Anastasia
Christian gets dressed and grabs his phone as I'm still searching for my panties. Where the hell did he throw them? I look under the desk and behind the chair when I get the feeling that I'm being watched. I see Christian sitting in his chair with a smile on his lips and an amused glint in his eye. "What?" I ask him. "Nothing, I'm just admiring my gorgeous girlfriend" he says with a smug smile. Suddenly I feel very naked in front of him. Yeah, well newsflash, you are naked! Usually I feel comfortable in my skin with Christian, there's just something wrong with being nude in his office, especially with all the staff basically in the next room.
I grab the shirt I was wearing before and pull it on, buttoning it slowly, as I'm continuing my search. Where did he throw them? "Hmh... Why did you cover yourself? I was enjoying the show" he says faking a pout. "I have to call the shelter to ask about Ben." "So?" "So... My phone is in the bedroom, and unless you want me to walk around half naked in front of Mrs. Jones, Gwen and Taylor" I lift my brows to make a point "I suggest you help me find my panties... As I recall you were the one who took them off me and threw them somewhere." Christian's face splits into a huge grin as he gets up, walks around the table, and comes over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist, kissing me on the lips. "You could go commando..." he whispers between kisses. "No, Christian. That's so not happening."
I play with the thought for a moment; with a skirt I might do it, could be useful even, but with jeans, no, thank you. "You can't blame a guy for trying... Fine..." he says pulling my panties from his pocket. I guess my mouth popped open at his actions, as he's grinning, his eyes sparkling mischievously. I can't believe it that beautiful bastard took my panties... What the hell was he going to do with them anyway? I put my hand out, and he gives me them back. "Why did you take them anyway?" I ask him as I'm putting them on. All sorts of scenarios flash through my mind; everything from him collecting panties and putting them on display, to him actually wearing them, I quickly wave my hand as I say "No, never mind... I don't even want to know".
I hear Christian talking on the phone with someone when I come back to his office after getting my phone and calling the shelter. I talked to Leila and we agreed that it's not a good idea to take Ben to the park today, the paparazzi will probably be on stake out at the park, and I really don't want to be caught on camera again.
Both Leila and Ella had heard about the rumors going around of Ben being my child. I explained to them that it's just the press scraping together anything on me and Christian, and that I had nothing to do with it, I wasn't even aware of my pictures being taken. Ella believed me, as did Leila but she still doesn't trust Christian, she's still convinced that he's up to no good. I didn't mention to her that I spent the night at his place, as I don't think it's any of her business anyway. Thank god, Leila knows what the deal is with me and Ben, at least I don't have to explain it to her, which reminds me that Christian's family needs to be told. Well, I sure hope he will have a chance to talk to them and explain the situation to them before they hear it through the grapevine.
"So at 12 o'clock then? Right, yes just check in with the doorman and he'll let you in... Alright, see you then" Christian ends the call. "What's at twelve?" I ask him.
"Your doctor's appointment" What? He booked me a doctor? I thought he was kidding when he talked about it earlier. How? Who? I can't grasp a thought, so I decide to start with the how? "How?"
"I pulled a few strings..." he says with a shrug, like this is just an everyday event. He knows a gynecologist that does house calls on Saturdays? It has to be a friend of his, who else would come by on a weekend.
Oh crap, Grace is a doctor, is it a friend of hers? Or is it Grace herself? Holy shit! He called his mother to get me contraception. I sit down and put my head in my hands, trying to breath, fighting the anxiety attack I feel approaching. This cannot be happening, how the hell will I face Grace after this? Well, she probably knows what you are doing with her son anyway...
Oh double crap, what if she still thinks that Ben's my kid? She'll probably be happy to give me the shots herself, to make sure I'll not get pregnant again. I feel totally overwhelmed by the myriad of thoughts going through my mind. That small voice in the back of my mind keeps on telling me that I might be jumping to conclusions about everything... But I can't help it, my mind wraps itself around the whole deal, and in any way I think about it, I end up embarrassed and probably left alone. Somewhere deep inside I know I'm not being rational, but there's a part of me that's sure I'll end up hurt if I let my guard down and that part is still shouting the loudest.
