A/N: So I guess I'll apologize right now for the ending of this chapter! :)
A huge thank you to my beta for doing the last chapter and this chapter back to back.
For those of you getting antsy and/or mad at Bella...thats exactly how I wanted you to feel, a year is not short, and cutting it into only two chapters was extremely difficult for me. But because most of you dont want wait anymore, I sped it up!
This chapter skips over 6 months.
Hope you all enjoy this chapter!
Xoxo.
FEBRUARY
EPOV
"So do you feel that you have accomplished what you came here to do?" Dr. Weber asks.
I take a deep breath.
"Yes ma'am."
Today is my last meeting, both of us agree that I have changed for the better. I no longer feel the pain that is usually associated with my family…or Bella for that fact. After I left Seattle, I knew that would be the last time that I ever saw her. And that was two months back.
I've spent a lot of my time refocusing on riding, practicing every chance I get. Riding was always a way to clear my head, a way of coping for me after my mother's death. It is now a coping mechanism for the memory of Bella. It was aeye opener for me to see her with another guy. I'm not going to lie and say that I didn't want to smash my fist into his face, but I couldn't do that to her. I couldn't take her happiness away from her…again.
After the graduation fiasco, I stopped calling. I stopped sending things. Not that she answered me anyway. If she had moved on, then it was time for me to as well.
"Well Edward, I don't think there is anything else I can do for you. But if you feel that you ever want to talk again, my door is always open."
I rise out of my chair, taking her hand.
"Thank you so much Dr. Weber."
"You're very welcome Edward."
I make my way towards the door, slipping out of her office. When I make is outside it's raining. Pulling on my Carhartt Jacket I run out to my truck, slamming the door shut behind me.
As I sit in the cab, I take a deep breath, both happy and sad that the meetings are over. My time with Dr. Weber was a lot more worthy of my time than I originally thought. I start up the truck, realizing how late it is. I have to leave town in 4 hours, meeting a plane that will take me New York. Luckily, because of my meeting, I get to take a plane there alone and not with the other riders. I just need some fucking silence.
Pulling out of the parking lot, I make my way back to the house, but when I drive by my father's I decide to pull into his property. Making my way down to the barn I spot him far off in the field. Exiting my truck I start to make my way towards him. As I get closer, I notice that he is fixing a broken fence.
"Need help with that?" I call out startling him.
"Damnit boy, didn't I ever teach you not to sneak up on an old man?"
I swear I see him smile.
Eyes must be playing tricks on me.
I walk over to the other side of him. I hold the post in place while he wraps the wires around the studs. My feet begin to sink in the mud, the rain not helping.
After about another twenty minutes the fence is fixed and both of us soaked from head to toe.
"Well I better get going," I say. "Gotta head out to New York in a few hours."
Peter remains silent.
"I guess I'll see you around."
I go to turn around to head back to my truck, but then hesitate.
"Hey dad," I start.
"Yeah.."
"I'm sure I can get you a seat on the plane if you're interested in coming with me."
He stands there for a few seconds, the waiting killing me.
"I don't think I can son. Got a business to run and all."
I nod my head, then turn around and jump in my truck.
BPOV
Life is so boring without school. When you're in school you are counting down the days until you get out, but now that I am, it's not all it's cracked up to be.
I went back to working at the tour guide, but that only takes up 3 days a week. Things have been incredibly boring since Alice left us in January. Their house in Nevada is beautiful, but that's not shocking considering how incredible Alice is when it comes to shit like that.
I haven't been there to visit them. I like to say that it's due to lack of funds, but I know that's a lie.
Walking out to the kitchen, I pull my open the fridge, pulling out some orange juice. Then heading to the cupboard, I pull out the bread, putting two pieces in the toaster.
"Morning," I hear Rose say, appearing at the breakfast counter.
"Hey," I say, grabbing a glass, filling a cup for her.
"Thanks," she says, taking a sip.
"Toast?"I ask, holding up the bag.
"That would be great."
Once mine pops up I butter it, putting it on a plate and slide it to her.
"You're too good to me Bella."
I smile.
"Yeah, I am."
When my toast finishes I slide onto the stool next to her, both of us eating in silence, until Rose says something.
"I'm so tired of this…"
I stop eating.
"We have other things than toast in the cupboard.."
She laughs.
"No, the toast is great Bella. I'm talking about this life."
"I'm still confused."
She turns in her chair to face me.
