Sorry for the long gap between updates guys - uni got really busy, then I went on a two week vacation. Anyway, it's good to be back. There's only five more chapters of this story left after this one, so prepare yourselves.

Rafael didn't leave the office for the weekend. While most of the staff were off living their lives, he sat on the leather couch near his desk preparing for court on Monday. Anyone who came near him instantly regretted it. His secretary could stand him more than two hours on Saturday before she left filled with anger. He never let himself have a moment to think about what was happening. His head was occupied with legislation and precedents. He survived on coffee and peanuts from the vending machine. Eventually, he went home on the Sunday night. As soon as he entered the apartment, he was hit with the memories of what had occurred there only a few days before. With a bottle of bourbon, he leaned against the window and looked down on the city.

Kate wasn't doing any better. She had rolled herself in her blanket, sat on her floor and turned on the television. There she stayed for both Saturday and Sunday. She wasn't even sure what she had watched during that time. Even when her phone buzzed with messages from the team, she replied with one word responses before returning to her misery. By the time Monday morning rolled around, Kate was a mess. And she felt even worse on the inside knowing that she would have to see Rafael that day in court. When she finally pulled herself from her duvet and looked in the mirror, she flinched. Dark circles and red puffed up skin from where she had been crying surrounded her eyes. Her hair was a mess, and her skin just seemed listless. She did her best to look presentable, but no matter how much concealer she put on, the dull look in her eyes gave away all her emotions.

Carisi had offered to pick her up, and as soon as her saw her, he frowned. "Well, you look…glamorous."

Kate was too tired for this. "Not today, Carisi," she said as she got into his car.

"Come on! Today's the day Barba smashes Harris to the ground with those videos. You should be excited."

She slumped against the window. "Just…not today."

When they got to the courthouse, Kate did all she could to avoid running into Rafael. She spent ten minutes hiding in the bathroom until the last minute. Even when she came into the court room, she didn't sit at the front, but rather three rows back with her head bent down. When he came into the room, she covered her face as if she was looking at something interesting in the opposite direction. It wasn't that she didn't want him to see her, rather she couldn't deal with locking eyes with him. All her guilt, anger and sadness would just come spilling out. Just hold it together for a few hours, she told herself. She was thankful when he sat down with his back to her.

When court reconvened, the judge reminded the jury and the audience of the changes to the case. Then it was time for Bradley to take the stand once again. For the first time in the entire case, Bradley actually looked a little bit rattled. It was as if he realised that his world was about to come crashing down.

"Mister Barba, your witness," the judge instructed as Bradley took his seat in the witness box.

Rafael nodded and stood. "Could you remind the court what your defence is in this case?"

Bradley rubbed his lips together before answering. "Not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect,"

"And your defence counsel brought a psychiatrist to the stand to testify. What did they say?"

"That I was insane."

"Mister Bradley," Rafael turned back to his desk to grab his papers. "Could you…" At this moment, he and Kate made eye contact.

It was if everything else in the world disappeared around them. All the pain each of them had felt was held in that stare.

"Barba? Barba!" the judge said loudly, grabbing his attention back.

Rafael snapped out of it. "Sorry, your honour. Mister Bradley, could you tell the…um…" Their eyes locked again. This time only for a second. "Sorry, I seem to have lost my train of thought." He rubbed his temples, then turned completely away from Kate. "A neurologist also testified to this fact. Is that correct?"

"Yes. That is correct."

"And could you please inform the court of your own testimony?"

"Well, I believe I am…"

Damien Bradley's voice drowned out in Rafael's mind. All he could think about was Kate. He knew she was behind him, and he couldn't stop replaying what she had said to him when they broke up.

"Next question, Mister Barba!" The judge yelled.

Rafael realised that Bradley had stopped talking, and he was simply staring at the wood of the judge's bench. He shook himself out of it again. As he did so, he swore he could see Harris grinning.

Kate knew she had to go. It was all too much for her, and all too much for Rafael. She stood from the seats and shuffled along until she stood in the centre aisle. With one

"Do you need a recess, counsellor?" asked the judge.

Rafael spun around to see Kate standing up. She gave him a sad and sharp nod, then slowly left the courtroom. Carisi followed her out.

"No, your honour," he sighed. "We don't." He turned back to Bradley. "So, you, multiple medical professionals, and ex-criminals have testified that you do in fact have a mental disease?"

"Yes,"

Rafael sauntered over to the television with new found ability now that Kate was gone. "Well, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I would like to present you with a video captured by our very own Damien Bradley here."

The video popped up on the screen. The image of a girl strung up naked shocked the courtroom, but not as much as Bradley's own admission of guilt when from his own mouth when the sound from the video rang out throughout the room.

"You think I'm crazy? Well, being crazy isn't the scary part, kid. The scary part is that I'm not crazy! I know exactly what I'm doing, and what I have done and…and what I'm doing to do."

