Disclaimer: I only own LOSS, the rest belongs to J.K. Rowling.
Chapter 24: And Now, For Something Completely Different!
Lily was excited for there to be another wedding, and between such an adorable couple! She'd been spending the last three weeks searching through the various properties owned by the whole Marauder Family, trying to find the perfect venue without sacrificing security. It was surprisingly difficult to be honest. She sighed. "Mommy?" asked her precious little daughter, Daisy. The little three year old was the most adorable thing in Lily's life and the fiery witch couldn't help be smile at her, abandoning her wedding plans for the moment.
"Yes dear?" she asked, petting her daughter's unruly red hair. It was almost a shame the girl had inherited that portion of the Potter genes, but then little Daisy would grin at you and that tiny mane of wildfire would flop about and it would take an iron will not to at least think 'D'aww!' at the sight of it. Her middle child, however, had only mildly flyaway dark red hair that, at a distance, could be mistaken for black, though he had James' dark hazel eyes and facial structure. Though, only Harry, her oldest, looked like a carbon copy of his father with her eyes. She was rather glad of that. One James Potter was enough, thank you very much!
"Read?" Daisy asked, holding up a much loved copy of 'The Tales of Beadle the Bard.' Lily smiled gently at her daughter and scooped her up.
"Of course darling. Why don't we go find your brother and I'll read to you both, hum?"
"Okay," Daisy said, snuggling her head into her mother's neck and breathing in the warm cinnamon apple scent that seemed to always cling to the woman. Eric was playing with blocks in the living room, making it a simple matter for the Potter Matriarch to turn her daughter's request into Family Story Time. As she read, Eric used his blocks to 'animate' the story. It wasn't until the Hopping Pot started Hopping that Lily realized Eric was using his magic to bring the blocks to life. Daisy laughed and clapped her hands as her brother's blocks bounced around the room. Lily watched carefully as she read, curious to see how Eric's magic would bring the afflictions of the Hopping Pot to 'life.' She wasn't disappointed. Blue blocks leapt out of the brick pot, green blocks got stuck to it, and all in all it made a semi-serious story amazingly humorous. Daisy loved it and the smile on Eric's face was pure Big Brother Bliss. All too soon, Story Time ended and Lily felt the need to get back to her wedding plans.
"Alright children, it's time for mommy to get back to work," she said regretfully.
"Aww~," both children exclaimed. Lily smiled at them. Really, she was blessed to have such wonderful, adorable children... if they didn't start tearing the house apart with pranks that is. She could still remember that prank war between her husband and his friends against Harry and his friends. It took the combined power of The Wives, as well as Regulus, to get them to stop, though Lily had a feeling Regulus only helped them because he was pouting. He'd been out of the country when the whole things started, and once he got back, neither side invited him to join. So, he helped The Wives end their 'battle' by pranking them. It is amazingly hard to move when the floor is covered in a thick layer of water and cornstarch while your hands are stuck in a gelatinous mixture of water, glue, and borax commonly referred to as gak.
"Blacks pout in the weirdest of ways," Lily muttered, shaking her head at the memory.
/*/
Regulus moaned, dropping his head onto his desk. "Why? Why did I accept this job?" he groaned, hiding his face from the mounds of papers he still had to grade. Being a progressive school, as the Marauder Family were the founders, Applied Sorcery Academy encouraged their students to use pencils, pens, and note book paper. This, of course, resulted in stacks of stapled papers rather than piles of lengthy scrolls. It could be argued that towers of stapled paper would make the office neater than piles of scrolls rolling about, but when that office belonged to Regulus Arcturus Black, there was just no way it would ever be considered tidy. Organized, yes, but the space would always be a mess. Adding this undeniable truth to the fact that a teacher's work is never done and that Regulus classes covered rather detailed and complicated subject matter meant that the Professor's office was a few steps removed from a natural disaster.