"I'm tired of going out every night, having men oogle at me, buy me things…"
"Oh yes, I feel so sorry for you…."
She exhales.
"Are they all that they are cracked up to be?" she asks.
I am now starting the catch on.
Rose wants to know about…relationships?
I take a deep breath.
"I think I'm hardly the person to answer that…"
"But you looked happy Bella, I mean when things were good."
"I was. I was very happy. But life isn't a fairy tale I guess," I answer, taking a large gulp of OJ.
"Do you miss him?" she asks.
Fuck.
"Yes. Every day," I answer, shoving an entire piece of toast in my mouth.
"Then why didn't you talk to him? Take his calls?"
How do I answer that?
"It's complicated Rose."
"But is it really?"
I narrow my eyes at her.
"He stopped calling. He stopped sending things."
"What did you expect him to do?"
"I don't know," I say just above a whisper.
"You can't expect a man to wait around forever. He's only human. By the way whatever happened to Anthony, didn't you guys go on a couple dates?"
I shrug.
"Just wasn't my type. Plus dating my brother's friend was kinda weird."
"No one is good enough for you are they," she says.
I start to get aggravated.
"Then it's all my fault! Is that what you want to hear?I fucked it up, I left him. I refused to give him another chance," I shout.
Rose has a concerned look on her face.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to accuse you. I'm just trying to understand."
The threat of tears is getting stronger and stronger. I slide of my chair, tossing my dishes in the sink.
"There isn't anything I can do about it now," I say as I walk away from the kitchen.
"Well maybe you can talk things out at the baby shower," Rose calls out.
Fuck.
Friday
I spent the rest of the week trying to occupy my time, the baby shower on my mind the entire time. Rose left to head to Nevada on Wednesday, but I had to stay back and work today. I could have gotten the day off, but to be honest…I'm scared shitless.
Alice said he probably won't be there, considering he'll be on the East Coast at a ride. But something about just being back in that state makes my stomach do flip flops.
I pull the truck into my parking spot, pulling my tired ass body from the cab. Making my way up to the apartment, I flick on the light, it's eerily quiet. A few seconds later Bree runs up, her tail wagging fast as soon as she sees her mommy.
"Are you ready to see Nevada?" I ask her, her tail still wagging.
She barks loudly.
"I'll take that as a yes," I say, putting my purse on the kitchen counter.
It's definitely going to be interesting flying a dog. Something about her being under the plane scared the shit out of me.
Walking into my bedroom, I pull out my suitcase from the closet, but instead of throwing random things in, I pick out each outfit carefully. If I was going to see him, I wanted to make sure I looked put together.
When I start to pull the dress I wanted to wear to the shower off the hanger, it slips off and falls out of my hand, falling to the back of the closet in never never land where mismatched shoes and odd sox like to hide.
For fuck sake.
I climb into my closet, rooting around to find it. But my hands fall on something else. I pull it forward, and I can't do anything but stare at it. Delicately bringing my fingers to the top, I pull off the lid, exposing what's inside. Peeking in, I can feel my hands start to shake. It amazes me that even after all this time has passed, he can still make my heart rate spike.
I start to pull things out one by one. The Chanel dress, the rose ring, my Tiffany's necklace. What surprises me, the items don't upset me. They are actually somewhat comforting to me. But it's when I get to the smaller intimate things, that's when the strings of my heart become shredded again.
The toothbrush he let me use.
A paper menu I had taken from In And Out.
One of his wife beaters that somehow ended up in my luggage in Vegas.
And the worst…a picture I took of him when he was sitting in the chutes, getting ready to ride. The look on his face…so soft yet so focused, his jaw tight. But I can see the passion in his eyes. That boy was put on this planet to ride bulls.
After a few more minutes of perusing, I gather up all the things, gently putting them back in the box. Standing back up, I finally find the dress, pulling it out and sliding the box back in its place.
When I am finally finished packing, I grab Bree, putting on her leash. We walk downstairs together, the cab that I had arranged to be here is waiting for us. I didn't want to pay for parking or leave my truck there, and with no one to take me to the airport I settled for a cab.
When things are situated we pull out from the complex, my stomach already in knots.
0o0o0o
"Excuse me ma'am," I hear a female voice say over my earphones.
I open my eyes, seeing the stewardess infront of me. I pull them out of my ears, waiting for her to speak again.
"Were about 5 minutes away from descent, I need to ask you to put your tray table in the upright position."
I smile back and do as I'm told.
