Just as an aside, Charlie's 'best I've ever had' will change! I hope you enjoy the chapter. Love, IJKS xxx
Chapter Twenty Five
Tuesday 18th November
22:32
Home
I slept with Angelo. I'm still not entirely sure how it happened. And I have no idea what to do next. Everything is such a mess right now. I nearly died (long story), Ruby is furious with me and now I've complicated the loveliest friendship I've got in the Bay (Angelo). Oh, and I'm still hurting over losing Roman. Yep, life is just rosy right now.
It all started when the weather turned. Heavy rain hit the Bay just as VJ went missing. Annie climbed into a storm drain to save him and he was freed but she got stuck. With the weather threatening and her life in danger, I ended up going down and saving her. It was blind luck that I managed. She was trapped and the water was rising far too quickly. But I managed to get her out. I wasn't quite so lucky though. I ended up being spat out to sea like a bit of waste. I don't really remember a whole lot of it, being that I was unconscious. But I am still seriously pissed that it was Roman who charged into the sea to save me.
People were pretty much treating me as a hero but I'm not. Maybe it looked brave but when you don't give a shit about yourself, your life or what happens to you, you'll do anything. Of course I wanted to save Annie but to be honest, I'm not entirely sure I'm glad that I was saved. I would have missed Ruby. I would have felt bad to miss out on her life and guiding her as she grows up but a big part of me thinks that she'd be much better off without me. Everything I touch turns to dust. I wreck everything. She's definitely better off without me. I love that girl so much but sometimes I feel like I'm poison, contaminating everything around me. I hate myself for contaminating her.
Anyway, after I was released from hospital, Ruby was fussing around me like I was the best person in the world. I feel far from that at the moment and I couldn't cope. I rejected her. And it was wrong of me. She said she needed me but I don't think she does. I don't think she'd do badly on her own without me. So, taking my pride and my bad attitude with me, I headed out to get drunk. That's when I found Angelo.
He's still hurting so much over everything and up until this evening, he was the most hated man in Summer Bay. I felt sorry for him and the way he was being treated. Everyone was so determined that he hurt Belle, which we now know he didn't. And I knew it all along. I think he did wrong by screaming and shouting at her but I know he isn't capable of worse than that. But on Monday night, nobody but me believed that. So when I found him drowning his sorrows, I joined him. We ended up going to his place and we drank so much that I think I'd chuck if I so much as looked at alcohol again. We did shots, got drunk and stupid, laughed our heads off and then ended up in bed.
I regret it. Angelo means a lot to me and I don't want to complicate that. Having said that, it was hot. It was much better than I ever experienced with Roman. Maybe I was with the wrong guy all along! I don't know. It was actually possibly the best sex I've ever had. I mean, it was clumsy because we were pissed out of our heads, but it was passionate. It was almost loving. He was tender and affectionate and I even ended up staying the night. To be fair, that was mostly because I was too drunk to even try and think of getting home. But I don't usually stay. I was tipsy when I slept with Roman the first time but I still went home.
Anyway, when I woke up, Angelo was gone. That's got to be a record! A guy walking out on me in his own apartment... I panicked a little and kept fretting about how bad I might have been or how disappointed he might have been. It turns out that I didn't need to worry. I shot him down but from what he said, I think he might want more than a one night stand. He's not getting it. I don't want to complicate things and I don't want to alienate a guy that I'm actually pretty fond of. Roman and I can barely stay in the same room as each other. I don't want to get hurt. And I don't want to hurt Angelo either. If he likes me and I'm still grieving for Roman, that's not exactly the basis of a strong, healthy relationship, is it? Drunken flings just don't lead anywhere good in my humble opinion.
I don't know where Angelo slipped off to this morning but I hurried out of his place pretty quickly. Ruby was waiting for me and I still feel pretty guilty about the whole thing. She looked like she hadn't slept and she very angrily told me that she'd been worrying about me all night. But I was too hungover and mad at myself for everything to apologise and have a decent conversation. We argued. She stormed to school and sought the salvation of a shower. I saw her this evening and she's still feeling pretty bitter about the whole thing. I am going to try and make things up to her at the weekend.
It certainly wasn't the easiest thing in the world to face a day of work feeling like I did. And Jack was eagerly on hand to tease me about my oversized sunglasses and obviously heavy night. He spent his night working on the development site case. He's taking it even more seriously than I expected. To be honest, I'd gladly take it on (especially now that it's closed) but instead Fitzy lumped me with Angelo's case. Having had sex with him the night before, I then had to spend my time interviewing Colleen and Leah about the threat they heard him make toward Belle before the attack.
I saw Angelo briefly. He left me a voicemail, which I ignored and then he came and found me at the Diner. It was more than a little awkward considering Aden was eyeballing us, Angelo was on the Summer Bay hit list and I was feeling and looking like shit. Aden had already stormed the police station once that morning accusing us of letting Angelo get off lightly because he's a cop. Anyway, Angelo and I didn't get to talk for long because I got a call from Jack with a tip off about Angelo's case.