"Because secretly, you love the smell of paper and ink and the strain all this academia puts on your brilliant brain, mio amore," Regulus' beautiful Italian fiancee said with a smirk as she dropped even more paper on his desk. Not bothering to lift himself up, Regulus glared at the love of his life, chin plastered to his desk and arms splayed out in front of him. It was a rather undignified look from the usually dignified man and made Bianca smile. She did so love seeing the more playful side of her fiancee.
"Ya know, I hate it when you're right, my dear," he said. She chuckled and sat on his desk, reaching around him to rub his back, making him moan in pleasure as she worked the tension from his muscles. "Oh, but I love you," the soon-to-be Lord Black muttered, rolling a little to the side, pressing his back into her hands. Bianca chuckled, then transfigured his chair into a high bed before making him lay on his stomach so she could properly massage his back.
"I know, mio caro. Just like I know when you need a good massage," she told her over worked fiancee. He let out an inarticulate 'mhumph' noise and figuratively melted under Bianca's ministrations. Of course, this made the woman chuckle once more. "Now that you're a bit more relaxed, when are you going to start planning our wedding?" she asked, revealing her true intentions. Regulus let out a heavy sigh, before lifting a rather unwilling arm and pointing to a stack of paper sitting in the corner. Bianca quirked an eyebrow. What made that pile different from all the other countless piles scattered throughout his office? "While I'm flattered by your faith in me, I am not able to read your thoughts without direct eye contact, mio amore," she told the man who was swiftly falling asleep.
"Lily," Regulus mumbled. Bianca's expression remained unimpressed.
"What about her?" she asked, still wondering what the pile of paper in the corner had to do with anything.
"Letters. Plans," Regulus said. Though it was rather ambiguous, Bianca was fairly sure she understood what her wizard was getting at.
"You've been writing Lily and having her plan our wedding?" she asked. Regulus surprised her by chuckling, though he was clearly at the very brink of sleep.
"She wrote me. Insisted." Bianca stopped massaging her future husband's back and stared.
"Wait... what?" she asked. Regulus sighed and pushed herself up and into a cross-legged position.
"Lily, while having been born an Evans, is a Potter. As just about everyone knows, or should know by now what with how James has been acting these past eleven years, Potters are practically the physical embodiments of impossibility. Lily is also a mother. Now, being a Potter mother, Lily is not one to be gainsaid when she sets out to do something. And she wants to plan our wedding. And if I allow her to plan our wedding, which I honestly don't think I could stop even if I wanted to, that takes the pressure off of us and ensures that it is not only memorable, but breathtaking. Hopefully in all the right ways," Regulus told Bianca, who blinked at him in a manner reminiscent of an owl.
"But why does she want to plan our wedding?" she asked, mildly bewildered. Regulus shrugged.
"Does she really need a reason outside the fact that she considers us family already?" he asked. Bianca considered this for a moment, then sighed.
"No. I don't suppose she does," she admitted. Regulus nodded imperiously, then transfigured the bed back into his office chair. "But still..."
"Shush," Regulus said, holding up a finger and smirking at Bianca. "All will be well. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have quite a few essays to grade and reports to make," he told her. She sighed, but left with a nod.
"As long as plans are being made for us to be married, I suppose I really shouldn't complain, should I?" she said before leaving, not even waiting for an answer. Regulus shook his head and got back to work, much happier than he had been before.
