The weekend went by, slowly. Nothing happened, really. But the tense atmosphere between the two of them, it stretched every second into a small eternity. Gaara hadn't said a word for two whole days and Naruto had done nothing to lure one out. The silence between them, it didn't bother him. Gaara's general existence didn't either. But the degrading looks he laid on him, on the rare occasions he bothered to give one at all, those did. They went straight through him, made his skin crawl with something unpleasant. They declared him worthless, and at times, made him feel like he wasn't there at all. They made him feel the ugly emotion inferiority was.
The looks, they reminded him too much of the man he'd first come to know. The monster he'd only two days ago accused him of still being, now regretting it. As it'd dawned on him, the obvious change the redhead had undergone in the past few weeks, he'd realized he'd been wrong. Gaara had been a monster when he'd met him, was a monster now, but somewhere in between, he'd been a hybrid. A hybrid of both man and monster. He missed it. He really did. And blamed himself for letting the man escape, leaving behind only the monster.
The unthinkable had happened — he felt guilty, for what he'd said to Gaara. The one man he'd never thought could make him feel such a way.
Naruto had done his best to survive the weekend. Sakura wouldn't be back before Tuesday. He didn't really miss her, but did hope someone would arrive to relieve the tension in the house. It lurked behind every corner, hung from the ceiling, looming above his head around the clock. It was beginning to feel unbearable.
He did survive the weekend, and by Monday morning, a long-awaited distraction announced itself. Naruto lay in bed, awake and postponing the inevitable. He didn't want to get up and face another day of misery. Didn't want to face Gaara. He doubted he could've taken another cold glare and not burst into tears out of plain frustration. It was a low point of humiliation he truly wished not to reach. Given the mood, hearing his phone ring was a blessing he'd prayed for two days by then. He was embarrassingly quick to reach for the phone, did cringe at the caller, but was too desperate for human interaction not to answer.
"Hey, Shika."
A silent pause honoring their latest encounter followed. Naruto wasn't aware of holding his breath.
"Hey. Did I wake you?"
The air he'd trapped in his lungs flowed out in relief. The man didn't sound bitter, not even uncomfortable. He sounded the same as ever.
"Nah, I was up", Naruto assured, pulling himself up to sit.
"Good", Shikamaru said, with a tone that indicated news. "You got a call at the office."
The blonde frowned. "Why didn't they call me home?"
"I said I'd deliver the message. I wanted to talk to you anyway."
Naruto smothered a cringe. He already knew the talk wouldn't entail any fun, but supposed he'd had it coming.
"So, what'd they want?" he asked, clearing his throat in a manner than wasn't quite casual.
"The trial. It starts this week. Friday, to be specific."
Naruto allowed himself to feel surprised. "Really?"
"Yeah. There's a memo in your email, check it out." The man sounded hasty, as if there was something more important he wanted to say. "Okay, with the bullshit out of the way, we need to talk about what happened."
The emotionally tortured look was one the blonde failed to omit. "Yeah. I know."
"When I came over...it wasn't what I expected of you", Shikamaru told, which was a fair statement.
As much as Naruto generally hated people having any expectations of him at all, he knew he was in no position to complain. Neither could he disagree, knowing the man had a fair point.
"Yeah", he muttered. "I didn't handle it well. Sorry."
His friend sighed. "True. But I think I owe you apology as well."
Naruto raised a surprised brow. It wasn't a claim he'd expected, nor was he sure he agreed with it. Not knowing what to say, he let the other one fill the quiet.
"I know we've never really talked about your past", the man muttered. "And I'm not asking we do. But you know me...I'm a smart guy. I know you went through rough shit. I know you did bad things."
The blonde didn't feel exactly comfortable with the subject, but didn't interrupt.
"I was angry at you. Furious at the psychopath you took in", Shikamaru grunted, but then abandoned the bitter tone. "But, I get that you're in deep shit. I can't help you. Seems like only Sabaku can. So long story short, I forgive you and hope you trust me to keep my mouth shut. That's all."
For a while, Naruto felt baffled, downright perplexed. But the look of shock vanished to make way for a wide smile. He was well aware he didn't deserve the kind words, knew the man had no real obligation to help him. Yet he was happy to know there were people who still had his back. Especially now that there was no guarantee Gaara did anymore.
"Thanks, dude. You're worth a million", he assured, kind with his tone.
Shikamaru said nothing, but wanted to believe he had a smile on his face. Feeling the need to show his appreciation better, Naruto made an effort.
"You know I'd do the same for you, right?"
The man huffed. "Yeah. Wouldn't do this otherwise."
Naruto chuckled, but was quick to drop the subject. Something he'd nearly missed in midst of his anxiety over their friendship reentered his mind.
"The trial", he stated. "Did you say Friday? That soon?"
"Yeah", Shikamaru confirmed. "To be honest, I feel like they're rushing to get it over with. Yakuza, I mean."
Naruto scowled. "That's a fair guess."
"Yeah, well, whatever it is, it's soon. So get the case together and defend the maniac."
The blonde sighed, tiredly. He'd lost his motivation about five cold glares ago.
"Yeah. I'll do that."
"Good", Shikamaru told. "Gotta run. Talk to you later."
"Sure. Bye."
