick forests of the Land of Fire. His cheek stung and he could feel the drying blood on his neck from where it had traveled, but he ignored it, glancing down at Kira for tenth time in as many minutes.

She'd stopped screaming, or rather her voice had given out, rendering her to whimpers and muted protests. It didn't matter, Gaara wasn't sure he'd ever stop hearing those screams in the back of his mind as they echoed there, asking for his help. Sand had once again been wrapped around her middle and injured leg to stop her from moving too much and Gaara's eyes linger on the leg. At the red seeping through the bandages slowly and the discolored streaks that grew longer by the hour peeking out from the edges of the wrap. He didn't need to be a medical expert to know that the fever and the streaking was due to infection. More than likely Aya's quick thinking to steam the blood flow with seals had saved Kira from bleeding out, but the blond hadn't had a way to clean the wound. Blood poisoning wasn't as uncommon as some people thought and it could set in quickly under the right circumstances.

Gaara forced his eyes up to her face where Kira's eyes had shut, but her lids kept twitching, eyes moving rapidly under them. Her hair had been undone again and it was sticking to her sweat soaked skin. She'd taken to breathing through her mouth, harsh heavy breaths that made him feel slightly sick with unwelcome thoughts.

What if she didn't make it through this?

What if he had to watch her die?

He wondered if this was how his brother had felt when Kankuro had found her on the battlefield during the war.

"Lord Gaara?" Tenten's voice was like a lance through his troubled thoughts. Looking to his other side he saw the weapon user running next to his sand cloud and nodded at her, hand flicking out and making the surface under him larger. She grunted as she jumped onto it, looking a bit unsteady at first after moving for so long. Then she gave him a tiny smile as he turned completely to her. "Here," she said, holding out her hand, palm up with what appeared to be a dampened handkerchief. "We're getting close to the village and I think it's probably best if people don't see you with blood on our face. There'll be enough of an uproar as it is."

Oh.

She had a point, given that Gaara was known for not taking much physical damage. Him showing up like he was might cause a bit of a stir. He didn't need more rumours floating around than he already had. Silently he took the cloth from her hand and pressed it to his cheek and neck to soften up the caked on blood. After a long moment he managed a 'thank you' and Tenten smiled softly again, moving to look around him at her friend, her face turning worried instantly.

"It doesn't seem fair," she whispered off hand, frowning now. "She was just getting back to normal from what her letters had said." She sighed tiredly. "I hope she'll be alright..."

No one hoped that more than Gaara and no one knew of what Tenten said better. Slowly he started whipping the cloth over the softened blood, trailing it down his neck to clean it off the best he could. It didn't seem fair, he could agree to that. Kira had always seemed to have poor luck in that regard, but she had always pulled though. It was why he had found a friend in her, why he'd made her his guard. Why he...why he loved her.

He wondered then if that was why the sand hadn't stopped her hand. It only ever protected him from threats, but Gaara could never see Kira as a threat, no matter the reason. Trust. Strength. Love. His father had said his mother's soul was in his sand, that she was the one that protected him. He wondered what she would have thought of Kira.

"No matter the hardship, Kira has alway used it to make herself stronger," he said after a while, drawing Tenten's attention. His own eyes were on Kira again, he could almost see the tattoo he had nearly forgotten about that laid on her back in his mind. The one her mother had done in pieces during Korin's training. A reminder to never break. "She isn't the best ninja out there by any means, but she is someone I know to have defied what people expected of her, like a miracle hidden inside a sand storm." Looking at the cloth in his hand, red soaking into it, he flipped it over and wiped it down the path again before checking once more. It came back clean for the most part, so he could only hope it looked better.

When he looked back to Tenten, she was staring at him with a rather surprised look about her, eyes wider than normal, lips parted. "Are you... " The corners of her mouth twitched upward and she shook her head. "Nevermind." A quick look at him up and down and she nodded her head before he could really wonder what she was thinking. "That looks better. Nothing we can do about the scratches themselves, but still better," she offered in a change of subject and took the cloth from him when he offered it back to her. Looking in front of them, the trees were beginning to thin slightly. "We'll get her help soon."

True to those words the group arrived in Kohana two hours later as the sun was just beginning to rise, and turning the sky a brilliant shade of red.

Thankfully due to the hour the streets were mostly empty, though they were greeted by a ninja on duty at the gates. Word was sent ahead to the Hokage and needed medical staff as they made their way toward the hospital which was closer to the entrance then Gaara remembered. Due to the village being newly rebuilt it seemed they had changed quite a few building placements, opting to put medical facilities closer to the entrance for quicker treatment. Walking alongside his shrunk sand cloud Gaara glanced sideways at Kira once more. She'd stilled completely now, though sweat still pour from her skin, hand balling into fists.

