He was desperate. It wasn't nerves, it wasn't anxiety it was desperation. His heart had been broken to many times and he wasn't about to let it happen again. That path, the path of least resistance wasn't a choice available to him anymore. Giving up was no longer an option because that didn't make things better or hurt less. Protecting your heart didn't stop it from breaking or being broken.

He let out the breath he was unwittingly holding when he heard someone moving around inside and finally the door opened. "Can I come in?"

"Adam." Lana was surprised to see him. They hadn't spoken for over a week and she had no idea how he was feeling about that, but it had killed her. Her heart skipped a beat as she stood back and allowed him to come in. He had a key so technically he didn't have to knock but she appreciated that things weren't exactly clear right now.

The day she had left he had sent her a message telling her that he missed her, that he was sorry about the Roman thing and that he did trust her. The rest of the week he kept it light but he didn't lose touch with her, he didn't sit around looking at his phone waiting for her to contact him, he wasn't doing that again. Going from constant contact to nothing had been done before and it almost ended in disaster so he kept those lines open and not once did she tell him to stop and she always replied. They just never got into the heavy stuff; he was saving that for now.

He put his phone, wallet and keys in their usual spot on the small hall table and walked further into the apartment. Silently she closed the door and watched him, his blue jeans and navy button down shirt fitting him perfectly. He was a beautiful man and it was the hardest thing she did, walking away from him that day and she had regretted it ever since despite knowing that it had to be done. They both needed to figure out what they really wanted.

"Where's Matilda?"

"With Erin and Jay." He looked over his shoulder to see whether she was following him. "She misses you."

"Adam."

"Let me speak, Please." Turning to face her he was surprised that she was still by the entrance table. "I can't lose you, I don't want to lose you but I am a cop, that's who I am and it's what I am good at. That's not going to change."

"It's not just that. Adam…"

He held up his hand to stop her, he had so much to say and had no idea where to start but he needed to get it all out before his courage faltered, or before she told him to leave. He rested his hands on his chest. "I never thought I would feel this again, I didn't think it was possible but I do. I fell in love…." He waited until Lana looked at him, finally lifting her eyes when the silence grew uncomfortable "…I'm in love with you. I love you so much and I don't want to lose you." He ignored the stray tear that had escaped and trickled down his cheek. "Tell me what I can do? What can I do to make this right?"

It was now her turn to feel the tears bubble along her lower lids. "I don't know."

"I know it hasn't been easy, I know I am not easy but I never actually thought I would find someone who had the patience to take all my fears and be willing to help me feel whole again. I went from waiting for the each day to start to wanting the next day to come because I was excited to see what it bought. You made me feel that." His eyes never left her face, his brown eyes was the one thing that she could happily lose herself in. "You made falling in love again easy, I don't know why I couldn't tell you that."

The desperation returned. He didn't know what to do so he did the only thing he could think of. He took three long strides, grabbed her around the waist and slipped one hand behind her neck and kissed her. He kept his lips on hers until he felt her relax, until he felt her kissing him back. The more she responded to him the slower and deeper he went with his kiss, his fingers releasing the back of her neck and finding their way around to her face where he cradled it softly. "I want this to work. I want us." He breathed heavily against her cheek when they finally parted.

Lana buried her head against his chest, relishing the feeling of his arms around her, holding her tight and steady against his body. She was glad that he was holding her up because she had lost all control. It was everything, having him here, the kiss and the words. I love you; he'd told her that he loved her.

"Adam." She had no idea what she wanted to say. What did he want to hear? Had it been long enough? What she did know was that she had missed him, like crazy and often found herself with her phone in her hand wanting to call him, just to hear his voice. Hoping that he would say something to reassure her, she didn't know what until that moment when he said that he loved her. That was what she wanted to hear and feel. And she missed Matilda, god how she missed them both.