The line went dead. Naruto stopped to stare at the now silent phone. A small smile spread across his lips.
His life might've gone to shit, but if nothing else, he still had people he could count on. Sasuke, Shikamaru. Kiba, too. Gaara might've crossed himself off the list, but frankly, worrying over it wouldn't write his name on it anew. Instead of dwelling in a blend of self-pity and despair, he decided to be happy for the little he had and not feel sorry for what he didn't.
Having regained a hint of his will to live, he dragged himself out of bed, threw on a pair of jeans, but couldn't bother with a shirt. The room was warm, warmer than it'd been in months. He dared to assume it'd be a warm day outside too. Summer was just around the corner, after all. It lifted his spirits the little it could.
Naruto made his way downstairs and into the kitchen in search for coffee. Like always, he found Gaara sitting by the counter and coffee ready to be devoured. Judging by the man's tense shoulders, he was aware of the newly arrived presence, as well as the stare on him. Unlike on most occasions, he didn't seem the least bit okay with it, and eventually lifted his gaze to showcase that.
"What?" he grunted, downright hostile.
The blonde sighed. He could've spat out an insult to return the foul attitude, but honestly, didn't care enough to make the effort. Instead he went on to get himself the cup of coffee his system desperately needed, took the seat he always did and lit a cigarette. The redhead acknowledged him in now way at all, only continued staring at the counter top. Naruto couldn't say he minded it, per se, but did mind the tension tangible enough to be cut through with a knife. He did consider slicing through it, but for a while longer didn't. After he'd finished his first cup and poured another, he reached into his pocket and dug out a tag he'd held on to for days by then. Wordlessly he threw it onto the counter. It landed with a clink in front of the redhead, who slowly turned to give him one of his piercing glares. Naruto smothered the flinch he wished to give free will to. He had only one demand to make.
"Decode it."
Gaara's already cold glare turned freezing, clearly unappreciative of the rude tone. A long while of defiant staring went by before the redhead sighed in the name of the greater good and grabbed the tag. For a moment or two, he studied it in silence. Without looking the blonde's way, he then held out his hand, palm side up. Knowing what the silent demand was about, Naruto left his seat, grabbed a pen and returned to hand it over. The redhead went on to yet again scribble his hand full of what Naruto considered to be nonsense. Clearly, he'd never heard of paper before. When done, Gaara frowned at what read on his hand.
"Where'd you get it?"
"The bitch in five pieces."
The man's frown grew deeper. "Wasn't a yakuza."
Naruto raised a brow. "She was covered in mafia tattoos."
Gaara made no comment, merely gazed at the text scribbled on his hand.
"Probably just hired by them", he eventually grunted, then looking curious. "Her name was Karin."
His disclosure received little to no interest. "Yeah, great, I don't give a shit. Tell me somethin' useful."
The pale man clearly wished to punch him for the tone used, but didn't. From the information he'd written down, he picked the one most interesting.
"Hebi."
Though only a one-word statement, Naruto froze. He felt all color drain from his face, throat closing up with something unpleasant. After a while of receiving no reaction, Gaara turned to see him. The odd look that met him made him question if he'd told something unexpected. It took a moment of disassociation and confusion, but eventually Naruto pulled himself together, though said nothing. Gaara found it irksome.
"What?"
"Nothin'."
A bold lie, thrown shamelessly into his face. Having no intention of being lied to, Gaara gave him a look that demanded to be obeyed.
"Bullshit. Talk."
Naruto closed his eyes. Knowing the sneers that would ensue, he really didn't want to. But supposing enduring them was easier than getting into a fistfight, he complied.
"Hebi", he grunted. "It's a criminal organization. Small, but deadly."
The redhead narrowed is gaze. He wondered, why did Naruto seem to know it so well? He didn't ask, expecting to be told without encouragement. Though the blonde struggled to get the words out, he forced himself to.
"Sasuke...was the original founder. 'Bout fifteen years ago."
Gaara watched him with deadpan eyes for a good five seconds, before pulling a spiteful smirk. He didn't have to say anything for Naruto to know, he declared himself to have been proven right. Sasuke wasn't worthy of trust. The blonde could've started a fight over it, but skipped the idea. Skipping it meant running out of things to talk about, and having nothing to talk about invited the dense tension back into the room. Both of them considered leaving, but neither wanted to admit defeat. Eventually, Naruto spoke.
"The trial starts on Friday. We gotta leave to Fuchu tomorrow night."
He received no reply, but did see the fleeting look of discomfort in the man's downcast eyes. It didn't surprise him, he knew Gaara wasn't fond of the city. So far he'd sucked it up and gone along, but now, given the circumstances and all around disregard for the world and one another, Naruto grew worried the man would let his dislike dictate his actions.
"You ain't thinkin' 'bout doin' something stupid, are you?" he asked, not knowing whether or not to expect a lie.
The question earned him a passing glance and brief silence, and eventually, an actual reply.
"No."
Though he had his doubts about it, Naruto decided to believe him. Deciding the discussion was over, Gaara left his seat, threw on his jacket and walked to the door. Before the blonde could pry about his intentions, he answered the anticipated question to avoid hearing the man's voice. He'd grown to dislike it.
"Takin' the dog out."
