Disclaimer: The great Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I'm just using her amazing characters to tell you a story.
Thanks as always to my pre-reader Loulabelle and my beta AgoodWITCH for all of the input, great comments and overall support on my stories. I love you girls so much.
A/N: I am so, so sorry this has taken me forever to update. I had no idea so much time had passed, but I'm working hard so it doesn't happen again.
Chp24 Recap: While finally covering the news desk, Bella had to stand up to Charlie when he tried to get her taken off of a story. She stood her ground and convinced him that she could handle herself. When it was time to head home, however, she rediscovered some of the feelings she had for Edward as he and the rest of the group came to pick her up that night.
The end of the school year is here, but some interesting things happen before Bella leaves the school behind for the summer. First, she is offered a summer internship at the newspaper, which leaves her no time for Jacob, causing him to become distant. And second, she receives more anonymous notes saying goodbye for the summer from someone who obviously cares about her, which cause her to rethink her relationship with Jacob.
In the end, though, Bella decides to forget about her 'secret admirer' and do what she has to, to fix her relationship with Jacob. So, with Charlie's permission, Bella and Jacob have a date.
So let's get back to the story, shall we.
Chapter 25 – Overwhelmed
BPOV
Everything was ready. The lasagna was cooling, the garlic bread was done, the cake was frosted, the pie was cut and the soda was chilling in the freezer because Jacob loved them ice cold. I took a step back and looked at the food covering the counter and blew out a deep breath.
Okay, maybe I overdid it just a little bit, but I wanted this to be perfect. The tension between Jacob and me had pushed us both to the edge and if tonight went well, I would feel better about our dating status. I'd been questioning what we were to each other since school let out a month ago and I didn't want to guess anymore.
I ran out of the kitchen, heading for my room to get ready before he got here, nothing special but I at least wanted to look decent for him. I was brushing my hair out when I heard the front door open and close.
"Hey Bells?" Jacob called out to me.
"In my room. Be down in a sec," I yelled down to him.
After pulling my hair into a ponytail, I took the stairs as quickly as I could without stumbling. I turned toward the living room but he wasn't there. His amused voice came from behind me as two strong arms wrapped around my shoulders.
"Were you planning on feeding an army tonight?" he asked.
He ducked his head, touching his lips to my neck. I hummed at the feel of it and laid my hands on his arms just to hold him there. I missed this. I missed us and it felt so good to be in his arms again. He trailed his kisses up towards my ear and I tapped his arm to get his attention.
"Come on; let's eat before it gets cold." I giggled when I heard his groan.
He spun me around and caught me in a breathtaking kiss. My hands brought him closer and I forgot all about the food in the other room. He pulled away when we both needed to breathe and touched his forehead to mine.
"You're amazing, doll." He kissed the tip of my nose. "Let's eat."
I took a step back, grabbed his hand and led him into the kitchen. He sat at the table while I served our food. When I turned to him with our plates in hand, he had a huge smile on his face.
"What's that smile for?" I asked.
"You're just so damn cute, making dinner for me like a good little wife," he teased.
I wasn't amused. His plate hit the table hard and he lost his smile instantly.
"I am no one's wife, Jacob Black," I said forcefully. "You of all people should know how I feel about marriage. It's just not gonna happen. So get rid of that idea right now."
"Relax beautiful, I was just teasing you." He tugged on the waistband of my jeans, pulling me into his lap. "I already know you're never gonna marry me, so you don't have to worry your pretty little head about it."
"Well, as long as you remember that," I kissed his nose this time, "then we're all good."
I got up to get the soda from the freezer and sat down with him to eat. Our conversation was easy like always, never a dull moment and always joking around. We were so comfortable together and I was glad we started our relationship as friends because it gave us the foundation to be together like this.
When dinner was done, he helped me clean up so we could get to our movie faster than if I did everything alone. I put the movie in the DVD player and settled in with Jacob on the couch. The closeness was nice. He was sitting at the end of the couch and I was in his lap, leaning against the armrest. His right hand was stroking my hair and his left was entwined with mine, lying on my stomach.
We stayed like that for the first hour of the movie and his fingers in my hair felt so good that the movement nearly put me to sleep. I moved to sit up and lean into his side to make sure I stayed awake. He shifted himself to more of a laying position so I didn't have to strain my neck and wrapped his arm around my shoulder to hold me.
With him holding me this way, I couldn't believe I ever doubted our relationship. I could feel how much he cared about me with every squeeze of his arm and every kiss to my head. It was a far cry from every other time he was here in the past seven months. Not that I was complaining or anything, because I loved making out with him but tonight, this meant so much more to me than any of that.
The movie ended and I got up to put in the next one but as I sat down, he spoke the words that I never thought I would hear come from his mouth.
"Hey doll, why don't you sit here and relax while I go grab you a piece of that pie. Apple, right?"
Like he even had to ask. He knew me so well and knew I would rather have a slice of apple pie than cake any day. The only reason I made the cake in the first place was because I knew how much he and my dad loved a good cake, but I just didn't share in their choice.
He moved quickly to the kitchen, banged around for a few minutes and came back with a slice of pie and a glass of chocolate milk. I smiled when I took them from him because no one – not even my dad or Alice – seemed to remember that I loved chocolate milk instead of regular with my desserts. He was full of more surprises than I expected.