/*/
Alice sighed as she survived her garden. It was a beautiful, sprawling affair, perfectly organized to the Longbottom Matriarch's liking. It was only a month into term, but she couldn't wait for her firstborn to come home. Neville had stumbled upon her in her leafy paradise when he was six and fallen in love with the plants. The smell of the soil, the aroma of the flowers, the soft rustling of their leaves, the crisp scent and crystalline tone of the waterfall in the back that fed the sparkling stream that flowed through the garden. It wasn't that much of a stretch for Alice to add Neville to her list of students, but she did make sure to start him off slow, it wouldn't do to overwhelm the child with her Academy level lessons after all. After the war had ended, Alice had found St. Mungos to be almost stifling and had eagerly taken up Sirius' offer of a job at his new school, Applied Sorcery Academy, as their resident Herbology Master. She loved teaching others the little tricks and secrets she'd uncovered in her own time, as well as being paid to research her beloved plants and to explore the world for new and exotic specimens. Of course, she also found herself looking critically at her students, trying to see which ones would be able to handle the next war. Sirius, apparently knowing this, set her up as one of the Medic teachers in his shadow Academy with the rather original name of L.O.S.S. Academy. Alice didn't really mind, she was already seeking out battle medics after all, but there were times she wished she could bring herself to use a time-turner. "Mama? You're staring again," Serena told her mother, setting down the pot she'd prepared for the moon lilies, which needed re-potting. Alice sighed, shaking her head. Serena took more after her father than her mother, preferring sports and tales of Auror raids to books and the quite rustling of plants.
"I'm sorry dear. Thank you for helping me," Alice told her daughter, pulling her in to place a kiss on her forehead. "Now, lets see if you remember what I've taught you, hum? How do we start?" Serena looked at the lilies, glowing faintly with the silver light of the moon, and picked up a small trowel.
"First, loosen the dirt around the roots," she said, handing the tool to her mother. Alice smiled and pushed it back.
"Well go on then," she said, nodding toward the nearest pot, "loosen away." Serena, for all that she took after her swashbuckler of a father, was an uncertain child, especially when it came to her mother's plants. Knowing how much they meant to Alice, Serena carefully poked at the dirt surrounding the Moon Lily's roots. Alice chuckled. "You won't get anywhere with those fairy kisses," she said, taking her daughter's hand in her own and jabbing into the dirt about half an inch from the stem of the plant. Serena gasped at what appeared to be a brutal attack on the potting soil, but her mother took no heed and waved her on.
"Mum... I don't know if I can do this. What if I hurt it?" she asked.
"What kind of herbology master would I be if I couldn't nurse a plant back to health after a botched re-potting?" Alice asked, though not unkindly. Serena took a deep breath, then nodded to her mother and started again. Between the two of them, they got all the lilies re-potted and each other covered in dirt.
"I had fun today mama. Could I help you tomorrow too?" Serena asked, blinking up at her mother. Alice chuckled and pulled her daughter in for a one armed hug as they walked back to the house.
"Of course dear. You're always welcome in the garden, unless I'm working with something too dangerous for you or your brother to handle," she told her. Serena beamed and quickly gave her mother a hug before heading off to take a shower. Little four year old Derrick was playing on the floor with his action figures under the watchful eye of the Longbottom house elf Lizzy.
"Just let me get cleaned up and I'll take over, if you don't mind Lizzy," Alice told the kind elf. Lizzy waved her mistress off.
"Little Master is no trouble Mistress, though it is good to spend time with him," she told her. Alice chuckled and carried on. It did not do to contradict a House Elf mother.
/*/
Rumors flew like chaff on the wind around AS Academy as Professor Black's office door opened and a beautiful foreign woman walked out, blowing a kiss behind her, before strutting out. She'd been spotted several times ever since school started, mostly in the vicinity of Professor Black's office. "Professor Black?" on brave student asked as class was letting out. The enigmatic Professor turned to him with a curious expression.
"Yes?"
"I... I was just curious... the woman who started showing up, near the beginning of term. Who is she?" the student asked, forcing himself not to fidget like a First Year at Hogwarts. It was ridiculous, Professor Black wasn't that much older than him, but the man made him feel like a child.
"Hum? A foreign woman? Oh... is she blond?" Professor Black asked.
"Yeah."
"Real nice legs?" This caused the whole class, who had paused at the question, to blink and look at him in shock. Professor Black's serious look melted away into a wide, mischievous grin. "She's the future Lady Black." Of course, this just blew up the rumor mill and soon news of Professor Black's impending marriage to a bombshell of an Italian spread through the school, like wildfire. The story of the enigmatic Professor's reveal was told, re-told, and embellished until the Professor himself cackled madly at the tale.
