Sorry if this has been confusing but I wasn't as happy with the chapter I just posted as I am with this one so I just wanted to change it. Please forget about the last chapter I posted and read this one instead! It's an extra two and a half thousand words longer so I hope that you enjoy it. I've not actually read it back or edited any of it yet so please ignore any silly mistakes, too.
The news about the death of Daryl's father had come as an immediate shock to Beth.
In her defence, the young blonde had never actually even heard Daryl mention any of his relatives before, apart from his older brother, of course. Given the fact that the two of them had been born and raised in such a small town it was only normal that Beth had certainly heard of the infamous Will Dixon, but she had never actually met the man before, and considering the fact that Daryl had never mentioned him then she just assumed that there was some sort of underlying issue there.
Something that she wasn't ready to pry into - at least not just yet, anyway. Unknown territory over a boarder that she didn't know whether or not she should cross and given the rocky relationship that Daryl had with Merle then she could only imagine the sort of relationship that he had with his father.
Besides, even if Beth didn't know anything about Will Dixon then she still would have probably been safe to assume that the baker had not been close with his father. After all, if he had been then surely she would have at least heard Daryl mention even just his name in passing by now - the two had been together for a good couple of months - and she thought that it wouldn't have taken quite some time for one of the Dixon brother's to find the body, either.
But still, whether or not the older man was close to his father or not was definitely not the point here. It was more than evident to Beth that this was an issue that had clearly been bothering Daryl, especially considering the way in which he had pulled away from her over the course of the last few days.
Immediately, Beth felt consumed with guilt for being cruel and ignoring Daryl when he had visited the diner with Merle, and it broke her heart to think that this man had felt as though he couldn't speak to her about something like this.
Now that he had brought it up to her, though, Beth found that she honestly did not have the slightest clue over what to say to him. It was difficult to sense whether or not Daryl wanted comfort or whether he wanted her to back off from him and leave him to it, but the fact that he had even mentioned it at all hinted to the blonde that he at least wanted to talk about it in one way or another.
As part of the training for Beth's social work degree, there had been lots and lots of workshops offered to her that she had attended over the past two and a half years, and several of those had honed in on the topics of bereavement and loss. The classes had covered the different ways in which these sorts of issues can affect different individual's and also the ways that you could talk to someone who was currently going through something of that nature.
All of those techniques that she had learnt over her training just seemed to slip away though now; part of which Beth thought was because of the fact that this was something that had really been sprung on her without much warning, and because of the fact that she was not currently in a work setting. Hearing about something like this happen to Daryl made it all seem much more personal and the last thing that was on her mind was the different clinical ways in which Beth could help Daryl to deal with this issue.
Beside her on the couch, Daryl sat with his head in his hands as he fisted at his long dark hair, his brilliant blue eyes squeezed shut as he seemed to struggle over what to say. Visibly swallowing, Beth shuffled slightly closer towards Daryl and squeezed his bicep gently, hoping that the gesture was somewhat comforting or reassuring to him.
"You don't have to tell me anything at all, Daryl," Beth said, her voice quiet and soft and slow. "Nothin' that you don't want to."
After a long few seconds of complete and utter silence - it wasn't even possible to hear either of them breathe, their movements were so quiet - Beth relaxed slightly at the sight of Daryl's eyes opening. At first, he just focused on the floor beneath him for a brief moment of time before he eventually straightened his upper body and inhaled a long and deep breath, looking straight in Beth's direction as he did so.
The sight of his dark blue eyes on hers had Beth's heart pounding against her chest, and despite the serious atmosphere that this topic of conversation had caused, the pretty blonde couldn't help but wonder to herself how even after all of these months this man still had such a huge affect on her.
Shaking his head from left to right several times, Daryl spoke up. His voice was thick and heavy with emotion; rougher than it usually was - as though he was in desperate need of clearing his throat - but it was quiet all the same. "Nah," Daryl said, worrying his lower lip with his teeth for a split second. "I... I wanna. I do. S'just..."
"Difficult," Beth offered when she noticed that Daryl seemed to be struggling for the right choice of word to describe how it was that he felt. The older man didn't offer her much except for a single nod of his head in confirmation; the awkwardness and the nervousness that he felt over all of this more than evident in his stiff and closed-up movements.
There was a part of Beth - a huge, overwhelming part of her that burned straight through her chest - that wanted nothing more than to cradle Daryl as closely as she possibly could to her chest; to hold him tightly in her arms and to comfort him. To whisper words of reassurance down his ear whilst she ran her hands through his dark hair, to kiss his forehead and his temple and to murmur to him over and over again about how everything was all going to be alright in the end.
