Hello everybody, I'm back! I've got a lot of stuff to cram into the penultimate chapter, so I shouldn't waste anymore time. Here we go!
Episode 25: A Beerless End
The space octopus continued to rip the Blue Typhoon apart, with the passengers running for the lifeboats. "There's room for everybody!" cried an attendant.
What, no 'Women and children first'?
Calvan sat back next to Tonners and watched in glee at the destruction. "Perfect! The ship goes down tonight, and no one will stop me!" But then he noticed the fires spreading to the room he's in. "...If I live, that is..."
Leonardo DiCaprio got out of the Inception room and ran into Rose Bukater. She glared at him and spat, "Jack! This octopus is attacking the ship! What were you doing all this time?"
DiCaprio said, "There's something you should know about me. About inception."
"...What the bloody hell are you talking about?"
Leonardo looked around confused and asked, "Wait, which movie am I in?" He took out several of his scripts and picked one at random. "Ahem. Uh, 'Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.'" Rose stared at him awkwardly. "...Everyone has a choice, and I choose not to do drugs."
Enough with the DiCaprio confusion. Let's just get back to Tails and the others.
"My cruise ship is falling apart!" cried Tails. He looked around and gasped, "That means my nanny is in danger!"
"And my step-father!" added Cosmo. "I mean, he's the only step-person that actually likes me and all. So he deserves to be saved."
"But what about the giant peach seed?" questioned Cream.
"That plot can wait!" Tails stated as he ran out of the room.
"Wait, I need to be with you!" Cosmo followed Tails out too.
So I'm guessing most of this next part is them saving the step-father and nanny, followed by more stuff from the subplots. Fine, I'm listening.
Tails hurried down the halls with Cosmo behind him. They shoved through the crowds of passengers escaping and yelling at him. "I have a feeling I'll be getting tons of strongly-worded letters."
"Tails, is the ship... tilting?" asked Cosmo as she started leaning toward the bow. Tails felt the front of the ship gradually go downward.
"Well, it is tilting, but it won't be impossible to walk on for about an hour." guessed Tails as he continued pushing through the passengers. "My nanny is in the room ahead, and your step-father is somewhere in first-class."
"So that means we'll have to split up?" Cosmo asked worriedly.
"Don't worry, we'll meet up back in the control room." assured Tails before he gave one last kiss to Cosmo. He then headed for his nanny, past the band that was playing "Nearer, My God, to Thee".
You know, Tails could've said something more assuring, but apparently that one sentence did the trick. Even though the band playing the Titanic sinking song doesn't help.
Tails saw that the lower-class passengers were behind a metal gate and weren't allowed to leave. The other attendents prevented the gate from being open. "Hey, I'm the captain! I didn't agree to this!" But then the passengers broke through the gate like it was tin foil. "Oh, that's convenient."
...Really? The passengers break through the gate that easily? Sure it's convenient, if it was actually possible to do that!
One lifeboat lowered from the ship to space, where Horkirk and Jasdirk snook on with Cruellynthia.
Oh, apparently those people are still in this story.
The two of them snickered at a little girl and started making faces at her. "WAAH!" cried the girl. "Those two men are bothering me!" Jasdirk and Horkirk quickly pretended that nothing happened.
"Maybe you're disturbing them." figured the girl's mother as Cruellynthia tried to pickpocket her. "Here, sit with me." The mother sat back, crushing Cruellynthia's hand.
"Heehehehaha!" chuckled Jasdirk and Horkirk.
Haha, hilarious. This makes me forget about the big tragedy brought upon by the... space octopus. And the bigger plot with Dark Oak.
Tails hurried down the hallway and saw that his nanny's room was blocked by a window. He grabbed a chair and tried breaking through it. "How dare I use casement design! It was so last century!"
Since when did Tails care about- never mind!
At last Tails broke through the window and managed to get to nanny Hertia's room. "At last I found you, nanny! You'll be safe now!"
Hertia got up and followed Tails toward the lifeboats. "Thank you for saving me..." she said as she got in line for the lifeboats. As Tails hurried back to the control room, Hertia sighed, "I just wonder if my little Cosmo has had a proper education..."
*Hertia's Flashback*
Oh, so now we're finally going to see what Hertia remembers. ...In your own words.
Galaxina held the new baby in her arms. "Well, this is the only surviving child..."
A Seedrian with long bangs added, "Yes, it seems there was only one seed that was good enough in that batch."
Another one wearing an orange robe sighed, "The reproduction process seems to have reached its limits."
A tall Seedrian with pinecones in her hair noted, "Hertia seems to have grown too tired to produce anymore children."
Galaxina glanced at the three Seedrians awkwardly. "Uh, who are you? Are you... at all relatives of Hertia?"
"We just wanted to see the new baby!" claimed the others. "Is that a crime?" Soon, the baby started whimpering and wailing.
"Great, now you got her to cry." spat Galaxina before she tried calming her new sister down. "Shut up... you. Um, what are we gonna call her?"
"How about Kirlia?" suggested the long banged Seedrian.
"No, I think Pokémon is planning on using that name sometime." Galaxina said while wincing at the baby that was still crying. She shoved a pacifier into her mouth, and the baby struggled to spit it out.
Hertia groggily got out of the fertility room and groaned, "Please don't be mean to your new sister. Anyway, I've got a name for her. She shall be... Cosmo."
"Cosmo?"
"Yes, because I was reading an issue of 'Cosmopolitan' when she started to come out." explained Hertia.
Oh, so Cosmo is named after a dirty magazine. Rich.
Galaxina looked at Cosmo and figured, "Well, I have a feeling Cosmo is the last hope for the galaxy... and everyone will think she's some form of a Mary Sue."
So even Galaxina predicted everyone thinking Cosmo is a Mary Sue.
Because she is!
...That's all you have to say, isn't it?
*End Flashback*
Cosmo headed through the halls and squeezed through the passengers. But then she came face-to-face with Gertruth, Bernella, Hortasia, and Calvan! "Why won't you leave me alone?"
Calvan sneered, "Cosmo, my fiancé, don't go forward. Just take my hand and we shall be married on a lifeboat."
"Cosmo, do as he says." ordered Gertruth. "You won't benefit from that stupid fox."
"That stupid fox!" chimed the step-sisters annoyingly.
