"I'm sorry, Neal, but this is where it ends." Neal's expression was drawn in pain as he turned his face away and held his left side while gasping quietly. Keller gulled a pistol out of his suit jacket's pocket and immediately cocked it, aiming it at his helpless prey before him. Neal had nowhere to run. He was injured and he'd been backed into a corner. Before Peter could get inside, the gun went off.
Peter's eyes flew open as the gunshot echoed in his mind and he gasped loudly while his chest heaved. He was sweating and he was disoriented because he'd woken to pure darkness. In a panic, he twisted in the sheets until he could feel Neal's bare skin against his. The last thing he wanted to do was wake Neal out of a peaceful sleep, but he needed to talk to him. He pushed himself up onto his elbow and gently shook Neal's arm. "Neal, please wake up."
Neal groaned and turned over in his sleep, opening his eyes just enough to see Peter. "You okay?" he asked groggily. The older man reached over Neal and turned the lamp on. He didn't want to turn his lamp on because he didn't want to totally blind Neal. The first thing he did once the light illuminated Neal's beautiful face was kiss him fiercely. "Wow. I like being woken up that way," Neal whispered breathlessly with a smile.
"I love you," Peter said sincerely, "with all of my heart and soul, Neal."
Neal looked his husband over now that his vision was clearer and his brows furrowed. "You're sweating and breathing heavily." He met Peter's eyes. "You're afraid." He pushed himself up a bit to wake himself up a little more so he could listen to Peter. Obviously something was wrong if Peter woke him up. "What is it?"
"I had a horrible nightmare," Peter whispered. Neal looked concerned and Peter just pressed his hand against Neal's chest to feel his beating heart. "I have no idea where this came from," he started. After a moment, he shook his head. "No, I know where it came from. This bullshit with Keller is getting to me."
"What does that ass have to do with this? If he did or said something to you when I wasn't around, I—"
"I saw him kill you," Peter admitted brokenly, immediately stunning the younger man into silence. "I don't know why. You were bleeding and he had you at gunpoint. He just…shot you. He killed you in cold-blood."
Neal shook his head and rested his hand over Peter's hand that was on his chest. "That won't happen, Peter. I promise he won't kill me. I've survived too much to have that bastard kill me with a God damn bullet." Peter paled at that and Neal bit his lip, toning it down a bit. "I know you're watching him like a hawk, so I'm not worried."
Peter looked doubtful of himself and Neal noted that. Neal gave his husband a small smile, leaning closer to kiss him. As Neal was moving to pull away, he was surprised when Peter shoved him down onto his back and started kissing him passionately. He caressed Neal's jaw with his left hand and took Neal's left hand in his right. He intertwined their fingers and pinned Neal's hand up at shoulder level as he continued to kiss the younger man. Neal had no complaints, but he knew desperation and fear very well and recognized that in the way Peter was kissing him.
Part of Neal was only slightly afraid that Peter would take advantage of the situation. The majority of his mind knew Peter would never take advantage of him regardless of feelings or situations. He felt completely powerless beneath his husband, but he was all right with this instance of feeling powerless. If he wanted, he could easily have Peter back off.
Their kiss became a very heated one as Peter shifted, straddling his husband. Neal wasn't used to him doing that unless he was giving Peter a blowjob. Even then, that was a very rare position for Peter. Peter was completely passionate as he squeezed Neal's hand and eventually broke away from him so they could breathe. Neal opened his eyes to see tears in Peter's. "I don't want to lose you," he said, sounding like he was in physical pain. "I feel so empty without you here and I don't think I could live without you in my life."
Neal reached up to gently wipe Peter's tears away. "Everything is going to be okay, Peter. I'm not going to let my guard down around him," he promised. "I can't leave you or our babies. I love all four of you so much. I swear I'll be careful."