He stepped away and grabbed his phone. For a moment she thought he was about to leave and that was the last thing she wanted but instead of leaving he showed her a video. "You are not playing fair." She grabbed the phone from his hand and played the short video again.

'Miss you Bear. I love Bear.' Matilda danced in front of the camera. 'Miss you.' She then kissed the screen.

"No, I'm not playing fair." Adam shook his head lightly and for the first time since he'd walked through the door he smiled. "Why would I? We miss you; both of us miss you. We love you. I love you."

"I miss you too." She buried her head back into his chest. Lana slipped her hands under his shirt, resting them on his bare back and let the warmth of his skin seep into her fingertips. Adam picked her up in one quick movement and backed her up against a wall; he wrapped her legs around his waist and leant into her so that she was pinned. Lana tilted her neck to the side to allow him access. Even if she wanted to she couldn't have stopped him because he was irresistible. He had her weak at the knees, he made her heart rattle in her chest and he made her head spin. Every rational thought disappeared as he kissed her, as he held onto her and the only thing she could think about was that he had said he loved her.

Suddenly he stepped back and lowered her to the ground. "Sorry."

"For what?"

"For that." He rubbed the pad of his thumb across her slightly swollen lips. He felt a course of electricity fire through him; he loved that look on her face. Her slightly flustered appearance when they got into it.

"I wasn't stopping you."

"I haven't given you a chance to talk yet." He grabbed her hand and led her into the lounge room. "I promised myself that I had to hear what you had to say. That I couldn't just come here and beg you to come back."

"I've got a better idea." Instead of staying in the lounge room she pulled him towards her bedroom, she was pulling his signature move on him. "We can talk in a little while." They had something else that needed to be done first and Adam was more than happy to follow her. He let her take the lead and responded to her touch and just let his mind go for now and lose himself in the moment.

"Now." Lana pulled on his shirt, which had been hastily discarded and arranged the pillows behind her head. Adam laid his head in her lap and closed his eyes as she ran her hands through his hair. "That day. What happened?"

"Sean Roman. Kim's ex partner. It's a long story."

"It's still early. I'm not going anywhere."

So he went right back to the start. "When he showed up at the District, Kim and I hadn't been dating long. He was a bit of a misogynist prick. A few months later they had to team up with someone from Canine and it turned out to be his ex. He spent the whole day fighting with her and Kim realised that he had a foul temper. Anyway, Kim was shot while he was too busy arguing with his ex."

Lana was running her hands over his shoulders, tracing the line of his collarbone with her fingers but not saying much, when he started talking she was always content to just let him go. He knew she was listening though because her eyes never left his face.

"I guess everyone found out about us after that." He lifted her hand from his shoulder and kissed her fingers before resting it on his chest and covering it with this hand. "Anyway, he had a few shady things going on with his private security business and dropped Antonio into some hot water that we had to scramble to get him out of, he was a prick to Al and seemed to have some huge chip on his shoulder with Intelligence. Kim was offered a spot upstairs and she turned it down. He would tell her to suck it up, that nobody cared how she felt about turning it down or how it made her feel."

"So he's a complete knob."

Adam chuckled just a little before turning serious again. This was probably a conversation they should have had a long time ago but he didn't think that Roman was ever going to turn up in their lives again. "Not long after we got engaged things went sideways with Halstead and an op we were running and he started in on her about marrying a cop, imagine if it was me and all that crap. Then he started in on her about testing me and my commitment to her. When she found out that I had been engaged twice before Roman told her that a Bronze Medal was still pretty good."

He had told Lana about all his previous engagements; Wendy when he talked about how he and Kim got together and Nicole had come up in a conversation about the stupidity of youth. Contrary to popular belief he did learn from his mistakes. "Then he convinced her to give me a push test, and if I agreed to push back the wedding it meant that I didn't want to marry her. She started to doubt me, telling her I liked the trailer rather than movie and some crap." He closed his eyes, he hated talking about all this as it bought up so many bad memories and he tried desperately to hang on to all the good things he had with Kim. "Anyway, I had no idea I was being tested and thought that was what she wanted so I agreed and the doubts festered. As soon as we split up he was into her to start dating, and basically manipulated her into his bed."

