It's very imperfect and a little short but...
Chapter 25
"This is a good thing, Jordan" Angela says, standing in front of the guidance office and holding on to his hand "it's going to help."
"I don't know how taking another test and looking stupid again can be a good thing" he mutters sulkily, looking down at the floor.
"We've talked about this," she says soothingly "it's going to be a different kind of test."
She wraps her arms around his waist and holds on to him.
"It's normal to be a little nervous" she tells him.
"Yeah? So now I'm normal, huh?"
"Well, not really" she jokes back, happy to go along with the teasing in his voice, "but maybe in this case, you know?"
"Yeah."
He sighs and rests his arms on her shoulders "Thanks Angie."
"Shh" she hushes him and reaches up to kiss his cheek "it's going to be fine."
The office door opens and Ms. Krazynowski smiles at them.
"You can come on in now, Jordan" she says.
***oooOOOooo***
"I think being upset was a totally normal response to finding out you were adopted, Patti."
This is the third morning in a row that Bernice has been sitting next to Patti's bed, encouraging Patti to open up, asking questions and listening to the answers, and somehow the fact that Patti's adopted has become part of what's being talked about.
"So, you found out when you were ten, but how old were you when you were adopted?" Bernice asks.
"One" Patti says "I was with my birth mother until I was put up for adoption. I don't remember any of it, of course."
"Well, there was probably some separation anxiety there. I wonder if that could have been re-triggered when Graham moved out."
Patti nods her head slowly, "Maybe that makes sense. Because I know this isn't rational. It's more like my emotions have just run away with the show and I really don't have anything to say about it, I'm just awash in feelings. Not very nice ones either."
"I really think you could benefit from some counseling, Patti."
"We – Graham and I that is, were going to start counseling together, before, well, before this."
"That sounds positive. But maybe you might want to do some personal counseling as well. Just to look at any possible underlying issues. I can refer you to someone I think could help."
"You wouldn't want to counsel me yourself?"
"I think we already have an established relationship as neighbors, and it would probably be best to see someone you don't know socially."
"But you've been, sort of, counseling me, haven't you?" Patti asks thoughtfully "I feel like talking to you has actually helped me have some perspective."
Bernice smiles at her.
"I'm really glad you feel that way, Patti" she says "and yes, I guess I couldn't help trying to help in the best way I know. But I've really been here as a neighbor. I know Brian has been concerned about Angela and Danielle the past few weeks, and then, when Angela came over to ask me about you taking anti- depressants, I was concerned as well."
There's a silence while Patti takes in the idea of Angela consulting the neighbor about her mental health.
"So what do you think about me taking them?" Patti asks "my doctor seems to think they're not safe."
"I think there's a place for them, but they're not a substitute for psychological work. You're a high functioning person, experiencing some difficult emotions. I don't think you need to escape from those unpleasant feelings, I think you need to work with them."
"Uck" Patti says "couldn't I just have the dope?"
"That will be your decision" Bernice tells her, smiling gently, "but the drugs do have side effects and I'm not sure they're what you really need. I think your doctor's been wise to not prescribe them right away."
"I just wish I had enough energy to get out of bed" Patti say, starting to cry softly.
"You will" Bernice tells her, "once you find a way to be with these feelings."
"That's all I've been doing for two weeks now. Being with them. It's exhausting."
"There's a difference between being with something and being lost in it. I really think some counseling can help you."
"Thanks Bernice" Patti says weakly, not feeling at all encouraged "I really appreciate it. But I think I need to rest for a while now."
What Bernice is saying has a logic to it, she thinks. She just doesn't know how she'll ever find the strength to be logical, or normal, again.
***oooOOOooo***
"So Bernice Krackow has been visiting Patti for the last few mornings" Camille says, standing in Graham's kitchen, "and today Bernice actually called Dr. Peterson, who then called me."
"And what did the good doctor have to say?" Graham asks, looking back and forth carefully between Camille and the pot of bechamel he's stirring.
"Well, she asked me to have Patti make, and keep this time, an appointment. She thinks it's time for her to get some counseling."
"Great." he says, in answer to the question in Camille's eyes, "I mean anything that gets her out of that bedroom and talking about things seems right."
"I just came from seeing her" Camille continues "and she does seem a little more stable. Minutes passed without her crying."
"We were supposed to go to counseling together" Graham frowns and says, even though he knows that Camille already knows this.
"First things first." Camille tells him. "I know there's a part of me that still expects Patti to just stand up one day, get dressed, go off to work and be the same old Patti again, but maybe that's not how it's really going to be."
"Yeah" Graham says, looking worried, staring into the sauce pan and wishing everything could be as smooth as his cream sauce.
"Anyhow, listen, " Camille says and pauses, "there's something else." She twists her face up a little before going ahead, "Angela's boyfriend is at the house every night, and the two of them seem pretty crazy about each other. I tried to ask Patti if he was maybe staying too late and it didn't even seem to register. Just said she thinks that Brian comes over sometimes and they all do their homework together and she's sure they're being responsible."
