A/N:
First and foremost I'd like to apologize for my long absence! The fact that every single one of you still read this and are still waiting and actually like this story means so much to me and it makes me extremely happy that you've been enjoying what you read!
This chapter in particular took me sooo darn long to nail down. I've had blocks, extreme editing, procrastination, doubts (just a smidge), more editing, nightsweats...All in all, these really sound like lame excuses! So i'll cut to the chase and just present to you the most difficult, emotionally draining, and heartbreaking chapter of this story of mine!
I'd say my usual "enjoy" but I get the feeling i shouldnt in this case...well, youll see.
"Well…this can't be good."
Freaking fantastic that my lawyers so positive, isn't it?
000
The Sheriff's not hiding how much he's enjoying this.
"Come on, Mutt, quit stalling!" he tapped his foot, little hiding the big fat smirk on his face.
I seriously cannot believe this…
"…not good at all…" and worse off, Uncle Robin kept repeating that like a mantra.
000
"You're my lawyer," I practically growled at him, "Can't you do anything?"
He never does fucking anything.
000
"What would you have me do?" I nearly cringed at Uncle Robin's tone, "This is perfectly normal in a case, I can't object to it just because you don't want to go up there."
000
Damnit.
What am I so afraid of? I'm not supposed to be afraid of anything.
I clenched my hand. Red's right next to me, expecting me to do something.
But what the hell am I supposed to do?
The answer was right in my fucking face.
000
Wolf got up all of a sudden.
When I looked up at him, he had a look in his eyes I've never seen before.
"Oh," the Sheriff's shrill voice rung out, "feeling brave now, aren't we?"
The Sheriff's words almost failed to register in my brain.
Before me was a Wolf I almost didn't know. He was standing tall and rigid, his eyes were cold…so focused and determined that they could've been lethal. He looked so detached that I almost felt numb as something in the back of my head told be he might as well have been a stranger.
But he wasn't. He was Wolf.
And he looked strong.
It was almost overpowering. That strength out-weighed the uncertainty of everything else. It's hard to describe it. I wasn't afraid, not at all. But just to see him that way…so strong, but almost like I couldn't possibly reach him. This was a whole new side of Wolf I was looking at. It felt like…awe.
I stepped out of Wolf's way so he could pass.
000
"Do you swear to tell the truth, whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"
Hell no. "Sure."
"Respect, Mutt," Bastard's gotta stop talkin to me like I give a shit what he says…"if you're capable, that is."
I made an X where my heart's supposed to be, but I know it isn't. Just for shits and giggles.
"I swear."
000
"Worried?" Uncle Robin glanced me.
Subconsciously, I clenched at my heart and remembered how Wolf would always say that his heart was next to mine.
I watched him take his place next to Judge Cricket. I tried to recall any moment where I had seen the same Wolf I was looking at now. He walked so sure of himself. Like he didn't give a crap about anyone or anything.
And I couldn't place it. But I didn't try as much anyway. As long as it was still Wolf, all the way deep down…however unsure I was, I was going to leave it to him.
I answered my uncle, "I trust him."
000
God, Red's so damn beautiful. Just watching her and her emerald eyes and her soft red hair…How cute she looks when she blushed…imagining holdin her close…
(God she's - )
Damnit. I looked away.
If I have to pretend she doesn't exist long enough to get through this than I'm just gonna have to suck it.
That's what I decided on. As long as she was in the picture I would always start to over think everything and worry my ass off. I can't let that happen right now.
Damn Sheriff's acting like he's already won everything and that might as well be true. As much as I care about Red and want to pretend all this shit's not happening-wanting to fucking run away with her-that isn't me. That's not how I was. The old me wouldn't be worried about crap right now.
And that's the only thing I gotta think about. If I stop thinking about Red this might work. Because she's everything I want and I can't have the comfort of even looking at her.
I hated doin it, but I forced myself to think that that little corner in the table in front of me wasn't there.
She's not there. She's not even real.
I gotta be the way I used to be.
Heartless. Fearless. Just like a Wolf.
One big bad fucking wolf.
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" Sheriff got my attention. He was facing the jury, acting like a natural con artist, "The ANTAGONIST himself! An uncontrollable FELON and attempted MURDERER! A DISRESPECTER of the LAW and all NOBLE POLICE OFFICALS associated with it! My only QUEST is to bring him to the JUSTICE he has so CLEARLY stepped on! Keep in mind that I NOBLY and SELFLESSLY pursue the sentence he so rightly deserves!"
Bastard slammed his hands on the wood in front of me.
"Mutt."
"Pissant."
He backed up.