Peter was trying to convince himself that Neal would be all right, but he had no idea. A man who should've been like a father to Neal had been anything but a father, that man's monster of a 'friend' preyed on a very young Neal and damaged him almost irreparably, and Neal's very first love abused and betrayed him. Nobody in Neal's past was trustworthy as far as Peter was concerned. Vincent and Craig targeted Neal more than once and Peter would be damned if he let Keller do the same thing. Neal hadn't been able to hide his initial conversation with Keller from Peter. He felt terrible and admitted that Keller wanted to have sex with him as part of the deal Neal was trying to make. Peter had been furious until Neal swore to him that sex was involved in no way whatsoever. Because of Neal's confession, Peter had all the more reason to be wary around Neal's ex-boyfriend. He tried to consider Keller one of Neal's past boyfriends only because it was disturbing to think of Keller as Neal's stepbrother who'd screwed him figuratively and literally.
"I hope you know that I'm not letting you out of my sight for even a second," Peter whispered fiercely.
Neal nodded. "I do know that. I know my husband and I know he loves me enough to want to keep me all to himself, which means a lot to me."
•◊•
Neal stared up at Peter's office, watching Peter argue with Keller. It pissed him off that Peter sent him out of the room, but he didn't want to redirect Peter's rage at himself. Now that he thought about it, it might've been better to do that. "How long have they been in there?"
He glanced up at Diana and frowned. "At least twenty minutes. I'm debating on whether or not I should get in there and separate them."
"Do you know what they're fighting about?"
Neal lowered his gaze to the floor. "Me, unfortunately." Diana gave him a sympathetic look even though he wasn't glancing at her anymore. "Peter was actually being pretty civil while we discussed potential safe house locations for Adler and Laird until Keller had to snap at me and call me a—and I quote—'disgusting whore full of diseases.'" Her lips parted when he finally looked at her again. "Somehow, those two knew what they gave me and they obviously told Keller. He started making very unnecessary, crude comments and Peter just flipped shit. I asked him to calm down and he pretty much told me to get the hell out."
She looked surprised. "He said that to you?" Neal nodded slowly, looking up at his husband's office again. Peter was pacing as he unleashed his rage on Keller. Keller was sitting down while enjoying that he'd gotten a rise out of Peter. "He's got a very big overprotective-jealousy complex with the additional 'my dick is bigger than yours' thing."
"Um, I hope to God that they aren't comparing that," he said, embarrassed. "Peter's jealous and he makes it known that I'm his. I don't think it's a matter of who's big and who's not. Peter just wants Keller to go to hell."
Diana decided to tease Neal a bit in an attempt to lighten his solemn mood. "Which one is bigger?"
Neal gave her a wry smile. "I'm being completely honest when I say Peter. Matthew barely has half of what Peter does, which is why sex with Peter is so much better."
She chuckled. "Elizabeth and I occasionally tease each other about how your sex must be. She really liked—"
"God. Please spare me of this," he pleaded. "El and I have talked a little bit about our sex with Peter, but not in depth and I'd prefer if it stayed that way. What she and Peter did together isn't the same as what Peter and I do together." She was going to make a comment that would have embarrassed the hell out of Neal, but the door to Peter's office flew open in that moment. Neal saw where her eyes traveled and glanced in that direction once again as Peter did the finger-point at him, beckoning him back to the room. In that moment, he couldn't determine if that was a good or bad thing. He excused himself and headed up to the office. Peter didn't move out of the doorway when he'd gotten there. "Peter?"
"I need you to stop me," Peter said angrily. "I want to murder him, but that would be really wrong of me. The temptation is too fucking much for me right now."
Neal nodded, his eyes widening a bit. "Tell me what I can do."
Peter pulled his gun out of his harness beneath his suit jacket and held it out for Neal. "If you have this, the chances of killing him are lower."
The younger man took the gun and gasped. "Holy shit, Peter. The God damn safety isn't on," he said as he readjusted the gun. Peter's eyes widened as he stared at his husband. He hadn't realized that the safety was off and he'd given it to his husband. Without intending for it to happen, he could have killed Neal. "Jesus. It's a damn good thing you aren't keeping this."