About how he was going to be alright, too.
As much as she wanted to do that, though, Beth fought her hardest to resist those slightly maternal urges. The only sign of her wanting to make any sort of movement at all was noticeable from the way in which her slender fingers twitched just so from where they were still resting on his large bicep, but Beth made no other movement towards the baker.
For a reason that she just could not quite put into words or even properly understand herself, Beth seemed to get the sense that cuddling and cradling and comforting this man was not the response that he needed right now - whether she wanted it to be or not.
But at the same time; Beth found that she could not find it within herself to actively push Daryl towards what it was that she thought that he needed to do - talk. As far as Beth was concerned, there was absolutely no possible way that she could bring herself to almost force Daryl down that path, and silently she decided that the two of them would move at his pace and not anybody else's. It was not for Beth to meddle or to intervene with this situation; all that she wanted to do was to be there for Daryl, and if he really wanted to tell her what it was that was playing on his mind, then she hoped that he knew that he could most definitely do so.
After just a little bit longer of the two of them sitting in silence, Daryl let out another sigh before he practically jumped to his feet, shaking his head from side to side as he did so. Beth was immediately surprised by the baker's sudden movements and her light blue eyes widened dramatically, her hand - the one that had been resting on Daryl's arm - now hanging aimlessly in the middle of the air.
Beth glanced at it, somewhat bemused, before she slowly moved it so that it was resting by her side.
"Never been all that good with words," Daryl grunted out as he stood before Beth in the middle of his living room, shrugging off his vest from his shoulders in a hurried and messy motion. Frozen to the spot, Beth couldn't help but watch him as he moved, feeling all sorts of uncertain about where Daryl was going with all of this. "But... I can, can show you, I reckon'."
Almost sceptically (although that was not how she intended to be), Beth cocked one of her eyebrows as she gazed up at Daryl. "You can?" she questioned, confusion evident in her tone and her expression as she curiously waited to see what his intentions were with all of this.
Nodding his head once, Daryl closed his eyes and took in a long, deep breath before his hands - that were noticeably shaking - moved to the bottom of his shirt. In one swift motion he had tugged the fabric off and pulled it over his head, discarding it on the floor of the living room without even a second glance. Daryl shuffled on his feet ever so slightly as he stood shirtless before her; and the whole time, Beth just stayed completely still, the only movement coming from her being the blinking of her eyes.
This man was completely throwing her off with all of this sudden and almost bold behaviour that was just so unlike him and not for the first time, he really was rendering her speechless.
When Daryl finally lifted his gaze so that their eyes locked, the look on his face was completely unreadable. The way that he was staring back down at her was incredibly intense and once again Beth's heart beat accelerated in her chest. For what felt as though it could have easily been forever, the two of them did not even flinch, and it was Daryl who made the first move.
His posture had been stiff and rigid and Beth only really noticed it as his shoulders sagged when he let out a shaky breath. Slowly, Daryl turned himself around - avoiding eye contact with her the whole time - so that he wasn't facing Beth any more, and Beth felt so stupid when she realised what it was that he was showing her.
How could she have been so blind this whole time?
.
.
.
It wasn't much later that Beth's legs moved almost on auto-pilot and took her so that she was standing behind Daryl, and then it was only half a second or so before her trembling hand raised up as she ran her fingers over one of the deeper scars that sat in the middle of his back. Even though Daryl was hunched over, he was still so much taller than her and Beth swallowed nervously when she found that the scar felt much smoother than she imagined that it would be upon first glance; but it was still slightly rough all the same, and still very dark in colour.
The blonde was completely overwhelmed with emotion as her hands nervously roamed over the bare flesh of Daryl's marked back and as much as Beth desperately wanted to say something to him, she found that no matter how many times she opened and closed her mouth, she just couldn't. The words would not come and they would not fall from her tongue and her heart felt so heavy as she guessed the answers to questions that she might never voice out loud to him.
And it still didn't clear much up for her.
And it still didn't all make perfect sense.
And Beth was anything but sure about whether or not she should completely forget about the way in which Daryl ran away from her so easily.
But knowing that this was not the time to think about those sorts of things, Beth found herself focusing on now; on what was happening between them both right in this very second, not what happened before. Beth blocked out all of the noise from the rest of her over-active mind and instead concentrated on the way that her hands were ghosting over Daryl's back for the first time in her life, and even though she tried her best not to think too much about anything, Beth couldn't help but wonder to herself about how she had never even put much thought into the fact that Daryl had always refused to take his shirt off in front of her before.
