Chapter Twenty-Four

The announcement of Cissy's engagement to Lucius Malfoy brought a new theme to Andie's nightmares. Ted's and her own safety was no longer her only concern. A beaming picture in the Daily Prophet said nothing. Being born into the House of Black she knew like no other that things could be very different behind closed doors. They were all trained since a very young age to smile in public and never show any weakness. For all she knew, Cissy could be desperately unhappy at this new turn in her life. On the other hand; Cissy had been having a crush on Lucius for a long time, and she had never been particularly ambitious about an academic career. It was not unlikely she would be able to make peace with her upcoming marriage, provided that Lucius would treat her well. Most of all Andie wished she could speak to her little sister, and see how she was taking it all. Many times she was about to pick up a quill and write to her, but something held her back. If the letter was intercepted, she could bring trouble onto the both of them. The last thing she wanted was to put Cissy in a bad position because of communicating with her.

Ted was darling as always, trying to cheer her up by bringing home flowers, chocolate, or other small gifts she liked. Andie wanted nothing more than to brighten up and shower him with joy and affection, but she found herself having taken three steps back in adjusting to her new life. Her moods were gloomy, her nights disturbed. More than one time she had turned her back on Ted when he slipped into her bed at night. She didn't want to, but there were times she couldn't bring herself to be the romantic, vivacious girl he fell in love with. Those were dark thoughts she couldn't push away, especially not when darkness fell.

A glance at the clock told her it was only a few minutes past midnight, and already she was drenched in cold sweat; the aftermath of this night's first bad dream. This time she couldn't even remember what it was about exactly, but the feeling of intense fear still made her heart race. Her legs trembled when she stood up, but she needed to clear her head before she would attempt to go back to sleep. Almost automatically she crept up the stairs to Ted's attic room.

"Ted?" she whispered, hesitating in the doorframe when she found the lights were off. He didn't respond, and his deep breathing showed he was fast asleep.

"Hmm?" he murmured vaguely when she climbed into bed and curled up against him. Even in sleep she could feel his body responding to her. She was still freezing in the aftermath of her nightmare, but he was so comfortably warm. Her fear to lose him was suddenly so overwhelming. She climbed on top of him. His eyes shot open in shock when she positioned herself over the very evidence of his desire for her.

"An, what..."

"I just need to be with you," she breathed.

"We were going to wait," he said, not sounding very convincing. They'd been waiting for so long. Maybe too long. "You said-"

She shook her head frantically. "I don't care what I said."

More than noticeably tempted, Ted was obviously confused at being awakened so suddenly. Only now did he appear to realise the state she was in. "You're trembling. And upset. Did you have another nightmare?"

"I need you to love me," she whispered, her voice breaking. More and more she started to realise she had no one without him. Every day she was with him her family was a little further away.

"I do love you," he breathed, caressing a strand of hair from her face. "Babe, I won't be able to stop if you.."

"Don't stop," she pressed on, grinding her hips into his. She could feel him throbbing underneath her, so close to what they'd been waiting for since forever. "Show me you love me."

In a swift movement, he lifted her off him and rolled them around, so that he was laying on top of her. They were both breathing hard, but not another word was exchanged when she lifted her hips so he could slide her panties off, tossing them carelessly to the side where they were quickly joined by his boxers.

It wasn't at all what she had expected. It couldn't be, not when it happened so sudden and rushed as it did. When he entered her it was painful and she cried out, quickly biting down on her lip to silence herself.

"Did I hurt you?" Ted enquired breathlessly, pausing immediately upon her cry.

Unwilling him to stop even if it did hurt, she merely shook her head and rocked her hips against his so he had little choice but to follow her movements. Their bodies knew what to do, even if it was the first time for the both of them. Overall it didn't take more than five thrusts. As soon as he came inside of her, Ted, burying his face against her shoulder, muffled his groans of pleasure.

"That was.. that was too quick was it?" he enquired, somewhat nervous, as he rolled off her.

"Maybe I should have-" he paused again, as he caught sight of the tears running down her face."Hey..."

