Rose Hathaway's Point of View
(A/N Oh… a lemon! Well.. I don't know yet. XD I looked in the last few chapters to see if I could find where I said the stake was attached to her leg…and I found nothing! Maybe you were thinking of a different story? If you'll find the section and paste it here I'll make sure to correct myself! You are right about the ghosts, however, and while it hasn't occurred to Rose just yet, it'll come into play later in this chapter! Thank you! I appreciate it!
I'm sorry it has taken me so long to update!)
It was just what we'd feared when I'd been his student. Of course the age difference had come into play, but our main worry was that if we had a relationship it would make her vulnerable. Dimitri leapt in front of me and began trying to push me behind him, seeing as I wasn't equipped with a weapon. Doing so left our Moroi—Lissa—exposed.
I didn't have time to overanalyze what Dimitri's initiative could be or process the fact that I was still in that damned dress. The Strigoi took that opening without a second thought. He leapt at her—or would have. I managed to wiggle out from behind Dimitri and tackle him before he took a single step. Coordination didn't really apply here. Getting him away from Lissa did.
They come first. That was still my mantra, no matter what the guardians said about me or what I did with Denis and the others. That was the mantra all guardians lived by, what had been grilled into novices since they could walk. Even if it wasn't my life anymore, I still believed it whole heartedly. Many—like Tatiana—took us for granted, but that didn't change the fact that the dhampir race needed Moroi for its survival. Without Moroi there would be no dhampirs, seeing as we couldn't reproduce with each other. And of course, the magic they honed was also an important part in our world.
But honestly? With Lissa's life on the line, it wouldn't have mattered if I believed differently. If it came down to me or her, I'd walk into the monster's lair without thought.
Jump into him was a more accurate term, seeing as he remained solid as a brick wall, though his face clearly displayed surprise. He shoved back—hard. Lissa screamed as I lost my footing and just barely had enough sense to outstretch my hands to break my fall.
I recovered instantly. It was how we were trained, after all. I felt nothing. I was in fight mode, my adrenaline running high.
He was a newly made Strigoi and his build clearly indicated that he'd been a Moroi before he'd been turned, but it really didn't matter. I was unarmed and had no leverage. Nothing to kill him with. I could only evade now. Where was Christian when you needed him?
I searched the area, looking for any kind of feasible weapon as I had many times before. I, of course, found nothing. My opponent, judging from his fanged smile, didn't seem to regard me as a threat at all. He lunged toward me, and I evaded, but not before I got his shin.
My eyes strayed over Dimitri, who fought three male Strigoi who looked like they'd been dhampirs before they'd been awakened. They were clearly older. Wonderful. I'd gotten the weakling. I guess I had to be kind of thankful for that, but still. Of course, they'd presumed that he was a problem and I wasn't. And of course he had a stake.
I could tell he wanted to help me out, but he was kind of busy at the moment. He'd most likely come after me the second I leapt but had been ambushed in return.
I could also tell that he was under control. I could see a pained look in his eyes, but he stayed composed. There wasn't a repeat of the gym. Thank god. That was one problem we did not need right now. Dimitri's mental state—as well as my own—was a worry for another day.
That glance cost me. My opponent got through my defenses and attempted to pin me, snarling. Lissa moved forward instinctively, indecision and fear outlining her features. I just barely got away. He was taller and stronger, but I was faster for the most part. My smaller size could prove to be an advantage if I used it the right way.
Reality finally set in. "Lissa! Get the hell out of here!" I yelled, dodging another one of his grabs.
I was good, but I wasn't stupid enough to think that I was invincible. Her trying to play hero would just result in me getting distracted and possibly killed. She was a liability. Naturally, being the stubborn person she was, she failed to listen. Or maybe it was just fear that held her in place. Or stupidity. Definitely stupidity.
Focus.
I could probably keep this up for a while, providing he didn't overwhelm me with his strength and kill me. Fortunately, I didn't have to.
Two guardians protruded from the doors, one guardian went to help Dimitri and the other to help me. That didn't really surprise me. The guardian, however, did. My leg snaked out and hit the Strigoi's knee, and I had the pleasure of seeing him falter.
"Mikhail?" I asked in surprise as he drove his stake through my Strigoi's heart.
He smiled slightly. "Hello Rose."
What a small world it was. I guess it wasn't all that strange, seeing as Mikhail didn't have a bodyguard assignment at Court. If they could, they'd send as many lower class guardians as possible. It was unfair, but it was better than leaving Moroi unprotected when they ventured outside of Court. There were so many places to protect and not enough guardians to do it. Tatiana had been right in that aspect. But that didn't mean that killing off the dhampir race was the answer.
I hugged him. He seemed surprised and was stiff, but then he loosened up and hugged me back. "Thank you," I say in his ear. "For everything," I continue. He seems to understand what I mean. He just gives me a sad smile, looking at Dimitri, who now was looking me, having killed his Strigoi, and then at me, a question in his eyes. I just shake my head. No.