Why do we even bother with the step-sisters?
"You're wrong. I need to go save my step-father." Cosmo tried pushing through the step-family, but they wouldn't budge.
"Cosmo, your family needs the money, I need the whales." stated Calvan as he grabbed Cosmo's arms. "I'm going to get away with this without being caught by James Bond! And if you just let this destruction happen, then we'll all be happy!"
Cosmo stated, "There's two things I care about: plants, and whales. I won't let you hunt the whales!"
Wait, now Cosmo cares about the whales? Where did that come from?
Suddenly, the stern slanted higher and higher to a 45 degree angle. The step-family tried clinging to the walls, but then they slipped and tumbled down the halls. Calvan still clenched Cosmo's arms and he struggled to stay standing.
How can Calvan stay standing against a 45 degree angle?
At last, the ship broke in two and both pieces suddenly tilted back to level. "Phew, see Cosmo? I saved your life." Calvan then noticed that Cosmo was already hurrying toward Tonner's room. "Hey! Come back here! ...You won't make it back alive!" Calvan turned around to where Gertruth would've fallen. "The faster we escape on a lifeboat, the better." he muttered as he hurried toward the end of the corridor.
Cosmo ran down the hallway and busted into Tonners' room, which was full of fire. "Don't worry, I'm here to save you!" Cosmo carefully went around the flames and untied Tonners.
"Thank you Cosmo. You saved me!" He got up and demanded, "Now where are those traitors, Calvan and Gertruth?"
"I think Calvan escaped with Gertruth." Cosmo responded sadly.
"Well after we get out of this mess, then I shall find them and talk to them about 'mercy'." Tonners headed out of the room and told Cosmo, "You go be with your true love Tails. I shall go save myself on a lifeboat." So Tonners escaped the burning room and Cosmo rushed back to the control room.
The space octopus continued destroying the Blue Typhoon, but then a space dolphin swam up to him. "Don't you realize what you're doing?"
"I think I won the sharks' bet!" exclaimed the octopus excitedly.
"You just destroyed a ship full of people!" the space dolphin cried, and the octopus gasped at his mistake. "I'm not sure how many people will be saved now."
"Oh no!" wailed the octopus as he let go and covered his head in shame. "It's not like I can just grab the people off the ship and save them from sinking!"
Yeah, cause that would be crazy. But then again, this story got crazy from the beginning, so WHY DOESN'T HE JUST DO THAT?
Back in the control room, Tails and Cosmo reunited at last. "Cosmo, you're all right!" exclaimed Tails as he embraced Cosmo.
"Thank goodness my step-daddy is all right." Cosmo said as she continued hugging Tails.
"Uh, hate to break the moment here, but the giant peach seed is about to do something." interrupted Knuckles as he pointed to the seed.
Okay, we're finally back to the plot we care about. And all this time the seed didn't do anything? What happened?
Dark Oak wanted to watch the octopus destroy the ship.
Tails checked the recordings and gasped, "The Planet Egg energy level is rising so fast, we can't measure it! We can't make another 'over 9000' joke!"
"Well, if the level is too high to measure, then by definition it would be 'over 9000'." reasoned Eggman. "And that energy would make the vegetation spread throughout the galaxy!"
Shadow watched the seed glow and pulse. "I didn't get to do anything yet. Time to be awesome!" He leaped off the ship and charged at the seed.
"Hey! I need to be the hero!" declared Sonic as he jumped off the Hyper Tornado and tried digging inside the seed. But then the seed expelled a purple mist that blew him, Amy, and the Hyper Tornado away. "Oh no! I'm defeated by purple muck!" cried Sonic as he got knocked back.
"Ha ha! Faker." taunted Shadow. But then the mist reached Shadow and knocked him away too. "GAAAAAAH! I thought I was ultimate!"
Sonic and Amy soared through space until they landed in each other's arms on the deck of the Blue Typhoon. Amy gazed at Sonic and sighed dreamily, "You have beautiful eyes... or rather, a single eye with two pupils."
"Get off my chest." grumbled Sonic as he squirmed away from Amy.
Chris opened his eyes, just in time to see Shadow skid expertly backward on the deck. "Shadow!"
"Yes, I can make even my failures look awesome!" Shadow added with a wink, "Not that I fail often."
In the control room, the Chaotix, Rouge, and Cream came in with the Chaos Emeralds. "Well, here are the Emeralds we swiped from Dark Oak's head." Vector said. "It wasn't easy. ...Not... easy." Everyone saw that the Chaotix all had cuts and bruises.
Rouge added mournfully, "The only downside is that the Chaos Emeralds have lost their shiny... spectacular sheen!" She started sobbing loudly, and Espio offered his shoulder. "No! I wanna cry on Shadow's shoulder!"
"He's busy." muttered Espio as he glanced at Shadow breakdancing.
Huh? Shadow breakdancing?
Yeah! Everyone wants to see him breakdance! Boogie!
Cream looked at the Chaos Emeralds that lost their energy. "Mr. Chaos Emerald died..."
"You can't just call them Mister Chaos Emerald." Knuckles growled. "I sacrificed the Master Emerald! Or rather, it sacrificed itself. But I've proven useful! And now I'm going to be even more useful!" But Knuckles noticed no one was paying attention because they were looking at the screen with Eggman on it. "Oh, so now we watch him do anything."
Dr. Eggman stated, "It is in my professional mind that I have one last glorious idea."
"Uh, Dr. Eggman?" asked Bokkun nervously as he watched the seed.
"Quiet, I'm making a monumental speech." Eggman continued, "If we could transfer our remaining energy... to the Chaos Emeralds... then we will have enough power... to prevail."
"Stop pausing for effect, Doctor!" whined Decoe as he saw the seed glow.
"But it makes my speech cooler! Ahem..." Dr. Eggman sat back with a determined look. "We shall prevail... because the Chaos Emeralds... and our hearts... allow us... to do so. ...Amen."
"Doctor! The seed!" cried Bocoe.
"I said amen."
The robots looked at each other and reluctantly said, "Amen."
"All together now!" Eggman declared with his fist out like he was still a god.
"Amen!" groaned everyone else.