"I am so sorry," he whispered slowly.
Neal sighed heavily. "All right. Tell me what I can do about Keller. I don't want you to get into trouble or kill anyone." He rested his hand on Peter's chest and gave him a sad smile. "I can't do this on my own."
"Shove a God damn brick down his throat." Neal swallowed hard, his eyes never leaving his husband's. "I'm two seconds away from throwing him through the window for the Marshals."
Neal gently pushed Peter back and stepped into the office. Peter shut the door and his hand rested on Neal's back. "Awe. Calling your little bitch, Burkey?"
Peter was surprised when Neal surged forward and grabbed the collar of Keller's shirt. "Knock this bullshit off, Matthew. You're out of prison with a two mile radius. The least you could do is pretend you're grateful." Keller did the very last thing that could set Peter off—he grabbed Neal's ass. Neal was quick to force Keller's hand away and he turned towards Peter as Peter barreled towards them. He was going to beat the living hell out of Keller for touching his husband. "Peter, no!"
As Peter was about to throw the punch at Keller, Neal got in the way. He'd taken a rough one to his left cheekbone and dropped to his knees. He knew he'd get hit. That was the least of his worries. Hitting Keller might've ended Peter's career or at least suspended him and Neal didn't want that. "Neal, why the hell did you protect him?" he asked incredulously.
"I'm protecting you, Peter," he whispered.
"Speak up, God damn it."
Neal glared. "I'm protecting you! This is the same damn thing as what Nicky did at school with that kid. Look at you, Peter." He rubbed his cheekbone as he pushed himself up and got back on his feet. "He got suspended for hitting the other kid. What the hell is the difference between him hitting that kid and you hitting this stupid son of a bitch? Is it really worth losing your job?" Peter listened to what Neal said and heard how desperate Neal sounded. He wasn't sure how to answer Neal. If he said it was worth losing his job, Neal would be pissed off and he'd go down the 'I am not worth this' route. On the other hand, if he told Neal it wasn't worth losing his job, he wondered if Neal would feel like he wasn't adequate or important enough. "Keller, get out," Neal snapped as he breathed heavily.
Keller didn't hesitate to get up and leave. He shut the door behind him and Peter immediately said, "Neal, I'm sorry."
"Sure. All right."
"What can I do to prove that I'm sorry?" he asked, stepping closer to Neal.
Neal gave sighed in frustration. "Nothing, Peter." Peter tried to move Neal's hand away from Neal's cheek, but Neal backed up. "You always boss me around when things go to hell. This time, I'm gonna make a demand. You will sit your ass down and do whatever the hell you need to do." Peter was frowning as he let his husband speak. "You are not to leave this God damn office unless you need to go to the restroom or get some coffee because you're working hard. I am taking Keller out to do some recon."
"No," Peter said fiercely. "You are not—"
Neal threw his hand out and interjected, "I am thirty-seven years old, Peter Michael. You're only about four years older than me. You are not my father, so stop treating me like a kid." Peter tried to say something and Neal shushed him. "Conversation is done. You're going to listen to me and do as I asked or you're sleeping alone for the unforeseeable future." Peter's lips parted. That was one threat Neal would certainly go through with. It would hurt them both, but it would hurt Neal more if Peter didn't listen to him when he was trying to protect the overly jealous and defensive man.
"All right," Peter acquiesced. Neal nodded and started for the door, but Peter stood in his way. "Neal, I'm sorry," he whispered, pleading with his eyes.
"It's fine as long as you listen," Neal said quietly. "I am not worth the trouble here, Peter. I'm getting tired of all of this. Nick gets into trouble at school because things are said about me. You're going to get yourself into trouble if you keep letting him taunt you. You are letting him bait you, Peter Michael, and I know you're smarter than this. You know when someone's fucking with you."