Naruto closed the mouth he'd opened to speak and watched him walk out, the dog stuck to his heels. As soon as the door closed, the blonde sighed. Though he felt no lighter than before, the air did, to an extent. Gaara had taken half the tension with him. But his portion was still there, still looming above his head flooding with oppressive thoughts.
He abandoned the idea of Gaara in exchange for something more concerning. The tag, it bothered him. What he'd told the redhead about Hebi was true. Fifteen years ago, give or take, Naruto had been thirteen, Sasuke a little shy of fifteen. Both of them had settled into life on the streets, adjusted to the newfound family of drugs, dirty money and grand theft auto. Despite the gang's unlawful way of life, they'd felt safer than ever. They hadn't been alone anymore, they'd found people other than each other to rely on. Itachi had been around every now and then, though most of his time was wasted on drugs and petty crimes. He'd provided for them, if nothing else. He'd done his best, Naruto supposed. In general, life had been okay. It'd been endurable. But as most things tolerable, it'd met its end.
About a month before Sasuke turned the age of one fifteen, his past demons had pried their way back to the surface. He hadn't known how to handle them, how to fight them. He'd felt lost and helpless, but above all else, angry. Angry with the world, angry with everything that roamed it. It hadn't taken him long to reach the point of escape being the only option. Whether he'd truly believed he could've outrun his demons or not, Naruto still didn't know. But he'd tried. He'd left their sad, filthy apartment without warning, left the gang. Left him. For two whole years, Naruto didn't know where he'd gone or if he even was alive anymore. Those two years were the worst of his life, still up to date.
He'd returned, eventually. Naruto hadn't welcomed him with open arms, but instead made an attempt to kill him with his bare hands. A genuine one. Never in his life had he felt as furious, hurt and offended. How could the man have abandoned him like that? Without any explanation, without as much as a goodbye? In the years gone by, having grown older and wiser, he'd learned to understand why he'd done it, had come to accept it for what it were — an act of despair. But at the time, he'd lacked all comprehension and empathy. It'd taken him a long, long time to forgive him.
In those two years he'd spent away, many things had changed. The gang had fallen apart, new ones had formed. Though only fifteen at the time, he'd unwittingly become the leader of something vile. Dozens of people, eventually hundreds, took orders from him. Not because he'd possessed exceptional strength or impressive wealth, not back then. But because he'd had the smarts to plan out foolproof crimes. Smarts he hadn't been born with, but had learned, forced by the wicked world. Considering the circumstances, he'd lived a fairly secure life. Hardly ever had he been forced to partake in the crimes themselves. He'd had the luxury of round-the-clock protection, as gang wars had and always would be an inexhaustible resource for those who had to fight to live. He'd even managed to complete high school. It was an accomplishment he took pride in still today.
When Sasuke did return, he'd walked into a world he hadn't known to expect, but was quick to adjust to. He'd shared Naruto's position in the lead of the town's biggest nuisance, they'd moved back in together. Slowly but surely, life had fallen back into place.
Sasuke never told much about his time away, and after a few years, Naruto had grown tired of asking. But he had revealed snippets every here and there. He'd told about the city he'd ended up in after an aimless search for a place to lay low at. Sound, it'd been called. Well, still was, Naruto supposed. There he'd quickly attracted the bad kind of attention. For a few weeks he'd struggled to find his place. Then came along a man who'd promised him the world in exchange for his loyalty. Adamant to find a purpose, any purpose at all to stay alive, he'd agreed. But as time went by, he'd come to realize it wasn't only his loyalty the man was after. It'd been his soul, his entire being, for the rest of his days.
He'd grown tired of it. Of the ways the man used him, of the horrors he'd been forced to commit. What said horrors entailed, Naruto didn't know. Sasuke had never agreed to tell. He supposed there were some wrongs one couldn't forgive themselves for. Respectful of that, he'd never asked about it twice.
The man whose trap he'd fallen for became well aware of the change in his attitude. His misbehavior and refusal to cooperate happened one too many times, earning him the title of a traitorous threat. He'd paid for it via a bullet. He'd survived, but hadn't forgiven for the pain and suffering. He'd decided to seek revenge. Eye for an eye, and then some. He hadn't been the only one who felt let down by the man he'd grown to despise. It'd been easy for him to turn his former familiars against the man and begin working on a plan to dispose of him. It'd taken weeks, months. The man hadn't been one to be taken lightly. He'd earned his respect through fear and intimidation, had gathered himself a long list of charges, ranging from drug trafficking to murder, even terrorism. But from behind his blind rage, Sasuke hadn't felt an ounce of fear.
That'd been the initial purpose of Hebi. To get payback. And they had. Abusing the trust the man had put in them, unaware of their turned backs and betrayal still to come, they'd killed him. Sasuke had never killed before and never killed since, but for that one man, he'd made an exception. It'd given him peace, given him the purpose he'd left to seek for. Feeling a sense of closure, he'd left Hebi and returned home. What'd come of Hebi after his departure, Naruto didn't know. But given the tag he still held, they hadn't gone extinct. And though he trusted Sasuke, trusted him with his life, he couldn't shake the uncomfortable feeling creeping up to sit on his shoulders.
He couldn't help it. He had to ask, or never get a good night's sleep again.
He took out his phone, picked the desired number and made the call. After a few rings, a weary voice picked up.
