Ramifications of "that night" pt2
I knew I couldn't stay here at Danny's, so I took a long hot shower and got myself dressed. I still didn't feel right, but I felt a darn lot better than a hour ago. I wrote him a note, saying I'd call him later, and set off to my apartment. I turned on the answer phone to see if maybe she'd called, there was nothing.
"Hey, I'm so sorry about last night, I don't know what happened really, think maybe someone spiked my drinks with vodka or something, they probably thought I was a jackass for just having a couple of beers and then a soda. I don't recall drinking more than that, but I obviously did; and I don't know why I didn't get a taxi home. I'm sorry I woke you up Danny"; I felt terrible lying to him, but I had no other choice. "Ah, forget it, what are brothers for. Oh before I forget let me hand you over to Chuny she can tell you what she told them about your absence". "Feeling better, or is that old head of your's still suffering?" Chuny went on to tell me about her call to the OR. "I think I will go in tomorrow, may not be up to speed, but I 'll keep the caffeine fix going that should see me through, and thanks again for doing that".
Later that week:
I did not see Abby for the next couple of days, Dubenko was off, and I somehow managed to get one of the other students to take to the ER calls. However dr. Dubenko and I were called down today to treat one of Abby's patient with a suspect abdominal wound. We'd hardly acknowledged each others presence, thankfully the trauma deflected that. Assessing the need for surgery Dubenko, said to me, "I will go and see when we can fit him in, stay here and I will call you and you can bring him up".
"I take it I'll see you on Sunday at your Mums" Chuny said "Yeah, I'm off this weekend". "That's good, I want to talk to you about something" "Do you want to talk about it now?" "No, it can wait until then, besides, I have to show you something too, it's not urgent. By the way Jake, are you finally going to bring this mystery girlfriend of yours along.? Danny tell's me whenever he calls you're housemate says you're not there, must be pretty serious, so when are we going to meet her?." "who says I have a girlfriend?" "come on, he told me as far as he knew you've been seeing someone since before he and I met, yet how come no one in the family have met her?"
"How come you two talk about me, surely you have better things to do when you meet. Anyway who say's I have only one, could have a couple on the go, working shifts, its quite easy to do" I said with a grin. "Two!" "yeah! and make sure you tell Danny he knows the rules, no quizzing about girlfriends, and that I won't fall for his ploy of using your wily female charms to weedle the information out of me". "as if I would do such a thing, isn't that right Abby?" "Chuny ….never". "Actually if your on a mission for Danny, tell him I will be bringing her along when I graduate, but he's to keep it under wraps from Mum and the others, and that goes for you too, or else both of you will be in trouble." " oh so it is just one, well some information is better than none" she giggled.
Sam came in through the swing doors, "Chuny, can you give me a hand next door, we got a GSW coming in" "yes, be right there" "do you need me there?" Abby asked. "No Kovac and Ray are bringing him in" After Chuny left there was an awkward silence, we both kept glancing up from the patient, looking at each other, but diverted our eyes just as quickly. I knew I had to have a doctor take the patient up with me encase of an emergency in the lift, it would be her, so to break the ice I said "I was only kidding Chuny, I had to say something to appease her". Abby looked but didn't say anything. I said to myself " please say something Abby, please "
"Encase you failed to notice, encase you fail to see
This is my heart bleeding before you,
I'm simply down on my knees
And these foolish games are tearing me apart
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
Breaking my heart
…….…..somewhere along the line,
I must have gone off track with you,
Excuse me, I think I mistaken you for somebody else,
Somebody who gave a dam, somebody like myself
And these foolish games are tearing me , you're tearing me, your'e tearing me apart,
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart"
but all there was, was silence. Neela came in from the hallway "Jake they are ready for you in OR" "Neela, can you go up with Jake, I'm dying for the bathroom" "OK" I watched her go out, but she stopped in the doorway and turned back to look at me. I could see her mouth forming words, but no words were spoken aloud; she just stood there looking. As Neela began to push the gurney towards the door Abby finally moved away.
Sunday:
"So you're getting married, I can't believe it" Mum said. "I know it's not been long, but I just know Chuny's the one, so why wait until next year. Chuny's cousin is getting married in August, and she's one of the bridesmaids, so it's all a bit hectic before then, so we are looking at October." "You're not giving your Mum much notice to organize things Chuny, what if you can't get a church or hall, caterers, you know how busy these places /people are" "My Mum's been waiting 33 years to get me married off, all my sisters are married, so she will stop at nothing to get me out her hair" she said laughing. "To be honest I don't mind a small affair, but I know she will never hear of that, so I will just go along with it". "Does she know yet?" "No" said Danny, "I spoke to Chuny's father last Sunday, asked for her hand , and made him promise that he would keep it a secret from her, we are going over tonight to tell her".