"Yeah. Responsible, sixteen years old and in love. Do you think there's anything I can do about this?"
"I don't know" Camille shrugs her shoulders "it's not like they can be policed 24 hours a day. I just thought I should maybe mention it."
"Thanks Camille."
He stands at the stove wondering if he really should say something to Angela. It doesn't feel quite right and it goes against his nature, but maybe safe is better than sorry when it comes to his teenaged daughter.
***oooOOOooo***
When the back door opens an hour later, Graham knows it's Halle just by the rush of energy preceding her, and he waves a spoon up in the air without bothering to turn around.
"How goes the great world?" he calls out, as she heads for the answering machine.
"How would I know?" she laughs, "it's the office and here, and now that I'm answering the responses to my ad in the personals, it's one bizarre coffee date after the other. I guess that's what passes for life in the great world in my case."
"Sounds like a social life to me," he tells her "but what would I know?"
"Really, it's more like exploring parallel realities" she says, "how many different ways are there to be weird, do you think?"
"Probably as many as there are people," he says quietly, running his finger down the back of the spoon, testing the sauce for thickness.
She looks up from the answering machine, frowning at the seriousness in his voice, and turns to face him.
"So, how's your own personal weirdness doing these days? How's the great world treating you?"
There's a little joking in her voice, but right under it is a friendly concern he can't help but be grateful for.
"Camille was in here giving me the update on my family" he says, a little bitterly. "She seems to think maybe I should have some kind of parental conversation with Angela about Jordan."
"Yeah, well, that should go over like a lead balloon."
"My thoughts exactly. Finish up with the messages" he says, glancing over at his cold cup of half finished coffee, "I'll finish the sauce and we can have a coffee date, and that will be my social life for the day."
***oooOOOooo***
Angela's sound asleep when Jordan pulls up in back of Ondines, and for a minute he sits there looking at her, wondering if he should wake her up or just let her sleep. He knows she's exhausted, and after taking those weird tests this afternoon and going to work after school, the truth is that he's tired too, but she looks really cute asleep, and he figures at least one of them should be able to rest.
He takes his jacket off and wraps it around her shoulders as quietly as he can and then, leaving the car door a little ajar to keep from making any noise, he walks into the restaurant.
"Catalano, where's Angela?"
"She's in the car. She fell asleep on the way here. Where's the stuff?"
"It's all here" Rayanne tells him, indicating a stack of containers on the counter. "Graham's out in the dining room, on the phone. Probably you should stick your head in there and wave at him or something. He wanted to talk to Angela."
Jordan nods and heads through the dining room door, catching Graham's eye and hoping he can get in and out of here quickly, but Graham gives him a little come on over gesture, so Jordan approaches the table politely but warily. Even though Angela's dad has been really nice, a private talk with him is something he'd definitely prefer to avoid.
"Jordan" Graham says, putting the phone down "is Angela with you?"
"Yeah, um, in the car. She, um fell asleep on the way over, so.."
"Look, Jordan" he says, getting up out of the booth and putting his hand on Jordan's shoulder "I've been wanting to talk to Angela about this, but maybe I should talk to you too."
"Oh shit" Jordan thinks, but manages an "oh, um, yeah, sure" and steels himself. He's got a pretty good idea of what's coming, and it takes a fair amount of will power not to just cut and make a break for the door.
***oooOOOooo***
When Angela opens her eyes, alone in the front seat, she yawns, stretches, notices Jordan's jacket and smiles at the thought of him wrapping it around her. The actuality of loving Jordan Catalano so far exceeds any of her long ago fantasies that even in the middle of this horrible family mess she's sometimes in a state of perfect happiness. It's because of him really, because of how he is with her, how he takes care of her, that she's able to keep going and function in this weirdness and take care of her mom and Danielle.
She sits there in the car thinking of how sweet he's been with her lately, of how devoted he seems, of all the things he's done, just this week, for her, for her family, and then she opens the door and heads into the kitchen.
"Hey you" she says to Rayanne, over the whir of the mixer "what's cooking?"
"Fresh ginger cake. You fell asleep, huh?" Rayanne says, grabbing a bag and starting to fill it with the containers full of food that have been waiting for her.
"Uh huh, " Angela shrugs, "where's Jordan?"
"He went out a few minutes ago to say hi to your dad" Rayanne says, and when Angela looks surprised, she raises her eyebrows and adds "don't ask me."
Angela heads for the dining room, hoping that their errand hasn't turned into something uncomfortable for Jordan. It seems like working with her grandfather, helping her clean the kitchen every night, plus putting up with Danielle whenever he's at the house should be more than enough, without him having to make polite conversation with her father too.
But she's too late. Jordan and her father are standing in the dining room about a foot apart, and while Graham is talking and looking at Jordan intently, Jordan is shifting uncomfortably on his feet and staring at the floor with that blank look that she recognizes as the equivalent of him disappearing under water and holding his breath. Whatever Graham is saying to him, Angela thinks, frowning to herself, it's time for it to stop.