"Myeah?"
"Hey, douche. You up?" Naruto replied, coming off as casual.
"Well I am now. What time is it?"
"Nine."
Sasuke groaned. "Fuckin' cunt. It's my day off. I could've slept in."
"Sorry", Naruto huffed. "I need to talk to you 'bout somethin'."
"Is this 'bout the trial? I heard it starts in a week", Sasuke guessed, incorrectly.
The heavy silence his assumption induced woke the man up in an instant. He already knew, something was wrong.
"What is it? It's bad, ain't it", he less asked and more stated. Naruto neither denied nor confirmed.
"I need you to come over."
He could hear the scuffle of covers being pushed aside. Having realized the serious nature of Naruto's demand, Sasuke cut the call short with a hasty promise.
"See you in thirty."
The call dropped, leaving Naruto in silence. Sighing, he put his phone away. He wasn't looking forward to the discussion he knew he'd have to see through. Sasuke wouldn't take it well. Hell, even he wasn't taking it well. He felt anxious, fearful somehow. Frightened of how his questions would be answered and if his worries had any real merit to them. For the time being, he pushed his fears aside.
He lit a cigarette. It tasted better than usual. Stress had a tendency to better the taste of vices. He wasn't exactly surprised to find himself thinking about Gaara again. He felt confused. About him, about what now lay between them. He still feared he'd made a mistake rejecting the man for good. It wasn't that he'd forgotten what the redhead had done, attempted to at the very least, but deemed the cost of it secondary to that of losing him. The man removing the concept of consent out of the equation cost him his trust in him, but losing the bond he'd unwittingly built with him might cost him his life. It was no big feat to choose which was more harmful.
His pride would rebuild itself. His dead carcass wouldn't.
A lungful of smoke eased his mind out of oppressive picking and choosing from two different evils to something else entirely. Though he'd now made the solid decision not to repeat his mistakes, he took a moment to think back at them. To figure them out, to understand them. He wondered, what had driven him to commit them in the first place? He toyed with the idea of the man's appeal being nothing but an embodiment of his chance to survive, but quickly dismissed it. He'd made his first mistake back when Gaara had still been in prison, long before finding himself looking death in the eye again. Maybe it'd been a simple matter of lust, an undeniable aspect of the human condition. Perhaps it was possible to want someone enough to leave no room for common sense. It wasn't an explanation he could knock down, yet it still didn't seem good enough. Like there was something missing. What that was, he dreaded to analyze, but knew he had to.
He was forced to ask himself — could it have been more than that? More than primal attraction?
The thought felt as suffocating as it did plausible. He'd come accept that he could, in fact, desire a man in a way he never had before. But it did raise a question he'd postponed asking for too long. He could want a man, but would he have been able to fall for one? Emotionally, far above and beyond urges strictly physical. It would've been ignorant of him to claim he'd never felt a damn thing for the man. For he had, many times and in many different ways. He'd hated him, felt angry at him, despised him to the very core. But he'd also laughed with him, felt fleeting moments of joy, perhaps even happiness. He'd felt...fond of him. And last night, only for a second as short as it'd been real, he'd felt jealous of him. He supposed it was a fact he couldn't simply shrug off.
Naruto idled, unaware of everything but what resided inside his head. His cigarette had burned out long ago. What if? What if he was falling for him? Or had been, he supposed.
The thought appeared only to pass by. The instant it entered his mind, it felt too wrong to be true. It didn't cause anxiety, wasn't something he wanted to dwell on. It felt plain wrong, didn't fit. That's how he knew, it wasn't so. Whatever it was he'd felt for the man, wasn't genuine, but a byproduct of meaningless attraction. It eased his mind, to an extent.
The front door opened. Thing ran inside, Gaara a step behind. Naruto stopped to watch him. He asked himself the same question as a moment ago. Did he feel something? Gaara turned to meet his watchful gaze. And the instant it did, he knew the answer.
No. He felt nothing. Not a damn thing.
The redhead's deadpan stare didn't budge from his matching one. He did eventually look the other way to chuck out the cigarette forgotten in his hold, but then turned back. With a toneless voice, he brought up a decision he'd made against his will.
"We need to talk."
Gaara remained silent for a while, before turning and walking away. His voice did still reach the kitchen.
"No."
Naruto shut his eyes. Not yet bothering to go after him, he raised his voice enough for the man to hear. Not to express anger, only to voice a fact.
"I wasn't asking."
He received no reply. Blue eyes visiting at the very back of a blonde head, Naruto reluctantly abandoned his seat and followed the redhead. About halfway down the hall, he caught up and grabbed him by the arm. As expected, the man spun around and gave him a cold glare. He didn't care.
"We need to talk", he repeated with a firmer tone than before.
Gaara shook his head. "No. We ain't got shit to talk 'bout."
"Really?" Naruto snorted, clearly sarcastic. "Cause I think we got a fuckload of it, and I ain't takin' it to the trial with me."
The redhead gave him a condescending look. He hated it, but said nothing.
"That ain't my problem", the man declared, taking a step closer. "I don't give a shit 'bout what you want. I'm payin' you to get me out of prison. Do your damn job and shut the fuck up."