The tip off turned out to get Angelo off the hook at last. We brought a guy called Nobby in for questioning and he confessed to robbing and attacking Belle. Jack had received an anonymous call to tell him to check the guy's car and sure enough, Belle's stuff was in there. It turns out that rather than being an attack from an angry ex-boyfriend, it was a robbery gone wrong. Angelo was just caught in the crossfire of bad timing.
Regarding the developers though, the whole thing has gone tits up. Our soil samples came back clean, which means that they don't have a case to answer. We don't have a case to follow and we've had to close it. I just hope that they really are innocent. It makes me sick to think that they could have caused cancer clusters in people like Martha, and they're being allowed to get away with it. But what can I do?
When we brought Belle and Aden in, Belle said that now she came to think of it, she had heard a noise before Angelo stormed into her place. It's funny how she remembers that now and not when she was screaming blue murder at Angelo, isn't it? According to Nobby, what happened was that he broke in to steal, heard voices, recognised Angelo as a cop, hid and then when Belle came into her bedroom, for fear of being caught, bashed her up.
Belle started on a theory about it being connected to the development site but if they are innocent, why would they bother? Angelo wondered the same thing but mostly he was just relieved that all the charges had been dropped against him. He looked like all his birthdays and Christmases had come at once. I guess he really has been through it these past few days. But I'm glad it's over now. Everything is over. Angelo and I were a one night thing and I am not going there again. And I told him so.
It's getting late now. I wonder where Ruby is. I think I'd better sign off here and call her. I'm getting worried.
Wednesday 19th November
12:42
The Beach
Ruby was fine. I got so wrapped up in my own stuff that I completely forgot she had a school function on last night. Bad Charlie. I've asked if she wanted to go and catch a movie tonight in a bid to try and make things up to her. She was pretty vague in her response but I think she said yes. I hope so anyway. I have a lot of apologising to do.
Wednesday 19th November
21:58
Home
Well, Ruby blew me out. She's hanging out with Annie tonight instead of me. I guess I can't blame her. She was pretty upset about my disappearing act and as yet, I've not offered an explanation. And to be honest, I don't plan to. I do not want my little girl knowing I went out and had a one night stand with Angelo. I don't want her following my kind of morals and spontaneous sexual exploits. I want her to be a good girl. I want her to be the exact opposite of me. I'm not a good enough example for anyone to follow.
Anyway, I think I got my just desserts tonight anyway. Martha came back from her retreat full of the joys of spring. She invited me to go for dinner at the Diner and, feeling a little low about Rubes, I agreed, only to realise, on arrival, that it was a set up. She'd invited Roman too and not told him I was coming in a misguided bid to get us back together.
It was awkward to say the least but it's confirmed something for me. Roman is in love with Martha. He always has been. And I kind of knew but I never wanted to truly believe it. But I saw something in the way he looked at her tonight and I knew for sure. It doesn't make me feel a whole heap better about myself but perhaps I can direct my anger better. Maybe. I don't know. But I do know that I never want to go near that man again.
Thursday 20th November
21:04
Home
I finally got to spend the evening with Ruby and I hope we made our peace. Certainly by the end of it, once I'd grovelled a bit, she was chattering away like nothing has happened. I'm taking that as a good thing.
I'm a little concerned over her lust for the boys (schoolies) who have descended on our sleepy little town. I do not like the idea of her dating. It was that little bit easier when she was at boarding school. I missed her like crazy but at least I didn't have to watch her getting all lusty. Now, it's right in front of me and quite frankly, no boy in the whole world is ever going to be good enough for my girl.
She said the school event thing went well the other night. Geoff did a good speech and Melody won the Citizenship Award, which is weird considering she's not been behaving too well of late. But maybe nobody in power has noticed. Ruby is pretty worried about her. Apparently she's now devastated. There was some problem with a curfew or something and Miles (who is now officially back together with Kirsty and living with her again), has grounded her. She got all excited about Geoff asking her to the formal (I thought he was dating Nicole!) but now she can't go because she's on lockdown.
I worked all day today and avoided Roman. I'm still so pissed about the breakup and the fact that I now know he was never really real with me but lusting after Martha all this time, that I don't know if I can keep a civil tongue in my head. But the last thing I want is for the wrong person to hear me accusing him of being in love with Martha. Not for him. I don't give a shit if he's upset. In fact, right now, I'd take a whole lot of pleasure in it. But Jack and Martha have already been through so much. And I like to think they're good friends of mine now. I would never, ever want to hurt them. That's why I kept up the pretence on our 'double date'. I couldn't bear for her to be upset, especially as she's so bouncy after her retreat. She deserves some happiness and I am definitely not going to be the person who bursts her bubble.
