"Sit," Tony orders.
Angelina laughs loudly and ducks away from his grasping hands. He groans loudly and watches as she darts over to her bucket of Halloween candy, the skirt of her princess costume swirling around her legs. "I want another Kit-Kat."
"You've had enough. Ziva, take that and put it on top of the fridge, would you?"
"No," Angelina wails, but her mother gently dislodges the bucket from her grip and carries it out of the room. Tony, taking advantage of the diversion, scoops her up and brings her over to the couch. Once she is seated there, he holds her face between his hands.
"Calm. Down."
She giggles, flashing a toothy, chocolaty grin. This is his kid on a sugar high. "Daddy, I want more candy."
"I said no, Ang. Count to ten for me, okay? Here we go. One, two, three…"
"Cuatro, cinco, seis," she continues, voice dropping down to a normal level. "Siete, ocho, nueve, diez."
"Good job. Now, do you think you can walk to your room and put on your pajamas?"
Angelina nods. He steps back and watches her trot away. She's still got quite a bit of bounce in her step, but she's manageable now.
"That was impressive," Ziva says, leaning against the doorframe.
He puts his hands on his hips and breathes out heavily, like he's just finished running a marathon. "She wears me out."
Ziva smirks, slips her hand into her pocket. "Here. A reward for your troubles."
She walks over to him and holds out a Crunch bar. He opens it, bites half of it off at once. "That's good. Thanks."
"Don't tell Angelina, but I took one, too," she says, wiggling her eyebrows slyly, and suddenly this entire scene- the two of them standing in the living room, stealing their daughter's Halloween candy- seems so homey and right. It's how things are supposed to be.
"Your secret's safe with me," Tony tells her. Because it is.
0000000000
Thirty minutes to corral Angelina into bed. It's not bad, considering. Both Tony and Ziva tuck her in, which is a first and, he hopes, not a last. She revels in their attention and either forgets or doesn't bother to ask Tony to stay until she falls asleep. As they leave her room, she calls, "Sleep tight, Mommy. Sleep tight, Daddy," and he sees Ziva's eyes well up.
They go back into the living room quietly. It feels sort of like the awkward end of a first date, and, on a whim, he tries to amend it by asking, "You wanna stay?"
She looks at him, surprised. "To do what?"
"Uh." Yeah, DiNozzo. To do what? "We could have some more candy."
He immediately berates himself- what are they, nine? She takes several moments to think about it, and though she seems legitimately interested, a feeling of dread sets in. Rejection would not be good for his ego, pride, or sanity.
But then Ziva walks toward the kitchen, and he follows her. She whisks Angelina's purple bucket off the top of the fridge and dumps its contents on the table.
"You see why I drive her over to the rich neighborhood?" he asks, pointing at the large pile. He grabs a packet of Bottle Caps. "We always clean up."
"We?" Ziva teases.
"Well. I benefit from the fruits of her trick-or-treating, too," he says. "I took her out for the first time when she was one. She couldn't eat most of what she got, so…"
Ziva's jaw drops. "You used her!"
"Pretty much. My holiday weight gain started a little early that year."
They laugh together. He roots around in the candy, finds a Tootsie Roll. His favorite. "How's work?"
"Good. Everybody has been very welcoming." Ziva looks up at him, then quickly redirects her gaze downward. "I was afraid that they wouldn't be. Surely they have heard… of me."
Tony chews, the hard taffy making it difficult to separate his teeth. How to tell her that for several months, she was the most fascinating topic in the NCIS rumor mill? "Yeah. I think they probably have."
She raises an eyebrow. "How much, Tony?"
He shrugs. "Not a whole lot of truth, I would guess. All anyone outside of our team and Vance knows for sure is that you and I have a daughter, and that when she was nine months old, you…"
"Left," she finishes.
"Disappeared," he corrects, because it sounds less accusatory.
She closes her eyes and flattens one of her palms against the tabletop. "This is where I left the note."
"I know," Tony says. The words are out before he can think them through, but it's okay. He remembers exactly where that note lay, and he's not ashamed of it.
"That morning, I went into Angelina's room and stood over her crib. I stared at her for ten minutes, trying to memorize every single detail… delaying my departure. I did not want to go, Tony. It was the last thing I wanted."
Unsure whether he can take more of her narrative, he says, "It's okay-"
"It's not," Ziva interrupts, glaring at him now. "I could not even kiss her. I was terrified of touching her… I whispered that I loved her. And then I turned to you."
Tears have entered her voice and eyes, and he is the one shutting his now. The image she's painting in his mind is painful, too painful. "Stop. Please stop."
In spite of his pleas, she proceeds. "You were lying on the floor, with no regard for your own discomfort, because I asked you to. You did so much for me and Angelina during those months. I have never properly thanked you for that."
"You don't have to, Ziva," and he is crying, too, and why won't she just shut up?
"Yes, I do." She comes around to his side of the table, dragging her hand against the edge of the wood. And then she places it on his face in a caressing, warm touch. "I did kiss you that morning, Tony. On the forehead. And that was it."
That was it.
For five years. That was it.
"Why didn't I wake up?" he asks hoarsely. If he had, he could have stopped her. If he had…
"You were tired," Ziva says with a rueful smile. "From taking care of Angelina. From… dealing with me."
Tony makes a strangled sound, seizes her fingers, moves them from his moist cheek to his lips for a desperate kiss. She is shocked, he can tell, but he doesn't care. "Ziva, I loved you. I still love you. You weren't a chore. I was going to do whatever it took to get you back to being yourself, because I wanted to."
"I know," she murmurs, stroking the area above his mouth with her thumb, seemingly unfazed by the admission of his current feelings that he should have withheld. They have crossed several lines of intimacy in the past two minutes; this entire conversation has been a whirlwind. His head is spinning. "That is why I became convinced that I had to sneak away in the early morning. I thought it was the right thing to do, and you never would have allowed me to do it." Ziva tilts her head as her lip quivers anew. "It wasn't, though, was it? It was not right. It was very, very wrong. How could I have- oh, Tony."
And, as if stuck abruptly with the full implications of what she did, she begins to sob, shoulders shuddering, hair falling into her face. When he touches her elbow, she collapses into his chest, and he envelopes her fully in an embrace. He watches one of his own tears fall onto her neck.
"I'm sorry," she chokes out, gripping the back of his t-shirt.
"I forgive you."
"I do not see how that's possible."
Tony inhales the scent of her hair, notes the ease with which her form molds into his arms, and wonders, How could I not?
"It was inevitable," he breathes. "Some things are, Ziva. And that's one of 'em."
So, like, is CBS withholding our Shiva sneak peeks? I decided to go ahead and post since we don't seem to be getting them tonight. Good luck with the episode!