"I'm acting this way only because I love you and I can't stand hearing such negative things—"
"If you truly love me, please do what I've asked. I'll call you if we find anything." Peter nodded slowly, resting his hands on Neal's hips. Neal finally lowered his hand and Peter glanced at his cheekbone. It was definitely going to bruise and he hated himself for that. "Peter, it's not like you purposely aimed to hit me. Stop beating yourself up."
Peter frowned and slid his arms around Neal's waist, pulling the younger man closer for a tight hug. "I love you, my Neal," he whispered in Neal's ear. Neal smiled a little. "I know." He rubbed Peter's back until they mutually parted. "I'll be careful. If I need help, you know you're the first person I'll call."
He let Neal leave with Keller. He couldn't take his eyes off of his husband until he'd stepped into the elevator and then his heart began to hurt. Every time Neal wasn't with him, he had this horrible fear that something would happen. Neal had been taken from him twice already and he wasn't entirely sure if Keller would keep Neal alive if he decided to take a shot at kidnapping him, too.
Diana came up to Peter's office and she gave him a simple look, to which he responded with a nod.
•◊•
Neal ignored Keller as he drove into Brooklyn. Keller was trying to bait him as well by making comments about how fired up Peter had been and he was implying that Peter would enjoy abusing Neal after that hit in the office. Neal knew better than to believe that. "I have a gun," Neal commented as he stopped at a red light. "So it would be in your best interest to shut up."
"I'm surprised your watchdog let you out of the pound." Neal's jaw clenched as he focused on the light and traffic. "He's always behind you, taking you doggie style," Keller said as he laughed.
"Peter loves dogs, but he's not a fan of doggie style and he knows I'm certainly not a fan either."
"Never stopped me when we were together," Keller said, reaching over to touch Neal's hand. Neal pulled away instantly. "Tell me. Does your husband ever take you from behind? I find that position to be the most…invasive. All of my partners loved when I took them that way."
Neal was trying to stay calm. The last thing he needed was for Keller to really piss him off, which would more than likely make him swerve and get them both killed. "Great. I'm so proud of you for being unable to look your partners in the eyes when you fuck them. Really intimate there, Matthew."
"You're afraid to take it from behind, aren't you? Especially after Craig spent quality time with you a couple years ago. He showed me videos."
The younger man's heart leapt up into his throat and his eyes watered against his will. He felt like a fool for going out with Keller without Peter. "I'm not going to talk about how I was raped and I certainly won't tell you how I felt or how I'm feeling lately. My personal life is none of your business."
"I think it is," Keller said wistfully.
He saw the first safe house they were going to look at and he pulled over. As he glanced at his rearview mirror, he saw a sleek, black car that had been trailing him since shortly before he'd crossed over from Manhattan into Brooklyn.
Leave it to Peter to find a loophole…
•◊•
Peter looked up when he heard the door open. He'd been pleading with whatever God existed that Neal was all right. He hadn't gotten any calls or text messages throughout the evening and it scared the hell out of him. "Angel," he breathed, standing immediately. When Neal turned to look at him, Peter was surprised. Neal looked like hell. The bruise on Neal's cheek was Peter's fault, but Neal looked like he'd been roughed up a bit. "Dear God. What happened to you?"
"I don't want to talk about it," Neal whispered. "Where are the kids?"
"Nicky was getting ready for you to take him to Neal's Net. He's upstairs with the twins." Peter shook his head, darting over to Neal to rest his hands on the younger man's shoulders. "Are you okay?" Neal nodded silently. Peter was looking at Neal's face for signs of distress or something that might help him understand what happened. "Did he…?"
Neal shook his head. "Vincent had a few men in the safe house we found. I had two of them on me." Peter immediately worried about his husband. "Nothing sexual happened. They just roughed me up a little. It's nothing major." He tentatively leaned closer to peck Peter's lips, whispering, "I'm gonna get ready to head over. I promised the kids I'd be there because they wanted to talk about some stuff."