"Good. Now what was this talk about the seed?" Before the robots could respond, the seed emmited several rays that passed through the ship and the planets. While all the other planets started growing trees, every other creature started weakening.
Amy moaned painfully and she dropped onto Sonic. "Hey! Get off! What did I tell you?"
"It's not me!" claimed Amy. "...At least not entirely." Sonic started groaning and he collapsed too.
Shadow noticed he was feeling tired too. "No... I'm the ultimate life form... I still have my rings..."
"Ugh, my head..." grumbled Chris before his head landed on the dashboard, hitting several buttons.
Tails noted weakly, "The seed is draining us of our energy and giving it to the plants. Those stupid, stupid plants..." Cosmo shot a glare at Tails. "Oh not you! You're cool."
Decoe moaned, "How come we're losing energy? We don't have organic energy!"
Bocoe added, "Yeah, I thought he was supposed to only be against animals."
Eggman giggled, "Heehee! I can still sit up straight and relax."
"We're in danger, Eggman." Bokkun said angrily.
"Oh right! It seems like Dark Oak is using our energy to accelerate the plantation growth." figured Eggman. "Now his plantation will take over everyone else's businesses. Like Donald Trump."
Tails glanced at Cosmo and noticed she was all right and picking up the Chaos Emeralds in a hankie. "Why are you not affected?"
Cosmo explained, "I'm not affected because I'm a Grass Type- I mean plant! I'm a plant!" She gathered the Chaos Emeralds and headed to the door. "Leave the Chaos Emeralds to me."
"Wait! You're not gonna stay with me?" cried Tails, but Cosmo already left. "...She left me. Why?"
Cosmo headed across the gap and past the escaping passengers. She looked up to the Crimson Egg and said, "I'm not sure how, but Eggman can regenerate the Chaos Emeralds." Cosmo started climbing up a vine to the Crimson Egg. "I must do this, so animals and plants can live together. Like on Earth before humans started destroying everything." She continued climbing further. "I can do this. Everyone loves me."
Wow, Cosmo's really trying to let us know that she's a Mary Sue.
Deep within the seed, Dark Oak growled, "You can't succeed. This is only a stupid act of bravery."
"No, this is not stupid." said Cosmo as she continued climbing. "We all need to get along, and we will never give up!"
"Shut up!" Sonic yelled. "Stop being better than me!"
"Better than you?" questioned Shadow. "She's being better than me! The ultimate life form! Beaten by a plant girl!"
Cosmo noticed that the seed gave off a red ray. Suddenly the vine grabbed Cosmo around her stomach and slammed her face into the Crimson Egg!
"COSMOOOOOO!" Tails shrieked.
"Don't feel sorry for the Sue!" spat Cream.
Cream is quite mean lately.
Cosmo moaned, "Ow, my head..." She was so dazed that she lost her grip on the Chaos Emeralds. "Wait, no! My only chance to redeem myself!" But the Chaos Emeralds plummeted through space.
"GRAAAAAAAAAAAH!" shouted Sonic. "Now you've done it! You maniac! We have to find all the Chaos Emeralds AGAIN! And AGAIN! And AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN!"
"Calm down, Sonic!" Chris ordered.
"You're right..." Sonic strained to raise his head and he called to Tails, "I need to drown my sorrows. So I need a drink. Good thing I stocked up on lots of beer!"
"...Heheh, about that, Sonic..." started Tails uneasily. "Uh, while you were... asleep... we decided to throw a bunch of junk in Dark Oak's face and... you weren't here so..."
Sonic glared toward Tails. "What... happened... to my CORONA?"
"We thought you were going to quit drinking!"
"After I'm done the season, DUH!" spat Sonic. "But now we're all dying, and I can't even get a beer. Oh, this is the worst possible way to die!"
"Wait Sonic! Look!" Amy pointed to the giant seed, which was splitting in half with a rainbow light. Soon, the energy-draining effects started to disappear.
"Where's that light coming from?" asked Tails.
"The Care Bears." Mickey Rooney answered with a sly expression on his face. Tails slowly inched away from him.
"Actually, I think it is coming from the Planet Eggs." Eggman said while he watched the Chaos Emeralds return. "Their life was removed from them, so they answer to the Chaos Emeralds and the hope in our hearts!"
Bokkun looked at Eggman confused. "Uh, could you dumb it down for me?"
What is there to dumb down?
"Hmm, all right." Dr. Eggman pondered for a second, then paraphrased, "Um, Planet Eggs... give wakey energy... to the Chaos Emeralds. Chaos Emeralds... now wakey while Planet Eggs are... deady."
"Some... deady?" asked Bokkun.
Eggman sighed, "All... deady."
Chris watched the Emeralds descend, and he noticed he was able to move. "Wow, my strength returned!" He turned to where Dark Oak was and maniacally laughed, "Taste the rainbow, Meta-****er!"
Cosmo looked around and figured, "Seems like being here is pointless now!" She instantly jumped out of the vine bond and floated down.
Sonic gawked at Cosmo. "Why didn't you do that before?"
"Uh... it didn't occur to me at the time?" guessed Cosmo. "Hey look! Your girlfriends are here!"
"Huh? Girlfriends?" Sonic shot glances all around him in fear.
"I mean the Chaos Emeralds." Cosmo explained. "Well, you seem to be in love with them so much, so..."
Amy stared wide-eyed at Sonic. "You had an affair with the Chaos Emeralds?"
"No Amy!" denied Sonic as he slowly backed toward the Chaos Emeralds. "Sure, I was upset when they were gone, but it's not like I mourned them like I lost a loved one. Knuckles, however..."
"HEY! Stop making fun of me!" Knuckles then gazed at the Master Emerald shard in his hands and whispered, "Someday, they'll understand..." He then noticed that Chris was now in the control room staring at him awkwardly. "Soon, you'll understand!" spat Knuckles before turning away.
Shadow stared at the Chaos Emeralds boredly, until he heard a familiar voice shout, "Shadow!" Then Shadow saw Molly flash before his eyes.
"Molly! I shall be awesome for you!" declared Shadow. Then Shadow briefly saw an image of Mary Sue.
"And me! I'm here too!" Mary Sue yelled as she tried squeezing next to Molly.
"Go away!" Shadow groaned as he shook his head. "Great, now I lost my connection to Molly!"
