Dragon Master
Author; Nightstar Fury from Nightstar Productions.
Rated; M for various things that will happen.
Disclaimer: I do not own HTTYD, Brave, or any of the songs I use. Everything belongs to its original creator/artist!
Chapter 25: Understanding.
Nothing had been said between the two, Hiccup wasn't sure how to respond. Astrid had out right told him to back off and leave her alone when he tried to get close to her. Hiccup didn't understand, Astrid said she understood why he snapped at her so why she was so angry with him. He felt terrible about what he'd done, he didn't even realize it until it was to late to take it back. Now he was being told to leave her alone, but he didn't want to lose her over this. Much more he couldn't just leave if things ended, because he'd just become the chief of Berk.
No. He refused to lose her because of this. He lost her once, he couldn't and wouldn't again. "Astrid, listen to me...I didn't mean to yell at you, I was just scared for Kari...You know how cold those waters can get and she's just a little girl. That blanket and my quick reactions are why she didn't freeze to death..." Hiccup said gently.
"I get that, Hiccup. I do. You've raised Kari since her birth only seeing her twice a year, and seeing her fall into the water scared you. I understand why you snapped but you don't understand how hurt I was to hear those words come from you." Astrid said crossing her arms over her chest with a sad look in her eyes.
"Then tell me! Astrid, I am many things but a mind reader is not one of them." Hiccup stated trying to come closer to her, she stepped back shaking her head.
"It doesn't matter...Just go home Hiccup...Kari needs you..." Astrid said softly.
"Yes it does matter. Astrid you're my girlfriend, tell me. Make me understand." Hiccup said gently, almost in a pleading voice.
"Hiccup, just drop it okay. I want to be left alone...You don't know how much you hurt me tonight..." Astrid cried a little closing her eyes and turning her head from him.
"Astrid please..." Hiccup reached a hand towards her but she smacked it away.
Stoick and Valka frowned watching the two fight, they wanted to help but knowing it wasn't their place to jump in. They hoped Hiccup and Astrid worked it out and soon. "Leave me alone...If you can't understand on your own then its pointless..." Astrid growled.
"Understand what! Astrid, I didn't mean to yell at you! I was just scared for Kari and I reacted badly. Please just talk to me..." Hiccup asked.
"But you did yell at me! As much as you didn't want to, or didn't meant too...You did! And it hurt!" Astrid yelled at him, he was taken aback by it with semi wide eyes.
"I'm sorry babe, I really and truly am. I wasn't in my right mind when I yelled at you. I was still in fear, shock, confusion...I didn't mean to yell at you. I realized what I did as soon as you ran out, I tried to call for you to come back but you were gone...Please Astrid...Please...I know I hurt you with what I said. It was mean, cruel, and disrespectful...I swear on my life I'll never do it again...Just talk to me...Tell me how you are feeling..." Hiccup replied with soft, concerned eyes.
"I don't want to talk right now, just leave me alone...I–I need to think about a few things...Mainly if I made the right choice..." Astrid said quietly closing her eyes. Now Hiccup was worried with what she said, she was wondering if she made the right choice? About being with him...? Was she thinking about leaving him over this? He wasn't losing her. He didn't care how much she didn't want him near her, he was going to make her see she didn't make a mistake. Hiccup furrowed his brows angrily as he stepped forward towards her and took her hands in his, she tried to jerk away but he was stronger. "Hiccup, let go!" Astrid yelled at him.
"No." Hiccup stated firmly. She glared at him, "No, Astrid. I'm not letting go of you. Not until you talk to me. I'm not like other guys in this village. I'm not going to just go home and sit around while you figure out if you made the right choice to be with me or not. Alright, I wanted so badly to chase after you after I yelled at you because of my own stupidity but I couldn't leave Kari alone...And I hope you would obviously know why. Toothless came home and forced me out of the house so I could come find you." Hiccup said seriously but calmly to her.
