Bella's POV
By the time I was discharged from my hospital stay late the following morning, the contractions that I had been experiencing had completely stopped and my mind was a little more at ease as we wound our way back through the streets of Forks to meet Carlisle and Esme back at our house with our children.
I knew though that just because the pain had stopped and that there had been no more spotting that it didn't mean that things weren't going to change completely. I knew that they were. This had been a warning and a wake-up call and I was more than willing to make any changes necessary to ensure that this pregnancy continued and all of our children were safe.
"MOMMA!" We had barely opened the door when I heard Elizabeth's shrill cry and I half smiled and half sobbed when I walked in to the foyer to see my girl struggling to escape Carlisle's arms. Masen was already on the ground and toddling towards us, Esme smiling warmly as we came further into the house.
"Hey baby girl!" I cooed to my daughter, reaching over to Carlisle to pull her into my arms. Immediately I was met with a look from Edward and I shrugged sheepishly as I continued to hold onto Ellie while moving towards the sofa in the living room.
"I'm sitting down Edward." I spoke up before he had the chance to scold me and soon I was propped up with Ellie snuggled into my chest. I noticed immediately that her fever was completely gone and while she had curled up against me, she seemed okay… there were no more painful whimpers or tears on her cheeks. The relief I felt was immense as everyone else joined me in the living room.
Seconds later and Masen was sitting on the floor beside me, he had picked up a large toy truck and was pushing it on the ground back and forth at the base of where I was sitting, not moving too far from me. Masen although more independent in general, was still my boy and I could tell that my trip to the hospital hadn't gone unnoticed by him.
"How are you feeling Bella?" Esme was the first person to ask me the question and I smiled at her. Honestly I was feeling tired – that was my normal now though – and aside from that I felt fine.
"I know I have to relax a little more and take it a little bit easier for the next little while; but overall I actually feel okay today – no more pain, no more bleeding. I know that the next few months I have to take it easy and really start keeping the stress down and my feet up… but I do feel okay today." I answered honestly. I really was going to follow the doctor's orders and rest for the next few weeks. I hadn't been put on full bed-rest; but I also wasn't going to take any chances.
"I know that you are used to being able to do it all yourself Bella… and Edward." Esme's next sentence surprised me and I shifted a little bit, one of my babies kicking up a storm in my side. "And we don't want to over-step our place in your life here with Masen and Ellie and your new little ones… but we also don't want you to have to worry about asking for help either." She continued and I nodded, furrowing my brow a little bit as she spoke and biting down on my lip. It was apparent that she knew both Edward and I well… neither of us liked to ask for help and we had both been used to being competent enough to care for ourselves, each other, and even our little family without much outside help.
"I know that we are going to need some help this time around…" I began but she held up her hand, stopping me mid-sentence.
"Bella – I know that you came into our family in a bit of an unusual way – it was a time that was filled with tragedy and loss and complete devastation for you both. But you and Edward fit so well together and it feels in our family as though Bella you've always been a part of it. And Ellie and Masen have the two most wonderful parents – beyond what either of them could have asked for given the situation surrounding their births. And we want you to know that during this time – this crazy time filled with worry and stress and the addition of our three newest grandchildren; that we want to be here with you both. You are family Bella and we want to help make this transition as easy as possible." Esme continued and I smiled at her. I already felt so much a part of their family; but sometimes verbal reassurance was always welcome as well.
"Edward and Bella, what your mother – Esme – is saying, is that we want to help out with Masen and Ellie and with the basics here at the house whenever we can." Carlisle finished and I felt the first tear begin to dribble down my cheek.
"Thank you. That means the world to me… to us." I finally managed to choke out a minute later, reaching up to wipe my eyes with the sleeve of my sweater.
"We mean it Sweetie. I'm not going to just start showing up or insist on moving in or anything intrusive like that… but what I would like to do is to sit down over the next few days with you and work out ways in which you are comfortable with us – specifically me – helping out around here. Whether it's being here during the times when Edward is at work or whether it's taking Masen and Ellie for a few hours a day or whether it's preparing weekly meals for your family. I want to help but I want it to be on your terms." Esme spoke up again and all I could do was nod my head at this woman who had never been anything but kind towards me.
"Thanks Mom. We really appreciate that more than you know." Edward choked out while I nodded my head in agreement.
