Happy New Year! I hope you all had an excellent start of 2018! We had 4 Christmases and 3 New Year's in between constructing our living room these past two weeks, but we actually managed. We even managed to paint the walls before our guests arrived :D The sleep deprivation did mess up my update timing in between too many family obligations though, but Saturday I'll be back with 6000 words! Enjoy!

xXx

Some people say that love can move mountains, but have they met jealousy? The actual or perceived imbalance in the relationships other people have with our loved ones can make our heads spin. Evolutionary psychologists deem that instrumental. Jealousy is the emotion that makes us fight for the people whose respect and affection we crave. In that sense it's the red alarm in our minds that warn us when crucial social bonds are endangered, that we have to do better.

Still, how much fighting are we talking about? There is a difference between putting your best foot forward and trying to trip up 'our competition'. A little bit of jealousy might be an emotion like any other, shaping our beautifully complex personalities, but no single emotion should overcrowd our minds. Too much anger is destructive, too much fear is crippling, and too much jealously is downright toxic. Learn to control the green-eyed monster or it'll eat you alive.

xXx

"Morning sunshine," Damon whispered sweetly as he felt Elena stir in his arms.

"Morning," Elena murmured, sleepily turning around to face him.

"Did you sleep well?" Damon wondered.

"How could I not after last night?" A small chuckle left her lips.

Damon wiggled his eyebrows at her. He was more than ready to do again, but she rolled her eyes at him, clearly not quite awake yet.

"Did you sleep well?" Elena wondered after a while.

"How could I not, with you next to me?" Damon replied cheekily, giving her the Salvatore eyes.

Elena shook her head laughing. "You're impossible."

"Impossibly awesome," Damon agreed.

xXx

A little while later Damon was in the shower. Elena stretched one more time before reluctantly stepping a first foot outside the warm bed. Ouch. Her foot was terribly sore. She pulled it up for inspection. Of course. She didn't have just one blister, she had three. The high heels she always wore with her professional attire had not been made for the hour-long search for Sophie.

"Damon!" she yelled from the bedroom.

When he didn't reply she gingerly made her way to the bathroom. "Damon, where do you keep the needles?"

"What do you need needles for?" Damon asked surprised.

"Blisters…" Elena groaned.

"White cupboard, top shelf," Damon replied. "Alcohol and bandages should be there too…" he added.

"Got it!" Elena found the first aid kit. Yet upon further inspection she did not detect all she needed.

"No needle," Elena reported.

"Check the bedside table on the left, there's a jewellery box in the back with pins and earrings, you may find something sharp there," Damon suggested.

"Ok, thanks" Elena replied, already on her way out.

xXx

"Better?" Damon asked as he poured them both some coffee.

"A lot," Elena assured him quickly.

"You don't sound better… should I kiss you and make it better…" he suggested.

A small smile crossed her lips and she happily leaned it.

"What's on your mind," Damon wanted to know, as he felt her heart wasn't completely in it.

"Nothing, it's just been a stressful few day I guess," Elena replied.

"But they are over now," Damon stressed. "And here we are, together…" he tried lighting her up.

He did not book the expected success as she flashed him a smile that didn't quite touch her eyes.

"Come on… We'll be alright, you know I love you," he pressed.

"I do," Elena replied, trying to make her voice sweet and soft.

"But…" Damon encouraged.

"But?" Elena questioned.

"I can feel a 'but' coming," Damon urged.

"But it's just a little much at times, that's all. This is Katherine's house, Sophie's Katherine's daughter, you're Katherine's husband…"

"EX-husband," Damon quickly corrected.

"Ex-husband, yes… But…" she couldn't find the right way to phrase what was on her mind. Not without hurting him. Perhaps it was already too late anyhow.

"But what?" Damon needed to know.

"But she left you… you didn't leave her…" Elena tried hesitantly. "And you say you didn't love her or want her, but she has an engraved ring in her jewellery box that says-"

"I know what it says! But it's not true!" Damon interjected.

"But it's true when you say those exact words to me?" Elena questioned barely above a whisper.

Damon swallowed.

"Yes."

Neither of them spoke.

"I want to believe you," Elena whispered truthfully. She slid her fingers over his, intertwining them.

"Then do," Damon whispered back urgently, meeting her eyes exasperated.

"I don't want to fight," Elena pleaded.

"Then don't!" Damon wanted to shoot back, but the words got stuck in his throat. This wouldn't be productive. A deep sigh escaped his lips. He knew he wasn't going to win this one if he lost his patience. This was his mess. Still it felt unfair. He wanted her, he was doing everything he could to do right by her as stressed and worried as he was himself and still it wasn't enough. He had to stand tall and fight all his own demons alone, meanwhile he had to be her rock too.

He needed her, needed someone to tell him Sophie was going to be alright, needed someone to tell him he wasn't going to lose his daughter. On top of that he needed someone to keep him sane through all of the mind games the end of a relationship and the start of a divorce brought about. And then there was Katherine. Love or no love, the emotional torture in their relationship had caused many wounds that would take decades to heal. She had pushed his insecurities like a button and over the years he had learned to do the same. They had been toxic and Damon still hadn't fully recovered.

But there was no steady recovery in the warmth of Elena's arms, not lately. The more he tried to reach out to her, the more it felt like she pushed him away. Yesterday he'd opened up his heart to her. That wasn't something he did… But here she was again, putting all they had on the line. "I want to believe you", what was that supposed to mean? Couldn't she see in his eyes that he didn't survive this much longer? That everything was changing around him and he needed something to hold onto, rather than the confirmation that she still didn't have faith in them.