He's all smiles and bullshit when everyone can see him, but I know better. The guy's pissed. About how yesterday's trail ended, whatever shit I scared out of him last night.
(And both times I was with - )
The point is, he's gonna do whatever he can to bury me under. He can act all controlled he fucking wants, the one thing I have to my advantage is that he's over the edge. Fucker's grasping at straws.
Straws…
Fuck. I can't think about that right now.
"Was the construction site the first place you went sniffing for a meal, boy?" Sheriff asked me straight up.
I just shrugged it off, "…No."
"You went to other places, then?"
Went to a lot of other places, don't' see how that matters, though, "Yeah."
"And they ALL turned you away like a sad little puppy?"
"What's your poin - "
"Yes or no, Mutt, no need to get your leash in a tangle."
"Yes…"
"Yes, what?"
I bit my tongue, "…They didn't give me a job."
"Really?" He used that damn high-pitched voice again, "How odd, you look like SUCH a good person - "
I growled.
"Why do you think they all said no, Puppy?"
Little son of a…"I don't know, maybe they were all in a pissy mood that day, Sheriff."
Sheriff grinned before turning toward the jury, flailing his damn arms everywhere, "OBVIOUSLY not much respect for Nottingham citizens!"
That sent the damn jury in a whispering frenzy.
Tch. Respect's something you give back, if it's given to you in the first place…
Sheriff leaned back on the stand, "So, Mutt, do you think that the Misters' Swinehearts were-what was it you said - pissy?"
"Sounds about right."
"Oh, come ON, you have to give them some credit, Mutt. Isn't it true that they offered you a job?"
"They offered me the back of their hands."
"But they GAVE you something, isn't that right, Mutt?"
I didn't say anything. I could see what the Bastard was trying to do. If I said 'yes' than that damn prick would look like a fucking saint.
"Did they or did they not offer you a job…Boy?"
I remembered how hot it was that morning. I fuckin worked hard to get Vest and Mustache to give in an' offer me something.
"Yes or no!"
Then Prick came along and screwed everything up. Fucking looked me over and decided he wanted to fuck with a kid's day.
"Answer!"
Said I could pick up the trash for a fucking dollar…fucking sarcastic asshole.
"Turned DEAF or WHAT, boy?!"
Fuck if this Bastard doesn't stop yellin in my ear, "It's a fucking technicality - "
"But you can't DENY it, can you!" fucking Bastard cut me off and pointed his damn finger at me, "You can't DENY that a man - who out of the KINDNESS of his HEART - offered you something - ANYTHING - which is all YOU yourself ASKED for!"
"I can deny it being fucking fair - !"
"But we're not talking about it being FAIR are we?! We're talking about how a man - a man who could have gotten arrested for helping - BECAUSE, people of the Jury, even though HOOD scolds Mr. Swineheart for AT FIRST refusing - child protection services is a fickle thing and would have punished the noble Swineheart for doing so - giving a minor that was the accused a job - CHILD LABOR - when he SO CLEARLY should have been in school - who SO CLEARLY was SUCH a good ol boy that NO ONE ELSE would GIVE HIM A JOB either because they DIDN'T think he was a DELIGUENT - could have gotten SWINEHEART IN TROUBLE! Yet he DID SO! And now the BOY who he tried to HELP is set on DENYING it!"
"Bullshit - !"
"So the QUESTION is! Did they or did they not offer you a god-be-damned job!"
"A fucking joke - "
"Yes or No!"
"Fucking dollar's a load of crap - "
"Are you being impudent with me, you little felon?!"
"I'm answering your damn question - !"
000
Judge Cricket bashed his mallet three times.
The force of the sound sent the air I was holding in right out of me. I flinched hard, and I noticed I was shaking. Not because it was cold. For Wolf.
"I'll have no catfights in my courtroom, Ladies," he said, "Mr. Hood, advise your client to respond with facts only if yes or no answers fail. Sheriff, you will not insult the defendant while interrogating. Are we clear?"
000
Tch, I don't need a fucking lawyer telling me what to do…
Sheriff being the big kiss ass that he is, though, full on bowed to him, "Of course, your Honor."
000
I felt sick just watching this.
Wolf was falling for the Sheriff's favorite trick. And I was powerless and pissed that I couldn't help.
Getting angry only helped the Sheriff! If Wolf was angry, than the Sheriff could twist every word that came out of his mouth. And what was worse, Wolf wouldn't be able to focus, which is exactly what he need to do right now!
When I was the one up there, I spent more time hating the Sheriff than paying attention. That was why he could morph everything I said and use it to make his point the reasonable one.
Come on, Wolf…
Don't let the Sheriff use you that way.
