For the avid Monty Python fans out there.

The Trial Scene

"Harry James Potter," said Minister Fudge, "you have been found guilty of the murder of Jarvis Timothy Avery, Leopold Michael Avery, Gregory Gordon Goyle, Gordon Gervais Goyle, Vincent Domitian Crabbe Junior, Vincent Domitian Crabbe Senior, Lucian Julius Bole, Augustus Caius Rookwood, Thaddeus Morrison Nott, Walden Angus MacNair, Wallace Corvin Bulstrode, Miles John Gibbon, Damien Carter Wilkes, Basil Papillitis Parkinson, Pansy Verruca Parkinson, Antonin Kiril Dolohov, Thorfinn Fishinbarrol Rowle, Rodolphus Edmondius Lestrange, Rabastan Horatio Lestrange, Bellatrix Druella Lestrange, Lucius Abraxas Malfoy, Narcissa Cassiopeia Malfoy, Draco Lucius Malfoy, Severus Tobias Snape, and Dolores Jane Umbridge.

"All on about the morning of the 19th of December, 1995. Have you anything to say before we pass sentence?"

"Yes, Minister," said Harry. "I'm very sorry."

Minister Fudge exchanged a quick, incredulous look with the loudly-muttering Wizengamot and aurors.

"Very sorry?"

"Well, yes, Minister," said Harry contritely. "It was a very, very bad thing to have done and I'm really very ashamed of myself. I can only say it won't happen again. To have murdered so many people in such a short space of time is really awful. And I really am very, very, very sorry that I did it. And, also, that I've taken up so much of the Wizengamot's valuable time listening to the sordid details of these senseless killings of mine."

Harry paused for half a second before looking Fudge in the eye.

"I would particularly like to say a very personal and sincere sorry to you, Minister, for my appalling behavior throughout this trial. I'd also like to say sorry, too, for the aurors," Harry turned to the group of severely injured aurors sitting in the back of the courtroom, "for putting them through so much trouble for the literal hours of work they put in collecting evidence, and identifying corpses, and so forth. You know, perhaps we ought to realize the difficult and often dangerous work involved in tracking down violent criminals. And I would just like them to know that their fine work is at least appreciated by me."

"Well, no, no, we're only doing our job," said Auror Dawlish through the bandages covering his face, prompting his fellow aurors to nod as much as they could with their neck-braces and arm slings.

"It's very good of you to say that," said Harry sympathetically. "But I know what you've been through."

"No, no, 'old on, we've 'ad worse."

"It was plain sailing apart from the arrest," added Auror Robards.

"I know and I'm grateful," said Harry solemnly before turning back to face the Wizengamot. "I would like to apologize, too, to the prosecuting auror for dragging him in here, morning after morning, in such lovely weather."

"Well, I would have had to come in, anyway," said Auror Scrimgeour.

"Oh, good," Harry said with an air of relief. "But, what a presentation of a case."

"Well, thank you."

"Oh, no, it was a privilege to watch you in action. I never had a chance."

"Oh, yes, you did."

"No, not after that summing-up. Great."

Scrimgeour seemed to puff up a bit at the praise.

"And now, we come to the Wizengamot," Harry said, looking deeply ashamed as he faced the assembled group of witches and wizards. "What can I say? I've dragged you in here, day after day, keeping you away from your homes, your jobs, your loved ones, just to hear the private details of my petty atrocities."

"No, no," said Mr. Ogden. "It was very interesting."

"But you could have had a much nicer case."

"Oh, no, no, no, murder's much more fun."

"Yes, and so many of them," said Madam Longbottom with a fond smile.

"Excellent," said another member.

"We've had a terrific time," concluded another, leading to a round of applause from the entire corpus of the Wizengamot.

"Well, uh, I'm very moved," said Harry, tearing up. "And so, Minister, it only remains for you to pass the most savage sentence on me that the law can provide."

"Well, uh, not necessarily," said Fudge.

"Ah, no, Minister, the Dementor's Kiss is highly sufficient. I insist I must be made an example of."

"Well, yes and no. I mean…society at large."

"Oh, no, Minister, not with mass murder."

"Oh, but in this case, don't you think?" Fudge turned to the Wizengamot, whose members began to call for clemency.

"Aw, come on, Minister, you've got to give me life in Azkaban."

Fudge looked scandalized at the suggestion and the Wizengamot roared with protest.

"Well, ten years, at least," Harry insisted.

"Shame! Shame!" the Wizengamot cried.

"Ten years?!" Fudge said, aghast at the thought.

"Well, five, then," said Harry. "Be fair."

"No! No, no, no, I'm giving you three months in the holding cells."

"Aw," Harry reeled back as if he'd been struck. "Come on, that's so embarrassing. I won't hear of it. Give me six. Please?"

"Well…" Fudge hummed thoughtfully. "All right, six months!"

"Thank you, Minister," Harry said with a satisfied smile.

"But suspended!" Fudge added in with a cheeky grin of his own.

The entire courtroom burst into another round of applause as Harry let out a sigh of resignation.

"Three cheers for the defendant!" Ogden shouted. "Hip-hip!"

"Hooray!"

"Hip-hip!"

"Hooray!"

"Hip-hip!"

"HOORAY!"

The court then began to sing "For he's a jolly good fellow" as Harry dried his eyes on a handkerchief. Looks like Hermione was right. Purebloods really will believe anything you tell them with a straight face.