Standing in the DC Sun – Chapter 25
A/N: This chapter should have been uploaded earlier this week but I somehow developed corrupted files on my USB and lost everything and had to restart. Anyway, thank you so much for the reviews on the previous chapter and don't forget to review, I'll update when I receive ten reviews more.
3 weeks it had been since Olivia and Jake had brought Lilly home, and some were adjusting to parenthood than others. It was a fine Sunday evening and the two of them had invited Jake's mother round for dinner. She had recently returned from her travels and was overly excited to finally meet Lilly.
Olivia was normally excited to see Jake's mother Eleanor, but this Sunday, she just wasn't in the mood for company despite telling Jake it was okay earlier in the week, but recent events had changed that. Of course she was feeling exhausted and run down, which new mother wasn't, but beyond Lilly's refusal to latch onto her breast and the way Jake made taking care of Lilly seem so easy, there was just something else wrong with her, an ill feeling she couldn't shake. She couldn't bond with Lilly the way she had hoped.
Post natal depression was the first thing that came to mind when Olivia acknowledged how she felt, but she researched enough on the topic to learn that it wasn't the reason she struggled so much to bond with Lilly. She had told Jake when the topic popped up and being the extremely concerned boyfriend and parent he now is, had even made her seek specialist help as soon as possible, she was elated to discover post natal depression wasn't the problem.
With her hair dishevelled, her baggy clothing unkempt and bags under her eyes so large she could carry and covered in sick, she had Lilly clutched to her chest walking up and down in her living room, slowing trying her hardest get Lilly to latch onto her breasts so she could feed her, but the little girl just wasn't cooperating.
"Come on Lilly, sweetie you have to eat." Olivia expressed in a stressed out tone.
With Lilly's cries hard to ignore, Jake came through into the living room with a bottle shaking it up and down.
"I, I can't, just take her, take her please!" Olivia exasperated as she practically shoved the infant into Jake's arms. He placed the little girl over his shoulders and continued to shake the bottle.
"Shh, shh." He said trying to calm the infant. He then placed her in his arms and fed her the bottle, which instantly clamed her.
Olivia looked up at them as she ran her hands through her hair and fanned herself down. This was all coming to be too stressful for her.
"What time is your mother coming?" She said quietly as she looked down on the ground.
"She'll be here in a few of hours." Jake answered as he continued to feed Lilly.
"Good, I'm going to take a nap." She waltzed off down the hallway and she barely looked at him as she spoke.
She took her cardigan off and placed it on the chair by her dresser before curling up into her bed with her head well placed onto the pillow and her hands under her head and took the nap she had desperately wanted since the afternoon.
A few hours later after her needed slumber, her eyes fluttered open to some light whimpering coming from Lilly's crib. She rose her head and looked over at her daughter shifting her little head around with her eyes closed. Thinking she was about to wake up, she was about to call Jake but the little one quietly went back to sleep.
Olivia awed at the cute thought of her possibly having a bad dream. A sad look then fell upon her face. As she got up and strolled over to the shower all she could think to herself how could she love her daughter so much, more than anything in the world yet be so disconnected to her in so many ways.
She discarded her clothing and dropped into the hamper before entering the shower. She set the temperature for the water and let it run down her body. She found it sad that her shower was now her escape, her solace, the one place where she could be free and forget about her responsibilities, forget that she was now a parent.
Around 30 minutes later, she exited the shower and dug through her wardrobe, searching for the right dress. She found it. A short sleeve black bodycon with a back zip. She stepped into it and pulled it up as Jake walked into the room to check on her and the baby.
"What are you cooking?" She asked as he zipped up her dress for her.
"It's a surprise."
She turned around when he was done and hugged his waist. "Oh come on, just tell me." She begged.
"If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise now would it?" He laughed.
"When is your Mother getting here by the way?"
"She'll be here soon. By the way, I wanted to talk to you about something."
Olivia looked back at him as she ran a brush through her hair. "Okay shoot."
"So, I take Lilly for a walk a couple times a weeks down the park." He started.
"Good for you." Olivia said to him as she continued to brush her hair.
"Yeah well, I think you should take her, I mean, she loves it and I think you should do it some time too." He continued
"If you love it so much, why don't you just continue taking her as normal."
"It's not just about that Liv, it's about bonding with her and Lilly spending quality time with her Mother."
