They landed on a planet with three moons and high waters. The indigenous life had gills but could also walk on land and Dib went into a tangent about something called a mermaid. They were checking out a stand when Dib disappeared to take care of his human bodily functions.
Zim rarely got moments like these, not that he minded being with Dib all the time. He'd never say it to Dib's face, but he loved it. However, the nagging feeling that felt like he was being eaten alive from the inside seemed to swell in these moments. Because now he was left alone with only the thought of Earth being destroyed.
But he had plenty of time before then. Surely the Tallest had more important planets to take care of. But he'd call just to make sure. Pulling out the communicator attached to PAK, it seemed like an eternity before the line went through.
"Uhg, Zim." Purple groaned. "We're about a month away, there's no need for you to bug us."
"A month away?" Zim asked, surprise. "From Neskep?" He sounded skeptical. What would the armada be doing all the way over here?
"Neskep? Wait, you're not on Earth? Oh, you just left we thought you went back to Earth."
Wait…a month away from Earth. His mind raced with the ramifications. They were on their way to destroy it. In just a month. "I gotta go…" He said quickly, leaving the two leaders confused and annoyed, packing the communicator away. He ran his hands over his antennae, feeling panic run through his veins. Shit. Shit, fuck. What was he going to do. A month before the planet that Dib loved so much was gone, wiped of life. Of the human's family unit.
Dib pushed his way out from a bush that smelled great but, kind of stung a bit on bare skin. "I was thinking that next we could head to the Kliko section of this galaxy. I saw some planets on the mapping that looked freaking sweet." He picked up their stuff and began to put it in the cargo hold, shutting it and brushing his hands off before turning to Zim and raising an eyebrow at his silence.
"Is uh…" The Irken's face was all wrong. And Dib had gotten adapt at reading his expressions. He knew them all, better than he knew his own. "everything okay?"
Zim's brow was pulled together in a mixture of worry and panic. Dread spelled out all over his face. The corners of his lips were pulled down in a hard frown, and he avoided looking at Dib's face at all costs. "Maybe we should…get in. Sit down." He nodded slowly and without saying anything else climbed into the Ladybug, not looking back at Dib as he took his seat.
Zim looked around the ship; the space they've shared for….he wasn't even sure how long, now. The space the slept and mated in, fought and cuddled and kissed in. The ship told their story of their time together, with their things strewn about, the things they'd gathered from so many alien planets.
Maybe being here, in their home, Dib wouldn't be too upset. It was unlikely, but it was a hope Zim had to hold onto for his own sanity.
Now, Dib was a bit worried. It was rare that Zim got serious. But, when he did it was normally for something that could be solved quickly and in a way that the alien hadn't even really considered. "Um…okay?" He climbed into the Ladybug, picking up a few items of clothing on the way and putting them up before flopping into the pilot's chair.
Zim wrung his hands together a bit and paced around. Mouthing things as he tried to figure out the best way to break it to him. Finally he looked to Dib, his hands balling up into fists as he tried to spit it out. His spooch was beating so hard he felt like you could see it though the fabric of his uniform. His face screwed up as if it was physically hurting him trying to get the words out. But he had to tell Dib; after everything. If Dib didn't find out now, he'd find out after it was too late, then he'd surely hate Zim then. Zim didn't want Dib to hate him…
"Dib…Dib-mate." He pulled out the rarely used affectionate suffix. "I have something I must confess, and it is not easy, so I'm just going to come right out and say it." His eyes shut tight and he puffed out his chest. "I lied." He let out a huge puff of air, feeling relieved that it was finally out in the open.
The infamous eyebrow rose again, as the sight Zim made. Dib looked around a bit for the little piece of wiring he tended to play with when they traveled, grabbing it and twisting it. "Umm…You lied. About what? That you drank the last soda or that you're the one who pissed off the giant horned guy. Because either way I already know. So, it's fine."
"Wait, you do?" Zim asked, a bit dubious, but shook his head. "No, not about that!" He sighed and plopped down in their sleeping area, his breath beginning to get shaky at what he was about to tell his only companion. He brought a hand up to his mouth before running it down the back of his neck.
"Dib…, the Tallest declined your request." He finally spat out, hiding his face. There was no way he could look at Dib now.
There was no comprehension. "What?" It was like he had to rewind his brain back to when it was still a worry. "You...mean about...earth?"
"Of course! What else would I be talking about?" Zim seemed frustrated now. "I lied! They never approved your request! They never had it in their minds to give up Earth!" He was shaking now and he had to pull himself back up to his feet. He held his hands out, his finger trembling and his tone soft. "I knew you'd want to leave if you knew Earth was in danger. I…I didn't want you to go…"
Dib sat frozen, the wires forgotten in his hands as he stared up at Zim, blankly. Slowly a mixture of anger, confusion and disbelief worked over him like frost over a window.
"N-no. Tell me…tell me you're lying. That this is one of those stupid things you say to make me mad at you so we...Zim. This…this isn't funny at all." And it couldn't be true.
Zim had thought that maybe he'd feel better after telling Dib the truth; that was the point of having a conscience right? But now there was a white hot dagger in his chest that was making it hard to breath. His lips curled into a grimace and he shook his head.
"Dib…I…" What could he say? "I just didn't…want you to go." His voice was weak, failing him. He was pathetic.