000
"Let's say that the Swinehearts are the HORRIBLE MONSTERS you make them out to be…" Bastard gave me a crooked grin, "I can imagine how ANGRY that made you."
I looked away, clenching my fist because that's exactly what I'm feeling right now. And exactly what I felt back then. An' I don't need it right now.
"The way they TREATED you, the nerve of them! Why, it boils MY skin just THINKING about it!" Fuckers trying to be my friend but he isn't. I know that. Sarcastic bastard can go to hell, "Things like that really GET to a person…makes them DO things, if you will…"
It's like his words are drilling into my head. Making me remember things I didn't want to.
"Things like coming right back to the scene of the crime and causing a RUCKUS all over it!"
"I didn't do crap."
"Come ON! They wipe the FLOOR with you and you're saying you didn't WANT to do it?" Bastard shook the wood separating us, "You didn't even THINK about it?!"
Of course I wanted to do it. Of course I thought about it.
"I didn't do crap," I said it again.
"Late into the afternoon, FED UP with how the WHOLE DARN WORLD's been treating you, you WALTZ RIGHT IN that place and take up that justified revenge of yours!"
Bastard's shouting to high heavens but he doesn't have anything. He'll never have anything, and I'm drowning him outa my head because like hell he'll ever get anything from me.
"That ANGER is what helped you do it!"
Fucking shut up…
"RAGE can let a person do even superhuman things! Don't try to disagree!"
"I. Didn't. Do. Crap."
000
I couldn't help but smile a little.
Even though the Sheriff was trying, Wolf was holding his own.
Wolf is innocent, like I always said, and now he's saying so himself.
…Then why am I so nervous?
The thought shocked me a little. I looked down to my hands, still numb from my shaking earlier. I didn't know what to think. Was my heart telling me something or was it my brain?
000
"Are you sure you're being an HONEST little ABE, there, Boy?" Sheriff's voice was smug and he made sure I knew it, "You wouldn't want to DISSAPOINT any ONLOOKERS, now would you…"
(You said you wouldn't lie to her - )
I shut myself up. I said I wouldn't think about her. She's not even real. I'm the old me now and the old me doesn't give a crap. The old me doesn't have anyone and the old me doesn't want anyone and wouldn't give a fuck if he did anyway.
( Yeah, then how come you feel fucking guilty?)
I don't.
Bastard started talking again, "There are LOADS of men including the SWINEHEARTS that say you did it," he said, "Are you HONESTLY telling the jury not to BELIEVE them?"
"Their word is as good as mine," I said casually, "You don't have any proof that says you should believe em more than me."
"And why, PRAY TELL, would they all bound together and ACCUSE you, HUH? Who do you think you are! The President?! The president's WIFE?!"
"All I'm saying is that you can't prove anything."
"I'm the SHERIFF! I was THERE! Are you putting into question my WORD, boy!"
"I'm sure as hell I'm not the first - "
"DON'T BE SASSY WITH ME, BOY! You were THERE - "
"Prove it!"
"I DON'T HAVE TO PROVE A DAMN THING!"
000
Judge Cricket's gavel once again came to Wolf's rescue.
"Sheriff, you're going in circles," he was saying, "I don't know if you'll ever be satisfied with him telling you that he wasn't there, but I know I've just about had enough of it. Unless you have something else to question him about, I can find much better things to watch on TV at this hour. So proceed, sir, but make sure you don't waste our time while doing so."
I smiled. At least someone could put the Sheriff in his place.
"Well PARDON ME, Your Honor," speaking of him, his voice cut into my happy dance, "I just find it a bit ridiculous that I, a NOBLE officer of the law, three RENOWNED architects and a LOAD of hardworking Americans would go out of their way to pick on someone as INSIGNIFICANT as the accused!"
I glared at him for that last part.
Wolf, on the other hand, was completely laid back about the whole thing (and I'll admit, I thought he was cool because of that).
He smirked at the Sheriff, with a knowing look in his eyes, "Maybe you just needed a good excuse to keep getting all that government money you wouldn't have if you were liable for the crap that happened."
"CONSPIRACY THEORIES ARE THE PRODUCT OF A TROUBLED MIND!"
"You would know all about that wouldn't you?"
"And you would claim to be as honest as a little shepherd boy from Bethlehem!"
000
I actually chuckled.
The Sheriff looked like a bitter old lady at this point, "You would swear to God you weren't there?"
If God gave a crap about me I wouldn't be here, "Sure."
"The State?"
"Why not."
"How 'bout your little girlfriend?"
000
Wolf looked like he's just been shot in the chest.