Suddenly I feel a strong hand on my back, the warmth of its touch makes my out of control heartbeat steady. It silences the voices of insecurity, until I only hear my own breath. Christian hunches down beside me "Ana... Baby, what's wrong" I can't even look at him, afraid to lose the moment of peace brought by his presence, but I have to know "Did you arrange this through Grace?" I ask, my voice not much louder than a whisper "No, why?" he sounds confused. "She's a doctor, I thought maybe you asked her since it's a Saturday..." I glance at him and I'm not sure about the expression on his face.
Christian
What? I don't know if I should laugh, or be pissed off? She thinks I asked Grace to help? What the fuck? I would never go to mom to fix my girlfriend contraception, good god. Then it dawns on me, she still doesn't get who I am, I practically own a wing at the hospital for fucks sake. "Ana please... Do you really think I would ask Grace's help in this?" she just shrugs, and I barely make out "I don't know what to think..." "Baby, look at me..." I say lifting her chin up with the tip of my finger. Her skin feels so soft under my touch, her big blue eyes reveals her internal struggle going on, as she looks at me. I want so badly to kiss her now, to soothe her anxieties, as that lush lip again trapped by her teeth is taunting me. I trace her lip with my finger and I hear her gasp, and the sound goes straight to my groin. Oh come on Grey! Get a grip, will you.
"I'm not dependent on Grace's or anyone else's help to get this house call… Long story short; I've donated millions to the hospital, and Dr. Hewitt, who is coming to see you, didn't think twice when I asked her to do this for me. The generous fee I promised her, might have helped the deal also" I say to her ending it with a smirk, she nods and I feel her body relax under my touch.
Her expression changes as she chuckles shaking her head and says "What do you think Grace's reaction would have been though? I mean to the whole birth control thing... If she thinks I'm Ben's mom..." I have to admit that would have been an interesting set up… Although I'm sure Grace would be ecstatic on the prospect of having grand-kids, but probably not so much if it was this soon. I smile as I say "Yeah... I think she would probably be relieved to get you on birth control... I don't think anyone in my family thinks I would be ready to be a father. I've never really thought about it though... I never had a reason to think about it, you know, because of my fucked up-ness..." suddenly I realize that I'm so far beyond my comfort zone discussing this, that I can't even see it anymore. How the hell did we get into this discussion? Kids? Seriously Grey? For a second I imagine Ana with my baby, and surprisingly, the thought doesn't frighten me, not one bit. Well fuck me sideways, I could totally see us with children. Getting a little bit ahead of things Grey? I have not told her I love her yet, and here I am planning a family with her? What the fuck is wrong with me?
"What about you? Have you ever thought about it? Kids and stuff?" I ask her massaging her shoulders gently as she's sitting in the chair in front of me. She bites her lip again, before shaking her head no. "No..." "No, as in you haven't thought about it, or no, you don't want kids?" an amused smile appears on her lips, lighting up her face. "No, I haven't thought about it... You know, because of the same reasons as you, my issues always came in the way of any relationships, and I didn't think anyone would ever stay with me…" I feel there's more to it, than what she's saying... Wait what? Why wouldn't anyone stay with her?
"What do you mean, no one would stay with you?" I ask her and she closes her eyes, sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose "Can we agree that it's just a part of the story that I still didn't tell you..." "Will you tell me?" she gives me a small smile and says "Yes, after this whole doctor visit thing I promise to tell you". "Ok baby... But just answer me this…"
For some reason I need to know this now, I don't know why it's so important for me, but it just is. "If you met the right person, who would stay with you, would you consider starting a family?" I ask, thinking; like with me, for instance? She shrugs as she answers "Yeah, why not..." and then the telltale blush, that confirms that she got my not so subtle hint, rises to her cheeks "So that's a yes?" I ask her and she looks me straight in the eye, and for a moment I feel totally exposed, her blue eyes are drilling into my soul, I guess she's trying to find out my motives for asking. "With the right person, at the right time, definitely maybe" she finally answers with a smile. That's a yes, it has to be, and I'm surprised by the weight that got lifted off my shoulders.
The intercom buzzes, it's Taylor who informs us that Carrick just drove into the garage in the basement.