"It's nothing, just let me be for a moment," she said quickly, shaking her head at her own stupidity. She didn't protest when he cradled her in his arms, though.

"I did hurt you," he stated, pulling her against his chest. "Is that it? I was so sure you wanted-"

"I did want it," she quickly assured him, not in the least wanting him to feel guilty. She wrapped her arms around him tightly, willing herself to calm down. She wouldn't be able to explain the many things she felt if her life depended on it. "I'm just scared," she admitted, her words slightly muffled by their tight embrace.

"Oh," Ted breathed out a sigh of relief. "I'm scared too, you know."

"Really?"

"Yea!" Relaxed by her plausible explanation, he slumped back against the pillows with her in his arms. "I mean, what if I'm not good at this 'husband thing'? I did prove to be pretty worthless just now. I'm sure it's supposed to take longer than two seconds."

"You weren't worthless," she said immediately, tightening her hold on him even more. "I surprised you."

"You could say that," he smiled weakly.

"And it was only the first time."

"Yes," he nodded more confidently this time, pulling the blankets up to cover them. "Things can only improve from now on."

It wasn't long until his soft snores filled the room. Normally this would be the point where Andie crept back to her own room to make sure Ted's parents wouldn't know, but right now she couldn't bring herself to. She needed to feel him close, to know things were all right even after their slightly disastrous first time.

Contrary to her belief she wouldn't sleep all night, she stirred a few hours later to the sound of Ted getting ready for work in the bathroom. The sound of the running shower was soothing somehow. Curled up on her side, she listened and dozed off again, hovering in the comfortable state between sleeping and waking for a while. When she next opened her eyes, Ted was back in the room getting dressed.

"Hey," she said to let him know she was awake.

Buttoning up his shirt, he turned around at the sound of her voice. "Hey there. I didn't want to wake you up. How do you feel?"

"All right, I suppose," she smiled. "You should have woken me up sooner, I wanted to make you breakfast."

He came over to the bed to kiss her and sat down on the edge. "You looked so peaceful. I thought you could use a little extra rest. I'm worried about you, Andie."

"I'm fine."

"You keep saying that. But all those nightmares you're having. And last night... Do we need to talk about what happened?"

Slowly, she shook her head. "I don't know what I was thinking. I'm so sorry, Ted."

"Sorry?" he repeated with a confused grin. "Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting for that?"

"But we were going to wait for the wedding night."

"To be honest, my romantic patience in that regard faded long ago," he chuckled. "I thought yours didn't, though, so... Whenever you'd say you were ready for it, that would be fine. But were you even ready?" His smile fading, he laid down on the bed next to her and propped himself up on an elbow.

"I must have been," she took his hand and placed a kiss on top of it. "I know I haven't been myself. I don't want you to think I'm unhappy."

He squeezed her hand tightly. "No one said this would be easy. You take good care of yourself today, all right? Have a lie-in, maybe get some air later. The weather's great."

"Sounds like a good idea," she replied with what she hoped was the appropriate keenness. She kissed him goodbye and laid back down when he had hurried downstairs to leave for work. She'd love to be as enthusiastic as Ted, but she just couldn't. Too much was troubling her. Hopefully she and Ted would have their own house soon. As lovely as Ted's mother was, she didn't just want to 'help' in the household. She wanted her own place, to manage just as she pleased. Maybe then she'd feel better. As ungrateful as it sounded, her life currently felt filled with helping with chores and waiting for Ted to come home.

She did as promised to Ted and tried to sleep a little longer, only it didn't have the desired effect. By the time she came downstairs her head felt cloudy in the way it did after sleeping too long. Still, she put up a smile and helped Ted's mother with the morning routines around the house, and volunteering to join her in grocery shopping.

"I'm so glad you're leaving the house more," Mrs Tonks said when they made a stop for tea and lemonade at the family's favourite cafeteria. "It's always good to be outside in the sunshine."