"So Jake will you carry on the family tradition, you know, the younger brother being best man?" "Oh course, I will, I'd be delighted to. I'm really happy for the two of you. You're very lucky to have that commitment from one another." "Commitment?" "Unfailing love, and belief in one another". "So Chuny, this is why you asked if I was coming today, but you said you had something to show me….. oh, I'm an idiot, you mean this", I said taking hold of her hand to admire the diamond on her finger. "I think that alcohol is still in his head, he's not very quick is he", she joked. I folded my arms around her, and kissed her on the cheek, "Danny is so lucky to have you, I couldn't wish for a better person for him, I know you two are so right for each other".
"Jake's graduating on the 24th this month, we were going to have a family get together after; Chuny, why don't you invite your family over and we can make it a double celebration for you and Danny too, that's if your free, I know Danny is, he's been told enough times by me to keep that day free of shifts. All the family will be at the graduation, we'd love for you to join us too" said Mum. "That's a lovely idea, thank you, I will make sure I check my shift tomorrow and alter it if necessary, but only if you let me help with the catering, I can't expect you to do it all".
"Any ideas where you're going yet son?" " Yes, I sent my acceptance off yesterday, I'm going to UCSF, I couldn't turn down such a wonderful opportunity, they have fantastic facilities, and it's a prestigious hospital, I was lucky to have been invited. I'm gonna miss the family though, I won't be able to just pop in or get back each month for our get togethers. You know these Sundays are wonderful, even if we can't always make it, they show me how important our families and loved ones are, I think I'm really fortunate." "Hey, don't just say that to me son, let your Mum hear you, it was all her idea originally, but I must say I'm glad too, some families only meet at the holidays, and some never, I wouldn't want that either. So when are you leaving?" " Dad, can you keep this quiet for the moment from the family, just until I graduate, I don't want to upset Mum, I know she worries about me because of my medical condition, she thinks I'm some fragile orchid that needs looking after, but I'm not, but that's a Mum the world over, they all think their children are still "kids". Just let her enjoy Danny's good news". "Ok, I promise; I know how important this is to your career, I'm so proud of you; but I will miss you too, son." he said as he gave me a hug.
Last three weeks.
I saw Abby maybe twice; she went onto nights, then she was off for a few days following her shift. I knew her rota even now, we'd both kept copies of each others duties so we could arrange to meet up, so I kept out of her way. I had officially finished my course rotation, but was finishing my last few weeks with an extra stint in the OR . I managed to stay for the majority of the time in the OR area, sending the junior med. students down to the ER saying they'd gain from the experience. When I did go to the ER I just worked in the trauma areas, did not hang around in the admit area to chat as I used to unless Chuny was there. It was rather pathetic behaviour on my part I know, but I loved her and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't talk to anyone about her, so I just suffered in silence going through the motions each day wishing my last few days as a student away.
I remembered I still had her set of keys, so I went to her apartment before going on shift one night. I opened the building's outer door, then sealed her keys in an envelope, and put them into her mailbox. So was that it, the final severance of our relationship, in that one act. I hoped in the future something might change, but for now all I could do was walk away with a heavy heart.
Was that Jake I could see in the distance walking down the steps of my building? I stopped in my tracks and watched as he went through the gate and turned right heading in the direction of the EL. I did not call out his name, I just watched him go. I went upstairs, turned on the ansaphone, no message. Then it came to me, - the keys - I went downstairs to my mailbox, opened it, and inside was an envelope. I knew they were inside by the weight and shape; opening it, I hoped against hope that it would contain a note but no, just keys.
I wonder what he would make of the mail I had just sent him. It wasn't from me, but Mum. I had received a large envelope from her this morning containing a note with another sealed envelope marked to Jake Scanlon. Mum had asked me to give this to him, it was a congratulatory graduation card; say hello to him for me, and say I hope the two of you will have time to visit your brother and I here this Summer. I had filled in his address and put in the mailbox just now, when I went for a walk to the local store; it was on my return that I had seen him, leaving my apartment building.
I loved him, I knew that. Yet I had rejected his plans of staying in Chicago so dismissively. I knew deep down that was for his own good, it was too great an opportunity to miss going to UCSF; he had been so keen on it; he was thrilled at being invited as a potential candidate for a surgical programme there, it would stand him in good stead in future years; but my response had been so blunt, with no explanation, and I had done nothing since to ease the situation that had developed between us. Why had I pushed him away, why did I keep doing this?
A/N Song: These Foolish Games - Jewel