Chapter Twenty-Five - Never Forgotten

Sam was walking down the familiar streets of her hometown, with every step that she took more memories flooded back both happy and sad. She looked to her left and across the street she saw the park where she used to take Paul and Peter when they were younger, but when she turned to her right she saw the side path where she had been attacked by Ryan. This caused Sam to shiver at the thought, also she had forgotten how unpredictable the weather in England was, she was wearing a thin shirt and jeans, but the wind was blowing and she was getting cold.

Sam crossed the road and sat on the swings in the park, she started to remember every detail of the attack, the smell, the awful things he said, and how dirty she felt after. Nothing anyone had said could make her feel normal again, she could always see it in their eyes, the pity and sometimes the disgust, the only people that had shown and treated her as though she hadn't changed was Paul and Peter, but they were to young to understand, to young to notice and she appreciated their naivety.

Sam could feel the tears in her eyes fall. She couldn't believe she wanted to come back to England after she tried so hard to forget everything that had happened. When she moved to New York everything changed, she was scared at first but she gained confidence and tried to act normal, and it worked she made new friends, Flack, Lindsay, Stella, Hawkes and Mac but most of all she found love again, she found that with Danny. She breathed in deep as he thoughts drifted to Danny and how their relationship grew. But going through memories of her and Danny she had to go back to the attack in New York, how he was there for her, how they were all there for her. She knew that she had been through this before, but they hadn't and she didn't want them to know she had been, especially Danny.

"Why did I come back?"

She heard footsteps behind her, she turned quickly to see that Jeremy there.

"Jeremy, I thought you were at the house?"

Jeremy placed a jacket around Sam's shoulders and sat on the swing beside her and started to swing.

"I was, but I was worried about you…we had to tell him Sam, we told him about Ryan."

Sam said nothing, no matter how much she had thought she didn't want Danny to know, she knew that if anyone was going to tell him it would have been Caitlin and Jeremy.

"I take it that's why he didn't come to find me?"

"Don't be so stupid Sam, he was out the door after we had discussed it, but I told him he wouldn't have a clue where to look seeing as this is his first time in England, I also mentioned I would know where you went. And I was right."

Sam smiled.

"You know me to well Jeremy."

Jeremy smiled and shrugged.

"What are big brothers for? Besides I was worried about you, we all are. We haven't heard from you in a while and then you announce that your coming for a visit, what happened?"

Sam felt uncomfortable, she knew Danny wouldn't have said anything about her rape but what was she to say to Jeremy, she could never lie to him.

"Jeremy, I needed to remember why I left, I was beginning to miss home, I needed to be reminded of why I left so that I could leave and not regret it, but leaving here means leaving the ones I love, and that's what keeps me wanting to come back."

Jeremy smiled.

"Sam, we will always be here for you, even if your in another country me, Caitlin, mum and dad everyone including the boys will always be here for you, don't you ever forget that. You need to do what you need to and nothing else."

Sam looked up at the sky, the sun was beginning to set and thus the sky was getting dark.

"I just feel so bad, everything I have done has always ended badly, I couldn't even break up with someone without them feeling the need to attack me, I'm hopeless."

"No your not Sam, your you, you're the most innocent person I know, and I can tell that Danny loves you a lot. We all do."

Sam started to cry.

"Sam?"

She turned to face Jeremy and threw herself into his arms and cried.

"This is why its always hard for me to leave, it means I am away from you, Caitlin and the boys, I cant do that anymore."

"Sam, I will always think you belong here, with us, but that would be selfish of me, I know where you belong and that's in New York doing what you do best. Standing up for the victims."

Sam said nothing.

"Jeremy, something happened in New York that I never told you."

Sam pulled away from Jeremy and looked away from him, Jeremy became nervous.

"Sam?"

Sam started to cry again, still unable to face Jeremy.

"It happened again."

Sam didn't need to say anything, by this time she had managed to muster the courage to look Jeremy in the eyes and he knew from that moment what Sam had meant. He saw the same hurt in her eyes as he did the first time she was attacked.

"…Sam, why didn't you call me?"

"I couldn't put you and Caitlin through it again, I wasn't alone, I had Danny and my friends with me all the way."

Jeremy turned away, tears evident in his eyes.

"You shouldn't have had to go through it again, you don't deserve it, how could I let it happen again!"

Jeremy punched the frame of the swings, all Sam could do was look she had never seen Jeremy so angry.

"Please Jeremy, its not your fault its mine…"

Jeremy glared at her and became inches away from her.

"Its never your fault Sam, it wasn't the first time with Ryan and it wasn't this time, ITS NEVER YOUR FAULT! Don't you ever forget that."

Sam cried again and Jeremy pulled her into a hug and held her tight.

"You need to be with the people that can protect you Sam, I cant do that anymore, but I know Danny can and I know he wants to, you need to go home and forget everything that happened here, even if that means trying to forget all the good times aswell."

Sam held Jeremy tighter, she knew he always spoke sense but sometimes he said the dumbest things.

"Jeremy I know what your trying to do, I appreciate it really, but I don't want to forget the good times. That means forgetting my childhood, that means forgetting taking my favourite nephews to this park and pushing them on the swings. I WONT do that ever."

Jeremy smiled, Sam shivered and Jeremy took that as a cue.

"I think we should head back to the house, I know Danny is probably pacing holes in the carpet and Caitlin as probably done enough food to feed an army, she tends to over cook when she is worried."

Sam laughed and wiped the tears away

"I hadn't noticed, but that does explain why there was all that food when you announced you were expecting Paul and Peter!"

Jeremy and Sam laughed as they walked away from the park. Even though their talk had been full of emotion they could still find a way to lift the mood and make things a little calmer.

TBC

A/N - I know that this might be a confusing chapter but I was listening to a power ballad and this just oozed out of me, I think I will have to listen to them more often hehe!