Stepping into the main waiting room he found people waiting for them, medical staff dressed in white with three different gurneys. Sakura and to his surprise, Lady Tsunade, were among them, the blond marching straight over to him as her student hurried over to Lee who was carrying Aya on his back. The older woman didn't even spare the young ruler a glance, her attention completely on Kira as her sharp eyes ranked over her form. She pressed the back of a hand to Kira's forehead and made a clicking sound before moving to her leg and rather promptly tearing away the bandages there with a chakra blade.

Startled Gaara took a small step forwards, eyes darting to the wound as the fabric fell away. If he'd felt sick before, he felt worse now. The wound wasn't looking any better and with the red infection streaks going in both directions on her leg it looked worse. The edges of the wound even looked green tinted, yellow oozing from a spot were Aya's seal was beginning to wear off.

Tsunade's face contorted into a grimace, bottom lips between her teeth. "This isn't good," she said lowly before turning to the team behind her. "Prep for surgery at once, we need blood transfusions immediately. Get that gurney over here." In an instant Kira was gone, his sand retreating back to his gorde as she was wheeled off with the rest of her team down the hall. His feet moved to follow her without thinking, but he stopped moments later, realising once again that he was no help to her now.

It was an all too painful thought as the Kazekage stood there in the white waiting room with three Leaf ninja and a nurse left to treat minor injuries. No one said a word until the sound of the roll away tables was completely gone and the sound of the ticking clock in the room proved to be too loud to stand. The entry door opened then, and Gaara turned and was greeted with familiar faces. His sister, Temari, and the newly designated Hokage Kakashi walked towards the small group. The silver haired man looked no different then he always did, opting out of the robes like Gaara did most times. Temari looked tired and worried, eyes flickering around the room for the missing ANBU team.

"They are being treated as we speak," he told her before she could ask and her eye softened, catching the worry in his voice. She looked ready to ask more but Kakashi cleared his throat slightly gaining everyone's attention.

"I believe we all need to talk, but let's move to a more private room shall we?" he offered and nodded to the nurse who was waiting patiently. The thin women nodded her head as well and then turned to lead them off. Kakashi followed, with his ninja behind him with Gaara and his sister taking up the rear. They were lead to a conference room with several chairs, a couch and even a cot in it. Cabinets lines the walls and a window greeted them on the far side letting in light through open blinds.

Gaara wondered, as he took a seat in one of the chairs, if this was what shock felt like, or if this was just how he was handling being so emotionally overwhelmed, his mind refusing to work correctly. He found himself staring blankly at a wall, trying to sort things out in his head so he could say what happened. A flash of blond hair in the corner of his eye alerted him to Temari as she sat down next to his with some medical supplies in her lap. It seemed she was taking charge of cleaning up his one visible wound, which left the nurse to handle the three Leaf ninja. Team Guy looked ready to fall over despite the two male members trying to act like they were full of energy. Tenten on the other hand had simply sat down on the couch at the far end of the room and leaned heavily into it, sighing.

"Gaara?" Temari's voice cut through his thoughts like a knife before his mind could start moving in circles again. Looking at his sister, she held his gaze with that calm, nearly severe look that seemed natural for her. "Tilt your head," she said with a gesture and after a moment the younger sibling did so, giving his sister a better look at the scratches maring his cheek and jaw. He studied the wall as she worked, dabbing disinfectant on them that send little spikes of pain through his face. "How'd you get these?"

"Kira..." he started, and then paused, blinking when his sister froze. He shook his head slightly. "Not on purpose she...I don't think she saw me there. She was hallucinating." Gaara had no doubt of that. Even without her words from before, he knew she would never hurt him on purpose. Kira wasn't one to do that to anyone, despite her job.

"I see," Temari replied going back to work when he stilled his head again. "Your sand didn't stop her?" She was thinking along the same train of thought Gaara had before and he knew if he answered her, she'd come to the same conclusion. His sister was smarter than he was in many ways, and while he hesitated for a moment, Gaara concluded that she probably already knew more than he did when it came to Kira and himself.

"No."

She hummed quietly before simply taping a length of gauze over the scratches and nodded, pleased with her work. Kakashi let the nurse finish treating everyone before he spoke of a debriefing again, chatting with Guy while he waited. Lee joined Tenten on the couch once the nurse had bowed and left the room.

"Well," the Copy Ninja mused. "It would appear our joint problem is bigger than we thought. I've already sent out a retrieval team to go pick up the two rouge ninja you left behind. We'll get them back here and start interrogating them."

Gaara nodded his head, thinking about how the last thing Aya had done before nearly passing out had been to use a seal on both woman to paralyze them. They hadn't had the resources to bring prisoners with them so it had been the next best thing to tie them up in a tree in hopes wildlife wouldn't get to them. Honestly Gaara cared little if they lived or not and still felt little remorse in crushing the one girl's arm.

"I agree," he replied evenly. "These were no normal bandits. The one I fought personally was far stronger than the average ninja."

"Given the state of your ANBU team I'm guessing the other's weren't push overs either," Kakashi surmised and Guy nodded his head, a frown on his face.