Peering out the window, I see the lights of Reno underneath us. I almost can't believe that I am really back here. But then I think of baby Lily.
Yeah, Jackson and Alice are going to have girl. Absolute perfection. That will be one spoiled little diva.
The plane starts to descend, my stomach going with it.
Hold it together Bella.
After the plane reaches the tarmac, I head straight to the pickup area, waiting and wanting to see Bree. Moments later, I see an attendant wheel her up in her crate, and I can see her wagging her tail through the slits.
When I get things situated with her and pay the outrageous amount of money they charged me to fly her, I head out to the pickup area…and wait.
EPOV
"Where the hell are you two running off to?" Sam asks, looking at both Emmett and I.
"Man we gotta go, we have to make it back for a fucking baby shower," Emmett says. "Hoping there will be a lot of single women there," he adds, nudging me.
I remain silent, and continue to unwrap the tape from my hands. When I get that off I slide off my vest, the weight lifted off my shoulder. Shoving my shit into the bag, I throw it over my shoulder, wanting to get out of the arena as fast as possible.
Walking out the back door the freezing New York air takes my breath away, my balls shrinking up inside me.
Fuck this weather.
I throw my bag into the trunk of the cab that was waiting for us, and I slide in behind the driver….and wait.
After what seems like a fucking eternity, I see Emmett bounce out of the back door, a unknown female underneath his arm.
"Emmett if you don't get your ass in this cab I'm fucking leaving you here!" I scream from the still open passenger door.
He gives me a "fuck you" look, then continues to talk to the woman.
Ha. Women? More like fucking child.
I throw my body out of the car, strutting up to them.
"Hey darling," I say, getting her attention.
She immediately responds to my voice.
"You don't want to be fooling with this one, he's got the bad case of the crabs," I say, trying to hold back laughter.
The look of her face is priceless as she slides out from under his grasp. I make my way back to the cab, knowing Emmett is probably pissed as hell, but I just want to go home, we're stretching it enough as it is.
Who the hell has a fucking brunch as their baby shower?
A few seconds later, I see Emmett catapult his luggage into the trunk, then he slides in next to me.
"That is so not fucking cool dude," he says shaking his head. "I had her eating out of the palm of my hand."
I look over at him.
"You really want to spend the rest of your life chasing tail?"
"What's so wrong with that?" he snaps.
"Oh I don't know. Don't you want to love someone? Have someone there for you when things get tough? Someone to talk to? To wake up next to every morning?"
He just sits there and stares at me.
"I knew it," he states.
"Knew what?"
"Those damn classes got you all soft. Do you even have a pair of balls left?"
"Fuck you," I spit. "I'm still the same fucking person, just less…pissy."
"Well I liked the old Masen," he says, crossing his arms like a two year old.
"How could anyone like who I was, I think I was starting to even get sick of myself."
"I thought you were kinda fun. But I guess I can handle the new you."
I smirk, thankful for a having a friend like Emmett.
"But I swear to god if you bother Bella this weekend I will chop your balls off."
Bella.
BPOV
After what seems like forever, I see Jackson's truck pull up in the loading zone. Alice pulls herself from the cab and I swear that her stomach has doubled in size.
"Holy shit, you're huge!" I call out wrapping my arms around her.
"Well aren't you so sweet," she mutters.
I pull back from her.
"Ahh shit, you know I didn't mean it like that," I say comforting her.
Can you be more of an ass Bella?
"It's ok. It's just these damn crazy hormones. I swear I can cry at the drop of a hat."
I smile at her.
"Are you excited?" I ask.
"Yes!" she squeals. "A day all about me? How is that not something to be excited about?"
Touché.
"Hey," Jackson says coming up to me, giving me a hug.
"Hey," I respond.
"You ready to head out?" he asks, looking at us both.
"Yup," I respond.
Jackson takes Bree in her crate, strapping it into the bed. He then slides into the driver's seat, pulling away from the curb.
"Is she going to ok back there, she's not going to fall out or anything?" I ask, turning around in my seat.
I hear Jackson laugh.
"She'll be fine Bella, I promise."
I turn back in my chair, my uneasiness growing with every mile. And that's when we pull onto the street. I swear that my heart is going to pop out of my chest.
When we reach his driveway, I slyly look out of the corner of my eye, seeing his house.
Not a single light is on.
I then feel Alice's hand slide into mine, and I look over at her, her facial expression apologetic. When we finally pass the property, I breathe a sigh of relief.