We spent some time eating our desserts and talking before we were ready to start the next movie. Unfortunately, with our time restriction we were barely going to make it through before Jacob had to leave. I didn't want to interrupt the movie so I had to ask him about the party before we started it.
"Hey Jake, I was wondering," I paused a second, afraid to ask.
"What's up, doll?" He jumped in.
"Um…I was wondering if you would come with me to Alice's party on the Fourth?" I exhaled when I was finished.
His face dropped slightly and he reached to put his plate on the table.
"Bella, I don't know. Do you really think I'm welcome there?" he asked, sounding worried.
His forehead creased with his frown. I was about to answer, but he cut me off.
"Before you start freaking out, I'm not saying no, but just think about it. You know Alice doesn't like me and it's gotten worse since Cullen showed up." I frowned this time. "Come on, Bella. You know she wants you to be with him…not me. Ever since Rose started dating Emmett and the girls have been hanging around with the Cullens more often, you haven't been with them as much and I know it bugs her and I know for a fact that she blames me for it."
"It's not like that, Jake. She wants me to be happy and she knows that I want to be with you. If I tell her you're coming, she won't make a big deal about it." I tried to reason with him.
"Get real, Bella. You think she's gonna be happy with me being there when you know as well as I do that she already invited Cullen, hoping you two could hook up."
"But I don't want that." I moved over and sat in his lap. "I only want you, Jake. I don't want him anywhere near me." I grabbed his face, looking him right in the eye. "You believe that…right?"
His eyes moved between mine for a second and I could tell he was trying to see any doubt in my eyes. He wouldn't find any, no matter how long he looked. In a second, I was crushed against his chest as he held me tight and whispered in my ear.
"I believe you, doll. I just wish…" He hesitated.
"Tell me, Jake," I asked.
"I wish they would like me enough to stop trying to force the two of you together." He pulled back and dropped his head. "I keep waiting for the day when you'll just give up on me and go to him. I just can't lose you that way."
I pulled his face up so he was looking at me. "I. Do. Not. Want. Him." I searched his eyes, hoping to see acceptance. "I love you, Jacob Black…and only you. The sooner you believe that, the better off we'll be."
"What would I do without you, Bella?" He kissed me softly.
"Suffer a long…" I kissed his cheek, "boring…" I kissed his other cheek, "miserable…" I kissed the tip of his nose, "existence." I kissed his lips again with a little more force than he used.
There was nothing frantic or hurried about this kiss. We just sat together, savoring the moment. His hands were rubbing circles on my back, for once not venturing any lower. His hand reached up to my cheek and used a little force to push me away, both of us breathing a little heavy. He smiled and brushed his lips against mine one more time.
"What do you say we forget this movie and just be here together?"
His smile was bright and the suggestion was one of the best I'd heard in a long time.
"I can't think of anything I'd like more."
I crawled off his lap to take our dishes to the kitchen. I would clean them up when he went home. When I walked back into the room, he told me he'd set his alarm so he wouldn't be late and then put his cell phone on the table before settling into the couch to get comfortable.
I waited until he held his hand out to me before going to the couch and lying down with him, snuggling into his side. His arms went around me again and he rested his chin on the top of my head. Honestly, I was still waiting for the make out session to begin since that's what most of our nights together led to, but he didn't seem to want that. He sighed, kissing the top of my head, and in that moment, this seemed more intimate to me than anything we had ever done together.
"I really have missed you, Bella," he whispered into my hair.
"I've missed you too, Jake." I exhaled and placed an innocent kiss on his chest. "We definitely need to do this more often.
"Yeah, we do." His arms tightened around me, holding me to his chest.
~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~
The day of the party, I found myself standing in the middle of Alice's bedroom, staring at myself in the full-length mirror and hating myself – and both girls, for that matter – for ever agreeing with this. I knew better than to let Alice play dress up with me, I'd had way too many bad experiences to draw from. This time Rosalie talked me into it and I figured she would at least save me from Alice's torture, but I was so very wrong.
"Alice, you can't seriously expect me to go down there like this," I whined as I tugged at the shorts she gave me to wear, hoping to add some length to them.
"Why not, Bella?" Rosalie asked. "You look hot!"
"Because I'm practically naked, that's why not!" My frustration at the clothes Alice put me in was starting to show.
"Bella, it's only a pair of shorts and a halter, not a string bikini." Alice rolled her eyes at me, waving me off with a dismissive hand.
"But you know she has one of those and won't hesitate to use it if you don't quit your bitching." Rosalie laughed from her relaxed position on the bed. "Besides, I don't think Jake would mind seeing you right now." She winked at me.
I couldn't say that Rosalie was excited about the fact that I was still with Jake, but she would never come out and attack him the way Alice did. While Alice always believed she had my best interests at heart when she did some of the things she did, Rosalie really did want me to be happy and she was going to support me no matter what.
"This has nothing to do with Jake. I don't even know if he's coming or not." I shrugged. "I'm more worried about what my dad will do if he sees me dressed like this."
"Oh come on, Bella. You know Charlie's working. He's not going to see a thing." Alice put down her lip gloss and turned away from the mirror. "Even if he did, you have him so wrapped around your little finger that it won't be a big deal."
"Right, so after Charlie shows up here and kills me for this outfit, he's gonna go after you…and you," I said, pointing at both of them, "for making me wear this."