Peter watched Neal limp towards the stairs. His brows furrowed up until Neal collapsed on the stairs, making pained sounds. "Neal!" Peter darted over to him and pulled him close, holding him. He moved Neal's suit jacket aside and saw that Neal had what looked like two stab wounds in his right side. "Nicky, call nine-one-one!"
Two hours later, Neal stirred in a hospital bed. He woke up to his husband and son's voices. "June was okay with taking over tonight?"
"Yeah," Peter said quietly. "I don't think dad's going to be able to go in for a couple nights, so June may have to do it a little longer." Nicky nodded, leaning against Peter. He'd slipped his hand into both of Peter's earlier and cried against him. "Are you okay, Nicky?"
Nicky sniffled a bit and Neal forced his eyes to open. He glanced over at them and blearily saw Peter looking at their son with concern coloring his expression. Nicky was crying again. "Why does this keep happening to dad? He always gets hurt."
"Dad will be just fine," Peter reassured him. "He lost a bit of blood and got light-headed. He wasn't dying." Peter had to make sure he clarified that bit of information. "All the moving around dad did afterwards is what hurt him."
Peter hushed Nicky when Nicky's crying got a little louder. He kissed Nicky's hair and whispered that Neal would be completely fine. "I'm sorry," Neal whispered. Peter's attention flew over to his husband's voice and Nicky sat up straighter with tears in his eyes.
The older man got up, with Nicky trailing behind him, and walked over to Neal's bedside. "I'm glad you're okay," he said breathlessly, stroking Neal's hair.
"Am I able to go home with you?"
"I'll ask the doctor. You aren't as white as a ghost anymore, the bleeding stopped, and your heart rate is normal again."
Neal gave him a small smile. "Look at you being all doctor-like." Peter returned the smile and leaned over to kiss Neal's forehead and then Neal's lips. Neal reached up to stroke Peter's jaw. "I'm sorry for scaring you—both of you." He glanced around Peter to see his son. "You okay, baby boy?"
Nicky nodded. "If you are."
Peter gently urged Nicky to step closer to the medical bed. "I'll go find the doctor and ask if you can be released."
Both Neal and Nicky watched Peter leave and then Nicky turned back to his father. "I'm glad you're okay, too, dad." Neal chuckled quietly. "Can you tell me what happened? I know you got stabbed, but I'm wondering how."
"Dad tried roundhouse-kicking the bad guys and didn't realize they were loaded with knives." Nicky stared at his father in horror. "I'm all right though, Nick." He saw his son eyeing the mattress and he forced himself to scoot over. "Come on up," he whispered. Nicky did without needing to be told twice. He curled up to Neal, resting his head on Neal's shoulder and his hand on Neal's chest. "I'm sorry that I wasn't as careful as I promised poppa I would be."
"You're still alive," Nicky said as he rubbed his eyes. "I forgive you, but be careful next time, daddy."
Peter came back a few minutes later with discharge papers. "Are you able to get out of bed?" he asked. Nicky slid off and Peter moved to take his place at Neal's bedside in case Neal felt faint. Neal pushed himself up and turned, swaying a bit. "Honey, I can go get a wheelchair and take you out to the car if you want."
Neal shook his head and that did nothing to help the existing dizziness. "If I can't walk to the car, how am I going to be able to get to bed with you tonight?" The older man warily watched his husband move around. He'd leap to catch Neal without having to think about it, but all Neal let him do was hold his hand.
The moment they reached the car, Neal was sweating. "Honey?" Nicky waited behind them to make sure his dad was okay before he got into the car. Peter started wiping Neal's sweat from his face and neck, his brows drawing together in concern. "Neal, are you—?"
