She ate her breakfast curled up in Sirius's arms. He had put some underwear on while she blushed behind her book, but his bare chest was still exposed.

"I want to take you out," he broke the comfortable silence, "I saw this bookshop I thought you'd like, and we should probably go before Remus gets back from the Burrow. If you want, that is. Maybe grab a latte, get hitched or something. Only if you want, though."

"I'll just take a shower and get changed," she said, climbing off of him. "A day out sounds wonderful."

Post-showering, clothes were laid out on the bed: some fancy underwear and a navy dress. They fitted perfectly, aside from the dress being a little too short for comfort. She countered that problem by transfiguring some tights. 101 Spells All Girls Need To Know, Ginny's book collection strikes again, she thought.

Placing her hand on the door handle of their room, ready for an adventure, she looked down at the bronze ring on her finger and smiled.

Although Sirius wasn't too pleased with the tights, they spent the morning roaming around a remote bookshop in a secluded village. Hardly somewhere he was particularly likely to stumble across, she thought, inspecting some of the strange books on offer. It was wonderfully peaceful. So much so that the couple lot track of time. They had been there for hours. Sirius had had his arms enveloping her for hours. Hermione had spent hours feeling his breath on her neck, and she couldn't concentrate on what she was reading. Not for a second. No doubt it would have been an interesting read if she could take her mind off of him, but she couldn't.

"Hey!" she shouted in a loud whisper, as he snatched the book she was examining from right under her nose, "I was reading that."

"You've been staring at that page for the last 10 minutes. I'm going to buy it so you can continue to do so over a coffee," he said, pulling her towards him as he approaching the counter, attempting to use muggle money.

She gave him a hand with the purchase and they headed to the small café around the corner from the shop, arms intertwined. "You really didn't have to buy that for me," she argued, "now I have to pay you back."

"I think you're forgetting something, love. Everything that's mine is yours." He picked up her hand from the crook of his elbow. "That's what that ring means."

Once they were sitting in the café, their playful flirting suddenly stopped. "I was serious before," he smirked, "when I said we could elope. I meant it. We could go right now and be married by the afternoon."

She nearly spat her drink at his comment. "You...? Oh... right, well, I mean you don't have to marry me today." She was blushing uncontrollably as the man she adored was proposing something she had only dreamed of. "You've got two years to go out and do whatever you want. You don't have to give it all up just yet," she said, failing to hide her hyperventilating, flustered state.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he stuttered, drawing his eyes away from her and toward his cup. "I just thought you were eager to... never mind. I'll wait. I don't want to pressure you into anything. I get it."

"Do you want to get married this afternoon?" she inquired, disguising her excitement well.

He looked her dead in the eyes. "Not if you don't want to." He still had his usual charm, but Hermione could see in his weary eyes that he was the opposite of facetious. He was not joking around. He wasn't going to even consider doing anything if he knew it would make her uncomfortable, and that in itself made her heart flutter.

"And if I do?" she smirked, biting her lip.

"Well," he raised a seductive eyebrow, smiling back, "that's a whole other story." He was still treading lightly, not wanting to push her, but he could now see how their trains of thought were bringing them to the same conclusion.

As decided, they walked out of the registry office, fingers interlocked, by late afternoon. "I can't say I was expecting such an eventful day," she skipped around, overjoyed.

"Nor was I, Mrs Black."

"That sounds really weird. I don't think I'm going to remember to respond to that," she giggled, sliding her arm under his jacket and around his back. "Plus we can't tell the others. Not yet anyway. They would absolutely freak – especially Harry. I don't think he's quite ready for me to become his godmother... Wow, that sounds even weirder. Godmother, ew, I sound like I'm a-"

"You sound like my wife, Mrs Black," Sirius interrupted, wrapping his arm around her waist. "Which is good enough for me."

"Mrs Black..." she repeated, "I sound like your mother."