A tear brimmed in Damon's eye as he stared straight ahead.

It had Elena nailed to the ground. Dumbfound. Damon did not cry. He simply didn't. He was not the type. Had she pushed him too hard? What was going on?

In the end, Damon did in fact not cry. Not a sound left his lips and he quietly stood up and set the table, keeping it all in. Elena could almost feel him blinking, making the moisture disappear unnoticed, as if nothing happened.

It did happen. The silence remained. No smart retort, no quick come-back, no perfect mask to smooth over the situation. Just Damon Salvatore, tying to swallow the lump in his throat away as subtle as he could.

Elena could not keep her eyes of him, her Damon. Her confident, mildly arrogant, successful, witty man… and the sensitive heart he tried to hide away to deeply.

He did care, she realized now. That's why he was struggling. He didn't know what to say. He had cared about Katherine, a lot. Just not in the same way as he'd cared about her. Damon wasn't one to knock a woman up and leave her all alone. He had asked her to marry him and he had dutifully tried to be the best husband he could be. That was her Damon. And he had made a vow to have and to hold to love and to cherish. Those were not dirty words, but honourable promises. She could see that now, that he had tried as hell.

"You wanted to be happy with her," Elena realized. "You wanted to love her, and for her to love you. You tried to do right by her, and you let her into your heart. She was yours and you were hers and you too did your best. And that's ok," Elena realized. "You did the right thing, Damon. Trying was exactly the right thing. For you, for her, for the child you shared…You did the right thing."

"These days we all have these skewed versions of a happily ever after. Only first love is pure, and anyone who's ever been in love before has to lie or put those feelings in perspective. But for what, for who? Because we're all jealous? I think I've always known you once loved Katherine once and it threatened me. But then I realised that whatever you and she had, had nothing to do with me. I wasn't there, you never choose her over me. There was no competition six years ago and there isn't one now. You love me. And it's not just in words, it's in your heart, in your actions. I know you do." Elena took a breath.

"And just because you cared for her doesn't mean you care any less about me. It doesn't mean you were happier. It doesn't mean you loved her more. It doesn't mean anything anymore in fact, because that love was over long before your marriage was. I'm sorry I didn't see that before,"

Damon didn't say anything, he didn't dare to voice anything that could change her mind again.

"Love isn't just love. Love is specific to a person. No two people are the same so we don't love anyone the exact same way. You said it yourself last night, you two never talked like we do, you two never cherished one another the way we do. You are I are unique and you've always made me feel that, in how you looked at me, how you held me, how you try to be yourself around me. I think most of my demons were just inside of my head."

She could be jealous of anyone she wanted, Elena realized, from Damon's kindergarten girlfriend to his first crush in middle school and anything after that. It would never stop until she stopped it. Her jealousy didn't mean any of those people actually mattered today, it didn't even mean any of them formed a threat. The feeling of having to measure up, being compared, of having to be just as good and better was just all in her head. Had Damon still loved Katherine, than he would have tried to get back with her the moment she had resurfaced. He may be vulnerable, but Damon had always been about grand gestures. And she was not Katherine, and not her replacement. He had told her a million times over and having met Katherine she had seen her herself.

They were simply too different to ever be compared. She'd never have Katherine's confidence and Katherine would never care the way she did.

Elena tried to read his mind as Damon stared across the table. As he slowly rose his eyes to where hers were waiting Elena saw he'd barely won the struggle for control over his emotions. His eyes were still glazed over yet his cheeks remained dry.

"I. Love. You," he replied, putting every ounce of sincerity he felt into the words. The eight words encompassed the profound appreciation he felt for her eventual understanding and the overwhelming gratitude he felt for having found her and being able to come home to her. Yet the three words also signified the end of the topic for now.

This was fickle ice I wouldn't dare break with a misplaced expression. Damon much preferred to let his eyes do the talking. The songwriters behind Ronan Keating once explained to the world that sometimes you say it best when you say nothing at all. Damon felt like anyone in any relationship should head that advice from time to time.

"I love you too," Elena told him in return, smoothly, as the air in the room felt less thick again. One side of her mouth turned up into a cheeky smile. She had fought this battle for him and he knew it.

Damon saw the hint of smugness in her eyes. The recognition. Of course she knew. She'd seen him struggling and she had allowed him to cover it up. This hadn't just been a long monologue. She'd answered the question because she knew he couldn't.

Elena cupped his cheek and kissed him sweetly on the lips. She really did love him.

The sweetness didn't last though, it took Damon mere seconds to take control and dictate a new rhythm. He felt her smile against his lips and he turned up the heat, overcompensating a little for his moment of weakness earlier . Elena couldn't help the radiant twinkle in her eyes and he kissed her demandingly, forcefully.

"Oh, shut up," Damon teased, smiling a little embarrassed back at her.

"Or else," Elena challenged defying.

"Or I'll make you," Damon teased with a dark and a low voice.

He picked her up by the hips and seated her on the free side of the kitchen table. Elena shrieked at the unexpected gesture. With one swift motion he removed her dress and pressed her back against the wood. She shivered. Damon flashed his eyes at her and she looked up at him expectantly.

"Not so challenging now, are you?" Damon whispered.

xXx

Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you
But ain't nobody need you like I do

xXx

Like I said, really sorry for the short chapter. It's 3AM here and there's work tomorrow unfortunately… Thanks for reading anyhow! Night-night!