"What are you doing?" she says in the few seconds that it takes her to cross the room and place herself protectively in front of Jordan, so that she's standing between the two of them, staring her father in the face.
"Ange" Jordan says quietly, putting his hands up on top of her shoulders "we're just, um, talking."
"I don't see you talking. I see him talking at you" she says seriously, before turning her attention back to Graham, "what do you have to say to him, dad? Because maybe you should be saying it to me."
She can't believe how protective she feels, but it's clear that whatever her father has been saying to Jordan has made him uncomfortable, and she's determined to not let him get away with that.
"Angela, calm down. I was just saying that the two of you are spending a lot of time together and I hope that you both are being responsible right now."
Graham looks at his daughter's lip starting to tremble and her face turning red.
"It's nothing for you to get upset about" he adds.
"You know what dad?" Angela says, her voice going high and starting to shake, because suddenly she's switched from protective to way beyond furious, "you have absolutely no business talking to Jordan about being responsible. You shouldn't be talking to him this way at all, like you're his superior or something….because you're not…"
She stares at her father and her face twists up and gets even redder, "not after what you've done to us" she says, sputtering, as her voice breaks and she starts to cry "and what he does for us, for me and mom and Danielle every day. You have no idea what he does for us. No idea. And I love him. You shouldn't talk to him like that."
"Ange, come on" Jordan says, wrapping his arms around her shoulders pulling her back against him, "it's okay, huh? Let's just go."
"Angela, I'm sorry to have upset you" Graham says "I just wanted to .."
"I really don't care what you just wanted, dad" she says tearfully, interrupting him, "I just really don't."
"You'd better take her home" Graham looks at Jordan "my apologies for all this."
"Sure" Jordan murmurs, looking worried and turning Angela around to face him, smoothing her hair and looking at her tenderly. "Hey" he says "Come on now. We need to get back. Danielle should be home by now."
She nods into his chest and lets him walk her back through the kitchen while Graham stands there watching them pick up the bags and leave.
"Shot yourself in the foot there, it looks like" Rayanne says, as the door closes behind them and he trails back into the kitchen.
"Looks like it" he agrees.
"Don't worry too much about Angela" she tells him "she's a bit overstressed right now, but Sir Galahad there will take good care of her. Call later and apologize."
"Yeah. Thanks. I knew before I opened my mouth that I shouldn't have said anything, but I just want them to be careful" he says, trying to explain, hoping that somehow what he wants will transmit itself to Angela.
She could assure him that Catalano uses condoms, Rayanne reflects, or tell him that his daughter is, at least for the moment, still a virgin, but she figures this is a time when that stupid silence is golden idea is probably the way to go, so instead she just shrugs.
"I'm pretty sure they got the message. I think you'd better just let her cool down and then try to apologize again" she tells him.
In the parking lot, Angela is still sniffling and Jordan has a perplexed look on his face, like he's trying to figure out what just happened.
"Angela?" he says, shifting the bags in his arms while he reaches in his pocket for the car keys "you, um, told your dad, you loved me?"
"Oh, surprise" she says a little sarcastically, not looking at him. "Like, breaking news."
He must know that she loves him, she thinks, even if they've never said it, and even if it is totally embarrassing that it came out that way.
"Do you have a problem with that?" she asks, feeling a little insecure.
"No. I mean, not at all. I just" he puts the bags down in the back seat and turns finally to look her in the eyes "didn't know it would feel so good to hear it."
"Oh" she says, nervously "well, good then, I guess."
"Yeah" he says smiling at her "really good."
He leans back against the car and pulls her up to him, folding his arms around her.
"I, um, you know, you too" she hears him whisper.
"You do?" She squeezes her eyes shut tight and buries her head in his chest.
"Yeah."
"Would you like to maybe go for the complete sentence here?" she whispers happily after a minute.
"Angela" he murmurs, burying his head in her neck, and there's a kind of half amused but pleading tone to his voice "Come on. You know how I feel."
"I think I do" she whispers and exhales in mock exasperation, just wanting to hear him say it "but since now both of us know exactly how I feel."
"You mean you do love me?" he asks, nuzzling her neck, his voice husky and teasing "I mean cause you told your dad you did, but you didn't tell me."
"Shut up" she says, trying not to laugh. It would be really funny, she thinks if only she wasn't sort of dying here.
"Hey" he says, looking up at the sky and smirking "I think my girlfriend loves me."
"Really shut up."
"Okay"
He swings her around so that now she's leaning up against the car and then he kisses her so thoroughly that she literally feels herself go weak in the knees and has to hang on to his shoulders and gasp for breath when he finally stops.
"I love you Angela" he says quietly, and there's no teasing left in his voice now, "Okay?"
"Yeah. Me too. I love you."
He holds her close for a while, rocking her softly side to side, neither of them saying a word or opening their eyes, and then he kisses her forehead.
"We should go."
"I know."
"You good?" he says, watching her eyes flutter open wide and focus intently on his.
"Yeah" she whispers, nodding and continuing to look at him while her whole face lights up in a soft smile "I'm good".
"Right," he says, smiling back at her, "me too."
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