Why couldn't Mary Sue stay longer? It could've been an opportunity to see that Cosmo is the obvious lesser of the two Sues.
Angie, that would be completely stupid.
...REALLY? The one idea you think is stupid, and yet EVERYTHING else seems PERFECTLY believable to you!
Sonic stepped toward the Chaos Emeralds and announced, "This time, I'm going to finish the season by destroying the Metarex."
"Oh no you don't!" Shadow headed to the Chaos Emeralds at the same time Sonic basked in their glow. Both of them reached for the Chaos Emeralds and simultaneously became Super. "Well then, it seems like there was a Melee we didn't finish."
Oh, so now they once again forget about the main villain just to fight to be the better hero. Why are these two getting so shallow?
"All right then..." Super Sonic put up his fists. "Let's fight for glory then!"
"How can you if you're dead?" challenged Super Shadow, repeating the line he said last time he was Super.
"I'm not de- OWW!" Sonic got punched by Shadow, then they rammed into each other again. "So how's that 'revenge plan' of yours? You know, the one against Eggman?"
"Eh, it never took off the way I expected it." responded Shadow as he dodged Sonic's punches. "But at least I have a moment of glory today." Super Shadow then roundhouse kicked Sonic, followed by a punch in his face.
Cream and Cheese ran outside to stand beside Cosmo. "I want a good seat for this fight!" explained Cream as she got out popcorn.
Super Sonic blocked Shadow's attacks and stated, "Open outer space isn't a good enough battlefield. Let's take this to the peach seed!" He flew away from Shadow and headed inside the seed's rainbow crack (not that kind of crack).
"What a cowardly idiot!" snickered Super Shadow as he chased after Sonic and continued fighting him inside.
None of the spectators could accurately see how the fight progressed from that point on. They heard a bunch of punching sounds and cries of pain from both Supers. The Shadow fangirls claim that Sonic was doing most of the wailing, but they might only be hearing what they want to hear. Everyone agrees, however, that the fight got more violent the more they saw each Super knocked through the seed walls. As the Super hedgehogs broke through the seed even more, the seed continued crumbling until it at last exploded brightly. "AAAAH! TOO MANY BLINDING MOMENTS!" wailed the spectators.
Super Sonic glared at Shadow and sneered, "Nice going, Faker. You destroyed our battleground!"
"Who, moi?" Super Shadow asked poshly. "All I did was beat you up mercilessly like a true ultimate warrior. You wanted to live, so you tried destroying the seed."
"No, I'm pretty sure I was pwning you before you decided to break the seed."
"That's a lie, and you know it!" Super Shadow charged at Super Sonic again and they continued wrestling.
Once everyone's sight returned, Bokkun remarked, "Wow, their fight got the seed destroyed anyway! AWESOME!"
"It's not over yet!" Eggman shouted as he pointed to the clearing smoke. The smoke faded to reveal a giant black ball.
"You are all morons..." growled Dark Oak from within. "In your wrath, you just accelerated your death. Nice job breaking it, heroes."
Sonic glared at Shadow and spat, "Yeah, nice job breaking it, hero!"
Shadow again looked poshly at Sonic and said, "Yeah, I'm a hero."
"Are you going to keep fighting, or are you going to watch my power?" questioned Dark Oak.
Sonic pondered, "Hmm, I'm gonna choose... keep fighting!" He quickly punched Shadow in the face, and both of them continued wrestling.
Inside, Dark Oak rolled his eyes. "Kids these days..." The black ball started generating a sparkly shield. "Okay break it up, you two! Break it up!"
Tails stared at the recordings and gasped, "The energy is rising rapidly! It's OVER over 9000!"
"How is that possible?" wailed Vector shocked.
Chris watched the shield get bigger and he said, "He is using the Planet Egg's energy to create a powerful gravitational field."
"And then it becomes a black hole that sucks up everything else in the universe!" gasped Knuckles.
"Not quite, Knuckles." Chris continued, "The gravity will keep compressing until the planet can't take the pressure, the same way a star squeezes everything inside before it dies."
"And then there's a supernova!" Charmy added excitedly.
Espio figured, "So if this is applied to a planet, then this planet will also explode."
"And then everything else in the universe dies." Rouge finished. "See Knuckles? I'm smarter than you!"
Knuckles laid back and muttered, "It could still be a black hole."
Yep, Knuckles is getting more and more indignant, even without Hal!
"Uh, guys?" Sonic whimpered. "Th-the sp-sparkly gravitational field thing is getting, larger!"
"Good, it will be easier for me to smack you into it." Super Shadow grabbed Sonic and slammed him into the field.
"GRAAAH! The shield's so... hard." moaned Sonic. "I can still save everyone! I'm strong!" Super Sonic threw a big Epic Punch, only for his fist to stop right at the field. "...Apparently I'm not that strong. Oww..."
"Heheh, so long little weakling!" Super Shadow swung his fist and threw a giant Even More Epic Punch... but even that didn't work. "...What? It didn't work? WHY? I'm the ultimate life-form! Everything is supposed to break when I want it!" Shadow glared at the field, but it still didn't break under the Death Glare. "NOOOOOO!"
"Who's the weakling now?" Sonic taunted.
"You still suck!"
Bokkun cried, "Eggman, do something! They're going to have another unnecessary fight again, and I don't think it'll solve anything this time!"
Dr. Eggman looked toward his other robots and started, "Bocoe? Decoe? There's something... difficult... that I have to tell you."
Decoe and Bocoe sighed exasperatedly, "We know, you built the two of us so we could be gay for each other."
"WHAT? NO! GAAAH!" Dr. Eggman groaned. "Where'd you get that idea?"
"...I dunno."
"Gaah! Now I can't get that image out of my head!" Eggman covered his head in disgust. "Bocoe and Decoe... gay? AAAAH!"
Strange, didn't Eggman make them dress up like Shadow and Rouge so they could kiss each other?
Once Eggman finally calmed down, he continued, "As I was saying... I installed a self-destruct system in each of your bodies. You're both wired! You have bombs!"
"WHAAAAAAAAT?" yelled the robots. "That's totally AWESOME! What else did you secretly install in us?"
"Huh? What?"
Yeah, I'm confused too.
Decoe held up his fists and asked, "Can I punch through walls? Do I have X-ray vision?"