Being observant and picking up on the little things that other's might not were things that Beth thought that she was good at, but clearly this had all gone straight over her head for quite some time (how long had they been together again?) and if Beth couldn't even pick up on something like this then how on earth was she ever supposed to be expected to help children who might be suffering from something slightly similar or -
"I dunno what t'say here, Beth," Daryl murmured; his gravelly voice breaking the silence that had stretched on and on between them for far longer than either had even felt comfortable with, breaking Beth from her thoughts and snapping her back to reality once more.
If she felt nervous and confused and uncertain and anxious, then Beth couldn't even begin to imagine how it was that Daryl felt right now. Despite everything that was swirling around in her head, Beth knew that this was something that had been so very brave of him to do and her heart suddenly sank for this beautiful and broken man.
Without waiting another second, Beth dropped her hand from his back and instead practically threw herself around him with enough force to knock him ever so slightly. Daryl didn't stumble, though; not as her arms wrapped around his middle and her cheek pressed against the naked skin of his back and Beth found herself squeezing him as tightly as she possibly could.
The embrace reminded her of the one that she had given him in the kitchen that time; the time after Merle had visited and caused a lot of trouble and stirred up things in Daryl's mind that had taken some time to settle, but it still felt much more different, too. That had been such an intimate moment in itself but this was most definitely even more so and although Beth had struggled over what to say to Daryl since he first removed his shirt and showed her his scars, she now suddenly found that there were some words that she could say to him that would fit in this moment.
And maybe telling Daryl that she loved him right now was not the right thing to do. Maybe it was something that she would regret when she looked back on it; something that she wished that she would have said at another moment in time, one where it seemed a lot more genuine, not like she was saying it just for the sake of having something to say to him.
But there was a part of her that honestly believed that he needed to know how she felt right now and if she waited another second longer then it would be too late. So without over-thinking it too much, Beth found herself breathing out a soft "I love you," her tone as genuine as it possibly could be.
And her voice had been quiet but Beth knew that Daryl had heard her because she felt the way that his body trembled and she heard the strangled sob break out from his lips and there was a part of her that wondered about whether he had ever had anybody say something like that to him before in his whole life. Whilst Daryl didn't return the words to her, Beth didn't let herself feel disappointed - instead she continued to hold him around his middle, her cheek still pressed firmly against the heated skin of his back as she listened to him cry, hoping that she could hold him up enough for him to finally believe that he could really let her in.
It had never really been in his plan to show the marks that his father had permanently left on his back in his whole life; but there had been a point - he wasn't sure when it was exactly, but he knows that there had most definitely been a point - when his relationship with Beth had shifted, when something had clicked inside of his mind and he had known that he would show her one day. It wasn't even a case of having to, it was more a case of wanting to.
Daryl knew that he had a tough outer shell and that he had a lot of strongly built walls around himself, but being with Beth encouraged him to break those down. It wasn't as though it had been an easy ride 'cause hell, he was damaged and fucked up and he didn't have a clue where to even begin when it came to the emotional side of things.
But he trusted her enough to be able to let her in, and he was pretty sure that showing her the marks on his back wouldn't push her away. If his shitty attitude and his emotional stuntedness wasn't enough to send this girl running then really, what would?
In the end, it had been Rick who had encouraged him to open up to Beth about everything. It wasn't as though Rick had ever seen Daryl's back but the sheriff knew enough and had probably guessed enough, too, and it had been the reassuring words from his best friend that had guided him towards his actions tonight.
"She ain't just gonna leave ya," Rick had said. It used to worry Daryl that the sheriff just seemed to know exactly what he was thinking, even when he had never even hinted towards those sorts of thoughts, but it was something that he had grown to expect nowadays. "You jus' gotta be straight with her, Daryl. From what you've told me, Beth Greene sure as hell ain't the type o' girl who's jus' gonna run when things get tough."
And yeah - Rick had been right. Not like there was anything really new there, if Daryl was being honest with himself, because Rick usually gave him pretty good advice and he wasn't going to deny that.
But now Daryl was way out of any sort of familiar territory because somehow, the two of them had gone from him crying and her comforting him to him hoisting her up in his arms and having her tongue battling with his whilst he carried her into his room. Some time had passed since Beth had first brought them back to the cabin and it was dark outside now and without the light on, Daryl could barely even see anything in the room, so once he had plopped Beth on her back on the bed, he moved to flick on the lamp that rested on his bedside table.