If his intention had been to throw Naruto off, he succeeded. Out of all the hurtful things he'd prepared himself for, being kicked down to the position of a mere employee wasn't one. It felt like a slap across the face. In fact speechless, Naruto failed to put up a fight, couldn't even return the insult. Pleased by the blonde's silence, Gaara turned to leave. As an instinctive response, Naruto grabbed him by the arm anew, not realizing the consequences of it. He was reminded of them soon enough, hard and square in the face. Forced to let go and hold his nose now bleeding down his jaw, Gaara abused the opportunity and locked himself inside the nearest room. By the time Naruto overcame the shock, he was furious beyond belief. Adamant to make his rage known, he threw a punch at the locked door.
"Open the fuckin' door, you useless cunt!"
He received no verbal answer, but instead heard a fist return the punch he'd thrown at the door. Just when he'd thought he couldn't feel any angrier, the hellfire rushing through his veins proved him wrong. He stopped giving the slightest shit about safety, about neighbors, about the world in general and reached for the nearest gun in sight. Lacking all hesitation, as well as common sense, he aimed at the door and fired. Twice.
Silence fell. His aim and stare remained glued to the door, his rage hoping the silence would never end. When already hopeful he'd hit his target and killed him on the spot, a twisted, sneering laughter came from the other side.
"You're dead, you lousy fuck."
Naruto's jaw clenched, his aim still not budging.
"Yeah? Come out and try me, fucker."
He heard it, the manic grin plastered across the redhead's face.
"Not me", he chuckled. "The cunts I'll let get ya."
For a split second, the blonde's aim finally did falter. He'd been right, then. Gaara no longer cared for his survival. It seemed the man read his thoughts.
"Should've thought twice 'bout shootin' at me, angel."
His aim faltered anew, but this time due to the fury he shivered with. He snapped. His eyes adopted a mad gleam, steps led him only inches away from the door and voice had two different tones to it. Murder and laughter.
"Open the door. I'll fuckin' gut you."
He didn't sound angry anymore, merely insane. Gaara must've heard it, must've known that had the door not been there to separate them, the blonde would've made his threats come true. Yet he sounded in no way fazed.
"Finish what you started last night. Blow your useless brains out."
Naruto chuckled. "I'm takin' you with me. C'mon, open the door, love."
"Nah, I'm good."
The perfectly calm, composed and carefree reply pushed him over the edge. His madness mixed with rage, voice blended with the roar of a dragon and shouted a word after every kick he threw at the door.
"Open. The fuckin. Door!"
A door did open. Not the one he'd hoped, but the one at the front of the house. Sasuke stepped inside. The sound of it failed to pass through the blonde's madness, never reaching his awareness.
"You psychotic fuckin' lowlife, open the door!"
Sasuke froze still. Too shocked by the view to even speak, he could only watch his blonde friend abuse a door as if it'd attempted to fuck his wife. Somewhere from behind said door came a voice he declared to be the motive for Naruto's mad behavior.
"I'm psychotic? Ha." A string of mad laughter followed. "You're pathetic."
Just as Sasuke thought the situation couldn't have worsened, Naruto raised a gun to aim at the door and fired it, over and over again, and only stopped when he ran out of bullets. As an act of frustration, he threw the now useless gun at the door he seemed determined to see open.
"You fuckin' dead yet?!"
For about five seconds, silence.
"You wish."
Naruto laughed. Sasuke felt disturbed it, disturbed by him by and large, yet had to admit he was impressed to see the blonde take a few steps back and run into the door shoulder first. The lock's side cracked into pieces, the frame giving way and the door slamming open. Realizing what might ensue, Sasuke rushed after the man that'd disappeared from view.
Naruto came close to losing his balance, but didn't. The instant he spotted Gaara standing in a corner of the room, one none of his bullets could've reached, smoking a cigarette and looking bored, he lunged at him. But as soon as he got a hold on him, he felt something press against his jaw. He didn't have to see what it was. He knew what the barrel of a gun felt like. Gaara gazed at him with calm eyes. As a silent insult, he blew smoke in the blonde's face, then cracking a smirk.
"Don't make me blow your pretty face off."
He saw it just fine, the look of mad frustration in the blue eyes, and enjoyed every last bit of it. Knowing that moving even an inch in the wrong direction would earn him a bullet, all Naruto could do was hiss from the inch away Gaara was willing to forgive for.
"How does it feel like, huh?" he growled through gritted teeth, yet managed a spiteful grin. "What's it feel like to know you'll die alone?"
The flash of confusion and surprise in Gaara's eyes gave him pleasure unlike any other. It fueled his need to make the man's confidence crumble. And he did so with a tone that meant every last word. Slowly and with a note low enough to class as a growl.
"Without me, you have nothing."
He watched Gaara fight to keep both his calm and dignity. In the end, he could only maintain one. Given his determination to never feel inferior, the gun that left the blonde's jaw and returned to strike him in the face couldn't be considered a surprise, but it did hurt. Yet all Naruto did was laugh. Obviously enraged by it, Gaara threw away the gun and attacked him with his bare hands, as he'd decided to murder the man as slowly as possible. Naruto returned the punch that struck him in the face, Gaara took revenge for the busted lip it left behind.
