She looks at me with shock and concern before I realize just how the question sounded.
"Nononono. Not like that I just want to know what to avoid in order to prolong my life. I'm all for living a nice, long life." I shake my head vigorously. "I didn't mean it to sound like that. I want to know what can kill a phoenix so I can avoid it like the plague."
"Well, I don't know for sure, but there are theories." She starts off carefully. "Cold iron is one," I nod, silently crossing that off the list. Nothing had happened when I touched the cold iron. Then I mentally shook my head and put it back on. Just because I touched it doesn't mean it can't kill me if I were stabbed with, say, a cold iron knife.
"Another legend says that using an arrow fletched with the feathers of a phoenix can kill a phoenix…" Hmmm… Does that mean that I can shift into something with feathers? Like, can I fully shift into a bird, or is there a beta-shift sort of thing that makes me sprout feathers rather than fur?
"Then there are rumors about holy water, but I've personally found those unconvincing. Holy water is used for the undead and corrupt, phoenixes are essentially the opposite of that." I nod, her reasoning is pretty solid. She starts to settle back, as if she's exhausted her phoenix-death-lore, but apparently, she remembers something last minute.
"Another theory is that, similar to the feather, a weapon fashioned from the bone of a phoenix can kill you." I nod as she clearly concludes her list. Of all her thoughts, the feather and bone seem the most plausible. Of course, there could be other things that she hasn't mentioned because she simply didn't know about them.
"Thank you, for you time and all the information." I say, bowing to the kitsune. I get up to leave. I'm stopped with a hand on my shoulder as I get to the door.
"There's one more thing you should know. Phoenixes, along with rebirth and healing, are also known for being guardians." With that tidbit, she releases me and opens the door, ushering me out. As I'm walking away from the Yukimura household, I take a moment to digest what she just told me.
Clearly, she meant something a bit more than just letting me know phoenixes are guardians. But was it a warning? But for what? I think back to the past couple of days since I was turned. Between discovering that I'm a phoenix, discovering that the Nemeton is The Nemeton, and… I pause mid-step as it occurs to me. I said I'd stay here in Beacon Hills. Why would I do that? I've never let my emotions get in the way of a mission, why would I now? Because I'm a phoenix, that's why. I bite back a growl. One bite, and suddenly I'm an emotional mess. I need to get a grip on my emotions.
I start walking, this time with a certain destination in mind.
A guardian.
I find myself in an all too familiar clearing. I run my fingers over the stump, feeling the corruption and decay thrumming through the ley lines.
"You are why I'm all messed up, aren't you?" I feel a little silly talking to a tree stump. Suddenly I feel… well, not quite guilt, but more like an excuse. I realize that that feeling's coming from the Nemeton.
"You've been in my head since I came back to life, haven't you?" I frown, clamping down on the anger that burst into a flame in my gut. "You've been controlling me, manipulating my emotions." My breath catches in my throat as fear quenches the fire. Unbidden, memories flit before my eyes. Unlike last time, I know these memories.
I'm kneeling in front of an ornate throne, being assigned to a team of trainees by the Goblin King.
I'm curled into a ball in my cot, pain lancing through my body from my first 'disciplining session'.
I'm staring at my hands, covered in blood. My first kill. My hands are shaking. Later that night, the lady's face haunts my dreams. Soon she'd just become another one of the crowd that keeps me awake at night.
I'm watching in shock as Tamar's throat is re-sealing itself. His eyes are glowing an unnatural blue. I block a swipe to my face with my arm, his claws sink into my arm.
I'm waiting to be punished for messing up the mission with Tamar, for making a mess of the mission, even though I have no clue what the hell just happened.
I'm reassigned to a new squad to deal with the supernatural. We joke that we're going to be the most dangerous pack in the supernatural world. It was the first, and last, time we'd joke and feel something close to happiness.
I'm sent on a mission with my pack. It's just a routine 'extermination'. It isn't. I'm the only one to come back.
I'm locked in a room with alphas, fighting for my life. It doesn't even matter anymore. Part of me wants to let them win.
Gradually I become aware of the world around me. The soft, moist soil under my palms. The crisp, clean air rushing through my lungs. The wet tears on my face. The sorrow and guilt racing through me are crippling. There's anger there too. Anger at the Goblin King for what I went through. And fear, from what he put me through.
"Get. Out. Of. My. HEAD!" I yell. Like a switch is flipped, suddenly all I feel is the fear. That, I can live with. I always have lived with. I take a deep breath, drying my eyes.
"I would've helped." I whisper after a while.
"You didn't need to control me, you didn't have to make me." I growl, my voice picking up in volume.