"Wh- no! Focus!"
"Can I stretch my legs to run faster? Do I have laser guns?" Bocoe inquired excitedly.
"NO! You only have self-destruct systems!" Eggman spat. "Now, they may be our only chance to stop Dark Oak. Are you sure you're okay with using them?"
"Yes!"
"You are aware that you will die after you use the system?"
"Not like our lives will get any better!"
"And that you will never be brought back because I will be unwilling too?"
"Eh, we had a good run."
"Do you want reeeaaaalllllly want to explode?"
"Dr. Eggman! When can we start?"
Eggman sat back and admitted, "Well, this is where it gets kind of complicated... I was joking about that self-destruct thing."
"HUH?" cried Decoe and Bocoe. "And what about those other secret abilities we have? Were you lying about those too?"
"I've neither confirmed nor denied the existence of your secret abilities."
"Wait, 'nor denied'?"
"FORGET EVERYTHING I SAID!" snapped Eggman. "I don't know what to do! And I'm being serious this time, Chris! I'm not pulling a prank to waste more time!"
He's wasted enough time already.
Knuckles shrieked, "Nobody knows what to do! And I can't help because I'm not useful enough!" He turned around to cry on Rouge's shoulder, but she turned away.
"Go cry on your Master Emerald's shoulder!" Rouge sneered.
"But the Master Emerald doesn't have-"
"Because it BROKE UP WITH YOU!" cackled Rouge as she broke down in laughter.
Meanwhile, Super Sonic and Super Shadow still struggled to break through the gravitational shield. Sonic growled, "Come on! I need to stop Dark Oak now! So I can beat the record! Stopping a season one episode early!"
"One episode early? That's the record?" Shadow questioned. "I stopped my show Shadow Z twenty-five episodes early!"
"Yeah, 'cause it was cancelled." giggled Sonic.
"Take that back!" Shadow punched Sonic again, and they resumed wrestling.
Shadow soon got bored, so then he started reaching to take off his inhibitor rings. But Sonic said, "No, leave that for the final moment."
"No fair! You just want me to lose!" accused Shadow.
"Maybe I do, maybe I don't." Sonic cheekily said as he tried punching Shadow again.
"Okay, this is getting nowhere!" Tails observed angrily. He looked around suspiciously then whispered to the others, "Huddle, now. I don't want Sonic nor Shadow to hear us." So he and the ones that were in the control room did huddle. "I have a new plan: let's find all the energy we can find to supply the Sonic Drive Cannon."
Oh, so it's now Tails' plan to use all the spare energy on the cannon instead of it being Sonic's idea.
Of course it is Tails' idea! Sonic hates the cannon, remember?
"But Sonic is in his super form. Could the cannon handle it?" asked Espio.
"What if the cannon still doesn't have enough power?" added Chris. "It might..." He glanced at Amy, then whispered the rest, "...get Sonic K-I-L-L-"
"KILLED?" screamed Amy as she held her hammer at Chris. "No way! I won't let you kill Sonic! Not until I kiss Sonic and get married to him and have many children with him!"
Espio noted, "You had a chance to kiss Sonic when he was in a coma."
"But I didn't because I was angry at him." grumbled Amy, remembering that party night.
"This is the only way, Amy." Tails stated. "Sonic will be fine. Look at him!" Amy watched Sonic get strangled by Shadow. "See? Regular Shadow would snap anyone's neck instantly when he strangles. But he's Super Shadow and Sonic is still okay. Granted, he's being pwned, but he's still fine nonetheless."
"...I WON'T LET YOU KILL SONIC!" Amy swung her hammer wildly, but the Chaotix managed to restrain her.
"Uh, a little more help, everyone?" asked Vector as he strained to secure Amy.
Chris walked over to the power controls and stated, "I'm re-wiring the Blue Typhoon's energy to the cannon." Soon all the lights started turning off. "Just hope the passengers are able to escape by starlight."
"And I'm compressing all the energy donuts to the cannon too." Tails said as he typed commands into the computer.
Eggman gleefully typed more stuff in his computer. "Oh, I can't wait to see Sonic come out of a cannon! Everyone else send all the spaceship's energy sources to the cannon!"
"Okay!" Bokkun chirped as he reached for Bocoe and Decoe.
"Hey! What are you doing?" Decoe cried.
"Eggman said all energy sources!" explained Bokkun. "You two seem full of energy!"
"Speak for yourself!" snapped Bocoe as he pointed to Bokkun.
"BOKKUN!" shouted Eggman. Bokkun dropped the robots. "Every source except robots and living beings."
On the Blue Typhoon, everything got darker and darker. Tails observed the current energy storage level and said, "This amount might be sufficient, but it still seems questionable. Is there any other energy source we can use?"
Cream called from outside, "What about we use willpower energy?" Knuckles narrowed his eyes and he twitchily ran outside.
Knuckles clenched Cream's shoulders and shouted in her face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"
"Knuckles, get back inside and improve your behaviour!" demanded Tails. Knuckles reluctantly trudged back inside the control room. "I personally think willpower is a great energy source! It's renewable and massive!"
Wait, Tails thinks willpower actually works?
Rouge nodded and agreed, "Yes, it might work. The only problem is that we all need something to believe in. That way we are motivated to generate energy from the heart."
"Wow Rouge, I never thought you were that deep." remarked Tails.
Rouge then shouted, "I say we all start believing in pretty jewels!"
"I take it back."
Chris suggested, "Maybe we should believe in Sonic. He's our main hero, after all."
"Sonic?" questioned Eggman. "No! Everyone should believe in God! God Eggman, that is!"
"Enough with the god charade!" groaned the robots.
"We shouldn't believe in someone, but rather something." Espio brought up. "Something that everyone is familiar with."
"Like lots of candy!" Charmy exclaimed.
Suddenly, the Dark Knight Batman appeared next to Tails. He declares in his loud, raspy voice, "We are ready... to show Dark Oak... that this ship... is full of people... ready to believe in GOOD!"
"Uh, thanks for the suggestion, Christian Bale, but I'm the captain." Tails said as he slowly pushed Batman away. "Well, since I'm the captain, I say we should all believe in... Tailsmo!"
Tails wants people to believe in his pairing? This makes Batman's suggestion seem more likable!