"Well you wasted your time...Leave me alone!" Astrid tried to pull away from him. Hiccup rolled his eyes now as he pulled her against his figure firmly, he wrapped his arms around her back so she could get away. He grunted a few times as Astrid tried to push away, and punch him to make him let go. He sighed as took his opening and pressed his lips to hers gently, after a moment or two Astrid's hits became slower until they stopped and she relaxed.
Hiccup broke the kiss and pulled his head back staring at her intently but with gently green hues, "Feel better?" He asked her. She slowly nodded her head sadly to him. "Good. Now will you listen to me or do I have to kiss you again?" Hiccup watched her nod again. "I came here as fast as I could when Toothless got home...Astrid, I know that I hurt you and I'm sorry for it. It was a terrifying situation that I reacted horribly too. I know you were only worried about getting sick because I was in the cold water too. I realized it all as soon as you ran out. I even called myself an idiot, slamming my head against the wall. Pretty sure I have a bump forming because of it..." Hiccup gave her a half smile.
"Are you okay?..." Astrid asked quietly.
"I'm a big boy...I can handle it. Astrid...I know that I hurt you and I'm sorry...I know you wanted to help and I should of let you. I was scared of almost losing Kari when she fell off that Gronckle...But when I saw you run out after I yelled at you...I was scared of losing you too...You and Kari...mean the world to me, Astrid and I couldn't live this life without you two in it...I understand that I hurt you with what I said...and I promise I will never hurt you again...I love you, Astrid. I love you so much and I'll do anything to make sure I don't lose you...Just talk to me...Tell me how you feel right now...Please...I can't lose you...Toothless will take my other leg if I don't come home with you tonight...Seriously, he did threaten to take my other leg if I came home without you..." Hiccup asked gently.
At that Astrid couldn't help but smile, then laugh out. "Oh Thor...He threatened to take your other leg?...Wow..." Astrid shook her head in disbelief. Hiccup smiled now, he loved her laugh. "You're so not off the hook just because you made me laugh, Hiccup...Alright...We'll talk just not here. I'm sure your parents don't wanna listen to it..." Astrid sighed out softly.
"Thank Odin...We'll go for a walk if you want?" Hiccup suggested.
"That's fine...Is Kari okay at the house? What if she wakes up and is scared you're not there?..." Astrid asked now.
"Toothless is there, and Kari knows him...We used to curl up against him when she was little. She's alright for now...She's safe, and warm in the bed with a Night Fury guarding her." Hiccup said as he released Astrid from the hug but she quickly took his hand again looking down bashfully.
"I–I never said to let go of me..." Astrid said softly.
"Trust me, I never will...Night mom and dad." Hiccup called to them as they walked to the door and left. Now outside they were walking along the paths in the quiet of night, the light of the moon allowing them to see where why were going. It was silent between the two for the first 5 or so minutes before Astrid took a breath glancing over to him.
"For the record, kissing me and holding me still was a cheap shot because you know I can't resist it..." Astrid began finally, Hiccup looked over to her.
"I know, that's why I did it. You wouldn't listen to me...and I needed you too." Hiccup sighed softly.
"Duly noted...As you put it to 'Ryder', I do have a stubborn, fiery temper. That's my fault and points to you for figuring out how to calm me down, but..I had a reason for being upset Hiccup..." Astrid replied looking at the ground.
"Because I hurt you. I made you cry. I don't blame you for being upset with me, I just wanted a chance to explain things to you...The state of my other foot, and happiness is at stake here..." Hiccup gave a half chuckle to her now.
"Understandable...I wasn't upset that you yelled at me, Hiccup. I didn't care that you told me to leave you alone, that I couldn't help, or any of it..." Astrid turned her head a bit and closed her eyes, "Well, I'll admit that I was at first...until I talked to your parents and they made me understand where you were coming from, they also told me that you probably didn't mean any of what you said..." Astrid said quickly.
"Which is true...I didn't and still don't..." Hiccup replied.
"Like I said...I didn't care about any of what you said except one thing...What hurt me the most...Is that you said I didn't know the absolute fear you felt." Astrid finished.
"Astrid, I say this meaning no disrespect to you...But you don't know the fear of almost losing your child who you only see every 6 months..." Hiccup sighed out.