To be honest,I am still amazed how much he can have an effect on me.
After a few more turns we reach the driveway of a small house, a soft light glowing from the inside. When Jackson parks, I pull myself from the truck, helpingBree out of the crate. She roams around the front yard, and instantly pees on the lawn.
"Sorry," I say to Jackson, him laughing in return.
"Bella, this house has been fucking baby proofed to the hill. Your dog peeing on the lawn is the least of my worries."
I laugh.
"That's so Alice. Baby isn't going to be here for another 8 weeks, but she's gotta have anything ready."
"They call that the nesting period.."
I look at him shocked.
"You actually read the baby books?"
"Of course I did," he says seemingly confused by my reaction.
"I thought men didn't do that."
"No Bella, douchebags don't read them, real men do."
"Well Alice is lucky to have found you," I admit.
"The first night I laid eyes on her, I knew that she would be a part of my life. I could never let her go, pregnant or not."
A wave a jealousy washes over me.
"Well two people couldn't have been more perfect for each other."
"Thank you Bella. I'm so glad that you came. Alice and I really appreciate it, especially under the circumstances."
"The circumstances?"I ask confused.
"Alice didn't tell you?"
My heart races.
"Oh god…Edward is coming, he and Emmett are going to leave right after their ride. They should make it here in time for the shower."
For all that is holy.
I turn back around, Alice clearly having heard our conversation. She mouths me an "I'm sorry."
My blood begins to boil. I knew there was a chance that he was going to be there, but hearing the confirmation through Jackson's lips makes it really hit home.
I turn around, gathering my suitcase, following Alice through the front door. Looking around, I immediately fall in love with their house. It's so homey, the pictures she sent me didn't do it justice.
"I love it," I breathe out.
"Thanks. I was kinda obsessed with it, poor Jackson had to comfort me a lot. Being pregnant really sucks sometimes."
"Yeah, but it will be worth it. Just think how amazing Lily will be," I smile.
A second later,I see a single tear fall down her cheek.
"I am just so happy," she says as I wipe it from her cheek. "I have everything I have ever wanted."
"Well you deserve it," I say.
"So do you," she says, squeezing my hand. "And I'm sorry that I didn't tell you the truth…"
"It's alright," I breathe out. "Not even he can keep me from baby Lily."
I place my hand on her stomach, feeling the baby kick.
"Holy shit!"I think she just kicked me.
Alice laughs, holding onto her belly.
"Serves her right, no one disrupts my little niece," I hear a voice say from behind me.
I turn around to see Rose towering over me.
"Hey," I say giving her a hug. "How have thing been here?"
"God, I'm about to rip every fucking baby proof item out of this house. It took me 10 minutes just how to take a fucking piss."
I laugh.
"I don't know how you do it," Rose says turning to Jackson.
"Pissing off an pregnant woman is not at the top of my list," he says to us winking.
Moments later Bree comes in, her mannerisms more calm then normal. She walks up to us, instantly heading for Alice. She bends down, petting Bree on the head.
"You have gotten so big," she says quietly to her.
Bree looks up at Alice, then nudges her nose at Alice's stomach softly.
"She knows," Alice says standing up. "They always said dogs have amazing intuation."
"Well if that's the case you need to move back home, cause there she bounces off the walls 24 fucking 7."
We all laugh, and I realize I'm truly enjoying being here.
0o0o0o
I shift in the bed, waking up to Rose next to me. Jackson and Alice only have one guest bedroom, Rose and I opting to share it, rather than one of us sleeping on the couch.
Cause we all know who that person would be.
I slide out of the bed quietly, hoping to not wake her. Bree and I make our way downstairs, and I immediately spot Jackson and Alice in the kitchen.
Alice squeals, then runs up to me, hugging me tight.
"I love waking up and having my family here," she says excitedly.
I just laugh.
"You better take it easy or I swear we will be delivering a baby this morning."
She smacks me lightly on the shoulder.
"So when is everyone getting here?" I ask,
"Well it starts at 10, my parents should be getting to the airport in about a hour."
She turns to Jackson.
"Hey sweetie, are you leaving soon to pick them up?"
"Yes dear," he says, not looking up from his book.
"Well is there anything I can do to help?" I offer.
"Nope, I have everything sorted out."
I laugh. "Of course you do."
"Well is there a place I can take a shower. I'd rather not go to the party in my pajamas."
She laughs.