Sasuke stood there in the doorway, staring at the two men genuinely looking to murder one another. He knew he should've done something, knew he was supposed to, but couldn't move. Partly for knowing he wouldn't be able to separate them without getting killed in the process, partly because he felt like thin air. Somewhere in the back of his mind he was aware of the real possibility someone might die, but remained clueless of how to prevent it.
It was then he spotted the gun Gaara had thrown across the room. He watched it for a while, before taking calm steps to reach it. The men fueled by pure fury and testosterone didn't even notice him. He picked up the gun, made an impressed face at its fine quality, checked it was loaded and then turned around and aimed it at the two animals fighting for dominance, and likely, death. Given that the walls already were full of bullet holes, he found no harm in adding in one more. As he fired, he chose a random divinity to thank for Naruto having no immediate next door neighbors.
His means of obtaining order worked its wonders. Apparently neither of them had even been aware of his presence, as they both flinched, paused and turned to stare at him and his raised weapon. Sasuke's deadpan stare looked unimpressed.
"Chill your tits, idiots. You're doin' yakuza a favor."
Though neither one said anything, at least they seemed to stop and think. Supposing Sasuke was right, they let one another go, but didn't hold back the hostile stares. Naruto watched the redhead with a gaze that failed to decide whether he wanted to see him die by fire or disembowelment. Gaara watched him back with eyes that hoped to witness the blonde undergo an autopsy while still alive. For a long while neither one spoke. It was difficult to pick only one hateful statement to say. Naruto was the first to find the winning insult.
"I wish I'd never met you."
Gaara clenched his jaw, but withheld his violence. He did warn about it, though.
"Don't make me hurt you."
Naruto scoffed, followed with a dry chuckle. "Hurtin' me is what you do best, ain't it."
The redhead's eyes flashed with danger. Aware of the armed third wheel, he couldn't take a suffocating chokehold of the blonde, but did take an opinionated one.
"I've never fuckin' hurt you. Never."
For the first time, something shifted in the blonde's consistently enraged eyes. Something that brushed against melancholy and regret. Gaara expected it to vanish and be replaced with the rage from before, but it never did. The look stayed, and after a while, blended with a somber voice.
"You make me hurt every fuckin' day."
Gaara's clenched jaw relaxed as his lips parted. He couldn't lie, the words threw him off, and he wasn't sure what they were aiming to accomplish. But as he finally became aware of the shade of emotional blackmail laced somewhere in between them, his foul attitude returned in all its glory.
"No. No. You don't get to make this 'bout yourself", he hissed, refusing to feel guilty. "You wanted it this way. You pushed me away. This your fuckin' fault."
Naruto opened his mouth to spit out angry words back, but upon realizing the man was right, closed it tightly shut. Seeing that his point had made it across the vast valley of hatred between them, Gaara made the decision he should've made a long time ago.
"You fucked up. Now live with it", he grunted. "Go sell your pretty face to someone else. I'm done with it. I'm done with you."
His words strove for finality, and reached it. Naruto said nothing. And neither did he. Without another word, he let go, turned his back and walked away. Sasuke let the deliberate shove of his shoulder slide. Half a minute later, the front door opened and slammed shut, loud and clear. Neither of those left behind spoke, nor moved. Naruto stared into distant nothingness with empty eyes. Sasuke saw it was best to let the silence remain as it were. And it did, until Naruto finally shattered it with dry words.
"Leave the room."
Sasuke hesitated for a moment, watched him with eyes that questioned how wise it was to obey, but in the end, did as told. He stepped out, closed the door that had lost its purpose, and stopped to stand a small distance away. For the next fifteen minutes, he listened to sounds of glass shattering, fists colliding with hard surfaces and heavy objects being thrown at whatever it was standing in their trajectories' way. He heard the wordless roars of frustration, the growled profanity meant for a man who wasn't there to receive it. He listened and waited. Listened to Naruto express emotions of every kind, waited for him to pour out all his anger, directing it at lifeless items. He preferred it over the alternative.
The sounds lessened after a while, before dying out altogether. A minute's silence later, Naruto stepped out of the room, into the hallway and stopped to stand beside his patient friend. The mixed look of calm and anger in his eyes didn't blend well together, but Sasuke made no comment. After a deep breath and a quick shake of his head, Naruto pulled a smile. It was too wide to be genuine.
"Coffee?" he asked.
Before Sasuke had the chance to reply, the man had already left the spot and begun walking towards the kitchen. Sasuke could only assume he was having coffee, whether he liked it or not.
About an hour later, after several cups of coffee and an equal amount of cigarettes, the tension in the house had begun to ease. It did lurk somewhere behind the avoidance of what'd happened the hour before, but wasn't as intrusive anymore. In midst of casual chatter and well feigned serenity, they felt at ease.
"So, you gonna be at the trial?" Naruto asked his friend, lighting the fourth cigarette of the hour.
"Yeah", Sasuke told, sipping from his cup. "In behalf of the investigative team."
He didn't sound ecstatic. Given that he'd lost the last of motivation to do his job himself, Naruto couldn't blame him.
"Hn. Just a few days to go", he commented, watching the trail of smoke his friend had left to linger in the air.
Sasuke nodded, but said nothing. Naruto glanced at him, he noticed. There was a specific look to it, and he already knew nothing pleasant would follow.
"We need to talk", the blonde stated.
