Note: やいっちゃ～！ Long ramble of a chapter. Kind of pointless, but I wanted to peek into Kurapica's head a bit. Also, happy new year to all of my readers! Hope 2013 brings you health, fun times and dreams come true! Love you all! If you want to keep track of where I am in my writing (and random fandom stuff), you can find me on tumblr under the same nickname.
Beta-reader: None.
Chapter summary: Inside Kurapica's head.

Chapter 24

Kurapica opened his eyes and looked up at the ceiling. It was another unfamiliar one, but he was used to that. When was the last time he had stayed more than a year in one room? Probably when he still lived in Lukso, before the massacre of his tribe. He frowned. Here he was, travelling with his mortal enemy, yet he no longer felt rage when he looked at him. No, he felt... intrigued, if he were truly honest with himself. Intrigued, distrustful and a little sad, somehow. His thoughts had been going in circles constantly, round and round and round again. Whys and hows and what nows. He was sick of them already. He wished he could still be angry. He had never meant to let the rage turn to loss and sadness. But when he tried to reach down where the raging hatred used to be, all he could feel was emptiness. He felt so tired. So very tired. Disgusted with how self-pitying his thoughts had become, he mentally shoved it all away and sat up. He sighed softly, letting one hand run through his hair, raking the bangs back and away from his face. He closed his eyes and forced himself to take a few deep breaths. Then, he let his arm fall back onto the covers and lowered his head, opening his eyes again. He stared at his hands resting on his lap for some time, making sure that he felt up to facing the day.

He needed to meditate. It had been too long since he had. He needed to recenter himself. But first, he wanted a shower. He finally slid out from under the covers and got up. He rolled his shoulders, trying to get the tension to ease up a bit. It helped. With another sigh, he padded over to his suitcase, the one he had gotten from Kuroro at the airport. Thankfully, it was one where he kept some of the clothes that Shalnark had stolen for him. It felt like it was an eternity ago. He chose a change of clothing for the day, then made his way to the bathroom. For some reason, the shower didn't help any. It usually was so soothing and relaxing, but with his thoughts still running in circles like a dizzying maelstrom, he was feeling just as tired and worn out when he stepped out of the bathtub. He dried himself quickly, not caring how his rash movements turned his skin red from the friction. He was starting to become quite irritated with himself. Once he was dry, he dressed into the loose jeans, t-shirt and hoodie he had selected for the day. That done, he brushed his teeth before going back to his room. He settled on the bed, crossing his legs and putting his hands together loosely on his lap. He breathed in slowly, trying to let go of all of the thoughts, all of the conflicting emotions raging inside. He breathed out, and let it wash away his worries and anxiety. In, out. Like a wave. Things come and go, but nothing is eternal. In, out; in, out.

It took quite some time before he felt calm enough to stop. He opened his eyes again and looked at the time on the alarm-clock that sat on the nightstand. It was just a little after nine. He cocked his head, listening for any sign that the Spider head was up and about, but he couldn't hear anything. Quietly, he tip-toed to the door and opened it to look out into the common area. It was empty. He listened for a little longer, but still didn't hear anything. Well, he had to come out at some point. And he wanted coffee. The machine was on the counter in the small kitchen area and Kurapica set it up to make his coffee, then he walked carefully over to the door that led into Kuroro's room. It was only partly open, but he didn't dare push it, fearing he would wake the older man. He leaned his head inside and looked towards the bed. The man was facing away from him, but he seemed to be still sleeping. He stood there for a moment, silently studying the form lying on the bed. He wasn't sure why he was doing it, exactly. Something had just pulled him to. The Ryodan leader stirred and Kurapica froze, holding his breath. Kuroro settled once more and the blond beat a careful retreat, walking over to the coffee machine instead. He stood in front of it, staring at the brown liquid that was slowly dripping into the glass pitcher. He frowned, wondering both what had compelled him to go to the Spider head's room. Curiosity, surely. He didn't know he cared.

Ah, everything was so confusing.

He retrieved a mug from the cupboard and poured some coffee into it, even though the pot was still brewing. Tiny droplets of the liquid hissed as they hit the hot plate. He placed the contained back, then used the milk provided by the hotel, pouring two of the tiny cups into his mug. A spoon from the drawer to stir, and he could take his first sip. Instead of sitting at the small table, he went over to the sofa, leaning slightly as he sat to grab the brochure that rested on the coffee table. Once comfortable on the plush seat, he took another sip of coffee and opened the brochure he had put down on his lap. He read through the activities proposed with mild curiosity, more for something to occupy his thoughts than because he really wanted to know what tourists did in Merenke. On page three, he found someone had circled a museum address in blue ink. He read the short description, intrigued in spite of himself. It seemed to be a small local museum with a small collection of artifacts from the founding of the city to the present day. Could be interesting to visit. He drank a bit more coffee and turned a few more pages before he found another entry circled. This one was a special exhibit on recent discoveries about the cosmos, including pictures and videos taken by a few space probes. It was held at the planetarium. That did sound really interesting, too. Whoever had picked out these obviously the same interests he did.