"Why, on such lovely day, did you have to bring up such a ghastly topic?" he said, satirically picking the bridge of his nose and grimacing. "It took me years to get her portrait off the wall. If you were just going to take her place I needn't have worried about that." He leaned into her, breathing her in, making the most of every second he had her in his arms. "You're probably the best Mrs Black this family has ever seen," he said, facing her.

"As your wife, can I ask you a question?" she looked up at him.

"Of course, my love. You can ask me anything you want," he whispered, grinning impishly, expecting her to say something naughty in his ear.

"What happened that night? I don't remember anything and it really bothers me," she said, immune to his charm for the most part and almost pained by thinking back to the catastrophe. "I know you said nothing happened, but I really do need to know."

"Simply that, Hermione," he reassured, kissing her on the forehead. "Nothing. We got very drunk, we snuggled up a bit, something you seemed particularly keen on, I might add, but that was it. I wasn't about to take advantage of you." He rested his hand on a blushing cheek. "This is by far my most chaste and cherished relationship. Did you wanna change that?"

"I wasn't planning on making you hate me," Hermione began.

"I meant the other adjective."

"I know," she smirked, playing with her new wedding ring. She swiftly grabbed his face, bringing it to her own, as she apparated them back to his room.

Pinning her up against the wall, her new husband breathed against her neck. "I've been waiting all day to see you in your underwear."

"And I've been waiting all day to show you," she murmured, as her dress was unzipped from behind by two keen hands.

Remus returned from the burrow by late evening, tired beyond belief. The twins had released what they thought was a harmless slime prank, but turned out to be a slightly more dangerous problem. Two hours were spent trying to clear it out of Ginny's hair.

He sat at the table, alone, fixing himself a drink and staring into space. He'd noticed two mugs in the sink, hence assuming Hermione had just stayed for breakfast.

An odd noise from upstairs was just noticeable, so, once he had built enough motivation, he strolled up the staircase. If Pads is destroying my stuff again, he thought, I swear I'll-

The noise was much clearer now. It was coming from Sirius's room. As soon as Remus realised what he was actually hearing, he turned around and walked back in the other direction. "For crying out loud, Padfoot," he muttered, "what did I say about silencing charms? We've been over this. I don't want to have to listen to you bone some poor girl you probably picked up at the Leaky Cauldron."

The next morning, Hermione woke, enveloped by man who was wearing a matching ring to the one on her finger. She smiled as she stroked his arm, still half-asleep.

It was shaking. He was shaking.

Wrapping her arms around him, she whispered in his ear, "shh, sweetie, it's ok, it's just a dream, you're safe now." He got a hold of her, squeezing, digging his nails into her back, clawing away. "Shh," she repeated, wincing slightly, "I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving. I'm staying right here." His eyes shot open, followed by his hands releasing. "It's ok," she continued, holding his head against her chest, "I know what you're going through. Everything's going to be ok, sweetie." She continued to stroke his hair until he stopped shaking.

"Morning, Moony," Sirius said, proudly waltzing down into the kitchen, after taking a hot shower.

"You do know how to use a silencing charm, don't you, Padfoot? Because I could have sworn I heard something coming from your room last night," his friend joked.

"I've no idea what you're talking about," he said, fixing himself something to eat, very glad he remembered to conceal his ring.

"So who was she? Because I know for a fact Hermione won't be too pleased. I think she had her eye on you." Remus looked up from his paper, unamused. If he couldn't talk sense into Hermione, he was going to try with Sirius.

"What about Snivellus?" Sirius said, attempting to divert the conversation. "Thought she was shagging him."

"Not that she will ever admit," he explained. "But I don't think it's something she's too proud of. It's not like he would be very accepted by her friends. But then neither would you, so I don't know why she was pining over you."

"Speak of the devil," Sirius grinned at Hermione, who had appeared behind Remus, "whatcha doing round here, pet? Snivellus not treating you too well?"