As Daryl hovered directly over her, he suddenly felt overwhelmed with emotions that he couldn't quite put his finger on once again. This girl was forever stirring up all sorts of shit inside of him and despite the fact that Daryl Dixon did not consider himself to be anything like a poetic person or an incredibly deep thinker, he couldn't help but feel awe struck as she lay beneath him.
Beth's long blonde hair had fallen around her and was spread over the pillow, her light blue eyes wide as she stared up at him. A soft smile lit up her face and almost as if she knew that he was stuck here - stuck because he didn't have a fucking clue what he was supposed to do next - she reached both of her hands up to cup both sides of his face and then she leaned up ever so slightly, arching her back so that her face was close to his and then she pressed a chaste kiss to his lips.
That chaste kiss didn't last all that long though, and in the blink of an eye Beth was moving her hands to the back of Daryl's head and fisting through his hair as she practically yanked him down to her level. For a moment Daryl thought that his weight might crush her ('cause god, his girl was tiny) but Beth was stronger than she looked and was completely unphased. In fact, she seemed to actually enjoy it ('cause yeah, his girl was a little strange sometimes, too) and she moaned into his mouth as she pushed herself harder up against him.
Having sex with Beth Greene had definitely not been what Daryl had expected or intended to do that night; but as she pushed at him and ground her core against his erection, Daryl couldn't help but understand that this was what she wanted right now. And there had always been one hundred excuses inside of his mind that he could use to tell Beth no but right now, he couldn't remember any of them.
Perhaps this had been something that was almost inevitable; ever since the very first time that the two of them met, ever since that time that felt like years ago when Beth would just be a waitress who served him his breakfast every morning. Ever since that very first time that the two of them had gone to the carnival and rode on that Ferris wheel and ever since he had won her that damned teddy, ever since the first time that he had met her parents and that she had met Merle. Everything had been building up between them for quite some time and there was a strange part of Daryl that actually didn't want any of that to end.
It couldn't build up forever, though. There had to be an ending in sight, a point that the two of them could finally reach so that they weren't just sinking or swimming.
Right now, it felt like he was fuckin' drowning, but he relished in the feeling.
Somehow his lips had ended up ripping away from hers and they were peppering kisses down the column of her pale throat. It was something that Beth obviously liked as she arched herself impossibly closer to him and then all of a sudden her hands were resting on his shoulders and she was pushing him backwards, pushing him away from her -
- so that she could pull off her top, and then that moment of panic slipped away and Daryl calmed himself down. That split second of feeling her pushing him from her had been horrific but now she was tugging him closer once more and Beth wasn't wearing a bra, either; something that Daryl had somehow missed. Before he could stop himself, both of his hands were palming at her breasts and now he was grinding himself harder against her in a way that was almost painful.
It wasn't painful, though.
Not at all.
Her jeans were the next thing to go and then it was his, and whilst she tugged them down his thighs along with his boxers, Daryl wondered about whether or not this was something that could have only ever happened once he came clean to her and showed her those scars on his back. It wasn't as though he was a virgin too but sex with someone else had never been anything at all like this was right now.
Maybe it would have always been that Daryl Dixon would have never have slept with Beth Greene until all of his dirty laundry was aired out and granted, there were still lots of things about him that Beth didn't know - hell, he hadn't even told her about how he had gotten those scars on his back because he hadn't been able to find the words and then he had gone and fucking cried about it - but now that she had actually seen him like that, so vulnerable and weak, and still wanted him... It just made Daryl sure that he couldn't put this off between the two of them any longer.
'Cause dammit, he fucking wanted her, too.
This definitely did not feel wrong or like something that he should or would regret in the morning as Daryl lined himself up at her entrance. All of the emotions had clearly gone straight to his head because he didn't even bother to try and find a condom or ask Beth if she was on any sort of contraception but right then, right in that moment, he honestly didn't give a shit. Of course it was irresponsible and something that he might kick himself for later but the last thing that was on his mind was asking Beth whether he should stop and go get some rubbers and he had a feeling that it would just ruin the moment, anyway.
There had been absolutely no foreplay between them (unless you counted the grinding, which he didn't) but Beth was wet to the point where it had Daryl questioning whether they had actually done something and he hadn't remembered because how could this girl be so soaked from practically nothing?