"You know you kicked the hornets nest with that admission, don't you?" Bianca asked her fiancee, amused. Regulus shrugged.
"The truth is the truth and while some things are best left in the Shadows, there are some things you just have to tell," he said. "Most truths fall into the second category, with the exception of earth shattering revelations that need to be introduced piece by piece until the people as a whole come to a realization on their own terms. Oh and national secrets. Those fall into the first category," he added. Bianca shook her head.
"Blacks. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em," she remarked with fond exasperation.
/*/
Lily sighed, pinning a picture to her cork-board. She had finally pinned down a venue for the wedding! And the catering was included as the house-elves would have nothing less. Now she just needed to get the florist, the band, the officiator, the flower girls, the ring barer, and snag Bianca for a fitting. There was no way Lily was letting her newest sister-in-law('Don't argue with me Bianca, Regulus is like a brother to me and don't get me started on James and Sirius. You're family, like it or not so sit down and eat your pie.') get married in anything less than the best and Lily knew she had the best eye for fashion out of The Wives. Plus she had the most time, currently being out of a job. Though, it could be argued that being a Potter wife was a full time job in and of itself. She shook her head and began thinking of who she could get to be the florist. Finally, she gave into the inevitable. She'd have to hire out of the family.
/*/
Harry cackled as he tore through the halls, Draco hot on his heels. "I'll get you for this, Potter!" the boy yelled, pink robes billowing behind him in a manner reminiscent of his godfather.
"Only if you can catch me!" Harry called back. Draco's snarl morphed into a smirk even as he slowed down.
"But I'm not the one who's going to catch you, Potter," he remarked. Harry was confused... until he faced forward and had to skid to a stop to avoid running into his Potions Professor, who had a distinctly unamused expression on his face.
"And why, might I ask, did Mr. Black find it prudent to herd you into my path, Mr. Potter?" the unimpressed man asked, quirking an eyebrow in dismissive interest. Don't ask how, the Marauder Family was known for pulling off contradictions like this perfectly. In fact, the look Severus was giving Harry was Number Seventy-Six.
"Er..." Harry floundered, looking around desperately for a way out.
"Perhaps you remember the RIP incident*?" Draco purred as he walked calmly into view. Severus took in his godson's appearance, then sighed, gave Harry Numbers Sixty-One, swiftly followed by Number Two, before turning to Draco and nodding. Which was translated to 'have fun.' Or was it, 's/he's all yours'? Severus was often hard to read if The Book wasn't present to be used as reference. Still, the meaning was quite clear. Harry turned to the deviously grinning Draco Regulus Black with a slightly nervous 'charming' smile.
"Uh... parley?" Draco just chuckled and continued to advance. Severus was already in his office, door shut and cauldron bubbling. It was already firmly established that the Marauder Family took care of things themselves. And because of conflict of interest, Severus was staying well out of it.
"Honestly, Harry should have remembered the RIP incident. It would have saved him quite a lot of trouble," the potions master remarked as he stirred the powdered ashwinder eggs into his current project.
/*/
In the quiet and the dark, certain students of a certain Magical Academy gathered in cloistered Halls, a subdued chattering filling the air. The subject? The Dark, politics, Hogwarts, classes, and Lord Regulus Black's newly announced fiancee. Rumors flew about where, when, and how the two had met. How did they fall in love? Who asked whom? Why was no-one informed of their engagement? When was the wedding going to be? What would the guest list look like? Why was Agent Blizzard, Head of Spell Development, so eager? Was there a connection? What about Headmaster Enigma? Most Agents-in-Training just shook their heads and moved on from that last one. The Commander of L.O.S.S. was named Enigma for a reason after all. Though, those who specialized in stealth, and thus slated for either the DSN or the LSN, could occasionally hear the two Heads bickering like brothers, bringing up incidents and 'I thought we agreed never to speak of that's as only those who were close did. It was all quite baffling. Of course, there were now running bets as to which Agents were related to whom. Not to mention the bets on which Agents were more excited for the upcoming wedding, which would(secretly) be invited(because with how high profile, not to mention liberal, Regulus Black and the Black Coalition, as L.O.S.S. was calling it, it was next to impossible for there to be no secret L.O.S.S. agents there.) The staff all found it highly amusing of course and allowed a Betting Board to be set up in the Academy Hub. What the students didn't know, however, was that the Agents had their own Betting Board set up in the Lounge. The hottest bet was how loud the sounds of disappointment would be when their students realized their 'Black Wedding' bets would never be able to be claimed. At least, not until death claimed them. There would be no reason for secrecy in the Afterlife after all.
