Chapter 25: "Follow Your Heart"
Jolene Milford's POV
As soon as Scott and I get off the phone, I grab my cigarettes and my lighter from the kitchen table and head outside. Kev's got such a big back porch; it's really nice. My ash tray is still out here from last night, right where I left it. I pop a cigarette into my mouth as soon as I step outside and light it soon after.
My nerves are completely shot and I'm not sure if being here alone is helping or hurting them. I thought this would be a lot easier -figuring out my feeling, that is- once I had talked to both Scott and Kevin, but it's not. It's harder than ever, actually.
I have so much history with both of them and I love them both so dearly. It was Scott that stole my heart first, but then again, I met him several months before I met Kev. And Kev... God, we've spent so much time together over the years. That's not to say that I haven't spent a shitload of time with Scott, but work-wise, Kev and I have spent far more time together.
Oh, fuck this. I want to make a decision. I want to end all of the trouble and the confusion.
I look over Kev's yard as I smoke, enjoying the nice change of scenery; I mean, anything aside from my home and yard is drastically different from what I've known for the past few months. I like Kev's place. It's nice.
It doesn't take me all that long to finish my first cigarette. It does calm me down quite a bit, but I light another one up almost as soon as I put the first one out. I have to wonder, how much longer will Kev be gone? I guess it all depends on how far he went to get everything. He said he wouldn't be out very long, and I know Scott and I talked for quite a while.
What do I want? Who do I want? Those are answers I have to find for myself, but I wish that wasn't the case. I want to call Kim and talk to her, but I know that won't help. She can't help me figure out the way I feel.
I've nearly finished my second cigarette when I hear Kev pull up on the other side of the house. I put my cigarette out and leave it on the ash tray for later as I exhale a large cloud and stand up. God, I've never been this damn nervous to see Kev.
Maybe my nerves are actually trying to tell me something for once...?
"Get everything we need?" I ask with a smile as I meet Kev in his living room.
"Yep. We'll be set out on the lake, and your pale ass won't burn, either. You've never really been one to tan, so I figured it'd be a good idea to get you some sunscreen." Kev laughs as he tosses the plastic bottle over to me; I easily catch it. However, as usual, Kev sees through my shit. "You okay?"
I sigh and sit the sunscreen down on the coffee table. "I talked to Scott, because I thought that would shine some light on what I want in life. I think I'm starting to figure everything out."
"Is that good or bad for me?" Kev raises a brow.
"That's yet to be determined." I reply with a playful grin, which Kev returns.
"You've just got to follow your heart, Joli." He chuckles and then motions towards his bedroom. "Come on, let's go get dressed and head on out to the lake."
"Sounds good to me."
We grab our clothes in Kev's room and while he changes in his bedroom, I head onto the bathroom. As I slide on the black sports bra I'm going to be wearing, I let out a small, content sigh. This is going to be a good day. I fix my shorts and my sneakers before combing my hair and walking out of the bathroom.
I find Kev out in the yard, strapping a small cooler onto the back of his four wheeler. I whistle at him to get his attention.
"Lock the door behind you and get on out here!" Kev grins. "It's fuckin' hot!"
"Just give me a minute!" I tell him. I run back into the house and shove my cigarettes and my lighter into my pocket before joining him outside. I make sure to lock the door on my way out.
"It shouldn't take us too long to get there. Here, keep the bag on your back." Kev hands me a backpack and I slide it on. "Excited?"
"Of course I am." I jump on the back of the four wheeler and wrap my arms around Kev. I like this. I like this a lot. "I love water."
"So you won't be too upset if I just toss you in?" Kev jokes as he starts to drive us off. "I'll keep that in mind!"
When we get to the lake, I can't help but smile. It's in a big, beautiful little area that's off to itself; it's the kind of place that should have tons of people swarming it, but it looks like it's just me and Kev here today. There are already a few beach chairs set up, and as Kev gets the cooler, I walk over to them. I open up the bag and grab the sunscreen, then sit the bag on one of the chairs.
"This is a great little spot. Like damn, it's pretty." I comment as I pop open the bottle.
"It really is. There are a few of us that always come out here, but it's rare that we show up at the same time. It's just me and a bunch of my neighbors, you know? I've gotten a lot of free booze here over the years." Kev chuckles. He sits the cooler down and then turns to me. "Need any help?"
"I'd like to say 'no,' but I can't really reach my back too well." I hand the sunscreen to Kev. He gives me a smirk and motions for me to turn around; I do.
I try to act like his touch doesn't make me shiver, but it does. The way Kev's hands feel sliding over my lower back sends chills down my spine. Once he's covered my back, he gently pushes my head down with his elbow; I move my short hair out of the way the best that I can so that he can get my neck.
"Need me to get the rest of you, too?" Kev whispers deviously in my ear. I shake my head and turn around, snatching the bottle of sunscreen out of his hand. I smirk up at Kev and he grins. "You sure? I could work it into your shoulders, your legs..."