"Oh fuck... I forgot I was supposed get in touch with him..." I push my fingers through my hair while Ana looks to me with a questioning look on her face so I tell her "He called last night as he heard about Elena..." Her lips are now a straight line as she shakes her head, like there's a thought she wants to rid. She sighs heavily before she says "I'll leave you two to it... I will probably go home..." "No, Ana... Please don't leave..."
I don't want her to go, as I feel afraid she'll not come back if she does leave, and I can't help but think that the whole deal with Elena just might be too much for her. I realize it's an irrational fear, as she knows everything already... But it seems that my first thought every time is that she'll leave me and not come back.
Her eyes soften, like she's sensing my fear, and she reaches to stroke my chin "I'm just going to get my sketchbook, I'll be back soon enough" Oh, she wants her sketchbook, relief fills my heart and I enjoy the feel of her touch; that safe feeling with excitement bubbling just beneath the surface spreading throughout my whole body. I catch her hand and kiss it gently. "Alright baby... But please take Taylor, or Gwen, or both with you... I'm sure the camp of paparazzi is still there..."
I really have to make a studio for her here, that one guest bedroom with floor to ceiling windows, has never been used, it'll be perfect for it. If I hurry I could get the contractors to start working on it today. I look at the time 11.45, oh fuck, the doctor will come by at any moment and dad's here. Man, this day is killing me, and it's not even noon.
"Ana... The doc will be here in fifteen minutes" I say as Carrick knocks on the door. I see the shock on Ana's face as she realizes that he will be here when she has the appointment. Ok Grey, think quickly. "I'll meet with Carrick here, and you'll meet with the doc in the library or the bedroom, I'll keep Carrick busy until the doc leaves, no reason for those two to see each other here. Ok?" she nods in agreement, so I tell Carrick to come in.
"Christian… Oh, hi Anastasia, I didn't know you were here" Carrick says looking at me with a curious expression, but doesn't say anything. Yeah dad, she stayed the night here, I think as Ana goes to greet Carrick before excusing herself to give us privacy.
"So she stayed the night?" Carrick asks with a smile after Ana has left the room. "Yes dad, you know I came home very late last night and she had already fallen asleep on the couch" I leave out the fact that I freaked her out by smelling like whiskey before I fucked her in the bathroom. He lifts his brows as he nods and says "Right, she slept on the couch…" The grin on his face gives him in, he knows I'm leaving all the juicy parts out, but he also knows to leave it alone.
"So, are you two serious with each other?" He asks, but as I can't just go on saying I love her, I don't want to spend one moment away from her, so I opt for "It's too soon to say, but I guess you could say that". Carrick takes a seat by the desk, his eyes quickly scanning the tabletop, which is in a mess, before his eyes find mine "It's good to see you happy, son…" "Thanks…" An awkward silence descends upon us, and I realize that we have never had a discussion like this before.
There's a knock on the door "Come in" I say without hesitation, even though I'm afraid it'll be Dr. Hewitt. Mrs. Jones opens the door and brings in a trey with coffee and bagels. "I thought you might like coffee and something to eat" she says. "Thank you Mrs. Jones, could you please make tea for Ana as well." I say, momentarily forgetting that she probably is busy with the doctor. "Yes sir, I'll have tea ready for her when she wakes up." What? "She's sleeping?" I ask her, confused. "Yes sir, she went to the bedroom for a nap" Mrs Jones says, and I catch on, Ana's with Dr. Hewitt in the bedroom. I have to say, Mrs. Jones deserves a raise, as she doesn't say anything to give a clue that we have someone else visiting. "Oh, good, well, she was quite tired, please make sure no one disturbs her" "Yes sir, is there anything else I could get you?" "No thank you" I say giving her a small smile, and she exits the room and closes the door behind her.
Carrick looks amused, as he bites into his bagel. "So, she's tired, huh?" and I almost choke on my coffee as Carrick winks at me, and I know exactly what he's getting at and I can't resist answering him "Yeah, well, we didn't get much sleep last night" while trying desperately to stop the grin tugging on my lips. Carrick just nods and hums as he continues eating.
