CPOV

~MONDAY EARLY AFTERNOON~

"Ana, please. ... Baby, answer your phone. You know how I worry. Call me back, text me, just let me know you're okay." I sigh, running my hand through my hair before I change my tone to my Dom voice. "Anastasia, if I don't hear from you by the end of business today, I'm going to... Fuck!" I hang up, tossing my cell onto my desk in my office, then rubbing my face with my hand.

"You fucked up now, Grey." I mumble to myself as I stare at the man's reflection in the floor to ceiling windows in my office.

I should have just told her I love her, because I do. I can't believe that I do, but I do, I love her.

When she blurted it out last night like it was one word, I admit, I felt panicked. It wasn't until I was laying awake for hours last night, long after she fell asleep, it hit me like a ton of bricks. The unknown feelings I've never felt before, is love. Flynn was right all along. I've not felt it before because I've not been in love before. That is until Anastasia Steele came into my life.

She's exquisite, honest, strong, witty, beguilingly, sweet, innocent; the list is endless, and everything I'm not. I'm in awe of her, how can I not love her?

I planned to tell her when we woke, but I had to be at Grey House bright and early this morning to deal with this misplaced security ID issue, so I couldn't express how I felt, that, and Katherine was there, therefore, I couldn't tell Anastasia how I feel.

She seemed fine this morning, though. I woke before her so I could come to Grey House earlier than usual, and I was leaving right as she and Katherine woke to have breakfast. Anastasia even gave me a sweet kiss goodbye and told me to have a good day at the office adding in a term of endearment, however, she could have been putting on a show for Katherine.

After I arrived at Grey House, and settled things with the security issue, I did a lot of thinking about this love thing. I know I'm not right for her, I'm not the man for her, she deserves so much better than me. She can't love a monster and I can't make her happy. I can't be what she needs. She's good and pure, and I'm nothing but a fucked up monster. But I'm a selfish man and can't let her go. I want her, and the thought of anyone else having her is like a knife twisting in my dark soul.

I'm already in a mood from having to deal with this security bullshit issue. One of my GEH security employees misplaced his ID badge so that means all new ID badges for GEH security and a terminated employee. Fucker loses a laminate, what the fuck else will he lose. I had to do this without Taylor as I left him to give the girls a safe ride to work, since Anastasia knows him and is comfortable with him, and I brought Sawyer with me. I drove myself in my R8 today but had Sawyer meet me here.

Taylor notified me when he arrived this morning, and confirmed that Anastasia got off on the publishing floor. So I know Anastasia is here and she's also received her new GEH ID that allows her full access to any area of the building, including me. It's two minutes until her lunch break ends, and there's no proof she's left the building, so I know she's here, but I haven't heard from her.

I haven't heard a peep from her all morning, regardless of my relentless trying to communicate with her; between messages, emails, and phone calls. I've even called her extension so I can get her on personal GP phone at her desk, but she doesn't answer that either. It's set to go straight to voicemail so her colleagues don't even answer. She must have forgot to switch it back over from when she was on leave due to Linc's funeral.

I get that she's working and busy, but she could have at least replied to my emails and texts during her breaks. I expected her to respond during her lunch hour but that's almost over and she's not returned to her desk yet. I know because I've sent Andrea down there every 5 minutes to check if Anastasia has returned.

I'm not too worried since it's not shown on the main entrance security cameras of her leaving the building. She's probably in the building somewhere. But where? I can't even call Sawyer to find out her location because he didn't notice her leave the publishing floor. I'm two fucking seconds away from tracking her phone. She may be upset with me regarding our conversation last night, but with this suspected break-in at her apartment... Fuck it!

"Barney." I say through my phone when he answers. "I need you to trace a phone. Anastasia Steele. I need to know where she is."

"Yes, Mr. Grey."

"Top priority."

"I'll get right on it, sir."

"I'll hold while you do."

"One moment, sir."

I hear a bunch of clicks before he's back on minutes later.

"Sir, Ms. Steele's phone has been turned off, however, I was able to locate her phone's last known location."

"Well, let's hear it." I growl impatient.

"Esclava, sir."

"Escala?" I ask, hoping that's what he said and I heard him wrong.

"No, sir. Esclava Salons." He corrects me.

That's what I thought he said.

APOV

~MONDAY MORNING~

"Iloveyou." I blurt out, like it's one word, holding my breath waiting for his reaction, which comes immediate when I feel his body tense behind me.

Fuck! What did I do?! Was saying the actual words too much?

"I know." He sounds... sad.

He knows?!

"You- You know?"

"Yes, I know." He still sounds sad.

"Do you... Do you love me?" I ask, hopeful since he hasn't kicked me out of his bed, or his life. Yet.

I feel as if I may pass out from holding my breath, waiting for him to answer, but it's like he's fallen asleep. I'm much too afraid to move, but I know he's not sleeping. I can't hold my breath any longer and slowly exhale.