"I'm not your toy. Your tool!" I spit. Once again, anger is burning in my gut, but this time I'm pretty sure it's my own. Unfortunately, I can't be certain.
"Kay?" I start at Mac's voice.
"What are you doing here?" I keep my voice neutral, but I feel annoyance bubble up at his arrival. I shake my head and ignore it. I can't know for sure, but surely that isn't mine.
"I…" He pauses for a moment. "Mrs. Yukimura said you'd probably be here." It takes me a moment to understand what he said.
"You guys…" I'm not sure how to voice my thoughts. 'Then again, I can't be sure if they're mine.' I think to myself.
"She apologized," He says carefully, "And told me that you might need some company out here."
Suddenly I'm angry at Mrs. Yukimura. She sent him out here to… To what? To help me. Not the Nemeton. I shake the thoughts from my head.
"Look, about… Everything. About you staying-" He starts.
"Mac…" I meet his eyes, and his brows furrow in concern and confusion. "I- I can't trust myself right now. This- this thing's been controlling me!" I motion towards the stupid tree stump that started all of this. "I don't know what feelings are mine, and which ones are its." A sob catches in my throat.
Suddenly Mac's arms are around me. Wrapped in his solid embrace, I have one clear thought.
"I can't stay here." I whisper. "Not until I understand what I am, and what I can do." I mumble into his chest.
"You'll be leaving your brother." He says carefully.
"You're my brother too, Mac. Besides, it'd be better for us all if I leave Stiles and Dad for now and know that I'm me. That I'm the one controlling what I'm doing and not the Nemeton. Can you…" I don't know how to ask what I need. Fortunately, I don't need to.
"I'll make sure you stick with that decision Kay." He says softly. As soon as he lets go, I wonder if I made the right decision. Do I want to give up my family? I shake my head. Mac, Jack, Riley, Bozer, and Matty? They're my family too. They were my first family. Mac's hand is on my shoulder, grounding me a bit.
"Let's go meet up with everyone for lunch." He guides me gently away from the Nemeton.
The team, Stiles, Dad, and I are all gathered around a table in the diner. Mac nudges my reassuringly and I take a deep breath.
"I can't stay here." I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth. Stiles freezes mid-bite, and Dad drops his fork. I can see the shock, and hope, on Jack and Riley's face.
"What?! But… I thought… What happened?" Stiles asks. I don't want to tell him. I shouldn't have told Mac. I can deal with this myself. I don't need… I close my eyes and grit my teeth.
"The Nemeton has been manipulating me. The Nemeton has been controlling my emotions since I came back to life." I take a breath, reminding myself that the anxiousness creeping up me isn't my own. "I can't stay here until I've figured out how to differentiate myself from that tree."
"Only in Beacon Hills." Dad grumbles, rubbing his face with his hand.
"You'll be back, though, right? And you'll keep in touch?" Stiles asks.
"Of course." I give him a smile, stomping down on the anger building up in me. They're trying to force me out of Beacon Hills. I have to stay.
I give a small sigh. The Nemeton has clearly given up on being subtle.
"Why would it manipulate you like this?" Jack says cautiously.
"I- I can't be sure. I think it wants a guardian, and Mrs. Yukimura said that phoenixes are also known as guardians. But it could be manipulating me this way because its corrupted. I don't know. I just hope that getting out of town will help me clear my head."
"Wait. Are you saying that it might be able to control you even if you leave?" Riley leans forward.
"I would hope it can't, but this Nemeton is connected to every major ley line, I don't know how far it's influence reaches." I reply.
"Wonderful." She grumbles.
"No kidding." I give her a small smile.
"When will you be leaving?" Dad asks.
"As soon as possible, so the Nemeton can't change her mind." Mac speaks up. Dad nods thoughtfully.
"Well, kiddo, you've got my number, you'd better use it." I meet his eyes to see him fighting tears. I blink to realize that I am too.
"I should give you mine too." Stiles says, fumbling for his phone.
"Or Riley could get it for you." Jack jokes. Stiles' head whips around to face Riley, phone forgotten.
"You can do that?" We all laugh at his face.
"Yeah. It's actually pretty easy." Riley grins at him.
"Teach me?" Stiles gives Riley puppy dog eyes.
"No." Dad says simply. "You get into enough trouble as it is."
"But then I won't have to ask Danny for help if I need to-"
"As the Sheriff I'm going to pretend I didn't hear my son just say that, and said son is going to shut up now." Dad cuts Stiles off, rubbing his temples. Suddenly Stiles whips around to me and Mac.
"How soon is as soon as possible?" He frowns thoughtfully.
"We're going to call our boss after lunch." I tell him.
