Jane loved Maura in dresses, heels and skirts. Jane loved Maura in expensive blouses, tailored pants and leather boots.
Most of all, Jane loved Maura in her clothes. Seeing Maura wearing one of her sweatshirts, the material hanging loose on the smaller woman's petite body, gave Jane a warm glow of pleasure and admiration. She always felt privileged when the Doctor let her guard down and relaxed around her. Without the heels, make up and impeccably styled hair most other women might seem plain.
Not Maura. Not by any stretch of the imagination.
Somehow Maura managed to look even more beautiful without all of these additions. The smattering of light freckles on her face gave the impression of youthfulness and innocence, although Jane knew better than most the fierceness of her best friend's personality, she could sometimes catch a glimpse of what the good Doctor may have looked like as a fresh faced teenager. And Jane would find herself falling just a little more in love with her.
Jane thought the idea of falling in love with someone repeatedly, every single day, was far-fetched and ridiculous. She never did place much faith in fairy tale idealisms. But with Maura, falling in love was easy. Every single thing she did, even things that irritated the Detective, multiplied the already overflowing, superfluous amount of love that quietly and unobtrusively simmered away inside Jane.
But she was scared. Terrified. This meant throwing all caution to the wind and attempting to forge a relationship in the midst of all this uncertainty, this chaos they call their lives. This meant jeopardising the friendship she cherished so much. This meant giving herself over to Maura completely, because she knew the Doctor would not accept anything less. But she had to do this. If it took her until her dying day she would do this. For Maura.
Anything for Maura, and only Maura.
Speaking of, Jane was enjoying the comfort of having said woman's body entwined with her own. She wasn't the greatest fan of cuddling or spooning or whatever they called it, but she liked it a helluva lot when it was Maura, and often initiated the act herself.
"Jane, perhaps you could remove your rather pointed patella from my abdomen, as it is currently making breathing somewhat difficult." Maura's slightly muffled voice prompted an immediate reaction in the Detective, who had been comfortably resting against the Doctor without realising her knee had become wedged between them.
"Shit… Sorry Maura," she said quietly, withdrawing almost completely from the embrace she had previously been wrapped up in. The Doctor released a grunt of indignation and soon, soft, skilled hands were upon her, drawing two different, but undeniably well matched bodies back together in an altogether more suitable position. "I'm all hard angles aren't I?" Jane whispered, amusement making itself noted in her light tone as she watched Maura trying and failing to find a spot on her chest that wasn't injured or uncomfortable to rest her head.
Maura flicked her gaze up to her Detective and said, "You have an incredible body Jane, I really wish you wouldn't say such derogatory things about yourself," before finally deciding on a spot just beneath Jane's chin. It was just as well. Jane would have hated the Doctor to see the flush that crept up the sides of her neck, across her cheeks and right up to the tips of her ears at hearing such a sincere compliment coming from Maura. Jane cautiously brought her hand up to Maura's back and began rubbing large, slow, soothing circles against her, revelling in the heat emanating from the skin hidden beneath the thick material. Maura emitted a content sigh and sagged against the Detective. She hadn't realised she had been bracing herself to leap off her until the moment that scarred hand started moving against her. Now, all she wanted was to melt into the warm body beneath her. And never leave this bed.
That would be nice. It would be more than nice; it would be perfect.
"Maura?" Jane murmured, feeling the Doctor move her head, indicating she should go on, "I'm sorry for running out on you," she said, all in one breath, lest she lose whatever courage remained. Maura used the tip of her index finger to draw random patterns on the tanned skin of Jane's forearm, formulating a response.
"I forgive you Jane, I understand why you did it…" there was a pause. Maura could feel the pressure building in the Detective's chest. The taller woman was holding her breath, preparing for Maura's wrath. "However, if you do such a thing again… I might be forced to use other tactics against you." Jane released the breath she had been holding in a hoarse chuckle that, unbeknownst to her, sent a shiver down Maura's spine.
"Oh you will huh?" She enquired, voice sparkling with intrigue and amusement. Maura pulled back just enough to look into Jane's eyes, and she nodded slowly.
"I'm sure I would be able to subdue you by… Oh maybe handcuffing you to my bed and playing my favourite documentary series. On loop." Jane's eyes widened dramatically and she clutched her heart, feigning terror. Maura grinned at the Detective's familiar antics, feeling wholly reassured that despite her ordeal, her sense of humour was unscathed. For that, she was eternally grateful, for Jane wouldn't be Jane without her own unique brand of sarcastic jibes and relentless teasing.