"Yeah, first door on your right. There are towels in the cupboard."
I turn around, making my way upstairs.
EPOV
When we finally reach the airport, and through security, I plop down in a seat at the terminal, my body fucking exhausted. Emmett sits down in the seat two away from me, sprawling his body across them, his feet hitting me on the arm.
"If you don't get your filthy fucking boots off my clean shirt I will cut them off."
He smiles, poking his toes into me harder.
Fucking asshole.
"Dude, go get me some food," he whines.
"What am I your mother," I say, pushing his feet off my arm rest. "Got get yourself your own damn food."
"What happened to the new softer, gentler Edward…Such an asshole," he says quietly, a small smile enveloping his face.
I can't help but return one.
"Come on, let's go find a bar," he says, finally sitting upright.
"Uh, I don't think that's a good idea."
"Come on man, one drink. I swear."
I hesitate, but pick my ass up from the seat.
How bad can one drink be?
Emmett and I walk down the terminal, spotting a small bar, the only place open at this hour. We slide onto a bar stool.
"You get one drink, better make it good," Emmett says to me.
I don't even have to think about it.
"Jack."
Emmett holds up two fingers, telling the bartender our order.
"Better make them a double," he says.
I laugh, shaking my head.
"What?" he says to me. "I said you could have one drink, didn't say anything about it having to be a single."
The bartender pours it, sliding one to each of us. Emmett turns to me, holding his up in the air.
"Here's to the new man," he says, a cocky grin on his face.
"Just drink it and shut the fuck up," I say, watching him throw his back.
I hesitate, but then put the glass to my lips, the liquid traveling down my throat.
Fuck. I've missed you.
I set the glass back on the table, the bartender ushering me for another one.
"No thank you," I say, holding my hand over the glass.
When we finish up there, Emmett and I head back to the gate, the place getting seemingly more busy. We sit back in the same seats we were in before. Leaning back,I pull my hat over my face, hoping maybe to get some shuteye before we board.
But Emmett being Emmett, that wasn't going to happen.
"So what are you going to say to her?" he asks.
I remain still, hoping he'll shut up eventually. But, I then feel my hat being flicked off my face.
"I mean, wont that be awkward?"
"I guess so," I say, trying to act like it's no big deal, when really the thought of it makes me want to vomit.
"I can't wait to see Bella Bee, I miss her ass," he says.
I turn to him.
"I meant that figuratively of course."
"Yeah well she might not be alone. Maybe she'll bring her new boyfriend."
Reaching down to grab my hat off the floor, I place it back on my face falling into a light sleep. What seems like only minutes later,I feel some poking me, instantly knowing its Emmett.
"What?" I grumble from under my hat.
"It's been delayed," I hear him say.
I wrench my hat off, almost confused by his words.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me," I huff.
"Dude, look outside," he says pointing.
I turn my head, and from what I can see in the night, heavy snow is falling.
Fuck.
"How long?"I ask.
"Uhhh indefinitely as of right now."
"Fuck," I breathe out, my disappointment becoming more apparent than I thought.
Maybe its fate. Maybe I'm not supposed to see her.
After another few exhausting hours at the terminal, the suns starts to come up, day now upon us. It's clear now were not getting out of here anytime soon.
BPOV
When I am done getting ready I make my way downstairs, the party clearly having already started. I instantly spot Rose and Alice's parents, their mother's ring so big it will blind anyone.
Alice spots me and rushes over to me.
"You look beautiful Bella," she says giving me a once over. "He's gonna regret it."
I give her a halfhearted smile. Alice notices my nerves, and leaves, heading for the kitchen. A moment later, she comes back with a two champagne glasses in her hand.
"Mimosa's" she says. "Well plain old virgin orange juice for me, Mimosa's for everyone else."
She stares down at the glasses.
"Shit, I forgot which one was mine."
I can't help but laugh.
"Are you sure you haven't been drinking?"
I take the one out of her left hand, taking a sip, the champagne is strong.
"Uh….this one is mine," I say, taking another sip.
I spend the next 30 minutes trying to occupy my time, trying to get my mind off of him. Between the mimosas and my nerves, I have met about twenty people, and can't remember any of their names, except for Jackson's parents. I remember Edward talking about them before. His parents are very old school and don't do a lot to hide how much money they have, unlike Jackson.
Yeah and his moms tits are about as fake as Rose's nose.