Rosalie sat up, glaring at me. "It's this or the bikini, Bella. Take your pick."
I grabbed the closest teddy bear and flung it at her and her scream caused us all to laugh. When we calmed down, we were all sitting on the bed when Alice changed the subject.
"So Bella, have you had a chance to look over that list yet?" she asked.
"What list?" I asked.
"The list of possible secret admirers we made." Her stare was making me nervous. "You know I've just about invited the whole school, he's bound to be here."
"What would it matter if he was? I don't know who it is anyway." I dismissed her, not wanting to talk about this.
It was one thing to entertain the thought a month ago when Jacob was blowing me off, but after the other night, how could I even think about another guy right now.
"I've decided once and for all that it doesn't matter who he is. Jake and I are okay and I don't want anyone else," I said with conviction.
"Again! How can you say that without even knowing who it is?" she pouted.
"Because, Alice, as long as Jake and I are still together, looking for another guy is wrong. I won't do that to him."
"So it doesn't matter how many times he's done it to you." She was starting to get angry. "You can just forget about every other…"
"Enough, Alice." Rosalie jumped in and saved us from another fight. "Jake did some pretty fucked up shit in the past, but he hasn't done anything to hurt her now. Give the guy a break already. Bella made her choice, now drop it."
Alice huffed and was just about to say something else when the doorbell rang. I was saved but as she and Rosalie got up to leave the room, Alice gave me the look that said this conversation was far from over. When it came to Jacob, the 'conversation' was never over.
I left the room seconds after they did and heard Rosalie's squeal just as my foot landed on the top step. That squeal meant that Emmett just walked into the room. I stopped and took a few deep breaths to calm the sudden nervousness that hit me, because Emmett being here meant that Edward was right behind him.
I knew this was coming and I was just going to have to play nice for a day. The plan was to avoid him at all costs, but I didn't know if I could do it. I would never disrespect one of Alice's guests in her house, so if he were to find his way into the same room I was in, I would have to find a way to deal with it. I just hoped there would be enough people here today that they could keep him occupied and he would stay away from me.
You can do this, Bella. It's just one day.
I took another deep breath, exhaled and went to get this day started. I gave myself a pep talk all the way down the stairs but as soon as I rounded the corner, I knew I was in trouble. Emmett and Jasper were there, wrapped around the girls, talking casually. And then there was Edward, leaning against the door, hands in his pockets and a smile on his face.
I think my heart skipped a couple of beats at the sight of him. He was gorgeous as he stood there, taunting me with the muscles I knew were hidden under that shirt. My feet were frozen, the butterflies in my stomach went wild and I couldn't stop staring. The second my heart started again, I realized that my initial plan to avoid him was useless. Being this close to him, I had the strongest urge to just walk up to him and wrap my arms around him. I was going to have to figure out a way to force myself away from him. If we were any closer than this…
That thought was cut off when I noticed a couple of bags on the floor and remembered that Emmett was going to be bringing some of the food for the barbeque. Thankfully, cooking was going to be my distraction for the next couple of hours. So I gathered my strength and walked further into the room to pick up the bags.
Edward saw me come in and instantly stood up straight; his smile was gone, leaving him looking nervous. I hated that look and wanted him to smile again, but I forced that thought out of my mind as I reached for the bags.
"Hey guys." I tried to keep my eyes off of Edward. "Thanks for bringing the food, Emmett."
Trying to not look at Edward was impossible. My eyes were drawn to him and as I stood up with the bags in my hands, our eyes locked. My heartbeat took off and my pulse raced just at the look in his eyes. I was frozen again, trapped in the same hypnotic gaze he had the day I first met him.
Breathe, Bella. Get a hold of yourself and get the hell out of this room.
I still couldn't move… couldn't tear my eyes away.
Move your ass, Bella. Get away from him before you do something stupid.
Stupid might be a good thing right now, Bella.
I shook my head to get rid of that thought just as I heard that sweet voice.
"Do you need any help?" Edward asked.
I hadn't let him get close enough to me to even hear his voice since that day in the car. The sound of it made my stomach do flips and definitely didn't help with the speed of my heartbeat. There was no way I was letting him follow me into the kitchen…alone…where anything could happen.
"I got it. That's what I'm here for." My voice was amazingly steady considering I could barely breathe.
I turned my back and walked as fast as I could to the kitchen. From behind me, I heard Jasper's quiet voice. "Edward, breathe."
As soon as I turned the corner, I dropped the bags and fell against the refrigerator. The cold metal of the door stung my back and I remembered the ridiculous outfit Alice had dressed me in. I could kill her for making me wear this and parading me around half naked in front of Edward. I just wanted to find someplace to hide and stay there until this whole party was over. There was no way I was going to make it through this day.
~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~
Thankfully, more people showed up than even Alice expected which meant two things; one…Edward was too busy hanging out with the guys to come anywhere near me – believe me, I looked – and two…my cooking duties lasted for the majority of the party. Emmett tried to relieve me a couple of times, but I told him no. This was my hiding place where no one bothered me unless they wanted another hamburger. Even after the last person was fed, I was still standing there grilling up the rest of the food until Jasper came and shut everything down on me.
"What are you are doing, Jasper? I wasn't done." The annoyance showed in my voice.