Though he'd known to expect it, Sasuke still felt the slightest bit apprehensive. He shifted in his seat in mild discomfort and put out his cigarette to give Naruto his full attention. The man seemed to appreciate it, but quickly grew serious. He could see the blonde hesitated to speak. It was unnerving.
"Someone got inside a few nights ago", he revealed.
Sasuke raised a brow both curious and confused. "And?"
Naruto withheld his reply for the while it took for him to dig something out of his pocket. He then tossed that something to Sasuke, who caught it.
"Took it off her", the blonde told, earning a frown.
"An army tag?"
"A hitman tag."
Sasuke glanced at his friend askance. There was something to the tag, something he wasn't sure he wanted to learn about. Naruto gave him no choice.
"You knew her", he claimed, but before Sasuke could question him, continued, "Karin. She worked for Hebi."
Finally the so far skeptic eyes grew wider with shock. He dropped his gaze back to the tag, stared at it for a long time before throwing the piece of metal away, as if it'd burned his hand. Naruto watched his reaction, analyzed it. He wasn't sure whether it was a symptom of innocence or guilt. He supposed there was only one way to find out.
"I'm gonna ask you only once", he said with a neutral tone of voice. "You got somethin' to do with this?"
Sasuke wasn't sure why he bothered feeling as hurt and shocked as he did, given that the question was an obvious one. Yet he did, and couldn't help but sound as defensive as he did disbelieving.
"No", he said, voice firm and confident. "You know I'd never do anythin' to hurt you. Don't ask shit like that."
He did feel offended by the blonde's suspicions, though failed to blame him. For the man to even consider he deliberately would've put him in harm's way felt like a stab in the heart, the pain of which must've shown, as Naruto's stern gaze then softened. He, too, put out his cigarette as a sign of focusing his full attention on the other one. He took a step closer, if only to have it returned.
"I know that. I just needed to hear you say it."
Sasuke hesitated, but endowed him a stiff nod. He supposed he would've wished the same, had it been the other way around. In the name of the greater good, they both put the issue aside and allowed another one to take its place.
"Tell me about Hebi", Naruto requested.
Sasuke wasn't shy to look unenthusiastic, to which Naruto responded with a look determined to get its way. Sighing, he admitted defeat.
"You already know why it came to be", he reminded, earning a nod. "I left, never looked back. But I know they carried on without me. They grew in size, attracted attention. The mafia offered them an alliance. Half of 'em took the chance and ran with it."
Naruto frowned. "Half?"
"Yeah", Sasuke confirmed. "Hebi fell apart. A minority wanted to stay independent. They split from Hebi, renamed themselves Taka and cut all ties to 'em."
"And Karin?"
Sasuke shrugged. "I guess she went with the mob. They pay good."
Naruto nodded, but said nothing. He had no real reason to doubt what Sasuke had told. It sounded credible, but above all else, he trusted the man. Who, it seemed, had grown curious.
"You killed her, huh?"
"Yeah."
"Good. Hated the bitch."
And that was the end of that conversation.
It was hours later, night had fallen and pots' worth of coffee been devoured, and Sasuke still was at Naruto's. The two of them had spent hours discussing the case and trial yet to come, gone through the final draft of the planned defense and tweaked the presentation as close to seamless perfection as it'd ever be. Sasuke had agreed to make a report based on the defense's tone, and together they'd built what they wanted to believe was a foolproof strategy. Virtually nothing could've shot it down. Every lie fit in perfectly, every false statement would flow by without notice. Granted, roughly half of their confidence was trust in dumb luck, yet they supposed it was better than feeling insecure and uncertain.
"Fuck I'm tired", Naruto grunted, stretching his joints back to life.
His ass had fallen asleep about three hours ago and he wished he could've joined it in sweet slumber. Judging by the yawn coming from beside him, Sasuke felt no perkier.
"Me too."
A mutually agreed upon silence of exhaustion and deadpan staring into nothingness followed. Sasuke glanced at his watch. Half past two in the morning. No wonder he was tired. He stole a glance at Naruto as well. He looked every bit as tired as him. But Sasuke knew it wasn't all due to the late hour.
"What happened?"
Naruto turned to look at his friend. Frankly, he was quite impressed by how long the man had managed to keep his curiosity at bay.
"Nothin'. Ain't important", he grunted, hoping to avoid a discussion he had no interest in having.
Sasuke scowled. "You shot six whole rounds indoors. Don't give me that shit."
The blonde gave him a sideways glance, but said nothing. Sasuke accepted that his friend wouldn't tell the truth and deemed forcing it a useless waste of time, but had no intention of dropping the subject altogether.
"Why do you give him so much? Why are doin' this to yourself?"
The blue eyes fell to watch the floor, a frown lodged between them. "I don't know."
Sasuke sighed. Not what he'd hoped to hear, but an honest answer, he supposed. There were notions of judgment wishing to be released, and though he knew it to be risky, voiced them.
"You gotta get rid of him. As soon as the trial is over, get rid of him."
The eyes that'd studied the tedious floor turned to watch him instead. They seemed to be at war with their owner. As if they'd wished to agree, but were held back by a voice that knew no rhyme nor reason.
"I should", Naruto admitted. "But I don't know if I can."