He didn't even answer.
000
"I thought as much…"
Fucking Bastard -
I tried to control myself. I'm not supposed to care. I don't care. I don't care that I'm lying, I don't care about who's hearing me lie, I don't care about anyone.
I don't care because there isn't anyone who I have to care about. There isn't anyone sitting across from me, praying for me, willing to believe anything I tell her because she promised she would. She's not beautiful, she's not amazing, she's not the most important thing in my whole damn life-
Fuck it, Red I need you too much.
An' I don't want to pretend your not real but I don't know what else to do.
Shit, why am I even thinking about you know? I bowed my head. My mind started getting hazy an' I felt sick.
"Now that's we're cleared THAT bit up, let's talk about the night the Swinehearts were almost MURDERD - "
"I didn't do it," fucking hated how weak that sounded.
"Why, whoever said anything about you doing ANYTHING?" Fucker full on grinned at me and I realized my mistake, "I was JUST going to ask you where you WERE at that time, since of course you CLAIM that you have NOTHING to do with ANYTHING!"
For fuck's sake, I gotta stop thinking about Red, it's makin me slip. I was trying to think up an answer to his question. Which I didn't even have.
"WELL, boy?"
Shit, "I was…around."
"OH…you were just WANDERING, then? Prancing around! PASSING THROUGH, if you will…like how your little girlfriend was telling me the other day, with the woods and all that - "
"What the fuck's your point?"
"Just making pleasant conversation, is all! Although to fair, she's not really your girlfriend, is she? I mean, SHE'S the one who said you two were FRIENDS after all - "
I couldn't hold back my growl.
" - But we're getting to PERSONAL there, aren't we?" Bastard smiled, "Let's get right into the night of the happening. The night was awfully calm at the start, wouldn't you agree, boy?"
I remembered myself screaming, "Define calm…"
"Humor me with a weather forecast, boy."
I let out a laugh, even if inside I was a cluster fuck of nerves, "Forty degrees, thirteen mile per hour wind, cloudy as hell."
"The same as the nights with your girlfriend?"
"That's none of your fucking - "
"Calm night yes or no, Boy?"
"Yes, it was fucking calm - "
"Anything else to add to that?"
Shit, calm down already, Wolf. "…it was gonna rain."
"LOVELY! Exactly what I was going for! Now," Bastard stared pacing around, like he was piecing together some big scheme, "I'd like to address the rain in question, ladies and gentlemen. It was the storm of the century! We were having a little moon festival at the time and the darn rain nearly ruined the whole thing! Drenched the gutters and all that. The worst of the damage happened at the constructing site-it was knee deep in a river of mud!"
"You're accusing me of making it rain?" that's got to be the stupidest thing he's tried to do.
"Don't be ridiculous!" he snapped, but then one of his damn smiles crept back up on his face, one I didn't like, "That would imply you having some sort of SUPERNATURAL power-Like turning into a bat or some RABID DOG, just plain crazy!"
000
I saw Wolf tense and nearly attack him then and there.
I felt my heart jump.
By the time I blinked Wolf stopped himself before anyone else could notice. It was one quick movement only I could see (thanks to me knowing how fast he was). I was shaking all over again.
For the love of…Shit!
I can't believe he almost did that, what was he thinking?! Is he crazy? That could've ruined everything for him!
But…
Why would the Sheriff try to mention the fact that Wolf was a werewolf in the first place? Why would that even matter? Why would Wolf try to attack him for it? What does that have to do with anything-
Nothing. It had nothing to do with anything. So, obviously, it means nothing.
But you don't believe that for a second, do you, Red?
Something was wrong.
Something's wrong and, darn it, I can't get my head to figure it out!
Suddenly, I noticed Wolf's eyes flicker toward me. For a second I thought he was gonna send me some sort of signal, an apology, or even reassurance, but-nothing. It's like he stopped himself from looking at me.
And you know what? He hasn't stopped to look at me since he got on the stand.
"You look nervous all of a sudden, boy," the Sheriff said (and I'm honestly surprised he was still standing, I could have sworn that he'd be a bloody mess on the floor right now). His voice made me sure he saw everything, "Why is that?"
"I'm not," Wolf said, but I could tell he was lying. I could tell by his voice. And the way he was shaking a little, almost like he wasn't.
Just like last night.
He wasn't looking at anyone. Not the Sheriff. Not even me.
And I have no idea how I'm supposed to feel because of that.
000
"There's no need to put up an act. Considering your CURRENT POSITION it's perfectly NORMAL to be nervous-!"
"I'm just waiting for you to get to your fucking point."