"Yeah. I'm good," he whispered. He pulled the door open and struggled to get into the car, but he did get in on his own. Nicky got into the back and Peter went around to the driver's seat. As soon as he was in and buckled, he glanced over at his husband. Neal was panting heavily, sweating just as profusely. He started the car and started driving before taking Neal's hand in his. Neal, much to his delight, intertwined their fingers and squeezed Peter's hand.
Upon walking through their door at home, Neal felt instantly relieved. He wasn't in a hospital setting again and hoped to God he didn't have to be in one ever again. He was really starting to hate hospitals. He hated lying in the beds, feeling weak and useless, and he didn't like the idea of being in the hospital for any of his loved ones. It felt like his world was crashing down on him when he'd spent quite a while in waiting rooms after Peter had been shot. Seeing his husband alive and well was wonderful, but it was the waiting that nearly destroyed him. He couldn't bear that and imagined that Peter probably hated hospitals more than he did because he was the one who spent so much time waiting to hear about Neal's condition.
It took him a few moments longer to get upstairs, but Peter was at his side the whole time. "Mon frère," Mozzie breathed when Neal reached the top of the stairway. "It's good to see you looking like part of the living once more."
Neal gave him a wry smile. "I don't die very easily," he said quietly. Peter rubbed Neal's back slowly. "Thanks for coming over, Moz. It means a lot to have you watch the twins at pretty much any time."
"Hey. You let Nicky call me Uncle Mozzie. The least I could do is watch your children." Neal gave his friend a genuine smile. Mozzie always had his back when he really needed someone. Neither Neal nor Mozzie ever considered children as a factor in their friendship when they'd met, but the two of them welcomed Nicky into their very small family.
"You're my big brother," Neal whispered. "If anyone deserves the Uncle title, it's you, Moz." He wasn't saying that to exclude his half-brother. Mozzie was there for him through a lot, including times when Neal really needed him to watch Nicky.
Mozzie stepped forward and hugged Neal gently. "Get some sleep, Neal. You'll feel a hell of a lot better by morning."
Neal nodded, glancing up at Peter. "I suppose that's our cue then, baby." Peter gave Mozzie a hug after thanking him for watching the babies and then Mozzie was out the door and on his way home. Peter and Neal made their way into the bedroom and Neal didn't even bother to undress, which was totally fine in Peter's opinion. Neal laid on his back and rubbed where the doctors bandaged him. "Don't touch it, hon." He gently touched Neal's knuckles and Neal moved his hand away from the wounds like Peter wanted him to. "Does it hurt?"
"Not as bad as it did when they stabbed me." He glanced up at Peter, seeing pain in his husband's eyes. "Believe me when I say I've had worse. During my worst, I blacked out repeatedly. This was nothing."
"That really doesn't make me feel any better," Peter whispered. "Where the hell was Keller in all of this?" Neal bit his lip and Peter sat up straighter. He repeated a bit firmer, "Where the hell was Keller in all of this?"
"He…took off."
Peter incredulously cried, "That son of a bitch left you there alone? Oh, that mother fucking—"
Neal breathed shakily. "Peter, don't. I checked when I got back to the car and his anklet is still on and functioning."
He was immediately terrified when Peter twisted away from him and leapt off of the bed. He'd seen Peter enraged before and this was another one of those moments. "I am so fed up with all of this bullshit." Neal's eyes watered. He thought Peter was talking about him. "All these bastards know how to do is cause suffering and pain. Your stepfather is a cruel, disgusting son of a bitch. That asshole, Craig, is an absolute animal that needs to be put down. And now Keller—Keller is a God damn coward." He turned back to Neal, looking him over critically in search of other wounds or scrapes Neal might have. "You could have died and Keller wouldn't have given a single fuck about you and that really pisses me off."