"Umm…Alice said to tell you something about a bikini if you didn't get in there and act like this was a party." He sounded confused as he gave me Alice's message.
I rolled my eyes and laughed at his confusion. I had hoped to hide out a little bit longer, but I was evidently being forced to join this party one way or another. I walked as slowly as I could into the kitchen to put the rest of the uncooked food away and noticed the mess of plates and cups scattered all over.
I ignored the blaring music coming from the other room as I grabbed a plastic bag and began to clean up. I made my way through the kitchen, dining room and was halfway through the backyard when Emmett found me.
"Hey short stuff." His grin could only be described as mischievous. "Where's the boyfriend tonight?"
After six months, I could still count on one hand how many times I'd spoken to Emmett and here he was teasing me with a nickname that I never knew he'd given me, and he was asking me about Jacob.
"He's busy tonight. Why?" Suspicion and curiosity came out in my tone.
"Well I was wondering if he was gonna be here for the show."
I had no clue what the hell he was talking about and was about to ask when he held up the tiniest piece of material I'd ever seen. He held the skimpy bikini top to his chest with one hand and the bottoms spread over the fingers of his other hand as he put them on display.
"Rose told me this was your outfit for the rest of the night and I was kinda wondering what you had planned. Not that I'm gonna be watching, but I know there are some people in there that will be really, really interested."
My cheeks burned with the blush that came over me. "Oh my God! Give me that!" I grabbed the bikini and hit Emmett's chest a few times.
"Hey, don't shoot the messenger. Rose made me do it."
If he weren't laughing so hysterically, I might have believed he was sorry. I threw the offensive pieces of fabric into the trash bag I was holding and left it there while I went to find my so-called best friends. Teasing me was one thing, but outright humiliating me with Emmett and Jasper as pawns in their little game was something different.
I stormed into the house checking a few of the rooms I knew were open to guests, hoping to find them together so I only did this once. They were nowhere to be seen, so I made my way to the living room where the music was playing and crowds of people were packed together, dancing.
Scanning the room quickly proved useless. Alice was short enough that I wouldn't have seen her over the bouncing heads anyway and Rosalie's blonde hair didn't jump out at me either. Assuming she made her way back to Emmett, I turned to head back outside to see if he was still there. I didn't expect to find myself in someone's arms the second I turned around.
"Hey…" My voice left me as I looked up to see Edward's eyes bearing down on me. Again, I was locked in the intensity of his stare and just like this afternoon, I couldn't move…I couldn't breathe…I couldn't think. The music was gone, everyone disappeared and it was just Edward and I, his arms around me and my hands trapped between us, lying on his chest.
My eyes fell to my hands and my mind brought up the image of Edward, shirtless in the park. I bit my bottom lip to keep from groaning out loud over the memory as my fingers developed a mind of their own and started caressing his chest. I watched as they made their way from his chest to his arms where they moved slowly up and down his biceps softly touching the muscles underneath.
My eyes followed their path up his arms to his shoulders where they finally stopped. When I brought my eyes back to his, his gaze was softer somehow – less intense – replaced by a sadness that tore at my heart. I wanted to take that look away and put the brightness back in his eyes that he had that day in the cafeteria. I wanted to see his smile again, the beautiful one I had seen hours ago.
I felt the touch of his fingertips as they traced small lines back and forth across my bare back just above my top. His other hand lifted slowly, the backs of his fingers touching my cheek lightly as they burned a line from my jaw up into my hair. His eyes moved from mine to watch his own fingers stroke my hair and when his hand settled on the back of my neck, his eyes found mine again, holding me captive.
We stood there, staring at each other for God knows how long. He pulled me closer and I could feel my heart matching the wild beating of his, our breaths mingled together in the inch of space between us and the heat rising in my body could only be caused by him. I saw his heart and soul in his eyes and I knew that this was my Edward holding me now. The beautiful boy who had been just a dream was here with me and I didn't want to let him go.
"Edward," I whispered his name softly, hoping not to ruin whatever this was between us.
"I know, Bella." His voice was just as soft. His fingers ran through the back of my hair as they guided me closer to him. "Please, may I…"
I felt my body fall forward as I watched Edward slam into the wall behind him. The room was suddenly loud and chaotic again and there was a tightening on my arm as I stumbled backwards. It took a second to clear my head and I realized I was being dragged away.
I fought for a second before I realized it was Jacob taking me away from Edward. We were in the middle of the front yard when he finally let me go.
"What the hell, Bella." He was pissed, standing a couple of feet away from me. "Would you like to tell me why I ditched my family to be here with you, and I get here to find you with him?"
"Jake, that was not…" He cut me off.
"Do not even tell me that it's not what it looked like or that it was nothing." His arm jerked towards the house. "That was not nothing."
"Jake…"
"I told you." His voice cracked, giving away how upset he was. "I fucking told you, Bella, she was going to bring him here so you two could hook up." He turned his back on me, but turned back around right away. "And what did you tell me, huh?"
His pain was so easy to see and hear as he spoke, but I couldn't answer him, too ashamed of my actions as I remembered what I said to him just a few days ago.
"What? You don't remember…" He took a step closer to me and I could see the hurt written all over his face. "…well let me remind you. 'I only want you, Jake. I don't want him anywhere near me.' Those were your exact words, right?"
I still couldn't make a sound.