"Well, maybe if you'd stop INTERRUPTING me - "
"I'm not interrupting you."
"And there you go again…" Bastard leaned forward, and the next second he's whispering just loud enough for only me to hear him, "Better watch yourself, Mutt, because if I can't convince the damned judge and jury your due for time in a cage, then you know very well I'll make it so your little girlfriend figures out you're not as innocent as you want her to believe!"
Mother f-!
I kept myself from kicking his fucking ass to hell.
First time around he tried to tip her off and now he's full out threatenin to. All that crap about me not caring I kept repeatin in my head but I know better than Jesus that it's not fucking true. He knows damn well I rather go down with her thinking I'm innocent than getting out with her hating me. I don't want Red to know, I don't want him to fucking hint at her and I swear to God if he doesn't lay off I'm gonna kill him for it.
Damnit.
"Where were you around…seven, eightish at night on that date, Boy?"
"I was half cross the fucking earth."
"You were out of Nottinghamshire?"
"Yes?"
"How'd you get out?"
"On a freaking bus."
"You said you were broke."
"I begged."
"There's not a bus station from the construction sight to anywhere else you could have been, not for quite a lengthily walk."
"I had a lot of time."
"The roads were PACKED that day, everyone wanted to look at the damned MOON!"
"It was raining!"
"So you were INSIDE the CITY!"
"It rains everywhere, Dumbass!"
"You couldn't have had time to go ANYWHERE by the time the rain struck, it was FLOODING AND CROWDED! THE STREETS WERE PACKED!"
"So what? I stayed inside the bus!"
"What bus did you board!"
"I don't fucking remember!"
"Assuming you did go Around the World in 80 SECONDS, where did you end up?!"
"I don't know."
"You don't know?"
"I don't remember."
"Faulty memory all of a sudden, boy, did you get sick with Alzheimer's?!"
"What does it matter where I went?"
"All the better to prove you were there!"
"You can't prove that I wasn't!"
"AND SO WE'VE REAHED AN EMPASS!"
Sheriff broke off and started walkin. I tried to get myself back into one freakin piece again. Which wasn't fucking working…
And I remembered, for fucking bad luck I remembered, how good it felt when I could hold Red and not feel fucked up like I am now -
(Shit. Stop it. )
I willed myself to drown her out. No matter how good she is.
No matter how damn good.
"Let's pretend I'm your buddy, your friend, Mutt-which is my nickname for you, by the way," Sheriff got himself together a lot faster than I did, he was right in front of me again, talkin shit, "And I believe you, you're out of Nottingham…And it's raining. Wasn't it? Do you remember the rain?"
Remember it pouring and me hurting like hell…
"y-No." Crap.
"What was that?"
"No."
"You're sure? You seem kinda IFFY to me, let's try again. Was it raining when you got out your ASSUMED bus ride?"
My head started hurting. And I kept remembering the damn storm outside…"Fuck."
"That's not an answer, Boy."
"I…yeah."
"Raining?"
"Yes! It was f…raining, it was raining."
I could hear his damn smirk, didn't even have to look up.
000
Wolf…
That thing I said earlier about something being wrong? Now I was seeing it firsthand. The sick heart feeling I'm getting didn't have to tell me.
This isn't the Wolf that got up there. And it's not my Wolf either.
It looked like he was confused…and sick. Like he was remembering some bad dream. He wasn't even looking up anymore, and that light shaking was there again. What was the Sheriff doing to him?
I clenched my hands together.
This stupid helpless feeling washed over me, and all I wanted was for Wolf to look at me. No, forget that, I
wanted to freaking go up there and see if he was okay!
I felt like he was drowning out there…and that I was drowning too just by watching him.
Come on Wolf…
000
I worked like hell to push it all back again.
My stomach started feeling like crap. Just like all the other times I've ever started to think about it.
I shouldn't be worried about shit. All he's talking about is rain. I'm okay with it. It's not a big fucking deal.
"Your girlfriend is starting to look worried, Mutt. Don't lose your cool just yet…"
Son of a bitch!
I fucking glared at him.
That's the last fucking time I let him get away with talking about Red without a fucking punch in the face!
I pulled at the cuffs hiding under the wood. Daring the bastard to say something again. I didn't care that it hurt, even though I felt the blood dripping from the cuts I made. I'm fucking tired of this Bastard and all his shit.
Pissant didn't like the reaction. He backed away with a bat shit scared look on his face. He even had the nerve to look pissed that I was pissed.
What'd he freaking expect? I'm not the fucking boy they tried to screw over all that time ago.
"Let's continue before you put DAGGERS into somebody, eh? You're not exactly the SAFEST individual to be around…"
"Look in a mirror."