"Peter, relax," Neal pleaded. The older man turned away from Neal and was going into a blind rage over this. He started ranting about how Neal was so mistreated by everyone in his life and told Neal that Neal deserved so much more than Peter had to offer him. Neal got up from the bed despite the slight discomfort he felt. "Peter." He tried to reach out for Peter, but Peter spun and grabbed him roughly. Neal's eyes widened as Peter forced him onto the bed. "Peter, stop!" When he saw the look in Peter's eyes, he knew Peter was seeing someone entirely different, so he had to be quick if he didn't want Peter to maul him. "Peter, it's Neal! Snap out of this, please! Peter, please!" Just before the first blow had a chance to connect with Neal's face, Peter froze. Neal's hands were thrown up as an act of defense and he was trembling. He couldn't open his eyes and watch Peter beat him. He'd done it once, but that was different.
When the older man backed off, Neal opened his eyes. Peter backed himself up against his dresser, covering his mouth in horror upon realizing what he'd almost done. Neal's chest was heaving as he sat up and stared at Peter. "Neal…"
He saw the fight-or-flight kick in and tried to move quickly as soon as Peter made a move towards the door. "Please, don't run!" he begged. "Peter!" Peter stopped when Neal cried out and fell to the floor with his hand on his side. He immediately went to his husband's side and tried his best to ease the pain. "Peter," he whispered breathlessly. "Please, don't run from me."
Peter looked at the bruise on Neal's cheek and frowned. "I could have hurt you so much," he whispered solemnly. "I was so pissed off and I might have beaten you if you hadn't begged me to stop."
"You didn't hit me. I'm fine."
"I shoved you onto the bed against your will, Neal!" The younger man flinched at how brutal Peter's voice sounded. "I may not have hit you and that's all great and fine. It's not the physical damage that concerns me, damn it." He knelt beside Neal on the floor and tapped Neal's temple. "I'm concerned about what goes on in here. Neal, you're a rape victim and traumatized beyond my comprehension. You do not need me attempting to assault you. I'm mentally and emotionally abusing you. I can't do that to you anymore. My temper is too damn much for you."
Neal's anger flared. It was partially Peter's fault. No, it was pretty much Peter's fault. Peter woke the babies by raising his voice. "You know what? Fine. You stay here and mope all night." Hurt flickered across Peter's expression. "I have kids I need to put back to sleep. Get in bed. I'll get the twins and then I'm sleeping in the guestroom." Peter stood when Neal did and he tried to keep Neal from leaving the room. "Peter, you must be deaf or something. The twins are awake. I'm telling you to go to bed so I can go take care of them."
"They're my babies, too," Peter whispered. Neal turned on his heels and walked out of the bedroom. He could hear Peter following him for a few moments before Peter's route changed and he headed downstairs. Neal closed his eyes as he made his way down the hallway and pushed the babies' door open.
Neal picked Brie up since Joey seemed to occupy himself with his binky. He held her in his arms and whispered, "Poppa's getting your bottle, Brie." She quieted down when she gripped his thumb in her tiny hand. The little things like this were what touched his heart the most. He loved children and they were all beautiful babies. Brie, Joey, and Nicky were no exception to that. He loved his son with all of his heart from day one and he loves his twins just as much now.
Peter came in and rested his hand on Neal's lower back, glancing at him as soon as Neal looked up at him. He handed the bottle to Neal and waited until Neal started feeding their daughter. As soon as Neal looked relaxed, he pressed a gentle kiss against Neal's temple. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I love you so much, Neal. I hate arguing or fighting with you and I know this was my fault. If I'd just… If I listened to you and calmed down, I never would have come close to doing one of two things I swore I'd never do to you."
The younger man stared into his husband's eyes for a long moment. "It's fine. If you'd hit me, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. You stopped yourself and I'm grateful for that."
Neal was a little surprised when Peter didn't look satisfied with his comment. "Neal, I love you. I don't want to lose you and, lately, I've been doing a lot of stupid things to push you further and further away from me." He kissed Neal's temple again, pressing his forehead against Neal's head moments later. "I found myself stuck in a world where those…monsters lived on after taking your life." Neal shivered, nodding slowly. "It wasn't fair. They don't deserve to live. You do, Neal. I saw them and their smiles just pissed me off. I refuse to let anyone who's ever hurt you get away."
