Patrick was in that brief time between being asleep and awake. He felt warm and relaxed and no thoughts of the day ahead had burrowed into his mind. In this period before consciousness he didn't quite know what day of the week it was.
Just before his mind kicked on he heard a sound. A sound that he thought he would never get used to. The sound of gulping mixed with heavy breathing.
Patrick knew what he would see if he turned towards the sound. He would see his son hungrily at Shelagh's breast. Shelagh had taken to feeding Teddy in bed in the mornings. He knew she would be there on her side with one exposed breast covered by the hungry infant who would be latched on quite intently. He knew Shelagh would have her eyes closed trying to catch a few more moments of rest before her nonstop day started. He also knew that when she did open her eyes she would look at that little face with an expression of love that to him was the definition of Shelagh.
His wife loved so intently and completely. She loved him in a way he never knew existed and she loved her three children equally with a special intensity different from that for him. She never hesitated to love his son and had accepted him fully as her own and that was one of the many reasons why he loved her. Realizing that he loved her was not easy. It came with torment and angst that one would never imagine is part of love. Even now when he hears the ruffling sound of the habit and the soft steps of a nun behind him he freezes just for a moment remembering those feelings of the excitement of 'is it her' and of the dread. So much dread back then and thinking why has my heart betrayed me by loving one I can't have. But that was so long ago, and know he knew if he turned over he would see her with her glasses off, her hair down, looking relax and oh so beautiful.
His love for her has grown with every year and every trial they have faced. He has not made it easy for her to love him with his own past often dredging up dark days, but she now provided a brightness for any dark day. Now she has given him a child, a child that neither of them ever thought they would have. All the anxiousness of the pregnancy has been washed away and only joy is left. Although the love for him is the same as their others, the joy of his existence is unique to him. The joy of Angela's adoption was special mixed with bittersweet thoughts of her birth mother, but Teddy is their joy alone. No one was left hurting by their joy.
Thoughts of the day ahead have started to invade his mind, even still he has changed. He may go about his day as he always has, Doctor Turner, GP, the man in the suit, who manages to get to ever sick bed and see every patient, but at home he has changed. Once his tie is off and often his sleeves are rolled up he is the man that he is meant to be, husband and father, not the man that the people of Poplar need him to be. This change did not happen overnight, but somehow he knew he's a different man when he's with those he loves.
He smiles, because he can hear more than the gulping, he can hear humming. The song varies often it is the plain song that she sang in chapel for so many years, but today it is a special song, one that he recognizes immediately. It is their special song about their secret love. Although ther love is no longer a secret, the intensity and intimacies of it will be always be secret to him and Shelagh alone.
Slowly he turns and as expected he distracts his son. Teddy turns his head to look towards his daddy, pulling the nipple with him until he lets go and a spray of milk shoots up. His attention to him does not last as he goes back to his breakfast. Patrick looks into his wife's laughing eyes and silently with his eyes wishes her good morning. For they can speak with just their eyes in a way that is again private to the world around them. Then because of his need and love for them both, he reaches out and strokes his son's cheek and his wife's breast. As he looks at her beautiful face, he sees a slight blush and again is reminded of the woman in the habit he fell in love with so many years ago.