"And I know that...You didn't let me finish..." Astrid replied gently.
"My apologies then, please...continue. This is why I wanted to talk, to understand what you're feeling." Hiccup responded.
"You are right, I don't know the fear of almost losing a child..." Astrid paused as Hiccup looked at her while they walked together. "However...I still know the fear of almost losing someone close to me, someone that means the world to me, who I love more than anything else...that someone is you, Hiccup." Astrid stated.
"M–me?" Hiccup repeated curiously.
"I don't have a child, Hiccup. So no, I don't know that fear...But...I do know the fear, the terror of almost losing someone I love deeply...I almost lost you." Astrid sighed.
"Astrid, I wasn't going anywhere tonight...You'll never lose me." Hiccup replied.
"I almost did, the day Ryder fought Alvin and it turned out to be you." Astrid said as Hiccup's eyes widened a bit now, he didn't say anything incase she wasn't done talking yet. "After you made everyone believe you were dead, when you became Ryder and saved me from the village beating...I felt something I hadn't in a long time. Security. That someone was looking out for me, even if it was just some stranger leading the dragon raids...Even before I knew you were under that mask, it felt like you had never died. Only you had stopped so many people from hurting me in the past." Astrid explained.
"Well of course...I wasn't going to let them hurt you, Astrid...I was the one they hated back then..." Hiccup pointed out.
"I know but you didn't deserve it either...Hiccup even as Ryder when we were captured on Alvin's ship...You kept me safe. You always took the beatings, the whippings, the no food or water...Every time they wanted to punish me, you took it. You went 5 days no food or water, you took Thor only knows how many whippings in my place...It was like I'd said to you before we left Berk that day...Ryder reminded me of Hiccup. Someone who protected me, cared about, let me load all my problems on him regardless of his own at the time...Sacrificed for me, suffered for me. You did all that as Ryder, being here for me even though you knew your cover would be blown eventually..." Astrid stopped walking now and faced him.
"Astrid, I know everything I did for you. Its because I love you, I've told you that..." Hiccup kissed the knuckles on her hand.
"What I'm saying is...that with Ryder, before I knew who he really was...I felt like you were never gone. And when you came in to the ring that day...And offered Alvin that deal...Our freedom for your eternal servitude...I'd never felt such a feeling of worry in my life. But...When Alvin tore that mask off and I saw you under it, realizing it was you the whole time doing everything you had for me...And seeing you whisper you were sorry as you set off that explosion...Hiccup I...I've never felt more fear in my entire life. I didn't feel fear when my parents died, when the village beat me, when Alvin captured us...Nothing. But seeing you be alive after thinking you were dead for 5 years...And then seeing you disappear into flames, not seeing your body because it was wrapped in Toothless's wings...And when I saw you, Gods Hiccup...Never in my life had I felt so much fear that before my eyes that you almost died...protecting me." Astrid was trying to fight back tears now.
Hiccup understood now, he had claimed she didn't know fear like he did when in truth she had felt it too. Hiccup's eyes widened as he pulled her in to his arms again and embraced her tightly. "Oh Astrid...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..." Hiccup repeated over and over again. Astrid buried her face in the crook of his neck and shoulder, her arms under his and coming up his back.
"I could of lost you that day if it weren't for Toothless diving in to catch you...Just like you could of lost Kari if you hadn't jumped after her. I don't know the fear of almost losing a child, Hiccup...But I still know true fear of almost losing someone you love and hadn't seen in a long time...That's why it hurt me. Because I do know that fear and its something I never want to live through again...I don't know what I'd do without you..." Astrid whimpered.
"And I don't know what I'd do without either of you...I'm sorry Astrid, I didn't even realize you've seen that fear. Can you...ever forgive me?" Hiccup asked softly as he pulled from the hug slightly to look in to her eyes.
"I can and already have, Hiccup. Just promise me you forget that you're not the only who feels emotions like fear, and worry...We all do, the situations may be different but the emotions, the feelings don't change...Promise me that and I forgive you fully." Astrid said to him.
