I had decided to tell my love what had happened…but, instead of including Gilbert's affections, I simply mentioned I was begging him to stop. It was true…Perhaps sparing the details would save my marriage…I could never forgive myself, but at least I would still have Roderich…
The letter was sent, and part of my conscience was clean…
And again, I was back to avoiding Prussia…Of course, I seemed more depressed. I was so worried about my husband's response. How could I not be concerned? He had a right to tell me to never come back…
"Papillon, what's happened now? You've been even more upset than the last few times…"
"…France…"
I was working in my garden…At least my flowers were benefiting from this…
"…Even Prussia's been depressed lately…"
I didn't part my lips; I only pulled a few dead leaves from the soil.
"…Papillon…have I done something to make you hate me?" He asked. "If I did, I'd be a very sad man."
"No…You haven't done anything, France…"
"…Well, what's wrong?" He kneeled down besides me, putting an arm around my shoulders.
"…I had sex with him…"
"What?! Papillon! What's the matter with you?! What did I tell you?!"
"I know! I just…" I started to cry. "…I'm so stupid…"
"No…not stupid, just foolish…" He sighed. "What are you going to do? Are you going to tell your husband?"
"…No…" I wiped my eyes. "I already did…He hasn't answered me back yet…"
"…Oh…well…" France sighed. "…You'll be lucky if he keeps you after something like this…If it were me…I don't think I would…What happened anyway? I mean…to get you to do that…"
I told him the entire story, and ended up sobbing at the end.
"…Hmm…If I don't recall, something like this happened with me, non? Accept…I did what you asked…"
I didn't have anything to say…So, I simply removed more dead leaves in my garden. My vision was still hazy.
"…Papillon…I have some good news…"
"What?"
"…The war is almost over…At least…That's what your husband is trying to do…"
"Really?"
"Yes…He sent us a letter asking for peace…I think Prussia is going to call the whole thing off…but I'm completely sure…"
I wiped away a few tears. "…But what does that mean for me?" I asked. "Will I finally get to go home?"
"…I don't know…but…if not…I'll take you…You can stay at my house a few days and I'll arrange a trip back home for you…Have you ever been to France, Papillon? It's nice…" He smiled at me. "Italy can come too…if he wants to go back…"
I embraced him tightly. "Thank you…Thank you so much…"
"De rien…"
The next letter I got was hard for me to open…It was so large…It must have been filled with words and anger…But I had to read it. My heart was aching…It was the answer to a question I was afraid to ask.
A lot of his response was muddled. Of course, he was upset, but not at me. The words, 'It's not your fault' were repeated several times. I cried reading it, knowing I had lied…but he was still willing to be with me…and it wasn't all untruthful. If I could go home…we could still be together…
I tried to answer his letter, but I didn't have much to say. I was cooped up in my room for nearly two days trying to find something to say. Finally, breaking up my deficiency of words, Prussia came in without knocking. I pretended he wasn't there.
"…I'm sorry…" He started. "…I'm not going to bother making excuses for myself…I…" For a moment, he couldn't continue. "…I'm sorry…I should have listened…because I hate seeing you this way again…but…I love you…I know you won't forgive me…but I do…"
"Please get out of my room…"
He didn't leave.
"Are you deaf or just stupid?! Get out!"
Prussia walked away, closing the door softly behind him. Again, I was in tears.
Finally, I decided I couldn't answer Roderich's letter. I would end up saying something that would drive us apart. He would understand if I didn't answer…My emotions were too much of a mess to muster a coherent response.
A few days later, I was another letter by my husband. It was small. I opened it quickly. All that was written was:
'The war is over. Please find a way to come home. I miss you.'
I began packing my things, the largest suitcase I had filling first. In the event Prussia still wanted to keep me, I would need to travel lightly so I could sneak away with France. I went straight to Italy's room. He was sitting on his bed with his brother, speaking in Italian.
"Pack your things." I said simply. "The war's over…We're going home…"
"…But…Hungary…"
"…Are you coming?"
"…Yes…Can I say good bye to everyone?"
"…Yes…Pack your things."
I left his room, next going to Prussia's office. The doors were shut, but I swung them open, ready to do whatever it took to get home. This was enough.
So, I stood before him, staring. He was mirroring me, his mouth slightly open.
"…The war's over…" He said.
"Let me go home." I swallowed.