"Wow. What a fucking arsehole." Adam did love that she always just said whatever was on her mind. If she didn't like something she told him in no uncertain terms, he was never left wondering what she was thinking.

"So I can see you thinking why did I forgive her?"

"No, I know why you did. You loved her."

"I did. I always did. Even when she was with him, I still loved her. Stupid huh?"

"Not at all. You have such a big heart. You love who you love, it doesn't always make sense."

He was quiet for a minute, contemplating and remembering those rocky few months. "I wanted to be the bigger man and respect her wishes. It was a mistake, I should have fought for her but I honestly had no idea what I had done wrong. When they were ambushed and he was shot Kim was charged with shooting an un-armed black kid and he left her to twist in the wind. He didn't even bother showing up to court when she was on trial. That's when I found out they were screwing, in court in front of everyone. Basically he then just left for San Diego when he was pensioned out and left her to deal with the fallout."

"I'll snot the bastard."

"Ha, you're awesome." He pressed his lips to the palm of her hand. "Kim cut him out of her life once she realised what he had been doing, his manipulation of her and she was so hurt. Then when was Matilda born and still in hospital she had restricted access." Adam had explained those few weeks after Kim died and how badly he coped with it all and how much he regretted being so absent in those early weeks of Matilda's life and he felt like he had been making it up to her every since. Surprisingly it was Erin that told her about Adam turning up at the hospital every night in those first days before they bought her home. He hadn't talked about it then and still didn't. She couldn't imagine the pain he was in at the time, but knowing how deeply he felt things she knew it would have been unbearable.

"He tried to get into see her, twice. He lied to try and get in, giving a false name. He showed up at Kim's funeral and then when she was six months old he sent Matilda a present, addressed it to Matilda Burgess and then just turned up outside our place one night and accused me of killing Kim because I got her pregnant."

"What the fuck? Oh Adam." She leant down and kissed his forehead when she sensed that those last few words were still heartbreaking for him.

"Eventually Al convinced me to let him see Matilda just the once, in the hope that he would be done and he'd leave us alone. I didn't think he deserved it but I wanted to put it behind me. He was getting to me and that was affecting Matilda. I let him see her for just minute and hoped that it would be over."

"But it wasn't?"

"I haven't seen him for more than a year until I saw him outside my place a few weeks ago and then in the park taking photos of Matilda. On his phone and camera there are photos of her from the last few months. Mouse hacked into his computer and he had more photos of her and I freaked out."

"Oh Baby." Lana continued to stroke his forehead softly. "I wish you'd told me. I would have understood. You scared me that day."

Adam wasn't sure whether it was wise to tell her the rest. She was struggling with his job as it was and this certainly might not help his cause but then again she had a right to know it all. He was hoping that seeing as they were lying in bed having just had, what he hoped was awesome make-up sex that he had some leeway. "He also had photos of you."

"What?" Adam held her hand tightly against his chest when she went to move it. He watched her closely and the look on her face was not comforting.

"He had photos of you and Matilda. When he asked about you he said that you'd had a drink together and was going to ask you out again. I wasn't ready for that."

That had shaken him as he watched Voight interview him. "So Lana Barrett." He had the smuggest look on his face and Adam noticed Voight's hand twitch and he knew he was trying to stop himself from pulling out the Voight slap. "How long has he been screwing her? Two or three years?"

His eyes flicked to the two-way mirror because he knew that Ruzek would be on the other side. Al stood in front of him to block his path to the door. "You can't go in there. Don't let him get to you, don't let him win."

"Al, with all due respect. He's had it coming."

"You think Voight is going to let him walk out of here in one piece. You need to keep your nose clean and we are going to make sure you do. You've got Matilda to worry about and Lana."

