Taking on Responsibility chapter 25
Brixton rolled over in the hotel room's bed, not wanting to get up. In fact, the buzzing alarm clock could beep all day for all she cared. She didn't care how long it beeped; there was no point in caring. She had woke up and things were still the same. Her arms were sore from all the hitting she had done the night before, her eyes were still swollen, her pillow was even wet with tear stains, she realized now, as she stared at it cross-eyed. She got up, the rain falling outside annoying her.
Outside. She hated that word now. Outside was where Tyla and Brian were somewhere. Now they were outside and in the rain. She hated rain, she thought bitterly. She walked over to the window after sitting up for a moment on the bed and rubbing her feet into the plush carpet of the hotel room. None of this makes any sense, none of this seemed fair, she thought to herself with anger and bitterness. She walked over to the window that was overlooking a big body of water, what she presumed to be the ocean and leaned her head against the cool glass, tears again falling down her face. She watched the high tide of the waves come crashing in over and over, as though they were lulling her. As her mind raced, she realized the ocean was not beautiful and peaceful, it was evil and vile. It was where Tyla and Brian had perished, she pulled away from the window with anger, frowning. She held her head and tried to think what day it was and tried to see what time it was. Tears and exhaustion kept her from being able to think or see the clock clearly. Her head was pounding so she decided to lie down and maybe that would help her feel better and get rid of the naucisouness. As soon as she lay down, she got right back up, pacing as her mind raced. If they did blow up in the helicopter, would their bodies be found? She tried to switch her train of thought, she couldn't handle the idea of them being in there with it blowing up and them being on fire. The very thought made her knees buckle and she collapsed on the plush carpet, drawing her knees up to her chest and sobbing as though her heart had been ripped out of her right in front of her very eyes. There was a knock on the door, jolting her from all her bitter thoughts. She got up slowly, as though the fatal news she had received had made her age a 100 years and used her sleeve to wipe her face. She opened the door to see Tej standing there is a tuxedo.
"Girl, you were supposed to be dressed already." He said, taking her in his arms and holding her closely. She swallowed a few times, willing herself to talk.
"For what?" She managed to get out, fresh tears streaming down her face. He held her close and stroked her hair and then pulled back a bit, looking at her with concern.
"You being serious? You don't remember or you don't want to remember?" Tej asked, truly concerned at his girl's memory. He prayed it was only her not wanting to remember but something told him it was that she couldn't remember. The doctor had told the group that when something tramatic happens, people block things out and by doing that, people can show early signs of post tramatic stress disorder.
"Why…." Brixton started, her mind foggy and frustrating her at the moment. She felt stupid not being able to talk in front of her own boyfriend. She had so many racing thoughts that she couldn't even manage to get one out.
"The funeral is in an hour." Tej said, looking down, himself having a hard time keeping it together. It wasn't about him at the moment, he reprimanded himself. Brixton shook her head a few times, trying to comprehend what he had just said.
"HOW is that even possible?" She asked with anger. "They still may be found, they could be out there, you hear of people hanging onto something and making it until they are found in the ocean, it can be done, they are NOT DEAD!" She screamed, at the moment hating Tej for giving up so easily. It was him who was giving it all up, she knew. She knew that from overhearing conversations about him wanting to get the funeral arrangements done as soon as possible.
"Brixton, Baby..." He started, taking a deep breath.
"DON'T!" She pulled away, her eyes bright with conviction as she pointed to him. "DON'T Brixton baby me!" She yelled, moving away from him to go look out the window. She wasn't sure why she wanted to spend hours staring at the ocean, it wasn't as if she would be able to see Tyla and Brian.
"Look, Babe. I'm just facing the facts. I don't want them to be dead either. But they were too high in the sky when the helicopter caught on fire. I have to be realistic." Tej said, sitting down, not knowing what else he could do to calm her down. She had been on sedatives straight for the last three days. It was time for her to face reality, the doctor refused to give her anymore. Tej had dreaded this day since that night and knew this wasn't going to be easy for any of them.
"She about ready?" Suki knocked on the door, sticking her head in the half open door, looking quite shocked at Brixton still in her flannel pajamas.
"I'm not going and you can't make me. If they didn't find the bodies, then I refuse to believe they are dead." Brixton folded her arms, pouting like a little girl. She knew she was giving them a run for theier money and almost felt bad for it but then again, why were they so intent on giving up so easily, she wondered. It just made her blood run cold to know the friends of Brian and Tyla just turned on them like that. She just didn't understand it at all.
"Fine, do what you want but I would have thought Bullet and Tyla deserved better than that." Suki said softly, sad for Brixton and sad about it all. She wasn't going to struggle with Brixton, the truth was, only Tyla could really make Brixton do something she didn't want to do. Plus, Suki didn't really have much strength to fight with in the beginning. She barely was able to get herself out of bed, much less fight with someone who was intent on being angry at them.
"That's not even right and you know it!" Brixton said, her tears falling freely again now.
"What's not right is we all have to go to this, none of us chose for them to die, none of us expected it and none of us wanted it but it is what it is and we have two choices, we can do it or not do it. I'm doing it and so is the rest of us and if you want to NOT do it, then stay here." Suki said, motioning for Tej to get up and get going. He looked a little torn. He loved Brixton and it killed him to see her so bitter, angry, and on the brink of giving up but Suki, his homegirl for as long as he could rememeber, was right. He followed her out.
"You think that was kinda harsh?" He asked, scratching his head, not sure what to think. Girls were a whole other universe when it came to behavior.
"Maybe but how harsh is it to Ty and to Brian that she doesn't want to come say goodbye?" Suki asked, her face in a frown in an attempt to not cry. Her face crumbled and her voice cracked and Tej put his harms around her to hold her.
"You're right, you're right." Tej said, stroking her hair. He sighed. This was possibly going to be the longest day of his entire life, he mused as he stood with Suki in the hall, holding her. He checked his watch. Thirty minutes until it was time to say the final goodbye. He wasn't so sure he himself could say goodbye; this wasn't how Brian or Tyla was supposed to die. He could see it more if Brian had been in a fatal race wreck, but not like this. A click of a door could be heard and Brixton stood at the door, almost awkwardly, wearing a white sundress. Her hands were clasped together and she was fidgety. Her hair was down but she had a headband in it that made her look flawless and not in mourning at all. In fact, she looked complete opposite of Tej and Suki.
"So, I thought about it and Suki's right. I do have to go out of respect. But I refuse to wear black and believe they are dead. I don't have to be happy about going either." Brixton said, her voice very non confrontational and very calm like. She looked uncertain, as if she was scared Tej would say something about the dress she had picked out.
"We can handle that." Suki laughed as she wiped her tears away and sniffled, putting her arm around Brixton.
"I had to wear this. Tyla and me picked it out on the last shopping trip we had." Brixton said in the car, fiddling with her tissue as the group rode to the funeral home in the limousine that had picked them up. Tyla and Brixton's shopping trips were world renown to the group, they had a weekly date to go shopping set at the same time and would come home with bags full of clothing and things. Brian had dubbed their occupation as the resident shoppers and it was a running joke in the house.
"That girl knew how to shop, that's for sure." Jimmy grinned, remembering Tyla fondly.
"I'm going to miss them so much." Suki sighed, putting her head on Roman and wiping away another tear.
"You don't have to tell me that twice. We all will." Roman sighed, looking at Tej with uncertainty. Now that two of the most important members of their crew were gone, what would they do? He wasn't sure and by the look Tej gave him back, he clearly had no idea either.