WHAT KEEPS US TOGETHER?
Chapter Twenty FiveBobby sprang up in the bed. He wasn't yet fully awake, but could feel his heart racing—skipping beats. He was in a panic –a cold sweat –panting for air.
It took several seconds for him to realize that it had been a nightmare –one of the worst kinds, because this one actually had the potential of coming true.
Becoming more alert, he switched on the small lamp next to the bed and grabbed the phone. He dialed the hospital, deciding that he didn't want to disturb Alex if she were sleeping. He nervously ran a hand through his hair while impatiently waiting for an answer.
"Maternity ward, Nurse Peterson," came the calm, friendly voice.
Bobby suddenly felt embarrassed – his eye had caught the clock radio on the nightstand: "1:45 a.m."
"Umm, uh, hello, this is Robert Goren. C-could you give me status on my wife and son, please?"
On the other end of the line, Nurse Peterson smiled and thought to herself, "I've seen nervous, paranoid first-time dad's before, but at this hour?"
Finally, she answered Bobby. "Of course, Mr. Goren. Oh, wait—actually, I don't see the baby in the nursery…–he's easy to spot 'cause he's the only little boy in a sea of pink –we're full of girl babies…"
Bobby interrupted, frantically, "W-what do you mean you don't see him? Where is he?"
"Well, I assume he's in your wife's room. It was probably time for a feeding. Can you hold a moment while I check with the other nurse?"
"Yes, please hurry, though."
Nurse Peterson placed the call on 'hold' and spotted the nurse's aide, Valerie, approaching from down the hall.
"Val, did you bring Baby Goren to his mother for feeding?"
"Yes, less than ten minutes ago, why?" Valerie had now reached the nurses' station and stood by listening as Nurse Peterson picked up the line again.
"Mr. Goren? Your baby is fine. He's with his mother for a feeding."
Bobby exhaled a sigh of relief. "Th-thank you, sorry to bother you," he said apologetically, and hung up the phone.
"New fathers," Nurse Peterson sighed, shaking her head. "Go figure."
The two nurses shared a laugh at Bobby's expense and resumed their duties.
X X X
Bobby laid back against the pillow and exhaled another long sigh. The words of his nightmare resonated in his head: "I guess your daddy was right, after all; I shouldn't have counted him out just yet."
It had seemed so real –the hate in her eyes –the wickedly evil smile. He knew there was no way he was going to be able to quell the anxiety in his mind or stomach and fall back asleep. He threw the sheet back and got up, reaching for the pair of jeans he had left on the floor earlier when he first went to bed. He was heading for the hospital. He needed to see for himself that they were all right.
X X X
As Bobby approached the nurses' station, he saw the look of dismay on the brunette nurse's face. She didn't want to holler down the hallway and disturb anyone, so she waited until he reached the counter.
"Mr. Goren!" she said in a shocked whisper, "It's 2:30 in the morning – you can't…"
Bobby flashed his badge and a little smile. He quickly read her nametag and instantly felt more embarrassed, realizing it was the same nurse whom he'd been on the phone with earlier.
"I-I promise I'll be quiet, Nurse Peterson," he whispered. "I-I just need to see them," he said with a little nod.
She pursed her lips, giving him a skeptical look, but then gave in. "All right," she whispered, "But if you weren't a cop…"
He smiled and nodded, grateful for his gold shield and the many doors it opened.
Bobby walked quietly towards Alex's room, still almost dreading what he'd find. He hadn't yet shook the feeling of panic that had gripped him upon awakening after his nightmare. The door to the room was open, but, again, the privacy curtain was pulled across the bed. "What if that dream was true? What if I peek behind the curtain and the baby isn't in Alex's arms? What will I tell her? What will we do?" He felt his pulse starting to race --he was upsetting himself with his own line of questioning. The thought of his baby being anywhere near Nicole Wallace was enough to turn his stomach.
As he reached the doorway to the room, he paused and listened intently.
His shoulders relaxed with a sigh of relief. He smiled, tilting his head as he kept listening to Alex's sweet, soothing voice as she talked to their son.
"…and that's the story of how your Daddy and I fell in love. So, know you know why we love you so much and how much we wanted you."
Bobby felt a twinge of guilt at eavesdropping, but thought it was so sweet to hear Alex talk to the baby –soothing their baby son with her voice.