"We were talking about Cullen that night, weren't we? Or is there someone else out there that you don't want?"
He turned his back on me again like he wanted to walk away but when he couldn't go, he turned back around, grabbing and holding my hands to his chest.
"You've never lied to me, Bella," he choked out. "I believed you and you just proved to me how stupid I was to listen."
The pain in his voice cut through me. I never, ever wanted to be the one to cause this. I finally found my voice and I had to explain.
"Jake, I'm sorry. I never lied to you. I don't know what happened. I didn't even see him…I just got caught up…I didn't realize he…" I couldn't even finish a whole sentence.
He backed a few steps away from me.
"I know I've messed up, Bella, and I've apologized over and over and over again. But I never thought you would…"
"No, Edward, don't!" Alice's voice screaming behind me caught Jacob's attention.
I wasn't completely turned around before I was pushed aside as Edward went after Jacob. I regained my balance just in time to see the punch land on Jacob's cheek. Just as he pulled his arm back to swing at Edward, Emmett moved in and knocked Jacob back a few steps.
"Don't even fucking think about it, Jake!" Emmett yelled as he turned and pushed Edward into Jasper's waiting arms. "Get him inside!"
I knew what Jacob would do and I couldn't let him fight. I ran to him and wrapped my arms around him, hoping I could calm him down.
"Jake please, stop. Let's just go." He fought against me, trying to get me out of his way. "Don't do this, please." I begged him.
"What?" That deflated him a little. "You're protecting him now?"
"No Jake! He's not worth it." I let go, grabbing his hands to pull him away. "I want to go. Please, let's just go?" I begged again.
"Bella, don't you even care that he's been…" Edward started to yell, but Jacob cut him off.
"Stay out of this, Cullen!" Jacob yelled as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "Come on, Bella. Let's go."
He started to lead me away but before we made it to the end of the yard, Alice's hand was on my arm.
"Bella, where are you going? I thought you were staying here tonight." Her face was a mixture of hurt and anger.
I jerked my arm away. "As long as you keep bringing him around," I pointed to Edward without looking at him, "I won't be here!"
I turned back around and stormed off in the direction of my house. Jacob was walking a couple of feet away from me. Now that we were away from Alice's house, he didn't seem to want anything to do with me.
"Jake, I'm sorry." I felt the need to explain. "I honestly don't know what happened. I was looking for Alice and Rose and bumped into him instead. It couldn't have been more than a few minutes that I…"
"Fifteen minutes, Bella." His voice sounded flat. "I stood there watching you for fifteen minutes, waiting for you to pull away from him, waiting for you to do something, but you didn't."
His voice was hard, his tone…angry, but I could also hear the ache he was trying to hide. I couldn't believe I messed this up so badly.
"When I saw him try to kiss you…" he paused, shaking his head. "I always believed that, with everything we've already been through, you would never cheat on me. You were too good for that."
We were at my front door now, walking the two blocks faster than I was ready for. I walked up the couple of steps to unlock the front door, but he stayed standing at the edge of the sidewalk, glaring at me.
"You were already gonna let him kiss you, Bella. How far were you going to take it, huh? You know what he wants from you. Were you that ready to become another notch on his belt? Do you want him that bad that you were willing to throw away whatever this was between us just to say you had him," he paused, "just like all the other girls in school."
My mind was slow to catch all his words, but it suddenly clicked that he was referring to our relationship in the past tense. I couldn't let him think that way.
"No Jake, I told you it just…"
"Happened…right, I got it." He threw my earlier words in my face.
Disgust mixed with the anger that was already in his voice. I was losing him and there was nothing I could say to make this better. I had to keep trying. He had to listen to me.
"Jake, I made a mistake, okay. It's not like you've never done…" He cut me off.
"Don't you dare bring that up!" He towered over me, trapping me in his cold glare, leaving me unable to speak. "I fucked up and I've been apologizing for it for over a year now. How many more times do I have to say it? Please, give me a number so I can reach it and finally be forgiven." His agitation wouldn't allow him to stand still any longer and he started pacing back and forth in front of me.
He was right. I had been holding the past over his head this whole time, using it as an excuse every time I felt insecure about something. Now, I was the one who was cheating. I couldn't keep my eyes off of Edward when we were in school. I wanted to run to him that day in the park. I wanted to hold him every time I saw him and I really did want to kiss him tonight and probably would have if Jacob didn't stop me. When did I turn into this? What kind of person was I that I would tell my boyfriend I loved him one day and try to kiss someone else the next? Jacob's voice brought me out of my thoughts.
"That right there is exactly what I'm talking about!" His words didn't make sense. "You weren't even listening to me! You were off in your own little world and if I had to guess, I would say that your world had Cullen in it." He stopped right in front of me. "Well you know what, you can keep him…I'm done! If you want him so bad, Bella, run to him…right now!"
Tears poured from my eyes with every cruel word he spoke. He was breaking up with me and I was speechless, unable to say anything to make him stop.
"Go!" He raised his voice, making me jump. "I bet he's sitting there right now waiting for you to come running back to him. Well don't let me stand in your way anymore, Bella. I'm outta here."
He stormed off down the street while I stayed frozen on the sidewalk, watching him leave. My head was spinning and I couldn't make sense of what just happened. My eyes went back and forth, looking to my left, seeing Jacob's back as he got farther away from me and then looking slightly right, seeing the empty street that led back to Alice's house…back to Edward.