I walk back into the kitchen, picking at the fruit plate knowing if I don't get some food in my stomach I am going to be under the table very soon. Taking a piece I slide into the family room, immediately seeing Jackson on the phone.
"Oh sorry," I whisper, turning around to leave.
"No, it's ok," he responds. "You're not interrupting anything."
I remain planted while Jackson resumes his conversation.
"No." I hear him say into the phone.
"No," he repeats.
I stand there, wondering what the hell is going on.
"No you can't talk to Bella."
My heart begins to race, my now belly full of alcohol doing flops. He then immediately hangs up.
"Uhhh everything ok?" I ask.
"Oh yeah that was Emmett."
I think I involuntarily let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding.
He gets up from the desk he was seated at, making his way back to the party.
"They'll be here shortly."
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
EPOV
Thank god for fucking time zones.
The wait for the plane was fucking excruciating. Luckily the storm lightened up just enough for them to ok departing flights.
The ride was bumpy as hell, as we hit a lot of fucking turbulence, but I slept through most of that shit. When we reached RNO, I was fucking happy to be home to say the least.
We both jumped into my truck, the clock reading 10:45.
Well we already missed the beginning of it.
"Ah man, all the food it probably already gone," Emmett whines.
"Emmett...they know you are coming, I'm sure they have enough for your ass," I laugh.
"Well hurry the fuck up anyways," he says.
Don't have to tell me twice.
I smash my foot down on the gas pedal, the Raptor instantly responding. As we get closer and closer, the more nervous I get, my stomach doing flip flops.
What seems like moments later, we pull onto the main street, passing my property.
I really fucking wish I had time to go change.
Minutes later, we pull into the driveway of the house, my heart feeling like it's going to explode. Emmett pulls himself from the passenger seat, making his way across the hood before stopping.
"What the fuck man?" he says, noticing that I am still in the driver seat, with the truck still turned on.
Every image of her flashes across my mind, the montage always ending with that guy, his arm wrapped around her. Her smile.
"I can't," I say out the window.
Emmett just stares at me, almost dumbfounded.
"I thought you wanted to see her?"
"I can't cause her anymore pain?"
"And who says you will?"
"Me," I breathe out.
"Alright man," he says, waving me off.
I pull out the driveway, feeling like biggest pussy in the world.
BPOV
I seriously think I'm going to barf. Yup, barfing is definitely a possibility.
Removing myself from the group of people, I stand up, heading towards to back door, needing some fresh air. Huddled under the overhang the cool air starts to relax me a little.
I close my eyes, listening to the rain fall, the sound of it almost serene. But then I hear it, the familiar purr of an engine.
I don't even have to guess….he's here.
And then something washes over me…..not fear…
Ok maybe a little bit of fear
But that…scares me.
I remain planted in my stance, my back to the house. Downing the rest of my glass, I wait.
And wait.
And that's when I hear the door slide open slowly, my heart rate picking up. I turn around slowly, but am instantly lifted off the ground.
"Bella Bee," I hear Emmett say as he throws me over his shoulder.
We walk back in the house, Emmett setting me down. He takes a step back, looking at me.
"Damn girl," he says. "You are looking mighty fine."
I can instantly feel my cheeks start to burn.
"Edward is a fucking idiot. Wonder if he'd mind….."
I start to laugh, but my eyes start to unconsciously scanning the room. When they come up empty, I look back at Emmett. He's giving me a concerned look.
"He's not coming Bella."
My heart wrenches, a large lump in my throat forming. I am scared to admit to myself I think it's a feeling of utter disappointment.I have to escape. I need to be out of this room. .
"Excuse me," I choke out, brushing past everyone to make my way upstairs.
Slamming the door to the bathroom door, I plop down on the toilet, fighting the tears with every fiber in my being. Seconds later I hear a small rap on the door.
"Come in," I call out.
Alice and Rose come through the door, shutting it behind them.
"Are you ok?" Alice asks.
"I'm fine. Please go back downstairs, I don't want to ruin your shower."
"Please. You are more important than anyone else down there. Plus, I'm really tired of talking to everyone. They keep touching my fucking stomach."
Rose and I look over at Alice in shock.
"So where is he?" Rose asks.
"Not coming."
"What a pussy," she laughs.
"Yup," I say, not really wanting to say more.
But then it just comes pouring out.
"He couldn't even get out of the car?" I ask, to no one in particular.
"Did you want to see him?" Alice asks.
I look up at both of them.
"Deep down, yes I did. I thought maybe, just maybe…."