Unconsciously, Dib was shaking his head, his eyes narrowing with hot rage. " . This… because that would mean that…you and-" But, the more Dib stared at Zim, the more it felt real. The more it sunk in. He shoved away from the chair, feeling like everything was spinning. What to be mad at first? What should he feel or do now? Earth. Earth was still in danger. His marriage…this whole thing was for nothing and not only was it for nothing but, he'd actually fallen for the lie, and had become a part of it. They'd become one. He'd given Zim everything. He was hyperventilating now, fingers curling into fists, his face twisting and distorting into something ugly, something he hadn't felt before.
"You…I…" What could he even say? What could Dib do to even…it was….unthinkable."You…asshole." The mask his face had become, those eyes glaring daggers into the Irken. There used to be innocence in Zim's every move. Despite the blood that dripped from the Irken's past, there'd always been a understanding in his mind. Now it was gone. Everything was gone. And it sucked because he couldn't even fucking be disconnected from it because now the pain was coming.
A white hot, gut wrenching pain. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to hit something so hard that it shattered. Dib wanted to destroy Zim at the same time that he just wanted to be held. The bond in his neck, in his mind held him back from hatred.
"I…" His left eye twitched and he turned around, feeling lost as his hand ran through his hair. Until with a growl, he whirled on the Irken. "I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING! My word, my trust, my first kiss, my body…I vowed to be forever bonded with you! You did it too! " A thought occurred to him, widening his eyes."YOU KNEW! YOU KNEW THAT MY PLANET WAS DOOMED WHEN YOU CARVED YOUR NAME INTO MY FUCKING SHOULDER, DIDN'T YOU?!"
Oh god, it hurt. It hurt.
"It's all a lie." The symbols in his shoulder. The days they spent together. The memories. The sex, the laughter. It was all tainted with Zim's betrayal. Because that's what it was. It hurt more than anything he'd ever experienced before. More than chemical burns over skin. More than suppressing his passion for the paranormal for years.
"Oh my god." Dib pulled at his hair, trying to ignore the hot tears that squeezed past his eyes despite how much he didn't want them to. "This is…unbelievable. I have to…" His throat was closing up. "I have to get out of here."
"What else could I do, Dib?" Zim snapped back. He knew he was in the wrong here, but he had never reacted to being yelled at very well. His fists balled up and he stood his ground, though the dagger in his chest threatened to undo all of his training. Dib had yelled at him before, but not like this. He was never truly mad at Zim, until now, of course. The world seemed to have a sharp edge to it, everything was too real, happening too fast. He just wanted this to be over, he wanted things to go back to the way they were.
"If I hadn't done it, what would you do? Go back to Earth and get killed? Even with your help, Earth wouldn't and won't stand a chance against the Armada! I saved you!"
Dib reeled and got right up in Zim's face, barking. "You've killed me! You made me believe that you gave a shit about anyone else besides you and then proved I was wrong. You made me vow myself to someone who doesn't exist! You took me away from Earth, and now I won't even get to die as a human." The tears flowed freely, as the tendons flexed in his neck. He shook his head and stomped towards the door. "I can't even be in the same room as you. I'm leaving. Don't follow me."
"No!" Zim shouted after him and chased him, regardless of the human's order. "That's not true!" He grabbed at Dib's arm and spun him around. It was his turn to get in his face. His own tears were forming now but he tried his best to suppress them; he knew that this would happen all along. He had just been putting it off. He had to stand on his toes, and even then didn't get even close to being at an intimidating stature, and in his emotional state, he didn't even think to use his PAK legs.
"You moron! Why do you think I did this? I didn't want you to leave because I do care about you! I wanted to be in union with you because you're the only creature in all my years of life that I actually like! I don't want you to go marching off to your planet to get killed! Everything we've experienced wasn't a lie, and it happened because of me! Because I made you stay! You can't tell me you regret everything! All the planets you've seen, all this time together! You can't dare to say that you regret that ever happening!"
His voice was high pitched and by the end of it all even cracked a few times. The tears that he was trying so desperately to hold back with blurring his vision and streaming down his hot cheeks. He felt pathetic, weak, vulnerable. But if there was anybody in this universe that Zim would let see him like this, it was Dib. He begged inwardly for Dib to stay with him.
Those golden eyes were dimming to brown, and they searched Zim's face. They searched the alien's eyes for anything he could salvage as his mate. It was there. It was in his mouth, his tears. And Zim was crying but, even though Dib wanted to give in, to collapse and just let this go, as much as he wanted to believe that there was no point to being angry…he couldn't. Dib yanked his arm away.
"I can't do this right now. I need…I need to go." He shoved the door open and jumped out, sprinting away as fast as he could, not wanting Zim to catch up with him. He couldn't keep staring into those magenta eyes that had captivated him since day one. Dib could not stay in the confines of that ship with the memories of their adventures. Of laughter and what he thought was love even though he knew that love would not hurt this bad. This was worse. This felt life changing. Character forming.
It was like he was breaking apart, the screws coming lose. He was drowning in the hatred, the pain, anger, the salty tears down his face and in his mouth that was suddenly open in an inhuman scream, a roar of agony that echoed in the blue forest. Where was he even going? Dib had no clue. Only that it was somewhere far.