Olivia stopped what she was doing and slammed her brush into the dressing table. She then turned around in disgust.
"Bonding? Hang on, are you trying to imply that I'm a bad mother?" She knew that was probably a major stretch but her conscience was leading her to that conclusion.
Jake scoffed in slight disgust and was irritated at the fact that Olivia was serious twisting his words.
"Olivia, that is not, what I am saying, how can you even reach that conclusion?! I'm…." He exasperated, but he was cut off at the sound of the door bell.
"Get that." Olivia told him as she pointed towards the door. He rolled his eyes at her, leaving her to finish putting her earrings in and left their room.
He answered the door to find his petite mother on the other side with bags of gifts. He smiled at her as she presented a highly amused look on her face.
"Hi Mom." He greeted as she hugged him. He held on to her tightly and smiled. He may have been an adult but he still had an attachment to him mother and missed her dearly.
"Let me take those." He said offering to carrying the bags in.
"It's fine Jake, these are just gifts." She told him enthusiastically as she walked into he and Olivia's apartment.
"No, no, I want to personally give these to Lilly."
"You bought all of this for her? Mom, she's barely a month old. She doesn't need all these presents."
"Of course she does if I say so, if I want to spoil my only grandchild that's my business, it's my job as the grandmother."
"How's Jeffery?" Jake asked her
"He's okay, but he couldn't make it, he had to stop to see his daughter in California first thing. She's in hospital."
"Oh God, I hope she's okay."
"She's fine, she had some major surgery. Now, where is that gorgeous granddaughter of mine?"
Jake was about to answer but they were interrupted by Olivia walking into the living room.
"Olivia. How are you?" The petite woman asked as hse put her bags down to go and hug the mother of her grandchild.
"I'm fine, thank you. It's great to see you Eleanor."
"So how is everything, how's having a new baby?"
Olivia didn't know how to answer that without offending anybody, so she just said what the average new parent would say.
"Well, I'm tired all the time, but, Lilly is a blessing and it's worth it, every minute." She finished before giving an awkward laugh and looking over at Jake.
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The dinner with Eleanor turned out to be quieter than both Olivia and Jake had expected. They both were still ticked off with one another after the prior events but they tried their hardest to hide whilst Eleanor was telling stories of her travels, at most, they gave quick glances at each other from opposite sides of the dining table.
"That's amazing. I've always wanted to go to London, you saw the whole city from the Palace?" Olivia asked ask she discreetly chewed on her food.
"Well it's not really a Palace, it's more of an entertainment venue. But yes, from the very top of it, you can see the panorama of the whole city."
"That's great. Maybe Jake and I should go one day."
"Yeah, maybe when Lilly's a little older." Jake laughed.
Olivia gave him another glance. She knew what he was trying to do by bringing Lilly into the discussion but she thought to herself that it was much better to wait until after his mother had left to cuss him out.
Suddenly, their conversation was interrupted by the soft wails coming from the baby monitor on the mantle piece behind Jake.
"I'll get her." Jake said as he stood.
"She's fine Jake, she'll settle." Olivia told him as she continued to eat her meal.
"No! Don't be silly, bring her out here." Eleanor begged.
Jake walked off down the hallway and came back moments later holding the tiny infant over his shoulder. He walked past Olivia as he managed to settle Lilly and handed her to his mother carefully. Eleanor took the infant in her arms, clearly displaying her nervousness as she wasn't sure how the infant was going to react and she didn't want to hurt her. It had been a while since she had held a new born.
The infant grabbed hold of her grandmothers pinkie finger and held on tight, causing her grandmother's eyes to well up with tears. "She's so beautiful." She expressed. Jake looked on with the widest smile on his face.
"Hello sweetie. I'm your grandmother, you're so precious." Eleanor told her.
Olivia watched on as Jake and his mother awed at her daughter. "I'm going clear the table." Olivia said quickly as she got up from the table.
Grabbing the used glasses, cutlery and plates, balanced them into her hands and brought them into the kitchen, discarding them at the sink she looked down, but not at what was on the sink, she just looked as she was lost in her thoughts. She looked back into the dining room and watched on as Jake cooed at the baby and she had to admit she was a little jealous. He made parenthood look so easy. What the hell was wrong with her? Why couldn't she be like other mothers, why couldn't she bond with her child?