"Rose!" Dimitri yells, tossing me a stake that he'd picked up from a fallen guardian. I caught it effortlessly, feeling an extreme pang of sorrow and grief in my chest. It didn't matter that I hadn't known the guardian; he was still someone in our ranks with family and friends and beliefs that he'd cared about, someone with a life. Someone who could be as important to someone as Lissa and Dimitri were to me. For only a second I let myself feel. I nodded my thanks, unable to trust my voice. Then I packaged up my grief and locked it into a small compartment with all of my other feelings. I'd deal with them later.
Suddenly, Lissa made a strangled sound, breaking the silence. Her face was filled—unsurprisingly—with terror. Her body trembled. I made my over to her, placing my hands on her shoulders. My voice was somehow gentle and firm at the same time. For just a second, how much she'd hurt me and how much I'd hurt her just didn't matter.
"Listen to me," I said, my dark eyes assessing hers. "I need you to get out of here. Go back inside. Find Alberta. See what she wants you to do. If you can, stay by the Queen." That last part came unwillingly, but I meant it. If I'd learned anything, the safest spot would be with Tatiana and her army of guardians. They were the best of the best.
"No. I'm not going to leave you." The words were resilient and courageous—all things I liked to see in my best friend. Dragomir traits. Bold and beautiful. It reminded me how strong she was. She felt weak half of the time, but that wasn't the case. She'd never see herself clearly.
Strong was a word she often associated with me. She had no idea how wrong she was. After all, she never would've left me. I mean, yeah, I wouldn't have let her, but still. It suddenly occurred to me that that why she felt so angry. She hadn't stopped me, the way I would've stopped her. I hadn't given her a chance, and she'd had no way of knowing.
I placed my hand on her cheek, wiping a tear that had escaped with my thumb. "No," I repeated gently. "You are. Because after all that we've been through, you owe me that. You owe it to me to keep yourself safe." I kissed her forehead, taking a step back, perfectly aware of the fact that we needed to be alert. I noticed then that my chest hurt.
But she needed to get inside, get help, and stay safe. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to her. I'd feel guilty, even if it wasn't my fault. That's how it was with people you loved, I realized with a start. Guilt was just another part of life, one we all had to live with. I knew it well. Thinking about both the two most important people in my life, I realized that I wasn't alone. Definitely not alone.
Another tear fell and she nodded. The bond told me she also understood what I wasn't saying. Neither of us was safe if she was here.
I knew how hard it was for her to leave me. Of course I knew.
A part of her just didn't want to leave because she was afraid that if she did she'd never see me again. I understood. A part of me didn't want her to leave either, wanted to have her beside me and know that she was okay, that I was protecting her. But I'd have the bond. "Go," I said, hugging her tightly, as if she was a lifeline. I don't think she realized how hard it was for me to let her go.
She went—reluctantly, of course. I let myself look after her for just a moment. "Love you, Liss," I said softly as she reached the doors, a tear escaping. The words hurt coming out and I couldn't believe that I was saying them. But right now it didn't matter that we'd hurt each other over and over. What mattered was the fact that if I never saw her again, she needed to know that without a doubt that I loved her. It was a very real possibility that I would never see her again. There was always that risk when you fought evil creatures of the night for a living. And of course, I wasn't the only one in danger. That was what scared me. I finally understood what true love meant… love meant that you cared for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be.
I wasn't sure she'd heard me until I got a message through the bond. Love you, Rose. I didn'tmuch feel like smiling, but my lips betrayed me. A second later I received another message. Be careful.
You to. I thought, and wished that the bond worked both ways.
I turned toward Dimitri and Mikhail. "You okay?" Dimitri asked softly, and I simply nodded.
"What do we do now?"
We found the group out by the front gates. It looked like there were about eight Strigoi and three guardians still standing in this spot. On the sides of me there looked to be at least sixty Strigoi together overall and one third as many guardians out here fighting. I didn't want to think about how many guardians we'd lost.
Our preparation went to waste, seeing as at least thirty guardians were in the ballroom, probably trying to stop a royal assassination. The battle had become bloody very fast—on both sides. More guardians were coming, I knew, and I hoped they'd hurry. We were doing surprisingly well, but the night wasn't over yet. Once someone with authority knew of the breach it would only be a matter of minutes until everyone knew and safety procedures were exerted. We'd been prepared for an attack…but not one of this extent. Whatever loss we experienced wasn't an effect of lack of skill. We were just outnumbered.
I didn't know whether to be grateful or not that the Strigoi had picked tonight. We had more guardians because of the Queen's arrival, but St. Vladimir's guardians were slacking off tonight. We'd all been living it up (okay, not really), assured that that the Court guardians would keep us safe. Tatiana's guardians were the best of the best, but our guardians knew this school better—they knew every rock, every tree, every building. We'd been prepared…but not for this. This large of a group was unimaginable. It just didn't happen. I remembered something I'd said to Dimitri years ago. This changes everything, doesn't it?
Yes. Yes, it did.