Prussia considered it a moment, picking at his lips through gloves hands. His eyes shifted to the ceiling.
"Let me go!" I shouted, streams starting. "Why do you even want me anymore?! You already had me! Just let me go…"
"…I want to know something…Did you…even like me? I mean…I know we had fun together…I really do love you…" He stood, eyes intense. "…Which…is a big deal…because I can honestly say I haven't loved many people…"
"I don't want to play these stupid games! Let me go home!"
"They aren't games!" He shouted. "You've been fucking with me this entire time and I want to know the truth! Were you doing this just to mess with me, because I'm not lying to you! You would lead me on and then push me away…is this fun for you?!" Tears were coming from his eyes, but his face stayed the same. "You can blame me for bringing you here, and trapping you…whatever you want to call it…But give me an answer! You opened your mouth; you let me take off your clothes! And then you tell me to stop?!" His chest was heaving. "Do you really hate me?! Because that's the kind of treatment you give to someone you can't stand!" He fell back into his chair, finally breaking down. "Goddammit…"
It then occurred to me I wasn't the only one hurting…If I would have rejected him the whole time…none of this would have happened…How painful it must have been…wondering if I was simply lying the entire time just to harm him…
"I'm sorry…" I said. "…I shouldn't have led you on…" I wanted to tell him the truth...but I wasn't sure if it would be the best choice. "…Listen…" My voice was becoming gentle. "…I'll tell you…but you can't go around gloating…I don't want anyone to know…because this was never supposed to happen…"
"…Fine…" He was calming down. "…No one will know…You have my word."
I waited a long moment before speaking. "…I did have a lot of fun with you…I liked spending time with you…You're a good kisser…and honestly…if I haven't already found my love…I would probably stay with you…but…I have a husband…I need to go home…I'm happy you feel that way about me…but I can't stay here any longer. My husband was and still is incredibly good to me…and I can't betray him anymore…So there's your answer. Please let me go."
"…Okay… Go...That's all I wanted."
"Thank you…"
Arrangements were made, and the next day, my bags were waiting outside. Italy had his things ready, and carried them in a small sack. France was around me that morning. It would be a long time before I would see any of them again…
When the carriage arrived, everyone gathered outside to say their goodbyes. The only one who wasn't there was Prussia. I hadn't seen him since talking to him in his office.
"Ah, Papillon…It was good to talk to you again." France said, wrapping his arms around me. "If you'd ever like to visit, you're always welcome…You can take your crazy little man as well…"
"Thank you…"
I was set free and Spain stepped forward. "…It was nice to meet you…"
I embraced him. "…It was nice meeting you too…Thank you for everything…"
"It's really nothing."
Then Romano…
"...Bye…"
I smiled and kissed his forehead. "Good bye. Be good."
He looked as if he had turned into a tomato.
I turned to Italy. "…Are you ready to go?"
He nodded. "Yes. Good bye everyone!"
We waved to each other and stepped inside the chariot that would take us home…I was overjoyed. I would finally see my husband…We would have things to work out…and it would be hard…but I was going home…
It was a long ride, and I ended up sleeping most of the way, dreaming about home…I woke up with tears in my eyes.
When we arrived, my heart nearly stopped. There it was…It was beaten and broken, but dammit, there it was. I flew out of the carriage, leaving my things and running as fast as I could to his office. His piano was drifting all through out the house…I was sobbing. It was so good to hear it again after these long weeks…
I found his office and stopped. He would be here…My heart was racing and I was shaking. My hands took the handle and shoved open the door; his music stopped.
We were staring at one another, his gorgeous sapphire eyes wide. I was out of breath, my eyes were misty, and I was about to die because my heart was beating so fast…but I had never been happier…
He stood and walked towards me, the look of shock still living in his eyes. His mouth was open, slightly. "…Lorelei…" At those words, I bounded towards him, taking him deeply into my arms, and was held with just as much love and passion.
And I had forgotten Prussia…Any love I had for him left me as soon as I touched my lips with Roderich's.
"I missed you…" We were between kisses. "I missed you so much…"
"I love you." He told me, squeezing me even tighter. "Thank god you're alright…"
"I love you too…"
And we cried, absorbed in one another's arms. We had lost…Many were dead. But we were together…and I was happy again, something I hadn't been in what seemed like an eternity…