I take a bite of the bagel and can't help the thought that pops to my mind, is this what it feels like? Being normal? This humorous banter with my dad is something I've never experienced before. I've seen him do it with Elliot, but I've never participated; I always kept everyone away from me, never letting my guard down, even with my own family.
We talk about the family while we finish our bagels and coffees, turns out that at least Grace and Carrick have not heard the gossip about Ben being Ana's child. Well thank fuck for that! Grace wants to invite Ana to Sunday brunch, and I promise to ask her. I wonder if she's up to meeting the whole family; or is it too much too soon.
"Did you see the paper this morning?" I ask Carrick, and his face becomes serious as he says "Yes, and Grace saw it also, she didn't take it too well." I can imagine, Grace followed the whole trial, and she thought the sentence given was not nearly enough considering the crimes committed, and now Elena might be getting out. "I bet… It might be safer for Elena to stay in prison" I say in an attempt to be funny and Carrick laughs "At least she would be safe from Grace's fury". The light mood quickly subsides as we get back to business. "Seriously though, dad, do you think she might get out?" I don't know how to feel about it, last night and this morning, all I felt was rage, but now, I don't know; I have Ana, I have a future, I should get past my past already, shouldn't I?
Carrick frowns and then he shakes his head no. "No, I seriously doubt that she's getting out. I don't know the exact details of what her defense team has up their sleeve, but I followed the trial and I've seen the reports, everything was done by the book" It's comforting to know this, but still there's an ominous feel to the whole thing. "Has my name been brought up?" "No, not to my knowledge anyway" Well at least that's something, but I can't help thinking if it would help, if my name was in the list of victims. There's a silent moment as we are both lost in thoughts.
"Does Ana know about it?" Carrick suddenly asks catching me off guard. "Yes… I told her. I told her everything" I say and see that this came as a surprise to Carrick "You told her about Elena? And what she did to you?" I just nod and pick an invisible piece of lint off my knee as I admit it "Yes… and my childhood as well" "Really?" he asks.
I sigh heavily before continuing "I had to tell her, dad… She realized I had issues with touching, and she wanted to know why" "But I've seen you with her, her touch doesn't seem to bother you" Carrick says and I answer him "No, her touch never bothers me… It's like we have a connection far deeper, her touch goes straight to my heart, it soothes me, it calms me and excites me all at once, and I've never felt anything like it" I grow silent, realizing that I was talking out loud. "Well, I'm happy for you Christian. She's good for you, you know, Grace realized it when you were at the beach house…" I realize I touched Grace then; I held her hand, I let her touch me, I know she's aching to hold me, but I don't know, I just don't know if I can do that just yet. For a moment I'm lost in the beautiful memory of kissing Ana at the patio of the beach house, I also recall the question I asked her, and that it made her cry.
"You knew Sam, didn't you?" I ask Carrick "Sam? Ana's grandfather? Yes, he worked for us many years, he was good man, he had a tragic life though" Carrick answers. "You know what happened to him? I asked Ana about it once and it made her cry" I still cringe at the thought, my ill placed question made her break down totally. "I don't know anything more than what Grace probably told you… Ana was living with him at the time, there was a fire at their house; some rumors say he tried to kill himself. Ana found him and probably saved his life, but the damage was done." I have to find out what happened, but I know it has to come from her, when she's ready to tell me.
Anastasia
I close the door to Christian's office behind me and let out a deep breath. There's just too many things going on, it difficult to even think straight. Ok, think, you'll see a doctor to get birth control, so it's probably a good idea to go wash yourself, just in case. Who would have thought; I'm getting contraception. I think about it, but I don't quite know how to feel about it, as the question Christian just posed is still fresh on my mind. Kids? I've never seriously thought about it, as you need a man for that, and I've never let anyone close, not before Christian anyway.
I wonder if I got Christian's innuendo right. Did he just ask me if I'd consider starting a family with him? The thought actually excites me almost as much as it terrifies me. But I can't think about having a future with him, I don't want to get my hopes up... Sooner or later he'll understand the bad luck that follows me, and he'll want nothing to do with me. That is if the universe will spare him.