"My man treats me just fine," she winked. "Couldn't ask for a better guy. I'm just contemplating going back the Burrow."

"Well," Sirius began, teasing her with his eyebrow, making her smile erratically.

"I'll go with you," Remus offered, interrupting the exchange between the newly weds. "Better safe than sorry, eh?"

Instead of apparating to the Burrow, Remus took them somewhere quiet. "We need to talk, now," he said, "about Sirius. You should have cut ties with him Friday night, but you didn't. You're with Severus. You two can't keep flirting with each other. It's not healthy."

"But what is healthy these days? Marrying my teacher? Because that seems very far from healthy," she countered.

"Sirius was with someone else last night. He's not interested in you the way you like him," said Remus, who was leaning over her supportively. "I know it hurts, but you have to move on from him. You have to be with Snape."

"I'm sorry, I can't do that." Her heart split in two as she coldly declined his advice. You are a terrible person, Hermione, I can't even bare to look at you sometimes, she thought.

They arrived at the Burrow in time to receive owls. Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny received ones from the Ministry.

"Bloody marriage laws," muttered Ron as he opened his letter.

"They're probably going to start implementing them from our year onwards," Harry added.

Hermione was quick to retrieve her letter before anyone else saw. Hers was different. Entitled: The New Mrs Black. Inside it congratulated her on her marriage and listed her marital duties: To live with your husband, maintain fidelity, regular consummation, wearing wedding ri-

Wait what? Regular consummation? I know the ministry need a new generation of wizards but they can't force people like that, she thought.

"Are you alright, Hermione?" Molly asked the frightened girl who had just realised what she had got into. "I know it seems scary, but marriage can be a wonderful thing. Plus, like you said, you've still got two years to find yourself someone. I'm sure you'll be just fine."

"I have found someone," she muttered to herself. "But what have I done?" Her train of thought was interrupted by Snape's owl (which hadn't seemed to have left from two nights ago,) landing on her shoulder. "OW!" she yelped, jumping up, placing her letter face down and grabbing her shoulder. The ashamed bird flew straight out of the window, as Hermione inspected what the owl had done.

Remus also jumped at her cry, running to examine her shoulder. "You've got marks all across your back," he whispered, pulling her sleeves down and adjusting her clothes so they weren't visible to anyone else.

"Rough night, to say the least." She stared into space, ignoring his concern.

"You got in a fight?" He brushed her back, feeling for wounds.

"Something like that. If you don't mind, I'm going to leave now. I did something ridiculous and rushed and now I realise how stupid I've been. I need to fix my mistake before it's too late. I've made a huge mess of everything... and I'm sorry... but..." and she was gone.

Hermione found Sirius in him room, reorganising his bookshelf for her. She grabbed his body in a hug, not letting go. She held him, breathed him in, and felt her heartbeat slowly sync with his.

After a few minutes of not moving, she slowly released her tight grip, and said, "We can't be married. I think we made a mistake. Everything was a little too rushed. I'm not ready. We don't know each other well enough. I'm sorry for thinking it could work and letting you believe it. Remus was right after all, I guess. We're not compatible."

He, however, didn't let go of the shaking girl. "Who have you been talking to, love? Because only a few hours ago you were happily married." He paused. "I hurt you this morning, didn't I? It was my fault. You don't want to be with someone who's broken. I get it."

"You didn't hurt me, sugar, I'm fine. It's not that." She reached into her pocket, retrieving the Ministry letter, and handing it to him. "Read this."

" 'The New Mrs Black' " he read. " 'We would like to congratulate you on your marriage and wish you a fruitful future. We were unable to locate your current lodging, so we hope you don't mind us writing to you at the Weasley family home.' "

"Skip to the bottom," Hermione encouraged.

"Oh my, Hermione," his eyes widened, reading, "we're going to have to start wearing our rings in public," he laughed.

"That's not what I meant."