"I think that's a great idea!" Cosmo called from outside. She started chanting, "I believe in Tailsmo! I believe in Tailsmo!"
"Yeah, that's it! Everyone now!" Tails began shouting, "I believe in Tailsmo!"
"I believe in Tailsmo!" Chris declared.
"I believe in Tailsmo!" yelled Amy.
"I believe in Tailsmo." Rouge casually stated.
"I believe in Tailsmo!" Knuckles shouted. "And I'm only saying it to be useful!"
Cream hesitantly said, "I... b-believe in... T-taaaiilss...crea...mo."
"I believe in Tailsmo!" went Espio and Charmy.
"I believe in Tailsmo!" Vector announced. He quickly whispered, "But Vectanilla is better!"
Batman growled, "I believe in Harvey Den- I mean, TAILSMO!"
"We believe in Tailsmo!" Bocoe, Decoe, and Bokkun proclaimed.
Eggman mused, "I believe in Tailsmo. ...And I'm God Eggman."
"I believe in Tailsmo!" the passengers shouted.
Calvan pushed his way through the passengers and he yelled, "I believe in Tailsmo!" The people around him looked at him awkwardly. "I wanna live, don't you?"
"I believe in Tailsmo..." the evil step-family members found themselves mumbling.
"I believe in Tailsmo." Tonners said.
"I believe in Tailsmo!" Hertia declared.
"We believe in Tailsmo!" the shark gang announced.
"I believe in Tailsmo!" yelled the space dolphin.
The space octopus lightly uncovered his face and said, "I believe in Tailsmo..."
"I believe in Tailsmo!" shouted Indiana Jones spontaneously as he was in the middle of filming Cowboys & Aliens, making all the other actors confused.
House strummed his blues guitar and sang, "I believe, in Tailsmo!"
"I believe in Tailsmo!" yelled Helen in front of Danny and Francis.
Jonathan/Ben Sanderson/Benjamin Gates/Balthazar/Zok announced, "I believe in Tailsmo!"
"I believe in Tailsmo! And fairies!" Peter Pan shouted.
Vanilla looked out hopefully and she yelled, "I believe in Tailsmo!"
Stan Lee declared, "I believe in Tailsmo! 'Nuff said."
The Hydoo inhabitants shouted, "We believe in Tailsmo!"
Yoda stated, "In Tailsmo, I believe!"
The Marmolians held out their charms and chanted, "I believe in Tailsmo!"
"I believe in Tailsmo!" Chief Gana proclaimed. "The board says so!"
On Gana's Wheel of Fortune board, the message was, "I believe in Tailsmo".
"I believe in Tailsmo!" James Bond yelled as he hurriedly shoved through passengers.
Super Shadow heard the chants and sneered, "What a bunch of idiots..."
Super Sonic grabbed Shadow by the shoulder and said, "Come on! Get into the sudden Tailsmo spirit! I believe in Tailsmo!"
Tails looked around and he ordered, "Come on! Louder! I need audience participation! You can do it! I believe in Tailsmo!"
Wait, by audience participation, does he mean...
Yes! Come on, Angie! I believe in Tailsmo! Say it! I believe in Tailsmo!
...Fine. I believe in Tailsmo.
More spirit!
I believe in Tailsmo!
"I believe in Tailsmo!" chanted everyone on the Blue Typhoon.
Dark Oak stammered, "I... b-believe in T- No! You can't break me that easily!"
"I believe in Tailsmo! I believe in Tailsmo!" proclaimed Tails. He glanced at the current energy storage level and saw that it was exactly the same as before. Everyone slowed down when they saw Tails' disappointment. "...Well then, that was completely pointless!"
Wh-huh? Wait, does that mean I shouted, "I believe in Tailsmo" for no reason?
Pretty much.
But you made me do it! And you knew it wasn't gonna work since you knew the story!
But it's still nice to help Tails out anyway.
Back with Calvan, he shook the 'Tailsmo' nonsense out of his head and leaped into the boat where the step-family was boarding. "Well, glad I could finally make it out alive."
Gertruth grumbled, "And you're sure that everything else will go as planned?"
"Yep, as long as James Bond doesn't catch up to me." Calvan said, not knowing that James Bond was finally hot on his trail.
Bokkun looked at Eggman worriedly. "Eggman, do you think Super Sonic will be victorious?"
"I'm not sure about that..." sighed Dr. Eggman as a sweat drop ran down his forehead. "...Super Shadow, on the other hand, will be just fine!"
Cream started praying, "Please let Shadow win, please let Shadow win..."
Cosmo's amulet started shining importantly again. "What is it this time?" She looked around the burning ship (since all this time it was still on fire) and gazed at the nearby smoke. Cosmo gasped when she saw a silhouette of her mother in the smoke. "Whoa, the amulet is giving me hallucinations! Or is that just the fumes?"
The silhouette shouted, "Cosmo! Are you there?"
"I am here..." breathed Cosmo.
"Use your crystal amulet to save everyone!"
"If you say so, hallucination of Mother..." Cosmo slurred.
"Cosmo, what's going on?" asked Cream, pausing her prayers.
Cosmo, getting even more dazed on the fumes, responded, "Leave it all to me... I am the Chosen One to save the universe..."
"Cosmo! Don't you trust in Shadow and Sonic?"
"I will help you create a world where plants and animals co-exist..." Cosmo said with a druggish smile. She started rising higher as if she was high.
"Oh no! Cosmo's doing drugs!" cried Cream.
Actually, it would be the fumes which apparently have the same affect as drugs.
Cosmo drunkenly took off her amulet and dropped it. Suddenly, from being clear of the smoke, Cosmo realized what she was doing. "Oh no! I didn't mean to drop it!" CRASH!
Cream ran over to the broken pieces and whimpered, "You dropped this..." But when Cream looked up, Cosmo was levitating and shining brightly. Cream gasped, "Cosmo's evolving!" At that, everyone started to watch Cosmo fly toward the planet and transform.
Meanwhile, Hertia rushed out of the smoke and called, "Cosmo! Where'd you go?" She then noticed that her child wasn't there. "Oh, I guess she was just a hallucination..." Hertia looked up to see a Seedrian transform quickly. "Hey, that girl reminds me of Cosmo!"