He listened again.
"…and your Uncle Lewis can teach you all about cars, and he's gonna be your Godfather, too. And Uncle John –your Daddy and Uncle Lewis call him 'Johnny Dawg' –he can teach you how to ride a motorcycle –but no tattoos for you, young man—at least not before you're eighteen…
Outside the door, Bobby stifled a chuckle and kept listening.
"…and your Daddy –well, he can teach you about everything, because he's the smartest Daddy in the whole world…and you're gonna grow up and be a big, strong, handsome boy just like him…"
"Bobby! What are you doing here!"
Bobby was smiling, ear-to-ear. "I couldn't sleep – I can't stay away." That was all he said –he wasn't about to upset Alex by recounting his nightmare.
Alex smiled and patted the side of the bed, telling him to sit.
"What time is it?"
"Umm, quarter to three, about," he answered, while reaching out his hand to stroke the baby's head.
Alex smiled. "Hard to believe he's really here, huh?"
"Yeah –yours and mine – ours. Really here," Bobby agreed, still smiling himself.
Alex watched as Bobby gently stroked the baby's tiny hand. He put his index finger under the baby's fingers and smiled as the tiny fingers instinctively curled around. He stared at the simple contact, amazed at the size difference.
Alex's eyes were looking down at the baby's face. She began speaking and Bobby heard her serious tone.
"You know, when I had Nathan, I thought I'd never love a baby more –carrying him and giving birth to him –even though I knew he wasn't really mine – I just loved him so much."
Bobby nodded his understanding, "Sure."
"And now," Alex continued, "Now I almost feel guilty – I love this baby so much more. It feels so different."
"Because it's yours," Bobby said.
Alex smiled and put her hand on top of the baby's hand, which was still curled around Bobby's index finger. She shook her head, 'no' – "Because he's yours."
Bobby smiled and stared into her eyes, then leaned in to kiss her.
X X X
Alex and Robert James were discharged from the hospital by noon on Saturday.
As Bobby drove back home, he kept glancing at Alex in the passenger seat –she looked content and happy. He glanced over his shoulder from time to time, looking at the baby's car seat/carrier to see how he was enjoying the ride.
"He's sleeping," Bobby said with a smile.
"That's all he'll be doing for a while –sleeping and eating."
Bobby nodded.
"And messing diapers," Alex joked.
"You need anything from the drugstore?" Bobby asked.
"I'm okay for a couple of days," Alex said. "The hospital sent me home with some supplies."
"Okay, just checking,"
Alex gave a sideways glance, "Like you were gonna run into Duane Reade and get me my nursing bra pads and –other pads," she said with a teasing laugh.
"I, I wouldn't have a problem with that," Bobby protested. "I'd do anything for you."
She looked at him. He was driving, looking forward, but was totally serious.
"I believe you," Alex said.
X X X
Bobby pulled into a nearby parking space in front of their building. He jogged around to the passenger side and opened Alex's door, holding her hand as she gingerly stepped down out of the big truck. She was moving somewhat slowly –still sore from giving birth.
She stood on the sidewalk, enjoying the fresh air and sun, as Bobby grabbed her suitcase from the back, then undid the seatbelts holding the baby's carrier and removed him from the back seat.
"I can help carry something," Alex offered.
Bobby's brow furrowed, and he shook his head, "I've got everything, it's okay."
They slowly made their way up the front steps, then inside.
"Just two flights to go," Alex said, exhaling deeply.
"Take your time," Bobby cautioned. "Don't overdo it."
Step by step, they slowly ascended to their second-floor apartment and finally reached their front door. Bobby placed the suitcase down, then the baby's carrier. He unlocked the door and swung it open. Alex began to take a step in, but Bobby stopped her.
"Wait," he said, as he undid the harness around the baby. He lifted the baby from the carrier, gently holding his tiny body in one hand and supporting its head with the other. He turned to Alex and looked into her eyes.
"Here," was all he said and he carefully transferred the sleeping infant to her arms.
She knew what Bobby was doing. She knew how his brain worked –the way he thought. His simple, thoughtful gesture meant more to her than she'd ever be able to tell him. And it struck her at that very second that this was just one more thing to add to her ever-growing list of the reasons why she loved him so.
This time, he made sure she wasn't coming home with empty arms.
THE END.