Considering the fact that he was equally rock hard Daryl just shrugged it off, taking it as some sort of sign that Beth wanted this just as much as he did and all it took from her was a single nod of her head and her hands resting against his shoulders and then Daryl was pushing himself inside of her. As much as he wanted to look anywhere else - because fuck, looking into her eyes as he entered her for the first time was intense - he couldn't tear his own deep blue eyes away from her much lighter ones, and even in the barely lit space of the room, Daryl could see her eyes twinkling as he moved further inside.
His pace was slow because even though he had never actually been with a virgin before, Daryl figured that it would hurt. A lot. But then he remembered that his girl was tough and she was strong and he didn't even question it when she didn't make any sort of pained noise, didn't even question it when all that she did was bite down on her lower lip when he pushed past her barrier and when all that Beth did was let out a tiny whimper when he was fully inside of her.
And she felt good.
Real good.
Better than Daryl had ever imagined in all of the dreams that he had ever had about this moment.
The moan fell out of his lips before he could hold it back and from where she was pinned beneath him, Beth let out a tiny giggle. Unable to stop himself, Daryl circled his hips slightly to try and get her to stop - stop because she was teasing him and making the very tips of his ears burn red, just like she used to do all of the damned time - and stop she did. That light little giggle quickly turned into a moan and her actions were suddenly quick and rushed as she pulled Daryl tightly against her once more.
His lips met with hers and as they kissed - not necessarily lazy kisses, but more slow and passionate ones - Daryl got himself into a rhythm of pushing and pulling and thrusting himself inside of where she was wet and hot and tight and it wasn't long before he knew that his orgasm was approaching. Daryl went to move his hand from where both of them were resting flat against the pillow on either side of Beth's head so that he could bring it down to her clit and flick his fingers against it in the hope of sending her to her own release, but Beth stopped him with a gentle yet firm grip around his palm and instead moved her hands so that their fingers were intertwined.
It hadn't been what Daryl had been intending to do, but it was nice all the same.
"I love you," Beth breathed out, her voice slightly hitched as she panted, her hips rolling and rocking in an attempt to meet with his for every thrust and it may have been their first time but the girl was determined to keep up with him. As those three words fell out of Beth's mouth again and again and again Daryl wished it upon himself to just get the courage to actually say it back to her - because fuck, he really did love this girl, didn't he? - but he knew that right now, he just wasn't ready to admit it.
They fell from her lips again and when he spilled himself inside of her Beth locked their lips so that they were kissing once more and Daryl grunted into her mouth, his legs shaking slightly from the intensity of it all and his eyes finally closing shut as he found his own release.
And if having sex without a condom had been careless then cumming inside of her had been fucking reckless but right there and then, Daryl just did not care.
Beth obviously didn't, either.
Some time afterwards, when both of their breathing was no longer erratic and when they could actually move, Daryl rolled himself off from Beth and flopped on his back beside her, his head falling against the pillow and his eyes staring up at the ceiling. In one swift motion Beth moved herself so that her head was resting against Daryl's chest and she snuggled against him, one of her arms wrapping around his middle and one of her legs hoisting up so that it was almost over his hip.
And it was too hot and too sticky and sweaty in the bedroom and he had just came inside of her when he probably should have at least pulled out and he didn't even know if Beth was supposed to be working in the morning.
And there was probably blood spilled all over the bedsheets from where Beth's hymen had been ripped and it was pretty late and neither of them had even eaten or had anything to drink, either. And he wanted to let Rosita or Abraham know that there wasn't a chance in hell he would be helping them open in the morning because he wanted to spend every possible minute that he could with this girl - his girl.
But instead of even worrying about any of that, Daryl just wrapped one of his arms around her shoulders and squeezed her even tighter towards him before he rested his chin against the top of her head.
Those three words that Beth had said to him before were on the tip of his tongue, ready to slip off, but he just couldn't get them out. But in that moment, he liked the way that this felt - liked the way that he felt so damned clean now that he had shared everything with her, now that he had shown her his past and his present and now that they had been connected as one.
So Daryl Dixon knew that he absolutely did love Beth Greene but in that moment, all that he could do was lean over and switch off the light before he closed his eyes and fell asleep with her wrapped all around him.
So maybe he could tell Beth how he felt about her tomorrow.
But not today.
Not right now.
Sorry that Daryl's POV was so much shorter than Beth's - I just wanted to get this chapter out to you all as it's been a little while since I've posted anything this week.
As always, thank you so much for reading :-)!