Rogue's Diary
Anyone found reading this will be clawed!
1st October 2000
Well, I've neglected my diary duties for the last few days. It's been busy around here. Mostly because some kid named Bobby tried to get me to date him the other day. I was in the rec-room downstairs just taking in the atmosphere, trying to normalize with having students milling about just hanging out. And then that blond idiot Bobby struts in and comes up to me and nags me to go for a coffee with him. When he asked me, I saw red; I wanted to flash my claws. I wanted to carve NO into his chest. I wanted to scream Logan was the only man I will ever want or need. But I didn't, I played the good girl trying to keep in good graces here at Xavier's.
When I saw Logan laughing and singing when I butted into his therapy session with Xavier, I decided I would work on my jealousy and temper so we could stay here. I think this place is good for us. But that idiot Bobby thought I was just being shy by brushing him off. I was about two seconds from kicking his teeth in when I saw Logan in the doorway, smiling at me. I knew with our hearing Logan could hear every word from across the room. Well, while Bobby was trying his best to get me to date him Logan just walked across the rec-room with an evil grin on his face. He went to open a window, then came over and dragged the blond idiot off and threw him out the window. At first I thought Logan may have killed him or something, but no. He just threw him into Xavier's huge pool. I dragged him back to our room and showed my appreciation.
I know I didn't need his help, but that was the point. He chose to take the oncoming shit-storm for me. Oh and I was really happy he was jealous. I like that. I think I totally understand what Logan said once about 'staking a claim' being a turn on. So after we got busy and finished up and were relaxing in our bed, Scott comes up and hammers on the door. He and Logan got into a shouting match. He reminded Logan of our promise not to bring harm to any students. I think if Bobby hadn't been so forceful about trying to get me to date him Scott would have thrown us out. But from my place on the bed I could hear Jean trying to calm Scott down in the hallway. Even she thought Bobby went a bit far by grabbing my arm when I tried to walk away.
Logan ended the argument with Scott by saying he will always protect me regardless of whom from, and that he doubts anything like it will happen again once word gets around of Bobby's impromptu swim. I really love how he can be sarcastic and menacingly growly at the same time. Logan then slammed the door in Scott's face and came back to bed. Did I mention the whole 'staking claim' thing gets me hot? Well it does, and we we're at it for hours after that.
The next morning we got a few disapproving looks and quite a few knowing smirks as we came down to the dining hall for breakfast.
2nd October 2000
OK, just a short entry today before dinner. Bobby came up to me for the first time today. I was ready to pop out my claws and drill the meaning of what Logan said to him the other day. But before that the little shit apologized. Damn it's hard to stay mad at someone who say's they've never asked a girl out. Well, I played it cool and agreed to pretend it never happened. When I told Logan he laughed his ass off. I didn't get the joke at first, but he explained he was thinking that Bobby had no experience in getting date. Logan said it's no wonder Bobby royally fucked it up. I think I may have a word with Scott later about talking to Bobby about dating and stuff. Scott's probably the only guy here who could pull off that topic without looking like an idiot.
Logan's advice would probably just be 'get kidnapped by the government and form an unbreakable intimate relationship while imprisoned'. Xavier would have good advice on dating, but I think the wheelchair may take away his credibility with some of the boys. I don't know how things go on here, but Logan and I both think some of these kids are seriously repressed. I know coming from me and Logan that doesn't mean much considering our very active sex life. But we both think that the kids here are too uptight, and the boys and girls all segregate themselves more or less. I told Logan maybe it's something we could work on. It will give us something to do to try to make this place a bit better as a kind of payment for Xavier being good to us. And besides Logan and I seem to like coming up with little schemes and plots for a bit of fun.
Hmm, I don't think Scott would be the ideal candidate to talk to some of the boys about dating. He is too straight laced. I'll ask Logan what he thinks later.
3rd October 2000
God-fucking-dammit. Logan was right; Xavier was holding something back about the labs from us. He came clean today. The fucking bastards planned out our whole friendship and our relationship. They sent some sick fuck into our cell to rape me and as planned Logan killed him. They beat on us so we would protect each other and get closer. Logan and I are pissed. Not at Xavier. Well maybe a little, but I get why he did it. Fuck I wish I didn't know about that. Our whole relationship was engineered in a fucking lab... literally.
Xavier say's that it isn't important. That the fuckers set the playing field, but we still had our choices. Logan could have let the fucker rape me; I could have chosen not to defend him. He could have chosen not to heal my bruises. On some level I see his point, but all I can see is my anger. How those fucking pricks at the lab managed to taint our relationship after the fact. God Logan must have felt terrible, I don't think I've seen him that angry or upset. He leveled Xavier's coffee table in anger. Xavier was unfazed but I could tell he wished he didn't have to tell us.
When we dazedly came back to our room we fucked. I'm not going to pretty it up. We fucked, it was rough and we needed to reassure each other we still wanted to be together. I had to throw out the sheets, and get new ones from downstairs. Not worth washing out the blood. Mostly Logan's blood because I still have trouble controlling my claws when I'm high on an orgasm. Though a bit of blood was mine from where his nails dug into my ass so hard it drew blood. I can't speak for Logan, but it made me feel a little better. Like the sex washed away the possibility that this new knowledge wouldn't cause Logan to melt away out of my life. God we are fucked up.
After I got our new sheets, Logan and I agreed no more sex to avoid dealing with our issues. We made a deal so that the awesome sex becomes a reward for talking it out. I told him I was afraid that because of how we got together before the memory wipe, that he would no longer want to be with me. He just laughed and told me that he loved me, and that one day I'd be the mother of his babies. I reminded him that means we will eventually have to have those adamantium birth control plugs taken out of us. I know it's kind of dumb, but the image of little me's with Logan's hazel eyes and mini-Logan's running around soothes me; like it's something to look forward to. Not anytime soon, we still have a ton of shit to deal with, but the knowledge that kids is on the cards somewhere in the future makes me happy for the moment.
I don't care what it takes, but one day I am going to put my claws in the chest of whoever put me and Logan through all this shit. Anyone who puts that look of sorrow on Logan's face deserves a chest full of claws.
AN: A few things. First I am not trying to give Bobby absolution, but I am trying to get across he is just a kid whose only knowledge of dating comes from film and TV. Secondly I think the focus for now is going to be on our main couple trying to make the mansion a better place in there own way. I'd appreciate any thoughts on that. Lastly, on a philosophical level the fact that Logan and Marie were put into a position to form their relationship does not make it any less meaningful (depending on what philosophy you apply).