Chapter 25: You're Too Slow, Snake!

Summary: Snake, tired of being called slow and "little whore" by his arch nemesis, Sonic, decides to kill him, but failed when Yoshi tried to save Sonic. Meanwhile, Mario and Link explains why Snake hates Sonic so much.

Rated T-L (mild to strong language)

It was a nice morning. Snake woke up.

"Aah, a nice day to start off my morning," said Snake, "First the weather channel."

"The weather will be RAINY in San Diego!!" said the loud female meteorologist.

"Why the hell do they put her anyways?" asked Snake. "I want Heather now on that show. Or I'm boycotting it."

"I hate that Stephanie woman too. She must go," said Mario.

"Oh, good morning, Mario," said Snake. "How you doing, my trusted friend?"

"I'm doing fine," said Mario. "How about you?"

"Same as you," said Snake. "Anyways, is there a sign of Sonic yet?"

"Not yet," said Mario, "Aw, crap, he's coming."

"Sonic's the name, can't wait to see my little ass whore Snake!" said Sonic who was happy.

"Oh no," said Snake, "I must hide."

"Why?" asked Mario.

"I never really like him," said Snake.

"What!?" said Sonic. "If you hate me, then I'm still your sexy whore."

"Ugh. Disgusting boobies." said Snake. He went to eat breakfast.

"Hi, snake the slow whore," said Snake.

"Aah! You scare me! And no, I'm not slow!" said Snake.

"HI!!" said Sonic, who kissed Snake.

Snake got angry. He throws Snake like a ball.

"You son of a bitch, leave me alone!!" said Snake.

"Oh, yeah! Here's Taylor Swift music!" said Sonic.

"AAH!! I CAN'T STAND TAYLOR SWIFT AND HER ANNOYING ASS SONGS!!" screamed Snake. He destroyed the iPod.

"You bastard, why?" said Sonic.

"No one likes Taylor Swift or Miley Cyrus! They're both annoying douches!" said a hyper angry Snake.

Sonic beats Snake.

"I will buy another Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus. I will show how much you hate them. If you do, I'll kick your ass," said Snake.

"Fine," said Snake. As Sonic left, he said this: "For the all haters. Fuck Taylor Swift. And fuck Miley Cyrus. They're annoying whores."

"Hi, Snake!" waved Taylor Swift.

"Aah! You're real! Die!" said Snake.

Link and Mario can hear Snake all the way from their room. They checked on him.

"I wonder Snake's pissed off at Sonic," said Mario.

"I think so. Mario, I need a question," said Link.

"Yes, my friend?" asked Mario.

"How come Snake hates Sonic so much?" asked Link.

"I don't know. We possibly need to ask him," said Mario.

"Not right now," said Link. "Cause Sonic's coming back to kick Snake's ass."

"Here ya go," said Sonic.

Snake kicked Sonic.

"I told a million times, leave me alone! I need some space!" said Snake.

"Fine," said Sonic. "I will bother you more."

He uses some Mexican music. Snake got really annoyed. Sonic run off.

"If Sonic bother one more time today, I will kill him," said Snake.

"Oh Snake!" said Sonic. "Hola. Soy Sonic."

Snake's face turns extremely red when steam came out of his ears.

"I HATE SPANISH!!!" Yelled Snake. He destroyed the Mexican music. "And I better not hear French. Who's the hell cares Canada and France anyways?"

"Hola, Soy Sonic el -"

Snake put tape in Sonic's mouth.

"There. Now shut the hell up, douche," said Snake.

"Los..."

Snake's ear has steam again.

"I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP!! THAT IT'S I'M KILLING YOU!!" yelled Snake.

"I heard a yelling," said Mario.

"I think it's was the Snake," said Link.

"Snake, what's wrong?" asked Mario.

"I just has it with that hedgehog!" said Snake.

"Why?" asked Mario.

"Because he's annoying," said Snake. "I wish he didn't existed."

"I HEARD THAT!!" yelled Yoshi.

"What's wrong, Buddy?" asked Mario.

"I just hate when people hate other things just because they hasn't done any damn wrong!" said Yoshi. "I will save Sonic, you snake bitch."

"I'm sorry, Yoshi. Sonic has to die already. He has been bugging me for almost 2 freaking years," said Snake.

"If you wanna kill Sonic, then I hate you," said Yoshi. "And yes I will save him."

"OK, Yoshi. And Snake, can you tell us why you hate Sonic so much?" asked Mario.

"Because Sonic need to die!" said Snake.

"Gee, calm down." said Mario.

"No, I will not calm down until Sonic dies," said Snake.

"Fine, good luck with that." said Link.

Snake went outside and make a device.

"Behold the death device you'll ever see," said Snake, to the audience. "And yes, Sonic will die."

"I say, what's that noise?" asked Sonic.

"Well, Sonic, prepare for your death," said Snake. "It's time to kill you. And if this happens, I will never see you again! *evil laugh*"

"May I go on it?" asked Sonic.

"Yes, go on and you will burn in hell," said Snake.

"What the?" asked Yoshi. as he look at Snake trying to kill Sonic. "Sorry, Master Hand, I need to go."

"What's happen?" asked Mario. "How's our master hands doing?"

"They're both doing very good on their vacation. Right now, I need to save Sonic." said Yoshi.

"Why?" asked Mario.

"Look!" said Yoshi. "Snake's killing Sonic! I must save him!" said Yoshi.

He went to the top as Snake pushes Sonic. Yoshi uses a rope and saves Sonic. Then, he pull a rope to Snake and Yoshi and Sonic covered their eyes.

"Ugh, don't look, that's hideous," said Sonic.

1 week later, the Smashers were watching The Weather Channel.

"An 8.8 earthquake hits Chile," said the meteorologist.

"Man, fuck Chile," said Mario. "Do we care about that pointless country? That is why this channel is dead to me."

Then, Yoshi came.

"Hey, Smashers, Snake's feeling alright. Here he is," said Yoshi.

"SNAKE! You're back!" said Mario. "How was the surgery?"

"It's a pain in the ass, but other than, it's did good," said Snake. "Whoa, I cannot believe the hands are still not back."

Mario said, breaking the four wall. "They will be back when season 3 begins."

"Oh, OK," said Snake. "Who's wants pizza? I have in the car."

Everyone said yes. Then, they happily ate their pizza?

The end.

Epilogue: Snake Says Sorry to Sonic. Taken place after the rest of Smashers finish eating pizza.

"Sonic," said Snake. "May I talk to you?"

"Sure," said Sonic.

"I am sorry what I call you over the past 2 years. I hate you less now, so you wanna be new friends? P.S. Hedgehogs are my fears anymore," said Snake.

"Yes," said Sonic.

The duos now become friends. New friend pairing name: Non-Nintendo Friends.

"Remind me of the day I begin being friends with Sonic on June 20, 2009," said Captain Falcon.

End of Epilogue.