I had to make a choice, but I couldn't think as the tightening in my chest threatened to cut off all air going to my lungs, making me light-headed. My body moved on instinct seeming to make the choice for me as I started running.
"Jake, wait!"
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The week after our huge fight was intense. There was a lot of talking, yelling, arguing and begging – on my part – going on between us, and every talk after the first day was done face to face because it was just too easy to lie over the phone. I wanted to get this all out in the open so we could move on and the only way to do that was for both of us to sit down and talk about everything that we thought was wrong in our relationship. We spent more time together in that one week than we had since we used to do our fast food/movie nights before the Cullens came to town.
While we didn't seem to be making much progress in the first two weeks, we had at least agreed that we both wanted to try and work things out. Our conversations were less heated than they had been that first week, and after about four weeks, we were falling more into the comfort level that we had before the fight. Laughs and smiles didn't feel forced anymore, our joking and playing around became easier and we were finally able to just sit together, wrapped in each other's arms without the awkwardness we felt in those first few weeks.
Things were back on track and I was thankful that I could finally breathe again. The stress that I brought into work with me every day because of this seemed to slowly go away too. I was sure it was a relief to Mr. Sawyer to have me back and focused again because he wouldn't have to come down on me all the time and then feel bad about it later.
I understood that, as the boss, he was only doing what he had to, so I didn't take anything personal. I had to admit though, the past couple of weeks had been nice and calm and I didn't have to hear Mr. Sawyer yell "Swan" ten times a day. I was back to being Bella again…or so I thought anyway.
"Swan, get in here," Mr. Sawyer called from across the room.
There hadn't been much going on this week, and I had been working on some filler pieces lately, nothing too exciting. Things were going well for me, so I had no idea what would have caused him to call out for me like that.
I hurried to his office to find out what was going on and as I got there, I noticed we weren't alone. Mr. Sawyer was on the phone and Michael Shields was sitting in one of the chairs in front of the desk. After closing the door, I took my seat and opened up my notebook, ready to take down my next assignment.
"Michael," I whispered, hoping not to interrupt Mr. Sawyer, "what's going on?"
"Could be something big, but I'm not sure yet," he whispered back.
The huge smile on his face told me that this was going to be good. Michael and I had worked together a couple of times since the summer began, and we made a good team. I had already earned his respect with the way I handled myself during our assignment covering the bar fight and he seemed to challenge me more that most of the others, making me strive to work harder.
Mr. Sawyer put the receiver down, lifted his glasses and rubbed his eyes for a second before he focused on us. He looked stressed which was an extreme contrast to Michael's excitement. I clutched onto the notebook in my lap and waited for one of them to speak.
"Bella, through one of his contacts, Michael's come across what could be a huge story and he wants you to work it with him." He frowned slightly before continuing. "I'm not sure how comfortable I am with this because this could get a little…intense." He struggled for that last word and it didn't sit well with me.
"I can do it, Mr. Sawyer." I tried not to sound too eager. "Whatever it is, I'm ready for the challenge."
"Be careful, Bella. You don't want to get yourself involved in something you can't handle," he warned me.
That kind of freaked me out a bit because he'd never once tried to talk me out of taking on a story before. I began fidgeting in my seat, starting to second-guess myself, thinking maybe I should say no.
"Wait a minute," Michael interrupted. "Why don't we start by telling her what we've got going first before you talk her out of it?"
Mr. Sawyer sat back in his chair and motioned to Michael. "Okay…explain."
Michael turned to me with a light in his eyes, excitement poured off of him and the sudden change in mood made my head spin.
"Bella, you know as journalists we don't always have the most…how do I say it…" he thought for a second, "…legitimate contacts."
This already wasn't sounding good. I stayed quiet, trying to keep my nerves in check while he spoke.
"We take the stories where we can get them and most times, an informant will give us the best tips. I've had a 'working' relationship with one such gentleman for years and he's given me the heads up on several of the biggest stories I've covered."
He paused for a second, allowing me a chance to breathe and process what he said.
"I got a call from him a couple of weeks ago and he told me there are a couple of new drug dealers down in the south side of town. It's a fairly new operation, but they've taken over there and a majority of their users…" he paused again and looked at Mr. Sawyer. "The majority of their users are kids."
I gasped, covered my mouth and shook my head. I didn't know what to say to that.
"Now, my informant isn't the most upstanding citizen himself, but there's a moral line there that even he won't cross. When he saw the kids going in and out of that house, he felt he had to do something." He sat back in his chair. "This is a decent neighborhood and those kids are probably around fifteen or sixteen years old. It wasn't right so he went to his contact on the force, but got the runaround and it didn't sit right with him."
"So what does he want you to do about it?" I asked, panic filling my voice. "If you do a story about a place like that they could kill you." I looked to Mr. Sawyer. "You can't let him do a story like this."
"Relax Bella, I'm not stupid." He rolled his eyes like this was no big deal. "In my experience, the drug house will get taken care of. My focus will be broken into two pieces; the first being the teen drug use. That's a huge issue that needs to be exposed and hopefully brought under control."