"Positive." I reply jokingly. Kev sends me a wink before walking over to the cooler. While I finish applying my sunscreen, Kev grabs us a couple of bottles of water.
"All right, so, do you want to get in the water, or do you want to just sit around for a while? We can build a fire later, do some cool shit." He cracks open one of the bottles and takes a drink before offering one to me. I twist the lid off and take a long drink, then I sit my bottle down in one of the chairs.
"It doesn't matter to me." I smile and take my cigarettes and lighter out of my pocket, sitting them beside of my water. "If you want to swim, I'm down for it. I just need to take my shoes off, and-"
"Or, you can just go as you are!" Kev cuts me off as he lifts me into his arms. I squeak as he quickly carries me over to the edge of the water and tosses me in.
It takes me a moment to come back up from under the water, but once I do, I gasp and wipe my hair out of my face. Kev's wearing this mischievous little grin; I glare at him.
"Kev! What the fuck?! My shoes are soaked!" I make my way towards the shore with a frown. I can feel the aggravating way that my socks and shoes slosh as I walk. It's at this moment I realize my ankle didn't hurt at all when I smacked the water; I guess I really am back to normal.
"Ah, they'll be all right. Just sit 'em on the back of the four wheeler and they'll be dry in no time!"
"You do it!" I take my shoes off and chuck them at Kev, who merely laughs and catches them. One of my socks manages to smack the side of his head, though, and I'm quite proud of that. "Get your ass out here. Might as well swim while I'm already wet." The moment the last word comes from my mouth, I know what kind of reply I'll get.
"Oh come on, you're always wet around me." Kev laughs before he walks over to the four wheeler, placing my shoes and socks on the back of it.
"You know it, babe!" I blow him a playful kiss. Kev shakes his heads and walks over to the chairs. He takes off his muscle tee and shoes, leaving him in only his swim shorts. Holy fuck, I'll never not be mesmerized by hot Kev is.
I jump on Kev's back as soon as he gets near me, and with a laugh, he charges into the water. I feel like everything is in slow motion right now, like nothing else matters aside from this moment. This is absolutely perfect.
Kev and I swim and goof around for the majority of the day. When we get out of the water, we just lay around on the beach chairs, chatting up a storm. I apply a couple of more coats of sunscreen throughout the day, but I'm still afraid that I'm going to burn. I wouldn't mind a small little tan, but a sunburn is not something I want to deal with. Later on in the night, Kev builds a little fire and we sit across from each other by it; we've both drained half of our bottles of beer.
As I take a long drag on my cigarette and listen to Kev ramble on about his schedule this week, it's as if something clicks in my mind. I lean forward in my seat, holding my beer between my legs.
I love this. I love Kevin Nash.
I'm sorry, Scott, but I've got to give something a chance. I could be painfully wrong with what I'm about to do, but I'll never know if I don't take some sort of risk.
"-Joli? Babe? You okay over there?" I look up and see Kev looking at me with a look of both confusion and concern.
"Kev, I think I'm ready to follow my heart." I blurt out before taking another drag on my cigarette. Kev's visibly startled, and there's such a worried look on his handsome face.
"You are? Are you sure about that?" Kev clears his throat. "You don't have to make any choices right now, but whatever you-"
"I'm not ready to date, not yet. But," I inhale and then exhale a large cloud of smoke. Damn, this shouldn't be nerve-wracking. "I want to warm up to it. I can't just jump right back into something like that, no matter how much I wish I could."
"I don't doubt that. I'm sure you've been through some shit." Kev gives me this serious, sympathetic look. My heart feels as though it's beating out of my chest.
"Would you be willing to help me?" It sounds like such a pathetic question, I know. "I'd love to be with you, Kev, but I'm just..."
"Jolene, I will wait for you as long as it takes. I'll help you out every step along the way." Kev smiles so brightly at me. "Whatever you need, I'll provide."
I put my cigarette out in the water bottle by my feet before sitting my beer beside of it.
"I don't deserve someone as considerate and patient as you. Really, I don't." I tell Kev truthfully. I'm wearing this big, goofy grin, but I can't help it. "You're such a good person, Kev. I love you. I... I love you so much."
Kev takes a small drink of his beer before sitting it down and standing up. He walks over to me and pulls me up by my hands; I'm giggling all the while. One of Kev's hands tilts my chin up so that he can look down directly at me.
"I love you, too, Joli." I can tell he wants to say something more, like there are so many questions he just can't bring himself to ask. I know that "What about Scott?" is on the tip of his tongue, but Kev doesn't say another word; he merely leans down and presses his lips against mine.
For the first time in over seven years, I find my heart feeling full of happiness and hope. This kiss is different, but it's familiar all the same. Everything about this just seems right.
Maybe, just maybe, I can make this whole love thing work.