"Well I don't see anything else wrong with this letter. Death Eaters at the Ministry seem to have pulled out all the stops to make fake marriages unbearable for a lot of people, but I don't see a problem for us," he said, cheerily. "The Ministry can pass whatever laws they want. I don't care. I've got you. That's all I care about."

"You still want me?" she said, looking very confused.

"Damn right I still want you. I don't seem to remember saying anything different," he smiled.

"But I was rubbish last night," she began. "You knew what you were doing and I didn't. I made a fool of myself. All along through this marriage you've been one step ahead. You've always known what was going on. I can't deal with that. It just makes me feel useless."

"You are the furthest thing from useless," he countered, cupping her face in his hands. "And to be completely honest, between you and me, I don't always know what's going on. Most of the time I just roll with how things are going and try to make it look like I'm comfortable with that. I never thought you'd agree to get married. I was more surprised than anything, but it was something I really wanted, so I made it look like I was expecting it. Concerning another topic, last night was great. I know you've never done anything like that before-"

"How do you know that?" she interrupted.

"Well Ron's way too immature, and I assume you're not shagging Snape, so..." She glared at him for that comment. "Am I wrong?"

"No..." she muttered.

"Hey, it's nothing to be ashamed of," he dropped his hands to her shoulders. "I'm going to tell you a story. Something I had planned to take to the grave, but I think you need to hear it."

"A story about what?" she looked up, intrigued.

He smiled, "My first time."

Remus apparated to Grimmauld Place, looking for a beaten up girl. "Hermione... Hermione, I can smell you! Where are you?" He suddenly paused when he could hear dubious noise from Sirius's room. "Dear Merlin," he muttered to himself, "Padfoot, that poor girl does NOT need you sending mixed messages, she's confused enough as it is." Once he got to Sirius's room however, he realised it was just chatter, so entered without knocking. They were lying on their backs, on his bed, giggling uncontrollably.

"Hahaha, I don't believe she would actually say that," Hermione chuckled.

"I swear to you she did," Sirius assured, with tears of laughter in his eyes. "I had no idea what to do from then onwards. How can you reply to that?"

"What did you do?" she asked.

"Well I tried to recover the situation. I thought if I... Remus? You alright?" Sirius sat up, drying his eyes. "What's going on?"

"What are you doing?" he inquired solemnly. "I've been looking for Hermione. She got a letter."

Merlin Merlin Merlin

The Ministry have probably created some new law

If it's about children I swear I'm going to murder EVERY last Death Eater

Fucking Voldemort

Even after death he's still haunting us...

Wait, how did Remus know the letter was for me?

The Ministry call me Mrs Black now

Oh Merlin, he knows...

Roll with it, Hermione

Make it look like you were expecting it

Make it look like you're comfortable

She reached out her hand to take the letter from him.

Thank fuck, it's just Mum...

Wait... fuck... how am I supposed to tell her I'm married?

"Thanks Remus," she said, skimming her letter. "Parents are just checking the term started well."

"So what are you going to tell them then?" he replied. "Because they won't understand the Ministry's laws and they're going to be asking quite a few questions when you marry Snape."

She looked up at Remus, blinking twice at his sheer blatancy. "They won't be asking any questions, because I won't be marrying Snape."

He closed the door behind them, muttering, "if you say so."

"How am I going to tell my parents?" she said, heart beating out of her chest once Remus had gone. "They are going to hate you." He consoled her in his arms while she hyperventilated. "You're older, you've got tattoos, you went to prison, you..."

He gripped her tighter and said, "I am your husband. I love you. I'm not going to let your parent get in the way of us."

"Husband..." she repeated to herself, "as in married. As in they're going to think I've rushed a marriage because... because I'm pregnant or something. They're going to think you're taking advantage of me. They're not going to let me go anywhere near you," she cried into him.

"I won't let that happen," he said, stroking her hair, "I'm never leaving you."