"Christian?" I breathe his name.

Please say something. I internally beg him.

"I care for you, Anastasia, more than anything." I smile when I hear him say this, but that smile slowly fades as he continues. "I know you love me, I really wish you didn't, I don't deserve your love. You shouldn't love me. I know I should have let you go when you told me you were falling in love with me, but I'm a selfish man, and I want you."

"Why shouldn't I love you?" I finally turn to face him, but he wont look at me.

"I'm a monster, Anastasia. I don't deserve love."

"Christian, that's just not true, how can you think that?"

"If you knew... You would leave me and I can't let that happen. I can't live without you."

He can't live without me? If that's not a declaration of love, I don't know what is.

"I love you." I pull his reluctant face towards me and continuously kiss him. "I love you, Christian, I know you love me too."

"Ana..." He moves my hand from his face and pulls away from me. "Don't..."

"Why? Why is it so wrong for me to love you?"

"I'm sure everything will be fine." Kate brings me from my thoughts of last night as we ride to work together with Taylor driving us.

"Yeah." I say absentmindedly.

She doesn't know about Christian not saying he loves me.

He may not have said the actual words, but he didn't say he didn't love me either. He said he cares about me, but I know he loves me, I know it. His actions speak louder than words. I just don't understand why he wont just tell me. At least he didn't leave me when I told him how I felt.

"Christian changed the locks for our apartment and my dad is talking with the landlord about adding security cameras. I'm sure my dad, and even Christian, would pay for them if he can't afford them." She thinks that I'm concerned with our break-in, which I am, but I'm more distracted with my thoughts from the conversation I had with Christian last night.

"We'll stay at Bob's house in Bellevue until everything is taken care of." She continues when I stay quiet. "I'm sure Christian will want you to stay with him again tonight, so I'll stay with Elliot, but if we have to, we can stay at Bob's or with my parents."

"Right."

"Hey," She calls my attention so I finally make eye contact with her. "Everything will be okay."

I give her what I hope is a reassuring smile.

Taylor pulls up to the Seattle Times building and gets out to open Kate's door.

"Will you be needing a ride home, Ms. Kavanagh?" Taylor asks her when he opens the rear door.

"No, thanks."

"Are you sure, Kate?" I ask.

"Elliot's going to pick me up." She explains, reminding me. "I'm staying with him tonight."

"Oh, right. Okay."

Kate heads into the building, Taylor drives me to Grey House, and I sit back trying to not to think of last night. Try as I might, it's impossible.

How can he think he's a monster? Why does he think he doesn't deserve to be loved? Because he enjoys BDSM? Well, I enjoy it as well. Okay, only the soft, less hardcore side, but still. Does that make me a monster? No. The only thing I can think of is the bitch-troll put some bullshit in his head about love, brainwashing him. She's already manipulated her friend and him enough. It always comes back to her, she must be part of it. I think it's time to pay my salons a visit, but how in the world will I do that without Christian knowing?

Taylor parks in the RESERVED C. GREY parking spot in the underground parking of Grey House, then gets out to open my door.

"Ana?" I hear a familiar voice ask in surprise.

Shit!

I turn around to face Claire who looks shocked at seeing me; probably because I'm getting out of a SUV that belongs to the CEO.

I'm not sure if Claire would tell everyone what she saw, but I do get all the SIP/GP gossip from her.

"Hi, Claire." I smile like it's an everyday thing, for me to be seen getting out of CEO's SUV. Which I'm sure it will be since I've agreed to stay with Christian until whoever broken into Kate's apartment, that I share with her, is caught. I didn't even think about the fact that we have no proof, which means they could never be caught. And we have agreed to come out publicly after he's met my parents. I'm hoping to introduce him to my dad soon, probably this weekend, so next week we'll be official, publicly official. Once we're official, everyone will know, but until he meets my dad, I don't want it getting out that we're together.

"What..." She's dumbfounded. "What are you doing in Mr. Grey's car?"

"Umm." Think, Ana! "Mmmy.. car broke and um..." I look at Taylor for help.

"Ms. Steele's father and I are old buddies; military." He explains the lie smoothly. "She called me, saying she needed a ride. I was already out and we were both heading to Grey House so I picked her up."

"Oh." She buys the lie.

I seriously need to learn how to do that, although it's not polite to lie, sometimes it's necessary.

Claire, Taylor, and I all board the same elevator together.

Claire and I get off at the publishing floor, and Taylor continues up to the 20th floor.

Claire sits behind the reception desk with the other receptionists for GP and just before I head to my desk she calls me over.

I walk over to the reception desk, hoping she doesn't question me further in front of the other employees.

"Martha had to call in. She said you can take the day or work on the manuscripts from last week if you haven't finished." She reads the message from her computer. "And security on the main floor needs to speak with you."