Alice walks in front of me and takes my hands in hers.
"You still love him…"
I look up at her confused. "No…."
She side eyes me. I let out a huge sigh.
"Honestly, I think I will always love him Alice. Jesus, I don't even want to say that out loud. I've spent so many months building up my defenses. Trying to wall off this section of my heart so it can't get hurt any more. But just hearing his truck in the driveway…. And the whole wall just crumbles. He hasn't called in months. Clearly he thought we weren't worth fighting for. Clearly he's moved on. Maybe that's why he couldn't come inside. I question myself every day. We both made so many mistakes. But I think today just proves it's too late to fix them now."
"But life is too short to give up on something you really want…" We hear Rose pipe up.
Now Alice and I are shocked.
"Wait. Are you telling me I should be fighting for Edward? Because youwere such a great cheerleader for the relationships the whole time we were together. You use to give me tons of shit for dating Edward. "
Rose looks down at her feet.
"I did do that. And I'm sorry," she mumbles. "And I'm not saying I want to jump into a long term relationship at this moment, but the times you had with Edward seems like it was worth the heartbreak.."
Memories of happier times flash through my mind making me smile.
"Maybe you're right," I say, still smiling.
Rose and Alice look over at me, both of them smiling as well.
Fuck, I can't hold on any longer.
Tears start to fall from my face, but they aren't tears of sorrow, more like tears of joy. It wasn't until now that I realized how much my relationship with Edward has made me grow as a person. Before him, I never thought I would need someone as much as him. He opened me up, and let me love under the best and worst conditions. And I think as much as I want to not love him, as much as I've spent months trying to fight it, I don't think it's possible.
They always say you never stop loving your first love. Now I really know what they mean.I need to stop trying to block off all memories of Edward and focus on how the relationship changed me for the better. Instead of regretting the past, I need to make peace with it and move forward.
I just have to figure out how the hell to do that…
Alice rubs myshoulder. Rose handsme a Kleenex.
"Ready to go back downstairs?" Alice asks.
"Yes," I say laughing, wiping the tears with the tissue.
I stand up from the toilet, checking my makeup in the mirror. All three of us head back down the stairs, Jackson and Emmett waiting for us.
"Everything alright?" Jackson asks a concerned look on his face.
I smile. "Everything will be."
MARCH
..
APRIL
I wake up to the faint sound of buzzing. Reaching up, I pull my phone from the nightstand , slowly opening my eyes to see the screen.
"Alice," I mutter to myself.
But then it instantly hits….ALICE!
I fly up out of the bed, accepting the call.
"Hello?"I say.
"Bella!"I hear Alice say, her voice energetic. "She's arrived!"
"What? When?"
"About an hour ago."
"And…"
"She's perfect," she says, her voice gleaming. "6 pounds 2 oz, 19 inches"
I can't help but smile.
"Lily Anne," she adds.
My smile grows.
"That's so amazing Alice, I am so happy for you two. I promise I will out to see her as soon as my internship is over."
I had gotten an internship at the Museum of History and Industry in Seattle, and between that and working it's incredibly hard getting time off.
"No problem, I'm texting you a picture now. Plus I think we might be coming out next month anyways."
"Well I'm looking forward to it. Give my niece a kiss for me. And tell Jackson congratulations."
"Of course. Talk to later. Love you."
"Love you too," I answer. "Bye."
I hang up, this day already starting off spectacularly. Pulling myself from the bed, I walk over to my closet, pulling out my outfit for today.
I hear my phone chime again, knowing it must be the picture.
Opening up the attachment, I see before me is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. She clearly gained the best features from both her mother and her father.
She's going to be a heartbreaker.
MAY
"Miss Swan, can I see you in my office please?" Irina asks.
Irina is a director of the museum, which in turn makes her my boss.
My heart sinks.
Fuck. Am I going to get fired? Can you get fired from an unpaid internship?
I remove myself from what I was doing and follow her, my heart going a million miles an hour.
When I reach the door she ushers me in, shutting the door behind us.
I sit down in one of the chairs across from her desk, and wait. She sits behind her desk and immediately starts shuffling though her papers.
my heart continues to echo in my ears, my stomach knotting.
"So Bella," she starts to say.
Here we go.
"Would you say that you have a strong passion for history?"
I look at her confused.
Did I not get a degree?
"Let me rephrase that," she laughs. "Would you be interested in relocating, and experiencing something not to many people get to?"