"Heel, Boy."
I'm not a fucking dog.
"It seems I've UPSET you, Boy. And a person over the EDGE with ANGER can act UNPREDICTABLY, you have to admit to that, can't you?"
"Same as anybody else would."
"SO WE'RE IN AGREEMENT!"
I didn't answer.
"LOVELY! Let's get back to the storm and the bus, shall we?" he started walking again, "You happen to eat anything by that time?"
What? "No." What the hell does he care?
"So you were a hungry little boy on the streets, then?"
"I didn't eat - "
"You begged for a bus ticket, why not more for a crust of bread, Oliver Twist?"
"I don't see how that's any of your business - "
"Your lawyer Mr. HOOD made a big SCANDAL about you being in poverty! Tell me, was it hard to BEG?"
"Fuck you."
"Did you hold out your hand silently or did you say Money for the POOR?"
"Fuck you."
An all the Bastard did was smile and lean in again, fucking smug all over his face, "You don't seem to me the type of person who begs, MISTER Young-Kyd…you're the kind of boy who starves rather than lowers his head, aren't you? That's why you were so HUNGRY for a job, am I right?"
(…Spent all freaking day…couldn't even stop cuz all the vendors kept chasin me away…)
I shut myself up. Like hell he's getting into my head now.
"How long had it been since you ate? Days?"
"Not long." Lair.
"Any sleep? Were you tired?"
"No." Keep lying.
"And people? Did they keep wiping the soles of their shoes with you, Boy?"
"That doesn't - "
"And the SWINEHEARTS! Probably snug as a bug while you were out suffering!"
"I don't care!" don't fucking care…
"It was raining pretty Hard out there, Boy, how ere you faring?"
"I didn't have a place to stay - "
"What? Not even under a bridge?"
"Are you gonna accuse me of that too?"
"ARE YOU CONFESSING TO IT?!"
"Look I asked those mother fuckers to at least give me that and they couldn't even do it! They closed the door in my face and left me out in the fucking rain!"
"Didn't you say you were half across the world by then!"
Shit.
000
Oh my god.
"YOU LIED TO THE COURT!"
No, Wolf wouldn't -
"No, I didn't," Wolf looked away.
No, Wolf, look at me!
"You said you were long gone after the afternoon encounter! OUT OF THE CITY! And now suddenly you're back and at their doorstep!"
"It wasn't their door - "
"AH-HA! So you WERE there!"
No!
"No - !"
"THEN WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT IT BEING THEIR DOOR OR NOT!"
"I don't - !"
"LIAR! You, sir, are a FILTHY LITTLE LIAR!"
Stop yelling at him!
000
Shit! Fucking - shit!
Why the fuck did I screw up that way-?
"THIS is what REALLY HAPPENED, my good people!"
(Don't listen to him, Red-)
Red.
000
"YOU were THERE! It was raining cats and DOGS!"
I couldn't find Wolf. I couldn't find him. He wasn't looking up. His eyes were clouded.
And I couldn't reach wherever it was he was trying to hide in.
000
"Thunder clashed! LIGHTENING and all that!"
It was worse than that.
"Mr. Wolf, sitting here before you, was once a filthy little miscreant. A vandal. A thief."
That's a fucking lie. He doesn't know a damn thing.
"And earlier that day he had come, with a sad little face and his best puppy-dog eyes, to the construction site of the Swinehearts, BEGGING for a job."
So hot and hadn't eating in days…
"And they offer him one. And he turns them down. Because his PRIDE is to big to SWALLOW. And in his own ANGER at HIMSELF, he terrorizes the people around that site. A DILEBERATE CHOICE. One that causes MANY accidents. He RESISTS ARREST. RUNS AWAY."
Because you were trying to fuckin use me -
"In his CONTINUED RAGE, Mr. Wolf hacks a plan!"
No. I wasn't. I'm telling the truth this time. I wasn't.
Don't listen to him, Red.
"He would go straight to the SCOURCE of his misfortune! The ones who CREATED the situation!" he leaned in again, grinning, "Isn't that right, Mutt?"
"No," I choke out. I can't even look up. I don't even know why anymore.
"No? No, what? You continue to deny the truth!"
000
Stop it.
The thought comes out on it's own and I can't take it anymore. The Sheriff's beating him down and no one gives a crap about it!
"IT STARTS TO RAIN!" he's yelling down at Wolf. And Wolf doesn't even look up at him. He's not looking up at all, and that's not like him at all - "DOESN'T IT?! ANSWER THE QUESTION!"