He took another sip of his coffee and glanced at the clock. It wasn't quite ten. He went back to the brochure. He found two more attractions circled. One was a talk by marine biologists at the aquarium and the other was a national library claiming to have ancient documents and scrolls on display. He finished his coffee and stood up, going back to refill his cup. He didn't have any food to make breakfast with; it was all in Kuroro's handy Nen cloth, and the taller man was still sleeping. He wondered if he was free to go down to the restaurant on the first floor of the hotel. Probably not. He took his second cup of coffee to his room and settled in a plush armchair with the book the Spider head had loaned him. The next few hours ticked slowly by but he wasn't aware of the time, engrossed as he was in this latest book. Definitely, the Ryodan head had excellent taste when it came to his reading. When he had finished the book, he closed it and stretched, glancing at the alarm-clock. It was past noon already, but still no sound came from the other room. Strange. His stomach growled, demanding attention. Maybe he could go grab some pastry from the coffee shop downstairs. But he wasn't sure he was free to do so.

He decided to go check on his travelling companion once more, and if the man was still asleep, he would leave him a note and risk it. He made his way back to the main room, then to Kuroro's door. This time, he pushed it gently and tip-toed inside. He walked quietly around the bed to the side Kuroro was facing. The older man had his eyes closed in sleep, one arm under his pillow and the other one in front of his chest. He looked so... young. Hard to believe that a man barely older than Kurapica could be at the helm of the most feared criminal group the world had known in recent history. The blond stopped by the bed, wondering what to do now that he was faced with the decision to possibly anger the man. Well, he was sleeping and Kurapica was getting increasingly hungry. He turned away and made to walk back to the door when something warm wrapped around his wrist and pulled him back. He stopped and turned back towards the Spider head. Kuroro's dark, unreadable eyes were open and staring straight at him. Kurapica heart was hammering in his chest from the surprise the man had caused by touching him suddenly when the blond had thought him asleep.

"Morning," Kuroro said, his eyes fixed on the Kuruta's face.

"Good morning," Kurapica answered uncertainly. "I'm sorry if I woke you up."

"I just felt someone come in the room. I didn't know it was you. But I'm awake now. What time is it?"

"Twelve-thirty," Kurapica answered and moved his arm, trying to get Kuroro to let go of him but the man held him fast. "I came to see if you were awake. I wasn't sure I was allowed to go downstairs to get breakfast on my own."

"Are you hungry?" Kurapica nodded. The Spider head sat up, pulling at his wrist like he wanted him to come closer. The blond refused to budge. Finally, the taller man let go and Kurapica took a hasty step back, away from him. He wanted to rub at his wrist, somehow disturbed by the contact, though he wasn't sure why. But he didn't. He didn't want to let the Ryodan leader see that he was bothered by the touch. "I'll take a quick shower, then we can go downstairs to buy something and come back here to eat. Can you wait for a bit?"

The blond nodded again, then retreated back to the lounge area of their suite. He sat on the couch, finally giving in to the temptation to rub at his wrist. He was still feeling flustered and nervous, even though the older man wasn't in the room with him. It bothered him. All of the weird things Kuroro had been doing recently were really starting to get under his skin. Kurapica didn't want to let him have this much power over him, but felt helpless to stop it. After all, everything he had been putting himself through these past few years had been because of that man. The rigorous training, pushing his body to the limit of its strength and endurance, it had all been so that he could exact revenge on him. In a way, that meant Kuroro had had more power over him than Kurapica ever had over the Spider head. Even when he had captured him, the older man had seemed completely unfazed.

That still rattled him.

He realized that to defeat Kuroro alone wouldn't be enough to make him satisfied anymore. He wanted to see him lose control, wanted to see him feel even just a little uncertain. To see him show some feeling other than amusement or calm confidence. He had no idea what. Surely the man didn't know fear. Could he feel anger? Rage? Annoyance? Could he feel anything at all?

"Ready?"

Kurapica jumped slightly, not having heard Kuroro walk behind him. He nodded and got up. When he turned around, he frowned a little at the older man. "You could have taken the time to dry your hair," he said.

"You're hungry, right? I can dry it when we come back. We're only stepping out for a moment."

Kurapica shrugged. "I can wait a few more minutes."

"Well, I'm out now and it's a pain to bother anyway. Come on, let's go." Kuroro walked over to the door. Kurapica sighed and followed after him. They made their way to the hotel lobby and walked into the small coffee shop near the entrance. They bought a few croissants for their breakfast, and also sandwiches to eat for dinner. Then, they made their way back to their suite. Kurapica wanted to retreat to his own room right away, but he felt like it would be rude to just grab the food the Spider head had bought and then run with it. He put the coffee pot on, making enough for Kuroro's usual three cups, and an extra one for himself. They had brunch in silence, and Kurapica had been hoping he could just slip back into his bedroom as soon as he was done eating, but Kuroro came back to the table after refilling his coffee and dropped the brochure he had looked at that morning in front of him. "We're going sightseeing tomorrow," he told the blond. "I've circled a few things I think look interesting in here, can you look at them and tell me where you'd like to go?"

Kurapica blinked. "You mean... you're the one who circled those?"

Kuroro sat across from him again. "Oh, you looked at it already? I did that last night. So yeah, what do you want to see tomorrow?"

"The planetarium and the library, I think. But they all sound interesting."

Kuroro nodded. "We can visit the library in the afternoon and the planetarium after dinner then."

"That works," Kurapica said and pushed the brochure away. He got up and took his plate and mug to the sink, washing both quickly. That done, he turned back towards the table only to find the Spider head staring at him again. He paused, wondering what to do. He hated the way Kuroro stared at him. It unnerved him. He averted his eyes. "I'm going back to my room." He walked past the table, feeling the weight of Kuroro's gaze on him. But he refused to look at him. He suddenly wanted to run, but he kept himself in check as he made his way to his room. Only when he had put a door between himself and the dark haired man did he feel calm once more. He took a deep breath, held it, then slowly let it go.

The next day... was going to be hell.