"So this is essentially goodbye?" He asks, tears welling up in his eyes. I want to say no. I want to stay. To get to know my blood family.
"Essentially. I mean, you guys can always see us off at the plane." Mac nods.
"So much for 'blood is thicker than water', right?" Stiles chuckles jokingly.
"You know, that's not the full proverb." Mac says, face carefully emotionless.
"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." I fill in.
"Ah." Is all Stiles says.
"But I will be back. I've just- I've got this feeling that this isn't actually 'goodbye'. Just 'see you next time'." I look him in the eyes, trying to convince him that I mean it. I try to convince myself I mean it too. I desperately hope that it's just the Nemeton trying get me to stay. He nods at me.
"So, what do we do about the Nemeton?" Dad asks. I meet his eyes, then Stiles'.
"You guard it." I say simply. "The Hales were the original guardians, your pack should be the ones guarding it now. What that entails, I'm not sure. Ask the Hales about it." As I mention it, I feel disgusted at the words.
The call went smoothly. Matty and Bozer were elated to hear that I wasn't dead. Apparently, Mac filled them in on the supernatural, and Matty's keeping it under wraps. We're waiting by the airstrip, where we first arrived only days ago.
"I guess this is it, kiddo." Dad wraps me in a hug. I want to melt into the embrace, but if I do, I don't think I'll be able to leave.
"See you next time." Stile says, looking me in the eyes. "Promise?"
"I promise. See you next time. I'll call you guys when I get home? Let you know I had a safe plane trip?" I don't want to go.
"You'd better." Dad says, smiling softly. I myself to take a step back. I hear the plane coming.
"You ready?" Mac says, putting his hand on my shoulder. I give him a silent nod.
"You guys are taking this a lot better than I thought you would." Jack tells Dad and Stiles. "I can only imagine what it feels like to gain and loose this kid in a couple of days." Jack playfully ruffles my hair. I want to break away. Run into the forest and never leave. I don't want to go. I try to remind myself that it's just the Nemeton influencing me.
The plane lands on the landing strip.
"I think I can speak for the both of us when I say that I'd rather Kay have free will than have her stay here. And it's not like we're losing her completely. We can still stay in contact with her, right?" Dad smiles at me.
I nod back, not trusting myself to open my mouth. I don't want to leave Dad and Stiles.
"I'll make sure of that." Riley says with a wink.
"Alright, let's get going." Mac says, motioning to the plane. I take a step towards the plane. Then another one. Suddenly I can't breathe.
Idon'twanttogoIdon'twanttogoIdon'twanttogo.
A wave of pure panic washes over me. My knees buckle, and suddenly I'm face to face with the tarmac. I can only hear the rushing of blood in my ears.
Idon'twanttogo.
I close my eyes, trying to hear past the roar in my ears. It feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest. I can't get enough oxygen. I can't breathe. It feels like I'm back with the Goblin King, being drowned because I did something wrong. I can't breathe.
Idon'twanttogoIdon'twanttogo.
Finally, a blissful nothingness envelopes me.
The first thing I'm aware of is a soft blanket. I'm lying down on something cushy. There's a constant white noise that I don't bother identifying. Finally, I work up the courage to open my eyes. I'm greeted with a familiar face.
"R'ley." I manage to croak. She lets out a sigh of relief.
"You're awake." She smiles. She offers me a water bottle, helping me sit up. It's only after the first sip that I realize just how much my throat hurts. Only experience keeps me from chugging the whole bottle down. Instead, I keep taking tiny sips.
"You gave us quite a scare there." Jack says, sitting down next to Riley.
"Wh't-" I croak out.
"Try not to speak, you did quite a number on your throat." Jack says.
"You had a panic attack. We think it was sorta the tree's last-ditch attempt at making you stay. I nod thoughtfully. It makes sense. What does he mean I did quite a number on my throat? The confusion must've shown on my face, or maybe my newfound mood eyes, because Mac clears his throat.
"You started clawing at your throat, like you were trying to rip it out."
"Couldn't breathe." I mumble.
"Just take it easy." Jack says.
"M'kay." I nod. "Guess it's a good thing I'm not a werewolf, right?" I give them a small grin.
"You have a horrible sense of humor." Jack grins back.
"I know." I pull the blanket up, and settle down for another nap. My eyes snap open as I realize something. "I'm glad we got out of Beacon Hills." Three grins light up the plane at my words.
"Glad to have you back, Kay." Mac smiles.
AN: I have an idea for a sequel, but I'm not sure it I'm going to make it or not. It's probably going to focus more on the secret agent life of MacGyver rather than the supernatural life of Teen Wolf like this one. Leave a comment and let me know what you think. Merry Christmas!