I cringe as I think about my promise to tell him more about my past, he deserves to know, right? But first things first, now I have the doctor's appointment to get through. Before I go to the bathroom to prepare myself for what's to happen, I tell Mrs. Jones that a doctor will come to see me, and that I'd prefer if Carrick didn't find out about it. I'm silently praying that she doesn't ask for more details, and she doesn't, she just smiles kindly, the look in her eyes saying your secret is safe with me.
I run to the bedroom and to the en suite bathroom and wash myself quickly, before grabbing a fresh pair of panties from my bag. Thank god I had a fresh pair, I make a mental note that when I go home I have to remember to bring more underwear unless I want to be wearing Christian's.
I'm just ready when Mrs. Jones knocks on the door and tells me that the doctor has arrived. I take a deep breath before stepping outside the bedroom, and the absurdity of the whole situation is actually overwhelming; I'm greeting a doctor, who is coming to get me on birth control, at Christian's place, hiding from Christian's father who is here, discussing the situation of Christian's molester in prison. Oh boy, my life was so much simpler just a short time ago. Simpler, easier, but lonelier.
I step into the living room and see a woman in her mid-thirties, standing by the window looking at the view. She turns and looks at me with her green eyes and a curious expression on her face as she approaches and offers her hand. "Hello, you must be Anastasia, I'm Dr. Hewitt." Her hand is warm, and her handshake is firm, I take it as a good sign. "Thanks for coming to see me at such short notice. Please call me Ana" She smiles and says "It's no problem, Ana... Besides Mr. Grey can be very persuasive... Now, where should we do this, I'm sure you would like some privacy" she says as she sees Taylor and Gwen pass the room to Taylor's office. "In the bedroom, please, if that's ok with you, it's right over here" I say as I walk towards the bedroom, not actually waiting for her reply; I just want her away from the living room.
"So, you are in need of contraception?" she asks as we are sitting in the chairs by the window. I look at my fingers as I cannot make myself meet her eyes. "Yes" "Have you used any kind of birth control before?" "No" I shake my head and realize that she looks a bit confused. Oh, I better come clean with it. "Dr. Hewitt, Christian is my first sexual partner, I've not needed any contraception before" I register the surprise on her face, but she hides it quickly "Alright, I assume you have been using protection?" "Yes, we've used a condom every time" I can't believe I'm having this discussion, I'm sure my cheeks are crimson, and my heart is beating like crazy.
"Good, better safe than sorry" she says and I'm thinking what's that supposed to mean? I would be sorry if I got pregnant? Would I? I guess she sensed my confusion as she continues "Besides of pregnancy, condoms protect you from STDs" I nod, even though I'm sure Christian doesn't have any, considering his history, but as I'm not going to disclose anything about Christian's past, so I don't comment on it.
Dr. Hewitt goes on explaining the many different kinds of birth control available and finally I chose the mini pill. I don't want be injected with anything and for some reason I want something I can easily stop if there are side effects, or if Christian leaves me, that small voice whispers. His question about starting a family is also haunting me, and the scariest part is the fact that it actually doesn't scare me anymore.
Dr. Hewitt gives me a prescription for the mini pills, and a package of pills she had with her. She reminds me to take them at the same time every day, starting from the first day of my next period. She tells me to stop by the clinic for a pap smear within the next few months as I'm now sexually active. I cringe at those words, even though it's kind of cool isn't it? Hi, I'm Ana and at 23, I'm finally sexually active.
"Take care of yourself Ana... I've heard a lot about Mr. Grey, and I was actually expecting him to be here today" she says, her voice revealing her disappointment of not meeting him, as we are waiting for the elevator. "I will. I'm sorry but Christian had some urgent business to take care of, maybe you'll meet him some other time. Thanks again for coming, Dr. Hewitt" I say to her as the elevator arrives at the penthouse with a ping. "Please call me Jessica" she says with a smile before stepping into the elevator. "Ok... Jessica." I say quietly as the doors slide shut. Well, thank heavens that's over I think as I make my way to the kitchen where Mrs. Jones has a cup of tea and a bagel waiting for me.
AN: Thank you all for reading! Sorry for the delay in updates, real life has been too busy, there just hasn't been time to write.
Please review, the reviews give me motivation to keep on writing.
H xoxo