A short while later and Carlisle and Esme had left us to relax. I was still exhausted – falling asleep in the hospital had not been the easiest task for me, and I knew that Edward was still feeling it as well. So after a quick lunch for Masen and Ellie and myself, we all laid down for a nap together; our family my only concern for the moment.
For the next several weeks, our routine became a reassurance to me.
Esme had meant what she had said and we had worked out a schedule where she was available to stay at the house with me while Edward was at work, often just sitting and chatting with me while forcing me to put my feet up. It wasn't easy for me to relax though and I found my mind wandering aimlessly – looking for something to focus on. Eventually I had Angela bring me the paperwork from the store and I trained my focus on numbers and investments – I was looking at bringing in some new authors to expand our local author section. Reading through submissions was just one of the ways in which I allowed myself to feel like I was working while at the same time doing something that allowed me to sit still and relax.
When Edward was off work, we became a well-oiled machine in the care for Elizabeth and Masen. Ellie was on a preventative antibiotic for her kidneys to prevent further infection and had so far kept her in good spirits. Between her and Masen though, I was exhausted daily from trying to keep the both of them entertained without doing too much on my feet… thankfully Edward was very active with them, taking them outside and running around with them whenever possible. Not only did Edward keep them busy though… but so did the rest of the family… Esme taking them out to the store with her, and Emmett and Rosalie coming by to take them to the park with Haley, and Alice and Jasper turning visits into dress-up photo-shoots for Alice's new book.
"You look absolutely drained Bella." Carlisle remarked one evening after dinner.
Earlier in the day I had mentioned to Esme that I was going a little bit stir-crazy. Lately I hadn't been out of the house much and I didn't feel comfortable taking the kids out by myself at this stage. I was nearing twenty-one weeks now and walking (or over-exerting myself in any way) often caused slight twinges and random aches and pains. So Esme had brought us to their place for the evening… with Edward working a double shift it was nice to get away from home and to feel somewhat normal.
Following dinner though I had excused myself to curl into the leather recliner in the living room… I was in a bit more pain than usual and I was tired. It didn't seem to matter how much sleep I got these days, I always felt like I could use a nap; and with my back searing in pain I needed to take a few minutes to put my feet up.
"Where's everyone else?" I asked curiously as Carlisle sat down across from me and picked up a crossword puzzle book that had been left open on the coffee table before our meal.
"Esme took Masen and Ellie out to the new playground out in the backyard, and I believe Rosalie and Haley have joined them out there." He responded with a smile and I nodded slowly. Emmett and Rosalie had joined us for dinner with their little girl, and I felt bad for being such an anti-social person at this point.
"How are you really feeling Bella?" Carlisle had set his book down again and he shifted in his chair, looking closely at me as he awaited my answer. I knew that he was looking for more than the standard 'I'm tired but okay' response that had been slipped regularly out of my mouth over the past few weeks. Shifting myself I cleared my throat before answering him.
"Well… honestly… I love being pregnant… I really do." I began nervously, tearing my eyes away from my father-in-law's. It was true, I did love being pregnant… I just wasn't feeling great on this particular day.
"I just… I don't think I was prepared." I stopped for a minute, trying to find the words to continue my thoughts.
"With Elizabeth… she was expected and her pregnancy was relatively easy for me. There was very little morning sickness and I had a ton of energy right up until… until the accident." I paused and swallowed, not wanting to relive that day again, but also acknowledging that while the situation with Mike and the day of Ellie's birth wasn't ideal, and I had spent most of my pregnancy doing things alone… I had been content while carrying her.
"With Mase and El though… we hadn't really planned on having another baby so soon – they were… or rather are still so young, and we knew right away that this would be a bit of a rough pregnancy with already having the two of them at home. But I was also so sick for the first trimester and even some days still… and then there is the exhaustion. I don't think I've ever slept this much in my entire life… and I feel like I'm a human incubator right now… not good for much except for growing these three babies. I love them and I wouldn't change it… but I'm kind of feeling like I'm missing parts of me right now too. And on top of that… there's always the fear and worry." I explained while Carlisle continued to take in what I was saying in silence, occasionally nodding his head, but overall waiting for me to finish speaking before he asked his first question.