Voight folded his arms across his chest and rocked back in the chair. "What I can't figure out is why you have this unhealthy obsession with Ruzek? I get that you are pissed that Burgess knew what a mistake she made fucking you. You know Matilda isn't yours, don't you?"

Roman leant forward and was about to say something but Voight cut him off. "Don't even try to screw with Ruzek over that. He's not as stupid as you obviously are." He slid a folded piece of paper in front of him but as Roman reached for it he moved it away. "That's confidential. Private medical information." He added with a smirk.

"What I want to know is how does he know about Bear?" Ruzek roared as he paced around the small room.

They were scratching their heads over that and Roman was giving them nothing. It was up to Mouse to join the dots. He hacked into Roman's cloud. The guy obviously thought he was smart or just didn't care.

"Hey Ramirez." Al jogged lightly down the stairs. "Got a minute. We need you."

He followed Al up the stairs once he'd got the nod from his desk sergeant. "What's up?"

"Sit." He pointed to Ruzek's desk. Voight led Roman from the Interview Room, past Ramirez who suddenly broke out into a sweat. Al didn't say a word but grabbed Ramirez by the arm, probably a little too tightly and led him to the Interview Room that had now been vacated. He baulked when he saw Ruzek sitting in the room waiting for him and Al shoved him through the door.

In front of Ruzek was a laptop. Mouse had cued up the pages he needed. Al gave Ramirez a nudge and stood behind Ruzek, leaning against the glass and levelled his gaze at the Patrol Officer.

A bead of sweat ran down Ramirez's forehead but he was too scared to even move to wipe it away. Ruzek's eyes had him frozen. Slowly Ruzek spun the laptop around and he flicked through a few photos, pictures of his daughter and his girlfriend.

"Roman's got some interesting photo's." Finally Ruzek spoke. "And some interesting emails."

What they found was that Roman had been in contact with Ramirez and asked him to take photos of Matilda and provide him with some information. They included photos obviously taken inside the District when Matilda came to visit. She would often spend some time down at the desk with Platt and it would be easy enough to snap a few photos and that was exactly what they looked like. "Care to explain?"

"He asked me for some photos." He shrugged. "I didn't ask why but I know he was pretty tight with Burgess."

"And?"

"And what?"

'It seems Ruzek's got a new girlfriend. Her name is Lana Barrett, not sure what she does, she's not a cop. I overheard Erin talking to her.' Ruzek read out one of the emails. "Shall I continue?"

Ramirez shook his head. There was nothing they could charge him with but his time with the 21st was done, Voight made damn sure of that. Things had a habit of following you around in this job and Ramirez would be a fool to think he'd got off easy.

Lana didn't know what to do or say. "What do you mean? Why would he have photos of me?"

"I don't know Baby." Adam was unnerved by her panicked voice. "Talk to me, please."

"Hmmm." Lana shook her head trying to organise her thoughts and closed her eyes.

"Bear." Adam sat up and tried to pull her down next to him but she resisted. "I'm so sorry that you've been dragged into this. I thought I was protecting you from him but I wasn't I was living in fear that he would take everything I love away from me, like he did before."

"So what happens now?"

Roman wasn't charged but he also wasn't allowed near any of them again. Voight had certainly made his point and he was hoping they had seen the last of Sean Roman. "There is a restraining order against him, he can't come near us and we get on with our lives."

"Just like that." Lana cocked her head to the side and clicked her fingers. She squeezed his hand and tried to get out of bed as Adam grabbed her arm to try and stop her. This was all going wrong and he felt it all slipping away and he didn't know what else to do to convince her otherwise.

"Bear." He desperately tried to hang on. "I love you."