Dimitri, Mikhail, and I jumped into the fray. Within a second, I stood near an entrance, fending off three Strigoi, the body of a fourth lying at my feet. I had enough good sense to know that I was battered and bruised, but I couldn't feel anything, not yet, anyway. Dimitri fought with his back to mine, fending off Strigoi of his own. Mikhail fought with a guardian from Court back to back.
It was difficult to stay focused. And that was a problem, seeing as it could get me killed. I had to keep reminding myself of that.
Lissa's emotions were overwhelming. She was so, so afraid. Afraid for the school. Afraid for Christian. Afraid for herself. Afraid for me.
Afraid that she'd lose me again—this time for good. Afraid that I'd never know how much she cared or how sorry she was. It was silly, of course. I knew exactly how she felt—all the time. However, she wanted to say the words out loud almost as much as I wanted to hear them.
There was a part of her that wanted to know how I felt as well. She wanted to know that I regretted leaving her. That I'd never do it again. And most importantly, she wanted to know that I was happy. That my life was full.
That was something I wanted to know as well. Was she really happy? Really? And what about Dimitri?
Yes, what about Dimitri? The very same Dimitri who looked as if he could have taken on this army himself. His height in no way affected his movements—movements that were like those of a cobra striking out against its prey. He moved with such grace, such confidence…
I'd forgotten just how lethal he was. He could kill a Strigoi without breaking a sweat. He was my instructor, after all. He had such intensity to him—something that made him powerful, in more ways than one.
That intensity had certainly made me powerless as his fingers grazed my skin and his lips—his beautiful lips, lips that could change from firm to soft and wonderful within mere seconds—spoke my name, implying that I was the most beautiful creature walking this earth. Roza…Roza…
Damn it. Focus, Rose. That was harder than fighting. All of it was. Fighting was easy. It was why we fought that mattered.
Right now, I didn't know what I was fighting for. I was stuck in a bubble; waiting to live—truly live. Waiting to die. Waiting for something. Anything.
If I didn't stay in fight mode I wouldn't have anything to wait for—death would be on my doorstep and there would be nothing anyone could do about it.
In the moments that passed I didn't fight for any one person; I didn't fight for myself or for Lissa or Dimitri or St. Vladimirs—I fought for everything. Every word, every touch, every tear, every smile, every memory; no matter how painful. Because there was one thing I knew for certain, amidst all the craziness.
Two years ago I wouldn't have cared whether I'd lived or died. But something had changed along the way; I'd let down my defenses—even if for just a second, and in that lapse, I'd found that I was in too deep now. It didn't matter how sketchy my relationships were. For whatever reason, I wanted to live. I was certain of that. Somewhere along the way I'd gathered the courage to truly feel. I wasn't going to give that up. I wasn't going to give up my life, which I was obstinately trying to put back together. I fought for all of that.
I fought for life itself.
Dimitri Belikov's Point of View
Roza was beautiful in battle. She struck out fearlessly, her moves lithe and graceful, like those of a dancer. It was almost paradoxical, considering that almost everything Rose did was reckless and impulsive; based on a need that filled her. A need to prove herself. A need to keep those she loved out of harm's way. A need that made her life impossibly messy and unbalanced, two words that definitely did not describe a dancer. A need that I loved that about her.
Of course, I loved everything about her, even the flaws. Especially the flaws. And I hated that.
I hated the way she had to make everything okay when it clearly wasn't. The way she hid her face and the way her gaze hit the floor; the way she tried to lie and the way she didn't trust me anymore. I hated the way she couldn't accept anything until she had no other choice and the way she hurt herself and let me hurt her as a result. I hated the way she read my mind and made me wonder every second of every day what she was thinking, because even I couldn't get beyond the barrier—that secret part of herself that she just wasn't willing to share. All of that was maddening to me.
Most of all I hated the fact that in the same ways I loved her—loved her so much it hurt. How I had absolutely no right to feel that way and still did anyway. That was a crime.
Rose had changed. She was stronger; faster. Lethal. I'd heard Lissa talking to Christian one night, talking about how 'rough' she looked. Now, I had to agree. She wasn't Rose anymore—wasn't even a guardian. She was a warrior. A rouge warrior. The same conditions that had left bruises and worn skin also left strong muscles—a seasoned guardian. One I'd always known she'd become. I'd always known that she'd be one of the best.
Even so, I wanted to throw myself in front of her as I had earlier. All of my instincts were screaming one thing: protect her. She was in danger. I had to save her. It was that simple.
I wasn't sure what had possessed me when I'd leapt in front of her. My immediate action should have been to protect the Moroi in the area—Vasilisa. But I hadn't thought of the last Dragomir. I hadn't thought of anything except for the fact that there was a Strigoi there and Rose was unarmed.
She wouldn't let me protect her though. She'd thrown herself in front of her charge, as I'd always wanted her to do; as I'd always expected her to do. She truly was a guardian.
Suddenly, a heard a scream. A familiar scream so full of agony that it stopped me dead in my tracks. I had just staked a female Strigoi and was removing my stake when his hand caught my shoulder, pulling me to him. The world stopped. Somewhere in the back of my mind I made the connection. It was the love of my life, screaming my name.
My struggles quieted when I saw my captor's face.