"What are you most afraid of Bella?" It should have been a simple question but it wasn't. There were literally lists of things roaming around my head that all had bits of unease and some elements of fear.
"Well, I guess for starters – the threat of Kate is always there in the back of my head." I began carefully. "I know Jasper and Edward have been checking on her and there has been little change in her situation or her location. She hasn't made a move or tried to contact Edward in any way… but…. There's always that fear lurking there." I continued on. As much as what I said was truth though, Kate was probably the mildest of my fears right now.
"And then there's the usual self-doubt that comes with preparing myself and my home and the kids and our family for the arrival of triplets… just that questioning on whether I'll be a good enough mom for all five of them, or whether Masen and Ellie will be jealous and act out… that's kind of the usual stuff I guess." I stopped talking after that, biting down on my lip again while I thought it through.
"The triplets themselves though. I'm trying to be a good patient and rest and keep my feet up. I know though that labour could theoretically begin at any moment and while we definitely hope to keep them safe and sound and inside of me for quite a while longer; I also know the odds. And I know the possibility of complications… and I don't know at the same time. And I think it's the fear of not knowing that's worse than actually knowing and preparing." I mused out loud and saw Carlisle shift, sitting back a little bit and bringing his hand to his chin, rubbing it slowly. I had learned already that this was one of Carlisle's tell-tale signs of preparing to offer advice. It was also my cue to wait patiently for him to say something now.
"Did you know that Edward came to me just after you both learned of the triplets?" Carlisle took me off guard with his question and I shook my head 'no'; I knew Edward was close with his father and often looked to him for advice, so it didn't surprise me in that regard… I just didn't know what relevance this particular conversation had to my fears.
"He had so many questions for me, I felt like I was teaching a high-school biology class." Carlisle chuckled and I felt my own lips form a small smile as I pictured Edward… a confident and calm emergency room doctor, acting like an adolescent at the news of our pregnancy.
"He shared with me details about your pregnancy that I know the both of you haven't yet shared with anyone else. As I'm sure your doctor has informed you already; the type of triplets that you are carrying is a little rarer than most. With that rarity though, also comes more risk of complications and to be honest with you… loss. What Edward wanted from me, was with my experience in pediatrics… to lay out all of the possible issues that either you or any of your children could face with this pregnancy. He, much like you do, feared the unknown more than the known." What he was saying made sense and I felt myself sink back a little further into the recliner as I thought about it.
"But I told Edward the very same thing that I'm going to tell you Bella." He looked at me squarely in the eye and I gestured for him to continue. "I'm not going to sit here and give you examples of what could go wrong. You already know the basics and I'm sure with your aptitude for research… you know more than that as well. I have seen some of the worst case scenarios happen in my lifetime, but I have also seen cases where with added worry, some of those worst case scenarios came true unnecessarily." He lectured and I nodded. "I can't predict what will happen in the future and I can answer a few questions about what to expect when or if you deliver those triplets at various stages of gestation. But I also can tell you that you and Edward are two of the most remarkable people that I've ever met. I can tell you that I have rarely seen two minds as connected, and hearts as strong and durable as yours. No matter what happens, you two - and despite my knowledge of the risk involved – I believe your three babies will make it out of this and thrive along with Masen and Ellie." He finished quietly and I smiled at him… his words were firm and reassuring without coddling me. His reasons for not laying out the risks and what-ifs made sense and I was grateful for his calming demeanor as he spoke to me.
For the next little while we sat and spoke about everything that I had mentioned and more. I understood why Edward and his father were so close as I felt completely safe in sharing my fears, frustrations, and my joy… not once feeling judged or inadequate as I expressed myself to him.
When Esme, Rosalie and the kids came in from outside I groaned as I struggled to stand up. My back was beyond sore and I could feel the pressure on my hips and lower back already from the added weight I was carrying. Seeing me struggle, Carlisle's face took on a concerned look and as soon as Esme saw it, she suggested spending the night at their place.
Honestly I was exhausted and sore… and I didn't have the energy to even try and take us all home.
A few minutes later and I was putting down Masen and Ellie before practically collapsing into the spare bed myself.
The next time I blinked my eyes open, I could feel the morning sun on my skin and was only slightly surprised to have an arm wrapped around me, gentle snoring coming from behind me. Closing my eyes again I snuggled further into Edward's arms, always grateful to have him with me through this life.