The court bust into chaos. Reporters stood from their spots to run out and make phone calls. Outraged family members of the victims yelled obscenities. The supporters of Bradley also jumped up in his defence, spouting lies about 'police bias' and 'illegally collected evidence'.

"Order!" The judge banged the gavel until the room quietened.

Once a hush had fallen, Rafael paused the video and looked Bradley directly in the eye. "Can you explain that, Mister Bradley?"

He clenched his jaw angrily and through gritted teeth, he almost whispered "No. I cannot."

Rafael spun to face the jury. "The words from his mouth - 'I'm not crazy'. This man knows he isn't crazy. He just told us this. So, why as soon as he gets caught is he suddenly mentally diseased?" He delivered his last line as he sat down. "Seems like convenient timing to me."

"Come on, Barba," Olivia said, nudging him with her elbow. "Let me buy you one drink. My team definitely will be the ones who send Bradley to prison, but you'll be the one to throw away the key.

"I'm fine. Thank you." He grumbled.

Olivia put a restrictive arm out in front of him like she was lowering a boom gate. "I'm going to rephrase that. I'm going to buy you a drink, and you are going to drink it."

He rolled his eyes, but he knew he wasn't able to escape the Sergeants offer. "Fine."

An hour later, Rafael was leaning his head on the wood of the bar. Five bourbons in thirty minutes had taken its toll, but he still gripped onto to the glass containing his sixth.

Olivia sat next to him, a glass of red wine in her hand and a confused look on her face. She had never thought of Barba as someone who could be drunk. He always held his liquor, but that night he was drunk. Well, that's what happens when you drink that much that quick, she thought to herself.

He had spent the last ten minutes rambling on about legal reform, most of which was just him saying 'we need it…Liv go reform something…'

Olivia sighed as she watched him take another sip. "You know, I took you out to celebrate and this doesn't feel much like celebrating."

His head shot up from the bar, but flopped around a little as if it was having difficulty staying attached to his neck. "Well, I'm… certainly let…letting everyone down lately, aren't I?" he slurred.

Her brow furrowed. "What?"

"Kate." He said as if it was obvious. "She dumped me." His voice went up in pitch as he said 'me'.

"Wait…she what?"

"Yep." He downed the glass. His face contorted for a moment, then turned face into a frown. "She said that…I," he pointed to himself with a shaky finger. "…couldn't share. I knew too much about her, but she…she didn't know enough about me."

"Oh, Barba," Liv laid a hand on his back.

He shook it off. "No, no! I'm fine. I mean…we were just sleeping together. It's not…it's not like I loved her or anything."

She tilted her head to look at the sadness on his face. "Yes you did,"

He slumped in defeat. "I did. And now, she's gone."

"You can try to get her back,"

"I tried!" he almost yelled. "I told her about my father which I don't tell anyone, but she said it didn't make a difference."

Olivia shook her head in disbelief. The Kate she knew would never act like that. But it wasn't her relationship, and she wasn't the one that could fix it. All she could do was try to help her destroyed friend in front of her. "I'm sorry, Barba."

"I'm so tired, Liv." He pressed his head into his hands.

"I'll call you a cab," she said, pulling out her phone. She noticed a missed call from her nanny. "Hold on, I've just got to make another call first."

She walked away from Barba and into the bathrooms at the back. This was a big mistake, because as soon as Rafael saw that she was gone, he ripped his own phone from his suit pocket, and dialled a number.

It rang four times before she picked up.

"Rafael, I…" Kate began.

"I cooked you Cuban food!" he yelled into his phone. "I don't do that for just anyone!"

"What?" she said, slightly taken aback by the odd conversation. "Rafael, are you drunk?"

"Damn right," he replied, almost incoherently. "And you are sober because you are fine with this break up, aren't you? Everything's just great for old Kate, isn't it?"

There was a moment of silence on the other end. "No. It's not."

"Sure. I'm sure you've already moved on to some poet who can pour his feelings out to you, and you two can talk about tragedies all you want."

"Please, don't…"

"Don't say please to me, Kate."

He heard a sigh on the other end. "What bar are you at? Who are you with?"

"I am at a bea…beautiful little place called Finnegan's. I think it might be Irish. And it's none of your business who I'm with, because you left me."

"You're not going to drive home are you?"

Rafael chuckled. "You know what? Maybe I will."

"Rafael, don't drive!" Kate yelled.

"What? What? What was that?" he asked as he pulled the phone from his ear. "You're breaking up." He could still hear her desperate pleas as he ended the call.

He laid his head back down on the bar and let the feelings of sadness wash over him. He wasn't sure if it was the alcohol that was making his head heavy, or the constant, mind-numbing thoughts that had plagued him since they broke up. He had been broken up with before. A woman he was seeing just after he became the A.D.A told him that he never had time for her. He didn't care enough to fight for her to stay. In fact, when she told him, all he did was nod, then go back to work. The other women he had in his life he had broken up with – either because he was going to college, he was too busy or he just didn't feel a connection. Kate was the first woman that had broken his heart.

