December 13th - Chloe
I know, I know, second entry written on the 13th, diary. But, as I explained in the earlier one, it didn't REALLY count as an entry from the 13th because it was really just dealing with stuff from yesterday. And how awesome was yesterday, anyway?
I'm still, like, on a cloud from it. I was only sad that I had to get up so early this morning and leave Beca in bed. She did text me later, though, asked how things were going and, later, why I had taken off so early. I explained about my usual morning routine, how I like to go jogging before the campus gets too crowded. Still, though, I kind of wish I had gone back to her room instead of my apartment…
She also suggested lunch, which I instantly agreed to. Any chance to see her, right? We didn't do Beth's, wonder of wonders. Just met at the union cuz it's convenient. Food isn't as good, but during finals week it's usually emptier than normal, so we were able to have a nice, quiet lunch. She kept seeming to almost speak about something before changing her mind. Of course, I know the feeling. I mean, these last couple days, waking up next to her… I've been so tempted to just throw caution to wind and kiss her…
But… Well, she's so young. Not that that's a bad thing, she's an old young, you know? I mean, how can you know, you haven't met her, but… Well, god, I don't know… She's, like, she's a freshman, with all that goes with it, but she's not like YOUNG young. And, besides, I'm probably leaving at the end of the school year. Yeah, I know, still haven't made a decision about grad school, and I really need to…
Anyway, lunch was nice. Except for the seeming air of an almost serious conversation, the tension I felt for wanting to start one… It's good that we kept things light, with finals this week and me leaving for two weeks on Saturday. Besides, she probably isn't even into girls.
Although… Casey…
Nope! That's it! Not thinking about it anymore.
Back to my earlier thoughts… Sad that I had to leave this morning (yeah, cuz that's a safe line of thinking… Good lord, someone just kill me now). Becs said that Kimmy Jin was gonna be out at a friend's place all week, so maybe I can find some time to sneak back over to her place… Sadly not tonight, though. I told Bree I'd help her with planning out Bellas practices for after the New Year, and we still have to figure out this party thing for this weekend…
Who knows, maybe another night or two together and this whole situation will take care of itself, one way or another…? Damnit brain! Stop thinking…
Oh yeah, speaking of not thinking! Final went smooth, I knew it would, that class hasn't been that tough so far. I'm more worried about my final on Thursday. That's the one I'm dreading…
Speaking of things I was dreading… Well, not dreading, per say, but not really looking forward to, at any rate. I got a message from Stacie today, she texted me and said she wanted to meet up in the evening. I had assumed it going to be about her, uh, habits of late…
Man was I ever wrong.
We met at Beans Espresso, I know I've mentioned the place before, probably my third favorite coffee shop near campus. I was a little nervous, and I don't know why because I've never been shy about getting mine however I could. Well, until … Shut it you!
Anyway, I wasn't the only one nervous, apparently. Stacie seemed to be kind of fidgeting for the first part of our "meeting". I use the quotes because, really, it was just coffee… And I didn't know what to say, or how to say it. So we kind of exchanged some awkward pleasantries for a while. We talked about classes, and finals. Talked about the upcoming holiday, apparently Stacie is flying home to New York for the break. We talked about the Bellas… We actually talked a lot about the Bellas, and Beca.
Looking back, I'm not sure how we had gotten onto the topic, but somehow, towards the end of our chat, we were talking about Beca… Beca and me. It was weird. Stacie didn't really seem to be prying for info or anything, but somehow, thinking back, I feel like I talked more to her about what's going on in my head with Beca than I've told anyone, well except you of course.
Of course, once I realized how close I was to saying what I felt for Beca, out loud, in the middle of the coffee shop, and to Stacie no less, I shut that down too. And finished my cup of coffee and took off. IT wasn't even until I got home that I realized I hadn't even really brought up what she was doing on Beca and Denise's floor in Baker Hall. I still don't even know if she was there for Denise or someone else. There's nothing to say that she can't be into girls, right?
I'll have to keep an eye on her, though. Her and Denise. If there's something there, I don't want it affecting the girls' performances.
Fuck my life… What am I going to do about Beca?
I should text her and say hi and see how her shift is going …
XOXOX ~~~~Chloe~~~~ XOXOX