"It was quiet the force Kakashi, and they all had strange colored chakra that turned their attacks bright red." His tale made the Hokage pause, surprised, and Gaara's sister tensed beside him.

"Oh? Well now, that is interesting." Turning, the Leaf leader met Gaara's gaze. "I know you must be tired but it is imperative that we know all we can while it's still fresh in your mind."

It's what Gaara expected and he does as asked. He's thankful for it in a way, as it keeps his mind focused on something other than worry and anxiety. Keeps him from thinking about what might be happening in the operating room to Kira. It's an in depth discussion, coupled with question, theories, and possible motives. It took hours and some time during it Gaara saw that Tenten and Lee have fallen asleep due to lack of involvement. The weapon user was curled up against her teammate, heads resting against each other in a way that suggest that they may be more than just teammates now.

He wondered if Kira knew about this occurrence.

By the time they were done little had been decided. They couldn't do much until they interrogated the two rogues and it was becoming apparent that sending in a team blind was a bad idea, though Kakashi assured Gaara the team sent out to retrieve the rouges would be fine. Now all that was left to do was wait and that gnawed at Gaara's mind incessantly with worry. He wished he had more to talk about but one could only say so much and after four hours everyone was tired. He was tired, but there was no chance he was going to get any sleep with how things were. It was a good thing he was well practiced. Guy was shaking his two teammates awake when there was a knock on the door.

Everyone tensed and Tenten and Lee straightened quickly as the door opened and Sakura walked in with Tsunade next to her. Both medical ninja looked tired but small smiles did rest on their faces which gave Gaara hope.

"All of them have been stabilized," Sakura stated and tension seemed to lift like weights from everyone in the room. No one was dead. Kira wasn't dead. "Aya should wake up soon, but she'll need some bedrest. She overdid it, but her chakra network is recovering just fine. Shura's legs are broken and he has a concussion but he's doing well considering his age," she informed them and when she paused for a moment making something twisted uneasily in Gaara's chest.

"And Kira?" he asked, unable to stop himself.

Sakura's small smile fell and she gave him a look that nearly had him standing up, worry clawing at his mind once more.

"She's okay," she answered slowly. "It was rough and she… well she flatlined once, but we got her back. Her injury was bad and well..." She looked pained, choking on her words and nearly flinched when her teacher rested a hand on her shoulder, drawing the redhead's attention.

"There's no easy way to say this," she stated, continuing for her student. "Between the damage and the infection, along with past injuries to the leg and knee there wasn't much we could do. The infection was starting to spread and we had to stop it. We removed the leg from above the knee down."

The world stopped moving. A sharp buzzing rang in Gaara's ears as Tenten made a sharp gasping sound, a hand over her mouth, eyes horrified. He saw Temari shoot up from her seat, shock written on her face.

"Amputation?" Her voice seemed to almost echo in his ears, the word repeated over and over again. Both of the older ninja in the room simply grimaced, a mournful look passing over them as the blond medical ninja apologize, explaining something about having little choice but Gaara couldn't really hear it.

All he could see was Kira's smiling face as she stood next to him in his office. How could her leg just be gone? Surely her injuries weren't that bad… And yet he knew Tsunade wasn't one to joke about such a thing. His fingers drug into the fabric of his sleeves from where they rest crossed armed against each other.

This was his fault.

He'd trained Kira to be his body guard, they'd figure out how to fight together and yet when the time had come Gaara had sent her away. Sent her right into that battle that had resulted in all of this. She'd lost her leg and he'd been the one to cause that to happen. Could she even be a ninja anymore?

Across the room Tenten had ducked her head and turned into Lee's shoulder, her own shaking in grief for her friend as her teammate held her, a great sadness in his eyes. Temari had turned back to him and she reached out to put a hand on his shoulder and said his name. He couldn't reply, the ringing in his ears was too loud.

He felt sick.

He felt hollow and angry and for the hundredth time in the last twelve hours, Gaara felt painfully helpless. He wasn't sure if he wanted to throw up or break something. The only thing that kept his sanity in place was that Kira was alive and that he would find out who had done this because it wasn't just his fault. It was theirs. He wonder off hand if this is how his father had felt when his mother had died and suddenly, Gaara could understand a bit more about why Rasa had resented him.

"Gaara?" Temari tried again and this time he did look at her. His sister looked sad, brows pulled down as she blinked a few times. "It's alright… Kira will be okay," she started, looking down for a moment, her free hand clenching. In the time Kira had been living with his family he knew his sister had come to care for the girl like family. This was hard for her too. "They won't get away with this."

"No," he replied, voice even and cold as ice. If he'd been of a different mind, Gaara might have thought he sounded a bit like he had before he'd met Naruto. His sistered looked back at him, understand in her eyes as she squeezed his shoulder. He looked from her and then to Kakashi. "They won't."

He'd tear the forest apart if he had too, but he'd find out why this had happened.

Please let me know what you think!