"Oh. I finished the manuscripts in Georgia so I'll just take the day. I have a few errands I want to run anyway and I can just do that now." I say thinking of the bitch-troll. This is perfect!

I didn't even walk to my desk and I'm done for the day. It would have been nice if I knew this before I came to work. I could have slept in at my boyfriend's apartment. I can't help but smile, thinking of my boyfriend, but then I remember he wont admit he loves me and I know he does.

I have a mission today: confront the bitch-troll. But first I need to see security on the main floor. Why wouldn't Taylor tell me before I came all the way up to the publishing floor? Maybe because Claire was with us? No, Claire thinks Taylor is my father's friend, and she's the one who told me about security needing to see me anyway. Hmmmm. Maybe since he was with me this morning instead of here, he wouldn't know yet. I don't know.

After I leave the manuscripts I finished in Georgia at my desk, I ride the elevator back to the main floor, wondering what security needs from me.

The security office door is open so I knock on the open door to capture their attention.

"May I help you, ma'am?" One of the men, wearing the typical MIB suits, asks me. Although, unlike Taylor, this man is displaying a GEH security laminate with his photo and name on the ID, similar to all GEH employee IDs.

"Hi, yes, my name is Anastasia Steele." I walk into the room now. "I was told security needed to speak with me."

"Yes, Ms. Steele." He grabs something off a desk. "We have a new laminate for you, ma'am."

"I'm sorry, what? What's wrong with my old ID badge?"

"I'm just the messenger, Miss. I was told to give you a new ID badge is all." He says, handing me a new GEH ID with my photo already on it and a logo that says all access.

Christian.

I look up, hearing a beep and see day light as another security guard enters the room.

"Can I use that exit?" I ask him as I point to the door.

"You can do whatever you like, according to your new GEH ID." He nods to it in my hand.

"Thank you." I smile politely and leave Grey House through the back security exit.

Shit! I don't have my car or a ride. I can't very well ask Christian or Taylor to give me a ride to confront the bitch-troll. Kate's at work and doesn't have her car. I know how Christian feels about Chad so I don't want to ask him for a ride. I could just walk home to get my car, but I'm wearing heels and it's quite the distance. Wait, I can ask Steph.

"Hi, Ana!" She answers my call cheerfully.

"Hey, Steph. Um, could you give me a ride? I don't have to work today and Christian drove me so I don't have my car."

"Oh. I left my car at Chad's. He's going to pick me up after he finishes up some paperwork for the restaurant. You could try him."

"Okay, thanks. I think I'll just call a cab." I don't want to upset Christian by asking Chad to pick me up.

"Darn. I thought maybe if he picks you up, he'll pick me up sooner than planned." She giggles.

Well... I guess Chad would be the faster option, as this is time sensitive, and we are friends. I don't want to end my friendship with him, just because Christian doesn't like him. And he is with Stephanie now so maybe it wont be so bad if I ask Chad for a ride after all.

Did anyone tell Christian that Chad and Stephanie are together after I passed out that Friday night?

"Chad?" I ask when he answers.

"Hey, Ana. What's up?"

"I don't mean to bother you, but can you give me a ride, if you're not too busy? I'm at work without my car and I'm not needed for the day."

"Sure. You at Grey House then?"

"Yes. I'm at Grey House."

"Gives me an excuse to take a break from all this paperwork. I'll be there soon."

"Thanks." I giggle at his excuse to stop working. I'm sure Steph will benefit from him no longer working on the restaurant paperwork.

"No problem. See ya shortly."

I'll have to wait about 20 minutes for Chad to arrive so as I wait I look through my phone to give me something to do.

I have a few texts from Christian. They are all pretty similar and don't require a response; I miss you, have a good day, and such. Thankfully he doesn't know I'm not working today... yet. I'm sure he'll figure out, that I'm no longer at work, however, he was out of the office for a week and will need to stay until late tonight. At least that's what he told me. The texts are nothing that really require a response so I'll just wait until after I leave the salons to reply. I want to talk to the bitch first without him knowing so I just wont respond to his texts, at least until after I've spoken to her.

I hear a car and look up.

Seeing it's Chad, I walk to the passenger door before he has a chance to get out and open it for me, and hop in his car.

"Thanks." I say as I put on my safety belt. "Can you drop me at my apartment?"

"Sure." He begins to drive toward my apartment building. "So where's Grey?"

"He's working. How's it going Steph?"

"Wonderful." I see the smile and I know it well. I smile that smile when I think about Christian.

"Eeek!" I squeal a little in excitement. "I'm so happy for you!" I can't contain my face splitting grin.

"I guess I can't hide it, can I?" He chuckles.

"Nope. There's no disguising it. That's the look of a man in love." Christian has that look. That's another reason I know he does love me.

"I admit it. I'm in love, and she loves me too. It's great."