GAAAAAAAAAH! They actually see each other, and they don't realize it? When? WHEN?
Cosmo grew taller and the flower buds in her hair bloomed. But then everyone got disturbed when they saw Cosmo grow breasts.
"AAAAAH!" wailed the crew. "Not enough Brain Bleach!"
Sonic asked, "Whoa, what brand of Viagra does she take?"
Cream, the only one not seeing the disturbing part of the transformation, ran into the control room in tears. "Cosmoooo!"
Tails looked over at Cream and asked, "You're crying about this, Cream? I thought you were jealous of Cosmo!"
"I am!" wailed Cream. "I wanted her to stay here and let the real hero save the day!" She continued crying loudly.
"Quiet, girl!" snapped Rouge as she slapped Cream.
"Don't treat her like that!" Amy spat. She shoved Rouge out of the way and repeatedly slapped Cream. "That's how you treat her!" Cheese floated up to Cream and slapped her.
"Whoa, he's good." Chris remarked.
"No, like this!" Knuckles punched Cream, knocking her across the room.
"KNUCKLES!" gasped everyone.
"I can't believe you hit a little girl!" scorned Amy.
"But you were slapping her!" objected Knuckles.
"And you wished you could!" Rouge said coldly.
At the same time, Cosmo transformed into a full adult. "I've finally found out how to be useful. Unlike Knuckles."
Knuckles whined, "She did it more successively than I did! WHYYYY?"
Vector suggested slyly, "Maybe if you grew breasts, you would become useful."
"VECTOR!" groaned everyone, now disgusted at the image Vector made.
Back at the gravity field, Sonic and Shadow competed against each other to break through it. "Give it up, Sonic. The fans want me to win."
"Yeah, your little fangirl group." snickered Sonic.
"Hey, the women are a large army!" As they continued to argue, Cosmo flew in between them and easily passed through the shield.
"...HEEEEY!" yelled the two as they banged their fists on the shield.
"Let us in!" Shadow demanded.
Sonic begged, "Please give us the magic Viagra!"
Shadow glanced at Sonic and snickered, "Oh, did your supply run out?"
"Actually, that was yours." countered Sonic. Then they continued wrestling, not paying attention to what Cosmo was doing.
"I now know what to do..." Cosmo went into the planet, causing yet another blinding flash.
"Ugh, another bright light." groaned the passengers as they put on their sunglasses.
Tails just stared ahead. "Cosmo... you changed..." Cosmo had become a massive cherry blossom tree with roots covering Dark Oak's planet.
"Yet another cherry blossom tree. How original." sighed Sonic.
A transparent image of adult Cosmo appeared in front of the planet. "I have connected to Dark Oak and immobilized him. You can shoot me now."
Sonic glanced back to the Blue Typhoon and asked, "Tails? By 'shoot', does she mean what I think she means?" Tails didn't say anything because he was too shocked at what was going on.
Dr. Eggman looked out at the situation and figured, "If we seperate them now, the gravitational compression will make the planet explode. There's nothing else we can do." He then smiled and added cheerfully, "On the bright side, Cosmo was probably gonna be a tree when she grew up anyway. So it's good that she's doing this now before Tails, you know, actually started to love her and all."
"Uh, Tails started loving Cosmo since they first met." reminded Amy.
Knuckles grabbed Chris and cried, "Tell me there's another way! We can't let Cosmo die! Can't!"
"Knuckles, you're not in love with her anymore." Chris said matter-of-factly.
"Oh yeah. Okay, shoot her." Knuckles sat back casually.
"How could you take this so lightly?" snapped Rouge. "We all wanted to stop her from becoming the true hero!"
"Yeah! I'm pretty sure we would've done just fine with Super Shadow!" Cream added angrily.
Sheesh, is everyone not caring about Cosmo?
"Well, there's nothing else we could do." The Chaotix started chanting, "Shoot her! Shoot her! Shoot her!" Some of the other people started chanting with them.
"What?" yelped Tails. "Wh-what about the willpower of Tailsmo? You all just said that you believed in us!"
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean we like it." clarified Knuckles. "Shoot her, shoot her, shoot her!"
Oh, so not everyone liked the Tailsmo pairing. So why did they even bother to go along with saying that they believed in it?
Tails didn't retaliate. "Everyone, could you just... leave me alone?"
"...Fine! Be that way!" sneered the others.
Cream spat tearfully, "I just wanted to comfort you so I could be your new girlfriend!" Batman just disappeared without a trace.
Once the group was out of the room, the Chaotix parted them and headed to the ship hold. "Vector, why are we leaving so soon?" questioned Espio.
"It's clear that we're not wanted anymore." replied Vector as he headed to his ship.
"Aww, I wanted to see Cosmo go boom." whined Charmy. "Can't we stay just for that part?"
"Sorry, but when the captain tells you to leave, you gotta go!" Vector and the others climbed inside the ship and Vector got into the main seat. "There's still some remnants of GLaDOS in here! If I could just reactivate her..." He started pressing several buttons.
"Vector, don't do it!" Epsio ordered angrily.
"Hey look! I did it!" gasped Vector happily as the GLaDOS parts started lighting up. Espio quickly got in a combat stance.
Wait, we're actually going to see more of GLaDOS?
Yep, it's just like she sang! She's Still Alive!
"Oh, it's you." greeted GLaDOS coldly.
"Hi GLaDOS! I'm GLaD you're all right!" Vector responded with a laugh.
"It's been a long time. How have you been?"
Vector bashfully answered, "Yes, it has been too long, but I'm fine now that you're back!"
Charmy whispered to Vector, "I think she likes you!"
GLaDOS continued, "I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you murdered me!"
"Wai- huh? No! I didn't murder you!" cried Vector worriedly. "It was Shadow, remember? With his crazy driving!"
"Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret." GLaDOS said, ignoring Vector's words.
"Wait, that I'm going to regret?"
"But I think we can put our differences behind us." continued GLaDOS calmly. "For science."
"Phew, thank goodness!"
"...You monster."
"Huh? Wait! WAIT!" Vector tried pressing more buttons, but then he heard a hissing noise. The ventilation shafts started blowing neurotoxin into the room.