A hand cupped around his shoulder. "Cab's coming to get your in fifteen minutes, Barba."

"Ruining my fun?" he asked without lifting his head.

"Always," Olivia chuckled. She pried the half full glass from his fingers and handed to the bartender, gesturing for him to take it away.

She let him sit there for ten minutes, babbling about nonsense, until it was time to get him up. Putting a hand around his arm, she hoisted him from the stool. He swayed as he walked, but he was able to move with his full weight. Olivia acted more as a way to keep him balanced.

She pulled him through the doors of the bar and onto the street, where she propped him up against a lamp post. Her head swivelled from side to side as she looked for the cab. She kept her eyes planted on the traffic coming towards them, and one hand on Barba's shoulder.

"What the hell is she doing here?" Barba yelled suddenly, making Olivia jump.

"Wha…" Liv began, but paused as she spun and saw who he was talking about.

Kate stood awkwardly in front of them, her hands shoved in her pockets and her face the picture of misery. "He called me – said that he was going to drive home," she explained, facing Olivia. She didn't want to meet Rafael's eyes.

"Well, I… I'm not driving home so you can leave," he said, swaying forward.

Kate began to turn away. "I…I shouldn't have come."

The cab pulled up in front of Liv and Rafael. Olivia pushed him towards it, but he resisted.

"No! You shouldn't have come. You shouldn't have come into my life!" he screamed at her.

She paused with her back to him, and hung her head.

"You…you shared a bed with me for weeks, months…you met my mother…you made me dance..." he yelled, pulling against Olivia's grasp.

"Get into the cab, Barba." Olivia told him.

"And then you just leave?"

Olivia ripped the door open, and pushed him as hard as she could until he toppled into the cab. "Jesus Christ," she muttered, slamming the door.

Kate was still huddled faced away from them. A hand covering her mouth in an attempt to prevent herself crying.

Olivia leaned in and gave the driver instructions, then tapped on the roof. The cab sped off.

As soon as it was gone, Kate turned around to look at Olivia. "I didn't know you were with him. I just made it so much worse."

"It's okay, Kate. You were just trying to look out for him." Olivia sighed. "But, I've got to ask, you two were so happy. What happened?"

"It just didn't work out for us," she said, dropping her eyes to the ground.

Olivia pressed her eyes shut for a moment, debating whether she should continue to talk to her about this, but she knew, at that moment, she had to be a friend. "Kate, I've worked with thousands of victims. And a number one thing they are worried about is how they are going to tell the people that they love. How is a girl going to explain to her husband that she was raped at fourteen? How is a dad going to explain why he was a victim of abuse?" She paused, and took a deep breath before continuing. "And…how is someone going to tell the person they loved that they killed their brother in self defence?"

Kate's face scrunched, and a teary frown appeared on her face.

"You've spent your life worrying about and hiding you past because you were terrified of what people would think," she continued. "And I know, that you wouldn't break up with someone for doing the exact same thing. You wouldn't stop loving him because he doesn't want to talk about his past. That's exactly how you've lived your life for more than two decades."

Kate ran a shaky hand through her hair. "Well, I guess I really am I monster then, huh?"

"Jesus, Kate. What's going on? This isn't you!"

Kate felt the last straw of all her anger, pain, guilt and sadness suddenly snap. "I didn't have a choice!" she screamed, throwing her hands into the air.

Olivia flinched backwards at the sudden outburst. "What?"

"Margret Harris. She knows about Rafael and I. She has photos, and she said I had to break up with him!"

"Woah, woah…say that again. Tell them the whole story."

"Margret Harris came to me. She showed me photos of Rafael and I kissing. She's worried that she's losing the case, so she wants to throw Rafael's off his game, and the only way to do that was for me to break up with him."

"Oh my god…" Olivia whispered.

"If I don't break up with him, then she goes causes a mistrial because he's sleeping with a victim. He gets disbarred, I'll get fired for sure, and the victims will have to testify all over again. If I tell Rafael about it, it still causes a mistrial, and we'll still be investigated."

"This…this has to be illegal."

Kate scoffed. "You'd think, right? Nope. It's not considered witness tampering because I've already given my statement. If I report it, then the information about Rafael and I will still come to light, and the mistrial still happens."

"Can't you explain this to Rafael?"

"I've already broken that man's heart," she said, wiping a tear away from her eye. "I don't want to lose him his job too."

Olivia stared at the ground. "This isn't right. This isn't fair."

Kate gave her a sad smile. "Hey, I'm used to an unfair life by now." She let out a sigh, and turned away from her sergeant. "Bye, Olivia."

Curled up in her bed, Kate stared at the wall until she started to see strange patterns and shapes within the paint. Everything was collapsing around her. Again. This time it was even worse. This time she had gained so much, and lost it all.

She knew what she had to do. She was going to do what she had always done.

Her left hand reached over to her bedside table and grabbed her laptop. She opened it, and typed three words into the search engine: apartments San Francisco

She was going to run.