Sasuke smothered the urge to roll his eyes. He had no right to diminish the blonde's internal battle, but from an outsider's point of view, the issue was fairly clean cut.
"You don't need him, Naruto."
"I do", the blonde insisted. "I ain't 'bout to die yet."
His declaration invited silence for a visit. A moment which Sasuke dedicated to wondering if Naruto truly had gone blind to reality. He did understand that Gaara came with his few perks, given the circumstances, but didn't believe them to outweigh the cons. Naruto's claim of his survival depending entirely on the redhead didn't convince him. In his humble opinion, they could've found protection elsewhere. An alliance from old acquaintances. Naruto had the money, he knew that. Had the influence, too. And even the strength, both mental and physical, to fight off most threats put on his life. From where he watched, from outside the bubble Naruto lived inside, it seemed like that bubble of his contained much more than mere must, as far as the redhead went. It was a notion he wanted to get across.
"Do me a favor", he requested, gaining the blonde's attention. "Pretend you ain't in danger. Pretend you ain't an inch away from death 'round the clock."
Naruto frowned, but humored the man and did as told. Tried to, at the very least. Sasuke found it tragicomic, to see the blonde's tense shoulders instantly relax. The pressure laid upon them truly did weigh him down, even physically. Said depressing detail put aside, he then asked the man a question he knew would bewilder.
"You still can't? Or just won't?"
Naruto flinched. He wasn't sure what he'd expected the man's motive behind this spontaneous game of play pretend to be, but it wasn't the question asked. He didn't know what to say. His dubiety forced him to stop and think about it.
Would he? Would he have demanded Gaara to leave, hadn't their lives been on the line? Somehow, he'd never even thought about it before. Not in all seriousness, anyway.
He wasn't an idiot, he knew he should've. It would've been easier, simpler. Weren't it for Gaara and all the wickedness tailing him wherever he went, he could've carried on living his pretty lie of a life, continued to pretend he loved his wife and exhausted himself with the tedious job in jurisprudence. Died as an old man, perhaps bitter and unsatisfied, but if nothing else, old and in his own bed. He would've been fine with that. It would've been good enough.
He paused. Paused and frowned.
Was it, really? Was it good enough? Maybe, but was he prepared to settle for good enough? He'd never been one to settle. He'd strived for the best, been steadfast to succeed. Was he really prepared to just throw out the whole mentality of working his hardest and take the easy road instead?
No. He wasn't. Which again presented the question of what was better than good enough.
Living to the fullest, he supposed. Doing what he wanted, with whomever he wished. He was tired of pretending to be happy. It didn't really matter whether or not he was miserable, all he wanted was to stop pretending he wasn't. Pretence didn't suit him, didn't sit well with him. And after years of nothing but, he was ready to let it go.
With Gaara, he didn't have ro pretend. With him, he could be himself. He could be his own, happily miserable self, and not face judgment for it. Granted, Gaara wasn't someone oozing joy and optimism, but if nothing else, he'd pushed Naruto to look for himself again, learn what it entailed and accept himself as he were. With him, he was free.
He couldn't help the small smile, it happened on its own. Sasuke took notice of it and supposed Naruto had reached a conclusion. The blonde shared it with him, after a short while.
"I wouldn't", he admitted. "I need him to make me feel happy about my misery."
The answer threw Sasuke off with its honesty, yet left him feeling confused about its meaning.
"What do you mean?"
Naruto sighed and turned to face him.
"My life's miserable, no matter how I live it", he told, not shocking his friend. "But somehow, he makes me feel happy to be alive. He doesn't judge me for my misery."
Sasuke fell silent. He didn't feel offended by the implication, but in fact ashamed.
"You mean like I do?"
"Yeah."
The statement wasn't bitter, only honest. Sasuke had to respect the blonde's upfront approach.
"Well", he sighed, "it's your life. It ain't my place to tell you how to spend it."
Frankly, Sasuke didn't believe the redhead deserved the blonde's kind words, but like he'd said, it wasn't his place to correct him. Naruto must've been aware of his opinion, but appreciated that he left it unvoiced. The discussion had run its course.
"Okay. Get out. I need sleep", Naruto declared. Sasuke chuckled.
"Same."
They both struggled themselves off their seats and downstairs. While Sasuke dressed himself to leave, Naruto let Thing out to do its business. Sasuke eyed at the dog from the doorway.
"Can't believe someone'd want a beast like that", he huffed, no more fond of it than upon his arrival. "What's it called?"
Naruto watched the animal run around the yard, looking to find a squirrel. It enjoyed the rush of a chase. Squirrels were his favorite, followed by the neighborhood cats.
"Thing."
Sasuke slowly turned to stare at his friend. "You named it Thing?"
Naruto shrugged. "I mean, it is a thing."
"Everything is."
"Yeah, but, it's a thing."
Sasuke took a moment to doubt the logic, but in the end, agreed.
"True." He yawned, again. "I'm headin' home now. Enjoy your misery."
"Yeah, you too."
A swift fist bump and tired smirks later, Sasuke left. Naruto was left to watch him go, and once he was gone, watched the dog chasing not only one, but two squirrels, living life to the fullest.
He wondered, would he ever feel such wholehearted happiness?
He didn't know, but realized he was alone again. It sucked more than it used to.
Hope ya enjoyed it. Luv ya.