"Stop it - !" I start to say but I feel Uncle Robin's hand on my shoulder, pulling me down again. But I don't want him to. I need to get up and see Wolf because no one is seeing what I am. He's not like this. And my voice is quiet and I can't feel anything else but my heart hurting.
000
"It rains like SEVEN HELLS, doesn't, Boy? And you REMEMBER it!"
It's just the rain.
And the memories of all that damn pain that happened all at once. And I can't…focus, I can't just focus damnit and make it go away.
"You remember because you went through that rain-DIDN'T YOU?!"
"Stop." fuck.
"With MURDEROUS INTENT!"
No, I just wanted -
"Because they were SO DARN MEAN TO YOU -"
Yeah, but I didn't -
"And you see them go into that brick house -"
"Stop it - "
" - to hide from the RAIN - "
"Stop!"
000
Stop it!
Just stop it, Jesus just stop doing this to him!
I can't see him like this anymore, I can't see him hurting this way!
I can't anymore, damnint! I can't!
000
I fucking can't.
I don't know how, I can't control it anymore and I can't sop myself from thinking about it -
"You BROKE INTO THAT VERY HOUSE!"
I didn't mean to -
"YOU REMEMBER THEM SCREAMING WHEN YOU FINALLY GOT THROUGH!"
"IT WASN'T ME - !"
"SWEAR ON YOUR LIFE!"
"I -"
"Swear on your GIRL!"
Damnnit.
Red -
000
"Wolf - !"
Uncle Robin holds me down again. I don't have the will to keep pushing forward even though I want to. I want it more than anything but for some reason I'm to numb to even think. I'm numb and I don't understand-
I just want Wolf to look at me.
"Look at me, Wolf," I prayed but I knew he couldn't hear me.
I knew but -
000
"Remember how you MANGLED Hamilton's ARM!"
"y-What - " I knew he was still talking but I couldn't piece together the words anymore. My head wouldn't let me think. I didn't understand what the hell he was saying anymore-
Because I couldn't stop remembering everything-
"REMEMBER THE BLOOD THAT DRIPPED FROM HIM - !"
"y-No-sto-" Damnit don't think-
"Do you remember the CHIMNEY as it came down - !"
"That wasn't my fault - !"
"YES IT WAS!"
"FUCKING PROVE IT - "
"Wouldn't your GIRL be ashamed if she KNEW - !"
Red -
"YOU ATTACKED THEM -"
I FUCKING didn't - "It's not my fault! The moon was up and it was the first time that - !"
Fuck.
No.
Red don't -
000
Wolf…
Oh, god, Wolf…
Don't tell me that -
000
"Finish the sentence, Wolfy! The MOON WAS-"
No, Goddamnit,, she couldn't have heard that -
"Stop!"
"THE MOON WAS -"
"STOP!" Don't tell her damnnit! Don't fucking tell my Red - !
"You were an ANGRY little MUTT that wanted to get his revenge - !"
"FINE!" fucking fine, just don't say - "I did it, okay! Just leave me alone - I was cold and I was hungry and it was raining and I was fucking scared and I didn't know - "
Holy shit.
Jesus Christ what did I just say?
000
Wolf…
I saw him slump back into his chair, and for the life of me I felt the floor disappear below me.
No…no, Wolf would've never….
"Say that again, Boy?" The Sheriff said, and I could hear his grin.
Wolf…
This time it was my Uncle who stood up, "Objection, your Honor!"
"Think I heard a confession!"
No! Wolf wouldn't - !
"Your Honor - !"
000
What the hell did I just do…
What the hell did I…
I couldn't even use my head to think.. I couldn't even fucking function an' understand all the shit that just happened to me.
All I managed to hear was the judge banging at his table and arguing happening in front of me.
000
There's no way Wolf could've done something like that! There's just no way! The Sheriff tricked him into saying that, he was badgering Wolf all this time and no one was stopping him! That's why Wolf said that all of a sudden, it's not his fault! There's no way it's his fault! It can't-
I closed my eyes as tightly as I could. As tight as my heart felt right now and I could let the bad things in my head creep up on me. All I wanted to focus on was how Uncle Robin was fighting with Judge Cricket to…to help Wolf because…he…
He didn't do anything damnit!
I'm not going to believe that!
000
"You know, Mutt, you should really be thanking me…"
The Sheriff was right above me. Grinning his ass off, not even taking part of the argument happening around me.
I glared up at him.
Why the hell should I thank him for anything?
He just kept grinning, "Do you really think your precious Girl would've been safe with you? You. YOU! Knowing what you are and what you can do to her when you lose control?"
I clenched my fists. Shaking from the damn force and knowing I cut through my skin.