"Peter," Neal said softly. "We're all right. I'm not leaving you—not by an unexpected death or any other logical reason." He tilted his face up a bit and Peter leaned closer, kissing his husband. He really loved Neal for giving him chance upon chance after hurting Neal emotionally. Neal chased Peter's lips for several, short kisses. The moment they parted for breath, Neal added, "I love you too much to consider a life without you in it. I've told you many times that we'll piss each other off on occasion and that's how relationships work, Peter. It isn't always going to be perfect and I'm not looking for perfection. I tried to find a perfect relationship before and look where that got me."
"What do you mean?"
Neal gave him a sad smile. "I went through at least four real relationships and several one nightstands with men I was too drunk to recognize as well as Kate before I met you. Looking for perfection got me nowhere. I stopped looking and then you came into my life." He leaned closer to Peter. "I thought you were going to yell at me when you came down to help me clean up the mess I made in the break area. I was attracted to you in that moment—same as you were attracted to me."
"Love at first sight," Peter said quietly.
The younger man nodded, glancing down at his daughter as the bottle emptied slowly. "The moment I stopped looking for perfection, I found it," he whispered. "I found the perfect man for me and my son. I found the one man I wanted to settle down and raise a family with. Before you, I never wanted to get married or have more than just Nicky and Mozzie." He turned a bit and kissed Peter's jaw, breathing shakily. "You've always been here for me and you've always made me feel like I belong with you. There have been and will be moments when I feel like I need to leave, but you just know how to pull me right back to you. You're the light that I, as a moth, am drawn to. No matter how hard I want or try to resist, I just need that light." A single tear slid down the left side of his face. "No matter how hard things get between us, there's no one I want to be with more than you. I could never find another man like you. Even if you tell me I could, I don't want to find someone else because you're the only Peter Burke for me. You're the only man I've ever loved this much and I continue to love you more and more each day."
Peter nodded, seeing that Neal was getting a bit emotional. He understood, so he held his arms out for Brie. Neal slid her into his arms and rubbed his eye, watching Peter put their daughter back into her crib. "I'm not ignoring anything you just said. Quick question: what are we doing about Joey?"
"He'll probably get up soon. I'll just stay up and wait."
Peter held his hand out towards Neal. "Will you come to bed with me?" Neal nodded, taking Peter's hand. As soon as they were in their bedroom, both men removed their shirts and sat in the middle of the mattress. "Honey, I'm really sorry for all of the stupid things I've been doing. I'm really sorry for hurting you and for seemingly pushing you away. I don't want to hurt us anymore."
"Our biggest problem right now is me," Neal whispered. "My past is hurting us and all I want right now is for all of this to end. I'm going to push Keller—"
"—with my help this time."
Neal nodded slowly. "With your help, we'll get Keller to give us the answers we're looking for and then we will take Craig and Vincent down together."
Peter agreed with that. "As long as you let me fight alongside you, you know I've got your back." And his father would have their backs as well. Peter suggested that Jon wasn't far away from them if they ever needed him and Neal brushed it off because he assumed Jon and Hannah went home. He didn't know that Jon was waiting for the call from Peter to tell him the game is on. Jon, as much as Peter, wants at the very least Craig's body six feet under. Vincent wasn't as horrible as Craig was. Vincent could threaten Neal, but Peter didn't think he'd ever abuse Neal the way Craig did. That wasn't his way of letting Adler off the hook. If he caught them together, they'd die together. He just wanted to make damn sure he took Craig out regardless.
Neal leaned against Peter and closed his eyes, breathing slowly. He loved his husband for always being there for him. He never doubted Peter's ability to protect him. It was just a matter of whether or not Neal allowed him to carry out that protection. "We're partners in every sense of the word, Peter," he whispered. "I'll always want to be at your side no matter what."