"Oh god no…" Jane mock-fainted against her pillow and Maura barked out a laugh, pressing a chaste kiss to the slightly parted lips that were practically demanding some sort of contact. "What documentary series?" Jane asked, peeping up at the Doctor through one eye. The other stayed closed in defence of the horror.
Maura wiggled her eyebrows, smiling, "A Study of Our Endangered Brethren; The Tortoise." Jane popped both eyes open, gazing at Maura with her best 'really' expression twisting her features comically.
"Are you kidding me?" The Detective smirked, "A whole documentary dedicated to turtles? Really?" Maura looked quite offended by Jane's insinuation that tortoises were not interesting enough to warrant an entire series dedicated to their species, and as she opened her mouth to defend her treasured pet Jane slammed her hand against the Doctor's mouth. Maura's tongue darted out without a moment's hesitation and she licked the Detective's palm from top to bottom, eliciting a squeal from her normally brave and reserved friend.
"Ewwww!" Jane whined, wiping her hand theatrically on Maura's back, resulting in another brilliant chuckle to break free of the Doctor who hadn't laughed so much in weeks. It felt good, it felt refreshing, it felt… Like coming home, to be lying here with the woman she loved, engaging in the natural banter they shared like a second skin, cocooned in their own little world.
Jane noticed the change in Maura's expression and instantly grew more serious. She brought her scarred hand to the image of perfection before her and gently rubbed her thumb over Maura's defined cheek bone.
"I love you," Jane said quietly. Perhaps she should have wrapped those three words inside a more sophisticated, grand sentence, but she knew it was enough just to say them with the honesty and sincerity Maura valued and craved. Sensing that Maura needed something else, something that would reassure her that Jane was prepared to embark on this journey with her, the Detective hesitantly took hold of Maura's hand. Upon seeing the confused expression on the Doctor's face, she shook her head and Maura understood she was to remain silent for now. Jane gently eased the small hand inside hers under her shirt, simultaneously fearing the intrusion and loving the feeling of Maura's hand against her skin. "You feel that?" Jane rasped, knowing from the positioning of their joined hands that they were directly above an area of scar tissue. Maura nodded, biting her lip.
"He used a lighter there, like he did on my feet." Jane moved their hands to one side. This area was swaddled in bandages. "That's where they opened me up to stop the internal bleeding." Upwards towards her chest. "Knife. He used to drag it across my skin without cutting me for a while before he would finally use it. He liked the anticipation." Down again, nearer to the Detective's back, which was covered with tape and padding. "Whip. He loved the whip." Jane's voice broke, but she pressed on, needing to share this with Maura before she lost her nerve. The Doctor, to her credit, was managing to maintain her composure for the most part. The only indication of the horror roiling inside her was her quickened breathing and the tears pooling in her eyes. Jane moved their hands down to her legs. "He would kick me so hard there that I could hear his boot crunching against me." Up again, towards her face, "He threatened to cut me, from my ear right down to my chin. But he never got around to that." Down to her shoulder. "In movies, the hero gets shot and can keep on fighting. He can get shot three times and stay on his feet. In real life, getting shot, even here, can take months to heal. Sometimes, it never heals. I knew a guy who got shot in the thigh and he still walks with a cane."
Maura was openly crying now. Unable to prevent the tears from dripping down her face, she just let them come.
"He would make me pray with him. He would ask me if I thought anyone would come and save me, and then he would make me pray with him that they would. He liked to mock me. He asked me if I thought what I feel for you is a sin and whether he would see me in hell…" Jane paused, searching the Doctor's face. She wasn't sure if she should go on. There were things she would never tell Maura, knowledge she could never impart upon the Doctor. Some things were best left unsaid, some things, some horrible, terrible things, should never be voiced. But Jane knew this had to be done. It was as though she was purging all of these unclean, vile actions into their intimate embrace, where Maura would replace it with something better.
"Jane… I led him to you. He would never have known of you if it weren't for me…" Maura choked out, finally voicing her deepest, darkest concern. She felt responsible for what happened. Jane pulled the Doctor to her, wrapping her arms around the woman's small frame, ignoring the pain erupting all over her body, gritting her teeth against it.
"Maura, don't. It only made sense to him. This has nothing to do with you, nothing." Jane voice was so strong, stronger than Maura had heard it in weeks that she found herself believing, if only in that moment. "You saved me. You saved me…" Jane's faltering voice was smothered by a demanding kiss. Maura's lips and tongue and teeth laid claim to Jane's mouth and she let her have full control.
Because she trusted Maura explicitly. She always had done.