"I would NEVER hurt Red!"
Bastard laughed, "Well not anymore anyway, Mutt. You'll never see her again thanks to me!"
Fucking BASTARD -
000
"WOLF!"
I shoot up from my chair. Everyone else stopped what they were doing. They looked at me, not understanding what was going on until they looked the other way.
000
I didn't notice.
I couldn't tell what was happening until I had my had wrapped around the Sheriffs fucking neck and I was choking the like out of his god-damned body. I had him pinned to the table and struggling while his face turned pale.
I'm not entirely sure what happened to the cuffs on my wrists. I don't know how I broke them. All I know is that I did. And when I did the first thing I did was go straight for the son-of-a-bitch in front of me.
And that's when Red called out to me.
I froze for a second.
At first I could only hear the sound of my own hard breathing. Nothing else was making a noise. And then I felt the pressure from how hard I had my hand. When my eyes focused I could see the Sheriff's distorted face. I almost flinched. And then I doubted. For a second I wasn't sure if I really heard it or not. All my other senses were real but I didn't want this one to be.
And I begged my head not to do it. I knew that I was gonna regret it a soon as I did.
But I did it anyway. Because I never fucking listen to myself. Because I can't give myself a fucking break. Because that was the fucking reason I was here in the first place.
I looked up at her.
And for God's sake I just need to hold her again.
I saw her pretty emerald eyes holding tears in them. And her mouth was open a little, like she wanted to say something to me, but she didn't know where the hell to start. An she was looking at me that way, with her face saying everything she couldn't.
Like she gets it now. Like she understands. Like she wants to cry.
And I didn't know what the hell that meant anymore.
000
"GET HIM OFF ME!"
My body jolted. From the shook or whatever other force.
At some point Wolf had let the Sheriff go, and now the Sheriff was getting as far away fro him as possible, shouting orders to everyone who had been frozen only a while before.
But I didn't even understand what was happening anymore.
000
I felt people grab me by both arms.
In a second they pinned me down, slamming my forehead on the table I had the Sheriff just two seconds before.
000
No, don't-
I held myself back.
I clenched at my heart. I didn't want them to hurt him, I didn't want anything anymore and I felt dizzy and confused. I saw them moving, but it was all in slow motion.
And people were yelling and…
I stared at Wolf. He wasn't struggling. He wasn't trying.
And I wanted him to try. I wanted him to do something-I didn't know what I just wanted him to do it. But then I was afraid of him doing anything. And…and I couldn't see him like that anymore.
My heart felt sick and I looked away. I couldn't breathe anymore.
Everyone kept screaming louder and for the life of me I wanted to drown them out.
Everything was wrong and I couldn't…
000
Maybe it was because of impact. Maybe I had a concussion.
Everything got fuzzy and nothing felt right.
I felt them put knew cuffs around my wrists, but I didn't feel like I cared. I didn't feel anything. All I could see was Red's face, over and over again in my head. And what I said earlier before.
It didn't seem like anything mattered anymore.
I felt a sharp pain and someone tugged the hair from the back of my head and pulled me up. They held me down so I wouldn't do anything back.
And I saw Red again.
But she wasn't looking at me.
She looked like she was about to collapse back into her chair. Like she couldn't hold herself up anymore. Like she didn't want to anymore.
And it was my fault.
It was my fault damnit because I did this to her.
I saw her uncle shout something to the Judge. I heard everyone else continue to shout and some even got up to leave. The Judge couldn't do anything else but bang at his table.
And then I saw her uncle take her by the arm.
And it hurt.
I fucking hurt because I knew what was coming next.
Why the fuck does this have to happen to me? Why the fuck did God give me Red if he was gonna do this to me? For fuck's sake hasn't He given enough to fucking cry over? Why can't He fucking give me a fucking break, goddamnit!
Why does He have to take out on Red? Why the hell did He want her with me for this? Why did He make her so amazing so I could screw her up this way?
You should fucking see the look on my face. Seeing her dragged away. And she still can't look up at me. But her hands reaching out. And I want to hold it. I want to tell her that she's mine. But she's not looking at me and it hurts. She looks a little dead inside and I want to hold her and make it go away.
I wanted her. I wanted her smell back and her warmth back and I wanted her back. I wanted to be back in her woods. I wanted to take her on my Harley to wherever the hell she wanted to go. I can't take it if she's not with me. I don't want her to go. I don't fucking care anymore, I just want my Red back. I want her to look at me the way she did before, I wanna tell her things the way they happened, I don't want her to hate me I need her I fucking love…
I screamed.
I knew she was gone now and I couldn't hold it in.
I screamed for her.