"You two sure do move fast." I'm one to talk but, "You haven't been together very long."

"I guess when you know, you know." He shrugs. "I can't thank you enough for introducing us."

"You're welcome."

I try to be happy for him, but it's proving difficult when my man wont admit his feelings to me.

"What about you?" He asks me. "Are you happy?"

"I am." I am happy with Christian, but after last night's conversation, I don't sound very enthused about it, try as I might.

He frowns. "Ana."

"Everything's fine." I assure him.

"Why doesn't it sound fine?"

"We just... see things differently."

"I don't want to interfere with your relationship, but if you need me, I'm here for you. Friends, remember."

"Thanks, Chad. I'm sure it will be fine."

It doesn't take Chad long to arrive at my apartment. I thank him and put my hand on the handle to open the door but before I get out, I turn to Chad.

"Chad... Do you think you're a monster because you enjoy BDSM?" I ask him, thinking of what Christian said since Chad is also a BDSM Dominant who practices the more hardcore stuff, like Christian. Well, like Christian did.

"No. We're all different and enjoy different things, Anastasia. I enjoy BDSM, that doesn't make me a monster. You don't, that doesn't make you 'normal'. Not everyone likes the same thing. Is that why you left me? You thought I was a monster?"

"NO." I quickly reassure him, shaking my head. "I just wondered is all. You know, because your lifestyle is so dark compared to a more conventional way."

"Is he treating you well?" He looks suspiciously at me.

"Yes." I stress more determined and confident than earlier when he asked if I was happy. "He's great to me."

"You love him." It's a statement, not a question.

"I do." I give him a small smile and get out. "Thanks again for the ride." I say before I shut the door.

Instead of going inside my apartment, which I'm not sure I want to do again, I walk to my car.

I get my keys out of my bag and get in.

Chad waits until I pull out of my parking spot before he drives off, I assume in the direction of Steph's house.

One of the Esclava Salons is not too far from my apartment so I make my way to that one first. If she's not there, I guess I'll forget about our confrontation unless I can figure out where the other location is. My paperwork regarding the salons is in my suitcase, and my suitcase is at Escala, so I could just go there to find out the other location, but I'm sure it wont be long until Christian finds out what I'm doing and puts a stop to it.

Luck is on my side today as a spot opens up directly in front of Esclava. I park and get out, walking into the salon like I own the place. Because I do.

"Good morning," A blonde receptionist, wearing a white uniform, sitting behind a white polished desk, greets me when I walk up to her. "Welcome to Esclava, do you have an appointment?"

"Hi. My name is Anastasia Steele." I sound confident as I channel my inner CEO/Domme persona. I have Christian to thank for that. "I'm the new owner." She certainly looks surprised at that. "I'd like to speak to Ms. Lincoln. Is she in?"

She seems to be in a stupor, just starring at me in shock.

"Greta." I call her by the name on her tag, gaining her attention back to what I need.

"I- I'm sorry, Ms. Steele." She blinks out of it. "Ms. Lincoln doesn't usually come to this location," Shoot!

So that's why I didn't see her when Christian first brought me here for the Coping Together charity event. She's not usually at this location.

"However, we've had a stylist call in sick and she's on her way to cover."

"Great."

I look around the white sterile salon. Everything is highly polished and shinning too bright and glossy. It's not too busy, with only two clients, though it is early. I wonder if there's somewhere we can talk privately so others don't hear our conversation.

"Is there somewhere private I can wait for her until she arrives?"

"Her-. Um... The office is located just down the hall and to the right." She points out then hands me a key.

"Thank you." That was easy.

I accept the key from her, and walk towards the back office.

This is who Elena has running the front? She didn't even question me saying I owned the place and now she gives me a key to Elena's office. I've obviously never fired anyone before, I don't think I could, but this girl needs some retraining.

Using the key, I unlock the office door and sit behind the desk where I wait for Elena.

While I wait my phone goes off with an incoming call. Fuck, it's Christian! He's probably found out where I am!

I ignore the call, knowing he'll tell me to leave, then I turn my phone off. Hopefully he hasn't figured out where I am, but that's wishful thinking. I'm going to be in so much trouble, I know, but I feel like I have to do this.

Elena better hurry before Christian stalks me and puts a kibosh on my plans. I'm sure it wont be long before Christian arrives.

Luckily it doesn't take long for the office door to swing wide open, revealing a not so happy Elena Lincoln.

"Hello, Elena." I say as smugly as I can.

"Anastasia." She says brightly, smiling politely, like she's actually happy to see me.

"Please. Sit." I'm hoping I portray the Domme she thinks I am as I continue to stay seated behind her desk and offering her a chair on the other side.

A/N: The next few chapters may be a bit confusing so pay attention to the italics/time of day. Just like this chapter.
(~MONDAY MORNING/AFTERNOON~)