"Yes," Andie smiled more sincerely than she had lately. Ted's mother was right; a change of environment distracted her. The weather was perfect for late summer. Hopefully it would still be like this for the wedding.

"And now you have the wedding to look forward to," Mrs Tonks said, clearly just as focused on the wedding. "Are you excited? Just a few more weeks."

"I can't wait," she said truthfully. Everything would be real, then. The next step in their relationship would really make Ted family at last.

"Me neither."

"Really?"

"Of course," Mrs Tonks beamed. "I have my dress picked out. I could use some advice about my shoes, though. I'm not so good on heels, you know."

"Oh, I'd love to help." It would be the very least she could do after being allowed to move in after barely knowing them. And then she wasn't always in the best of moods, either.

"See," Mrs Tonks finished her tea looking pleased. "I've always wanted to have a daughter."

Andie, blushing deeply and unsure what to say, occupied herself by sipping her lemonade.
"Of course I wouldn't want to compete with your mother," Mrs Tonks continued. "I know things are difficult between you and your family right now... but perhaps in the future?"

"No," Andie assured her. "I know my parents. They'll never agree to this. Not in a hundred years. Especially not my mother."

"But Ted is such a wonderful boy, he wouldn't hurt a fly."

"I know," Andie smiled sadly. "It's not about that for them at all. They wouldn't even want to try knowing him. I'm sorry, I know how horrible it sounds.."

"Don't apologise, dear," Mrs Tonks shook her head. "They're more than lucky to have a daughter like you if they're as narrow-minded as I imagine them to be. And I meant what I said. We're very glad to have you in the family."

"Thank you," Andie smiled more sincerely now. Ted's parents were a complete contradiction to her idea of what parents could be like. With the wedding approaching she was starting to think more and more of what it would be like to have children of her own, and how it would be to raise them. It would be good to have a role model like Mrs Tonks; otherwise she wouldn't at all have enjoyed the idea of being a mother herself.

"Ted told me about your little sister. And the engagement."

"Oh, yes." Andie's face fell, and she pretended to be very interested in her yet uneaten cookie.

"It seems awful to put such a young girl up to that."

She could feel Mrs Tonks's eyes on her, but she wasn't sure what sort of reply was expected. Or even what she wanted to say. Instead, she nibbled on the cookie.

"You don't like to talk about it?"

"There's not much to say," she said quietly.

"I know what you need," Mrs Tonks said after a pause.

"You do?"

"Yes. Something to do for yourself. Not for Ted, or your family. Just for you. Have you ever thought about college? Is that what they call it in the magical world? Or a job."

Andie must have looked so surprised Mrs Tonks burst out laughing at her expression. "Don't look at me like that, dear. It's just an idea. You're such a smart girl. It seems a waste not to do something with that."

"I haven't really thought about it lately," Andie said.

"That sounds like you've thought about it before?"

"Yes," she admitted. She remembered how she used to tease Evan by telling him she'd want a job after they were married. To a Pureblood man it was mostly a big insult if his wife needed, or wanted, to work. Ted was different from Pureblood men in many ways, but she wasn't sure how he would feel about this. They were so busy with news on the war they hadn't gotten around to such topics. "I used to think about nursing. But Ted, would he be okay with such a thing?"

"You mean, would he stand in the way of you doing something that could make you happy?" Mrs Tonks smiled. "You'll have to discuss it together, of course. But I couldn't possibly see why he would be against it. I was a primairy school teacher once, you know. Before I married Ted's father, and after too, until I had Ted. In the fifties it was completely normal to stop working when you married or had children. The world is more modern now, I suppose."

"Do you ever miss it?"

"I do sometimes," Mrs Tonks nodded. "But it's a little late now. I'm satisfied encouraging you and Ted to do things differently," she chuckled.

"I'll think about it. About what I want."

"You do that, dear. You have your whole life ahead of you. You could do anything."

When both women finished their tea, they went on their way to finish up the grocery shopping and buy Ted's mother shoes for the wedding. All the way, there was a well-meant smile curled around Andie's lips that had not been there in quite some time.