"Just under control! That's it!" I couldn't believe that was enough for him. "We have to stop this! These are kids my age. They shouldn't be doing drugs. God, those could be some of the kids I go to school with, how can you say…"
"Calm down, Bella," Mr. Sawyer spoke up. "I don't want to sound condescending in any way, but you have to know that teenagers out there are using drugs. Alcohol, marijuana, meth are the most common, but I can guarantee you that there are some out there – some your age – that are using the harder drugs."
I sat listening to him speak. Of course I knew there were some kids using drugs, but I would never think about them using the harder stuff.
"You cannot be naïve enough to think this is a problem that's just going to go away. It'll slow down, sure, but it'll never really go away. What Michael and I are hoping is to shed light on the situation and the neighborhoods that this is becoming a problem in. Hopefully that will make more parents take notice of their kid's activities which in turn will remedy part of the problem."
His explanation calmed me down some, but I wasn't going to say I was happy about the whole situation. My mind was racing and I started picturing kids in my school that could possibly be involved in something like this. It gave me a great idea. I started scribbling furiously in my notebook.
"Okay I know where I can go with this." I glanced at the two of them and then back down at my notes. "What if we…"
"Wait Bella, I'm not done," Michael interrupted me.
When I looked up, I saw his eyes and for the first time since walking in here, he looked a little worried. I didn't know what it was about that look, but I was instantly nervous.
"The teen drug use is only the first part of this piece. The second is where this could get a little tricky."
His words were measured, only increasing my nerves and keeping me on edge. I wanted to shake him and make him tell me already.
"The worry that my informant had when he spoke to his contact on the force doesn't quite sit well with me either. Their reluctance to even listen to the concerns of a man they pay for information might mean there is more going on here." He stopped talking, glancing at Mr. Sawyer.
I sat next to him trying to process the words, but my mind was fighting against the possibility. Was he seriously trying to suggest that the police were covering this up? He continued, interrupting my thoughts.
"I have a really bad feeling that there could be some police involvement here. All I have are suspicions right now, nothing concrete yet. But I've been doing this a long time and more often than not I can get a good sense about a story – you might call them hunches or gut instincts – and after I chase down all the leads, my initial assumptions are usually proven correct." He sat still now, waiting for me to speak.
I sat in shock for a second, not knowing exactly what to say. He was sitting here telling a cop's daughter that the police in this town were dirty. Exactly how did he expect me to react to that? Anger filled me as I thought about his implication, but I couldn't let them know how upset I was at this. Journalists were supposed to be impartial and I was going to try really, really hard to act that way.
"Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You think there are dirty cops out there. Are you serious?" I asked in disbelief. "They're there to help us. Not to get involved in drug operations especially ones that target kids." I knew I needed to calm down but it wasn't working. "How many officers do you know? I mean really know?"
I was standing now, trying to keep my calm but failing miserably. I needed answers. How could he even be thinking this?
"Well, I've known them my whole life and I know that what you're suggesting is completely crazy. You can't sit there and think that I would actually help you investigate the police…investigate my father!"
As soon as I mentioned my dad, there was no being impartial anymore. Now I was just angry.
"What do you want me to do, Michael, spy on him? Find out if he's…"
"No, Bella, I would never suspect your father of such a thing. Charlie is a good man. There is no way he would ever be involved in something like this." He tried to assure me.
"We would never ask you to get involved in that kind of investigation. Michael will be handling that aspect, of course." Mr. Sawyer cut in. "Right now, Bella, we want you to find out everything you can about the drugs that are being distributed from this place. We want all the research you can find; what the drugs are made of, what makes them so addicting, possible distribution methods…anything. We need every detail you can dig up."
I still didn't like the fact that they were doing any kind of investigation on the police department, but knowing I wasn't going to be a part of that helped me breathe a little easier. I could handle the drug angle of it and just like that, my original idea came back to me.
"I can do that," I said after I sat back down. "And I'm going to find a way to check on some things with a few kids I know that do drugs like that. They get kind of nervous when I'm around, being a cop's daughter and all, but maybe my dad will let me go to a couple of the back to school parties coming up in the next couple of weeks. If they see me there, hanging out just like the rest of them, then maybe I could overhear something that would help."
"Are you sure, Bella?" Mr. Sawyer sounded concerned. "I don't want you to do something that could be…"
"I'll be fine. Kids talk a lot when they've been drinking or when they're high. I'll just sit and listen. I won't confront anyone directly. And I'll have my friends with me so I won't be alone." I assured him.
I knew I could do this. This part of the investigation would be easy.
"You knew right where my mind was headed, Bella." Michael smiled at my suggestion.
"Since we all agree then, let's get to work."
Mr. Sawyer went back to his computer as Michael and I walked out, ready to get started.
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The last few weeks of my summer vacation passed quickly. Half of my day was spent in the newsroom or on location when a story needed to be covered. The other half was spent on the computer or in the library, researching anything I could get my hands on. I threw myself completely into this assignment and found myself neglecting everyone again.
Jake came over a few times and sat with me in my room while I was focused on the computer. I felt bad for not giving him the attention he wanted, but I was so lost to what I was doing. The last time he was here, he was lying on the bed talking, but after the fourth time he had to repeat the same question without getting an answer, he stormed out on me.
Things went back to the way they were at the beginning of the summer with him backing off, not coming over or calling very much. It took some arguing to get him to come to the parties with me when I went because he knew Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett and, of course, Edward were all going to be there. He hated that Edward was going to be there but it made him feel a little better when I promised him not to leave his side all night.