It's been a little awkward at work for the last few days with Angelo. He keeps trying to talk to me about... stuff, but I'm not interested. I'm trying really hard to draw a line under everything – Roman, getting drunk, Angelo, my fight with Ruby... If I feel like such a shit person, I'm going to behave like one. If I'm going to claw back any of my self-esteem then I have to work pretty hard. I'm just going to have to try and move on, pick myself up and start again. And you never know, if I can learn to like myself a little bit, maybe someone perfect will come along and fall in love with me. I won't get my hopes up though. I'm not sure I'm a particularly loveable person. And even if it turned out that Angelo's the guy for me or some crap like that... he's too messed up right now to make anything work. And so am I.
Jack's cousin, Xavier has shown up with the schoolies. Apparently he was pretending to drown to get some girl's attention but he got rescued by Rachel instead. He was mortified to realise that she's his aunt! Jack says he's a good boy but I'm not entirely convinced. Apparently he's had it pretty hard. His oldest brother is abroad and doesn't help and his other brother has learning difficulties. His Mum is a single parent. I guess he's not doing any real harm by kicking back and enjoying the holidays. Just so long as he doesn't get up to too much mischief. Or meet Ruby. That would be beyond bad.
Friday 21st November
20:43
Home
I had another long day at work. Angelo and I were partnered up, which was a little awkward but what could I do? We've agreed not to talk about what happened and that's just the way I like it. I'm still trying to draw a line under everything. It's not the easiest thing in the world but I'm doing my best.
I caught Ruby lusting after some of the schoolies today and she was very happy to chat about how exciting the summer was going to be with all the hot boys hanging around. One is not amused! I just hope they stay away from her although, let's face it, why would any boy stay away from Ruby? She's gorgeous. And she has the most amazing personality. Oh dear. I think I'm going to have to keep extremely close tabs on her for the foreseeable.
Sunday 23rd November
10:13
The Beach
I've finally got a day off! Hooray! I feel like I have been working every second of the day lately. At least it's distracting me from missing Roman. The more time that passes, the healthier I'm feeling about it all. I mean, I still miss him and I still think about what could have been. But I've stopped crying, Ruby's allowed me to have my self help books back and I've put them on the shelf without reading them. Progress!
I saw Jack very briefly on my way out to the beach. He's still buzzing over the boat Martha bought him. He showed me it at lunch time yesterday and it's very cute. Personally, I don't get the whole boat thing. I feel like the only person in this town that doesn't. But it was such a sweet gesture on Martha's part. Everyone knows how desperate Jack is to get a crummy old boat and do it up. It'll be his project for a good long while yet, I think. I hope he enjoys it.
Maybe I need someone hot and lovely to sweep me off my feet and teach me how wonderful sailing is? Unlikely, but I am young, free and single again so there is nothing wrong with a bit of fantasy. Speaking of, apparently Roman went with Martha to buy the boat and help her get the best price. I bet it made his fucking day.
I spent a fair bit of time chatting with Leah last night. We were both back late from work so we opened a bottle of wine and hung out for a bit. Apparently VJ and Miles have been hanging out a fair bit. I think things are better between Leah and Miles anyway. She says she still feels sad over a missed opportunity but that she is grateful for his friendship at least and wants to be supportive of his relationship with Kirsty. She's been rushed off her feet at the Diner with the influx of schoolies demanding food. She said Belle has been a total mess since she returned to work. I know I haven't been the biggest Belle supporter in the land but I do feel sorry for her. The few times I've seen her, she looked a total mess. She's physically very battered but she's also very jumpy and stressed. She was even sniping at Aden today so it looks like there may be trouble in paradise.
But anyway, speaking of the schoolies, Ruby is in lust, just as I feared. I am comforted only by the fact that it's that Xavier boy, Jack's cousin, that she likes. She told me rather jubilantly this morning that she spent pretty much the whole day with him and his mate. Annie doesn't seem quite so impressed with them but Ruby pointed out that she has Jai whereas Rubes hasn't had a boyfriend since Pat.
Quite frankly, that was just the way I liked it but I suppose I have to accept that she's growing up. And unfortunately, that traditionally means boys. Apparently they all watched a DVD together here yesterday. I wondered where all my junk food had gone! Then they met up later, played some pool and then Ruby horrified me by announcing that Xavier was the best kisser ever. I mean, I know my recent exploits aren't putting me in a terribly good light but she's fifteen! She kissed him on the first date! That's terrible. Bad Ruby. I hope this boy doesn't stick around too long. I just can't bear the thought of her dating properly yet. She's too young. She's still a baby.
In other news, I heard on the grapevine that Bridget's cancer has returned. I don't know how much I've written about her in here but she's Alf's new girlfriend. He seems pretty smitten, which is ever so cute. But she had cancer and has been really helpful to Martha in supporting her through her own ordeal. But now it looks like the disease is back. It makes me panic more about the development site. What if their toxic waste really is causing people to get sick? What if we just let it go? What if we could save people's lives?
Next time… Charlie and Ruby visit Ross and Morag, Charlie ponders what she wants in a partner and notices Joey properly for the first time…