"I knew it! She was planning to poison us with neurotoxin all along!" Espio grabbed Vector's head and growled, "Now look at what you've done!"
"I-I'm sure I could fix this..." Vector turned back to the controls and asked, "GLaDOS, how do you calm down?"
Charmy buzzed around in the neurotoxin. "Wow, this feels funny, heheh! Ugh..." He then dropped to the floor unconscious.
Vector quickly headed to the doors and struggled to open them. GLaDOS spoke, "I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say that he won't be... well, living anymore."
"AAAAAAAAAH!" wailed Vector and Espio.
Back with Tails-
Wait, we're not going to see what happens to them?
Don't worry. They'll be perfectly fine. What matters now is what happens to Cosmo. Pay attention, because this is the part that most people seem to mess up.
His hands hovered over the 'Fire Hedgehog' button. Tails still stared at the tree ahead. Eggman spoke on his intercom, "Tails, this is the voice of Eg- ...God! Yes, this is God! And I command you to do that famous prank you always do! You know, the one to trick Sonic inside the cannon."
Tails looked up and called monotonously, "Sonic, could you go inside the cannon please?"
"...Hmm, odd way to trick him, but if it works, I'll take it."
Sonic looked back at the Blue Typhoon and replied, "Yeah, after I defeat Shadow." He and Shadow continued wrestling.
"Sonic, I don't have the motivation to trick you anymore. Just go inside the cannon."
Now Sonic looked back confused. "Really? You're not trying to trick me anymore? You're just telling me to go inside?"
"Yes."
"...Where's the fun in that?" cried Sonic.
"I'll show you!" Shadow grabbed Sonic and pushed him inside the cannon. "There!"
"Idiot! You're stuck here, too!" pointed out Sonic frustratedly.
"Huh?" CLANG! Any easy access out of the cannon was blocked. Shadow glared at Sonic and spat, "This is all your fault! If you just went inside yourself, I wouldn't have to be in here!"
"Hey, we're still Supers. We can bust outta here." Super Sonic tried punching the walls, but they didn't budge. "Grrr, curse your confusing armour, Tails!"
"Well, now that we're both here..." Super Shadow spin-dashed onto Sonic and continued trying to beat him up.
"Amazing! The energy level just spiked!" Eggman exclaimed.
"No, it's just Shadow." said Chris. Knuckles cringed in envy.
Dr. Eggman went on, "Anyway, Tails. It's time to fire the hedgehogs. Oh, and be quick about it, 'cause Dark Oak might not be so noble in waiting."
Tails' hand circled the button, but then he screamed, "I CAN'T DO IT!"
"Awwww!" groaned everyone else.
Eggman growled into the intercom, "Tails, there's nothing else you can do. You'll always have Cream to be your new love. So you know what I say? ...Get off your pity-pot, Nancy!"
Wow, everyone is just being mean to Tails. Eggman was supposed to help calm Tails with this moment, but here he just acts completely in character!
Of course he acts in character!
"But I don't want to hurt her!" whimpered Tails. "I wanted her to live with meee, I mean us. Oh, who am I kidding?"
"Tails, her sacrifice is gonna be more useful than Knuckles will ever be."
"Hey!" Knuckles yelled.
Eggman continued, "Do you have any idea what Cosmo is feeling?" Before Tails could answer, Eggman snapped, "Of course not! She's a plant!"
"WAAAAAAAA!" wailed Tails.
"Shut up, Tails!" Super Sonic shouted from inside the cannon. "This is getting painful enough as it is with Shadow!"
"Just shoot us out already!" Shadow growled. "This fight area is too small!"
Tails still hesitated to press the button. But then he heard Cosmo's voice say, "Tails? It's me, your favourite girl."
"Cosmo, what will I do without you?" Tails cried. "All those episodes we spent actually getting to know each other. The time we spent saving you from your step-family. And now it comes to this?"
"Do not worry Tails." Cosmo began, "When you shoot me, I shall spread my seeds across the galaxy. But only in the areas owned by America and Europe."
"Why only those areas?"
"Because everywhere else is a dictatorship." explained Cosmo.
Apparently, Cosmo doesn't know about worldwide politics.
Tails still welled up with tears. "Tails, you must shoot me now." said Cosmo.
"How could you be smiling?" wailed Tails.
"We're waiting!" called Sonic impatiently.
"...I won't do it!" Tails slammed the button's cover.
"Aww man, so close!" groaned Sonic as he was still being hurt by colliding with Shadow so much.
Cosmo continued, "Tails, even if I am gone, my impact on everyone else shall remain. You'll always have the fanfic writers to come up with ways that I could come back to you."
Tails glanced at some of the passengers and already saw them argue over plausible theories. "Yeah, but no matter how good their fanfics are, they still won't be canon..."
Cosmo's image moved closer to Tails and said, "But you'll still have so many wonderful memories." She added slyly, "We had fun, right?"
Tails sniffled, "Yes, all that 'fun', ha."
"Tails, why is it that at this moment I see everyone's smiling faces?" inquired Cosmo. Many of the 'smiling faces' were actually wicked grins, waiting for the shot.
"We'll all miss you. I'll never forget you." Tails whimpered.
Peppy ordered on his radio, "Tails, use the cannon!"
"I'm sorry, Peppy! I've failed you!" whined Tails.
"Press the button!" snapped Eggman. "Press it or I shall use my powers to trash your butt!"
"Eggman, I know you're not a god." Tails sighed.
"STOP DRAGGING THIS OUT ANY LONGER!" screamed Sonic as Super Shadow held him in a headlock.
Tails stared at the image of Cosmo. "Cosmo... I LOVE YOU! I ALWAYS HAVE!"
"Don't say that!" Shadow spat.
Cosmo made a heart with her hands and asked sweetly, "Tails? Soulmate?" Tails sniffled and slowly started smiling through his tears.
Knuckles shoved Tails out of the way. "Knuckles BORED!" He slammed the button, releasing the hedgehogs in a blast of power.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Wow, I tried making the saddest moment in the history of Sonic X funny. Is this a new low for me? Well, please tell me what you thought in the reviews, and I shall have the last chapter up hopefully by Labour Day. (Brace yourself, 'cause the last chapter is when it gets really messed up.)
P.S. The Fanfiction community... is full of people... ready to believe in TAILSMO!