I got some pretty good information while I was at one of the parties, overhearing a group of kids talking about how cheap they were getting their stash these days. I hid in the hallway, listening for a little bit and got a couple leads, but later when I asked around to find out who the kids were, I found out they were from another school. I wasn't going to be able to get what I needed easily. I was going to have to think of something else.
I wasn't ready to give up yet, but I seemed to be out of time. Mr. Sawyer called me into his office the Friday before school started and I knew I was going to have to give up everything I had been working on. I had a whole file of information put together to hand to him, but when I got there, he surprised me by telling me that, with my dad's permission, I was able to continue working on this piece until we finished. My assignment in the newsroom was over but I was able to keep working at home with the understanding that I had to report in three times a week after school.
With that settled, everything was set for the new school year to start. I was ready to go back to see everyone again and I couldn't wait to see Mr. Collins to let him know how this whole summer went. I was back in his class again and this year, if I impressed him enough, I would be in a better position to get some of my stories into the paper.
The first day of school came and I was up and ready to go in no time. My dad made me breakfast before I ran out the door to meet Alice at the bus stop. She went on excitedly about a date she and Jasper had gone on to the movies a couple of days earlier and I smacked in the arm a couple of times for admitting to practically going all the way in the back of the movie theater.
Jacob and his friends weren't at the bus stop today, but I wasn't exactly expecting to see them. Sam got his driver's license a little over a week ago so they were probably riding to school with him. I still had three months to wait before I got mine, but once I did, Alice and I weren't going to be taking the bus anymore.
We talked all the way to school, texting Rosalie the whole way, and we split up when we got there. Alice and Rosalie's lockers were in a different hallway than mine so I went to mine alone. I put all my things away and did some organizing while I waited for the girls to meet me. I was in homeroom with Rosalie this year and Alice was going to be in the room next door so we headed off together.
The day was long and boring as the teachers in each class took their time to go over class expectations as they did every year. During lunch, I was excited to find out that Angela was going to be in the debate class with me and Rosalie next period. With the three of us in one class, debates were going to be a piece of cake. We heard from one of the juniors that if we wanted to be on the same debate team, we had to sit together. So that was the plan as the three of us walked into the room.
We grabbed the first three seats to make sure we were together. We sat and began talking about how we would work as a team, but shortly after we sat down, I started to get that eerie feeling, like someone was watching me. I looked around and my eyes landed on Edward, sitting in the back row, watching me.
My groan as I turned back to the girls caught Rosalie's attention and she looked over my shoulder. She smiled and waved at Edward.
"Oh, I forgot he was going to be in the class," she said, a little too innocently when she turned back around.
I was just about to call her on the obvious lie when the teacher swooped in and the bell rang.
"All right class, quiet down," Mrs. Martin said as she pulled a file from her desk. "On your feet everyone. We're going to be doing things a bit different this year. So, when I call attendance, I want you to fill the seats from the left side of the room to the right until I have everyone in alphabetical order."
"Damn it," Rosalie said in a hushed voice.
"So much for a team." Angela spoke up right after Rose.
I just cringed because with my luck, I was going to be stuck on a team with Edward and that was the last thing I wanted to happen.
We stepped away from the desks as Mrs. Martin started reading off the names and I shivered involuntarily as Edward passed me, touching my back lightly when he walked by. Rosalie tried to disguise her laugh as a cough as she noticed my reaction to him, but I gave her a death glare and she stopped.
Mrs. Martin finished seating all of us in order and Angela and I were sitting in the back, Rosalie was almost dead center and Edward was on the left side of the room near the front.
At least he can't stare at me from there.
"Okay class we are going to have two teams this year. The yellow line," she pointed to the yellow tape between the desks on the floor, "divides the class in half. This side," she motioned to the left, "will be team one and the other side will be team two. There will be five major debates this year." Mrs. Martin continued. "You will learn proper debate etiquette and techniques and you will spend your time researching your topics and determining debate order before each."
She paused and I looked around the room. I was still lucky enough to be on a team with Rosalie but Angela was going to be alone…well not completely, she was stuck with Edward.
"All five topics are in the syllabus being handed back to you now. I want two leads per topic while the others will be doing the majority of the research. Now, if you're all ready…let's get started."
My copy of the syllabus finally made it to my hands and I flipped through it. Every discussion topic was pretty straight forward but when I got to the last one, my groan caught the attention of everyone around me.
After I read it, my eyes instantly found Edward and I cringed. I peeked back down at the page again, hoping I read it wrong. But no…there it was, plain as day 'Topic: Discuss the Pros and Cons of Sexual Intercourse Before Marriage.' My hands flew to my eyes and I rubbed them hard, wishing the words would disappear.
"This is going to be a fucking nightmare," I whispered to myself.
Okay, hands in the air…who wants to slap the hell out of Bella? *jumps up and down* I do…I do. How do you get that close to kissing Edward and let Jake screw it up? And how do you run back to Jacob when he told you to go to back to Edward? I don't understand the girl. I just write what she tells me. Don't worry my lovelies, things may seem bad now but Edward is going to get some help. He isn't going to take this lying down.
Thanks for sticking with me and remember, leave me a little something to tell me what you think. Until next time, my loves …much love to you - D