I still look at her confused.
"We love having you here Bella, you are extremely talented and I can see how dedicated you are to your work," she continues on. "Every year we sponsor a study abroad program in Barcelona, and I wanted to bring it to your attention."
She slides the pamphlet over to me, and I take it delicately.
"It doesn't start for another two months, but I think you would be a great candidate."
"Thank you," I mutter as I continue to read through it. "It sounds amazing."
Irina then stands up from her chair. "You just have to let me know by the end of next month if you are interested or not."
I stand up as well. "I definitely will. Thank you again."
JUNE
I lightly knock on her office door, my palms feel sweaty.
I've changed my mind a million times, but I know I need to do this…for me.
"Come in," she responds.
I push open the door, Irina is sitting behind her desk.
"Morning," I say with a smile on her face. "I just wanted to let you know that I am very interested in Barcelona."
A smile comes across her face.
"That's great Bella. You are going to have an amazing time. I'll add you name to the list and by the end of today I'll have all your materials for the trip together."
"Awesome," I respond, making my way out of her office before stopping. "Thanks again Irina."
"It's my pleasure Bella."
JULY
I open my eyes, realizing that this is the last time I will be waking up in this house in quite a while. My trip to Barcelona will last around 3 months, and I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty excited to get out of here. I quit my job at the Underground Tour, my mom and dad helping me pay for the finances of the trip.
The sun shines in through the slates in my plantation shutters, telling me that the day is here.
I look over, Bree standing over the top of me. Every time I see her I still think of Edward, her eyes always telling me something. She shifts on her feet, a continuous whimper leaving her throat.
"Don't look at me like that Bree. I know you miss daddy, but he's not coming home anytime soon" I mutter.
I pull myself from the bed, sliding on the only outfit I have that's not packed. Walking out to the family room, I start a pot of coffee, knowing I'll need caffeine to get through today. I've never flown internationally, but I hear it's quite an experience.
When the coffee is done, I pour myself a cup, walking out onto the balcony, burning this image into the back of my mind. The weather is mild for July, wondering what it will be like Spain.
Just the idea of being there makes me giddy. Who knows…maybe I'll meet some rich prince and live happily ever after.
I laugh at the thought.
Making my way back inside, I see Rose come in through the front door.
"Hey," she says, pulling her earbuds from her ears. "You all ready to go?"
I shrug.
"I think so. I feel like I'm forgetting something…you're going to take Bree up to my parent's right?"
"Yes Bella…" she says in a childish tone. "I think I can handle that."
"I know, I'm sorry. I'm just nervous ya know?"
"It will be all ok. Just make sure you make out with a lot of hot guys for me while you're there," she laughs.
"Ha ha," I respond.
"So when is your cab going to be here?"
I look over at the clock.
"About 30 minutes," I breathe out.
My heart rate quickens.
The thirty minutes flies by like seconds and before I know it the cab is here. I drag my suitcase down the stairs, Rose being no help as usual. When I reach the bottom, I hear my phone ring from inside my purse.
"For fuck sake," I say, handing my suitcase to the cab driver.
Fishing through my purse, I can't seem to find it, the ringing eventually stops and I don't hear the voicemail chime.
Must not have been important.
But a minute later it starts again.
Kneeling down on the floor, I dump my purse over onto the sidewalk, grabbing my phone. I look down at the screen.Jackson.
And immediately in my gut I know something is wrong.
Oh god! Alice or Lily?
"Hello?"I say, answering it.
"Bella?"I hear him say in a concerned tone.
"Is everything ok? Are Alice and the baby ok?" I ask in a scared tone.
"They're fine," he answers tenatively.
I let out a sigh.
"But Edward's not."
I almost drop my phone, my knees becoming weak.
"What do you mean Jackson?" I ask, panic rising in my voice.
"He had an accident."
I sit down on the curb, the taxi driver growing impatient.
"What happened?"
"He was riding, and when he went to dismount, he got caught up, and the bull…crushed him…"
He stops.
"He's in a coma Bella. Things aren't looking good.. ."
My mind goes blank, my body is 's like the whole world just stopped.
"Bella?" I hear him say.
I shake myself to snap out of my comatose state.
"Where are you?" I ask.
"Vegas," he responds.
least favorite place on the planet.
"I'll be there as soon as possible."
A/N: So...yeah...
Good news is I am almost done with the next chapter, and you wont have to wait months for an update like some authors!