/*/
While it wasn't widely known, Applied Sorcery Academy employed house-elves, much like Hogwarts did. However, due to the Academy not boasting a boarding house the elves had little to do, especially as they were more or less forbidden from touching the Professors' offices. Still, the handy magical creatures made sure the building was cleaned and maintained, ensured the Professors eat more or less regularly, and maintained a sort of cafe. As the Applied Sorcery Academy was run by L.O.S.S., their building was modeled much like their various bases, primarily The Cave and The Lair. Of course, this included The Hub, which brings us back to the house-elf run cafe within A.S. Academy. Indeed, the cafe was a more academic version of The Hub and boasted not only more tables and fewer meeting points, but impressive bookshelves, enabling the space to double as a second, smaller, library for the Academy. The Hot Pots from The Hub were replaced with modified light-bulbs that ran off of magical batteries that were charged by the ambient magic in the air, much like Hogwarts' wards. Due to the nature of both schools, the wards and light-bulbs could potentially last for centuries and indeed, Hogwarts' wards had proven this quite well. Not even Professor Black, a recognized genius in the field of Applied Runes and Warding by not only Wizards but the Goblin Nation, could see any need for the Hogwarts wards to be charged as long as the school remained open. The house-elves also maintained the teacher's lounge for A.S. Academy. In the course of their work, these elves learned quite a lot of gossip and, in the absences of alumni or historical portraits, acted as informants for the teachers regarding all sorts of things ranging from study habits to politics, both within and without the Academy. As such, they found the hubbub about Bianca and Regulus' engagement to be quite entertaining. However, they refused to give the Professors insider information on any bets. They found those rather entertaining as well.
/*/
Ron winced, looking at what Draco had done to his friend. "You really shouldn't have done it mate," he told the immobilized young wizard. Harry chuckled, wincing slightly.
"Maybe, but it was so worth it," Harry said, grinning in remembrance of Draco's spectacular appearance after his prank. Ron shook his head at the Potter.
"You're mad, you know that right?" he asked. Harry just laughed, even though it hurt.
"I'm a Potter. We're widely regarded as insane until we reach the age of twenty. That's when we learn to hide it better," he said, a wicked glint in his eye. Ron shook his head with a rueful smile.
"I should have known I was getting into trouble when we met," he said. Harry chuckled some more and sang a few bars.
"I knew you were trouble when you walked in. So shame on me now. Flew me to places I'd never been~! Now I'm laying on the cold hard ground~! Oh~! Oh~! Trouble trouble trouble~!" Ron glared at him.
"Don't pull Sirius' future songs on me," the red head said. Harry continued to grin at him, entirely unrepentant. Ron attempted to intensify the glare. Harry snickered.
"We are the Marauders~!" he sang and Ron sighed, knowing he was defeated. Still, he gave his friend a highly exasperated Number Eighty before shaking his head and leaving to Harry's continued laughter.
"Enough of that, Mr. Potter! Be still or I'll hex you!" Madam Pomphery yelled. Ron hastened his escape. No-one wanted to get caught by the Matron of the Hospital Wing.
/?/
A/N: The RIP incident, A.K.A. the R.I.P. Incident, A.K.A. The Ravenclaw Idiot Prankster incident can be found, more or less in its entirety, in chapter 9 of Lost Mishaps and Forgotten Escapades, the Home for Lost Plot Bunnies and Funnies of what I'm calling the 'Time Moved' series.