"Adam, Let me go. Just for a minute. I need to use the loo." The first time she had called going to the bathroom the 'loo' he scratched his head. The words she used at times still confused him or made him laugh. He let go of her hand, reluctantly and hoped it wasn't the last time he got to hold it. When he heard the shower start up he realised she was not coming back right away and it worried him. He contemplated joining her but that would be forcing her into something she might not be ready for so he got up and pulled on his jeans and headed out into the kitchen and found himself a drink. He leant against the bench and looked at the smooth amber liquid now in his glass.

Life was shit at the moment. He had the feeling that sometime in the next few minutes this was going to be all over and he'd be back with just Matilda. Not that being with Matilda would be a bad thing, far from it he just wished for something different, he wanted someone in his life, and he wanted Lana. He emptied the glass in one mouthful, grimacing slightly as it slid down his throat and burned in the pit of his empty stomach as he awaited his fate. Like a guilty man on death row enjoying his last supper.

As she stepped under the shower the tears fell, not unexpectedly. No one ever said this was going to be easy. From the moment she met him she knew it was dangerous to let herself fall in love with him but she had, she couldn't stop herself. He was beautiful, a beautiful father to his girl, a loyal and loving friend and he was a cop in a dangerous unit. He loved his job; that much was obvious. It was what he always wanted to be. Was there room for her too? He deserved to have someone who could let him be all that.

When she came out of the shower she was surprised that he wasn't in the bedroom and felt a mixture of panic and regret. Had she let him walk out of her life? If he had walked away did that mean he didn't think she was worth fighting?

Relief flooded through her when she saw him leaning on the kitchen bench, he was hunched over his phone and seemed to be watching a video. Coming up behind him she slipped her arms around his waist and kissed his back. He bowed his head a little and she could sense a feeling of defeat in his stance.

"I thought you'd gone."

"Do you want me to?"

Lana rested her head on his back. He wasn't sure if the wetness he felt were tears or just her wet hair but he held his breath waiting for the axe to fall. "No."

"Tell me what I can do to make this easier for you? I can't lose you." That desperation that he felt earlier was back.

"Baby, look at me." Slowly he turned in her arms and her heart skipped a beat when she saw how upset he was. "I don't want you to go. Not now, not tomorrow but I do want you to let me in. I know there are things you can't tell me and there are probably things I don't want to know. I am not a cop and it scares the crap out of me but what scares me more is not having you. This past week I realised that there are things you can control and things you can't. I can't stop myself from loving you, I don't want to so I need to find a way to live with your life. It might just take me some time."

"You can have all the time you need as long as you are still with me, with us 'cos we are kinda like a package deal." He promised, with all his heart that he would let her in, that he would try and allay her fears as best he could. Kissing her with every ounce he had in him he eventually drew away. "I love you, so much." And her heart melted because it wasn't only that he had said it but she could feel that he meant every word.

Lana watched him sleep. At times he looked tortured when he slept, like he was never quite resting but this morning he looked peaceful. "I feel like you are watching me?" she gasped when he spoke without opening his eyes.

"I am."

Gradually he opened his eyes and smiled at the sight of her lying facing him. "Why?"

"I wanted you to wake up."

"There are better ways to wake me than stare at me. Like you could tell me that you love me again. I'll never get sick of hearing that."

"Hmmm, I do love you." She leaned in and kissed his nose. "Adam." His hands were suddenly around her waist pulling her naked body against his. "I miss Matilda. Can we go and get her?"

He had just started attacking her neck with his lips and stopped suddenly. "What?"

"Can we go and pick up Matilda?"

Groaning, he buried his head into her shoulder. "That's what you woke me for? Really?"

"Really. I really miss her."

"But.." he whined. "Baby can we finish this first." Slipping one hand down between her thighs she squealed and tried to push his hands away.

"Adam, haven't you had enough?"

"Never, that was last night, this is a new day." Rolling over and trapping her beneath him he let his hands wander. "Then I promise we'll go and get her."

If she had any lingering doubts they were forgotten the instant Matilda saw her. Her precious little face as she flung herself at Lana was all it took to seal the deal, for both of them.