"I promise, Astrid. And if I ever forget, you can beat me to the moon and back..." Hiccup replied as he wiped her tears with his thumb before leaning in and kissing her deeply, she returned it before they broke apart.
"I'll hold you to that...So will your leg be safe now?" Astrid giggled a bit.
"I think so. Ready to go home?" Hiccup asked. Astrid nodded as they held hands and started the walk back to their house. Walking by his parents he saw their door open a bit and stopped seeing them shut it quickly, he rolled his eyes. "Wait here..." Hiccup said as he walked to the door and knocked once as he crossed his arms over his chest with an arched brow of annoyance. Stoick answered the door clearing his throat acting surprised to see him.
"Oh! Hello son, everything okay?" Stoick asked him.
"Save it. I saw the door shut. Were you spying?" Hiccup asked him.
"Spying?! Oh Odin's no son. We were just admiring the moon. So full tonight, right Val?" Stoick said smiling. Hiccup tapped his foot on the ground.
"Sure you were. You mean admiring your son and his girlfriend talk things out?" Hiccup retorted.
"Well you did just happen to be outside...Might of caught a few things from the conversation..." Stoick replied. Hiccup shot his arm out pointing to the upstairs of the house.
"Bed now. And don't let me catch you eavesdropping again. Got it?" Hiccup ordered.
"I told you he was going to see us!" Valka scolded her husband with a light slap in the arm. "We're glad you worked things out son...Have a good night!" Valka said quickly closing the door. Hiccup sighed closing his eyes before opening them and walking back to Astrid who was giggling with a hand over her mouth.
"You're as bad as they are...lets go." Hiccup chuckled shaking his head. The two continued their walk home hand in hand, Astrid began to shiver slightly as Hiccup took off his black fur cloak and placed it over her shoulders gently as she wrapped it around herself smiling.
"Thank you." Astrid said softly.
"You're welcome milady." Hiccup smiled back at her as he opened the door to their home, there was a fire burning in the center. They didn't see Toothless right away but soon he poked his head out from the top of the stairs and saw them there, he slowly made his way down and licked Hiccup's face, then Astrid's. "So do I get to keep my leg your highness?" Hiccup asked him.
"I suppose so. You two good now?" Toothless asked him.
"We are bud. She actually wasn't mad at me because of what I said to her...She was upset I said she didn't understand true fear of almost losing someone, since she felt it when I nearly died in the explosion..." Hiccup explained.
"Good. Kari is still asleep, she whimpered a few times looking for you but I laid with her and she went back to sleep." Toothless replied.
"Thanks bud...I appreciate you letting me go talk to Astrid...I did almost lose her, she had told me to leave her alone because she needed to think if she made the right choice...I had to force her to listen to me...By kissing her and holding her in my locked arms." Hiccup chuckled.
"She wouldn't of left you, Hiccup...She was only upset that you claimed she didn't understand fear." Toothless smiled.
"Well, tomorrow should be interesting...I still need to figure out what happened...Guaranteed after this ordeal, Kari isn't going to want to leave my side again..." Hiccup sighed out.
"It will be fine...We'll figure it out in the morning. It's been a long night, we all should be getting some sleep." Toothless nodded to him.
"You're right bud...We do need some sleep...tomorrow is gonna be a busy day." Hiccup yawned.
"And where are we going to sleep? Kari has our bed." Astrid chuckled.
"I'll pull out the bedrolls. We can sleep on the floor near the bed..." Hiccup said going towards the closet and pulling out two pillows, two bedrolls, and two blankets. Astrid shut the door for him as they walked upstairs quietly and Hiccup laid everything out and they laid down. Astrid laid on his chest as he wrapped his arm around her lovingly.
"Is she going to be staying here?" Astrid asked him gently.
"I don't know babe. I'm hoping to figure out what all happened tonight tomorrow...For now...Lets just get some sleep." Hiccup replied calmly as he kissed her forehead.
"Mm, I won't argue there...Night Hiccup. I love you." Astrid said softly as she closed her eyes.
"I love you more, Astrid. Rest well." Hiccup replied as he closed his. The rest of the night was quiet as the both of them drifted to sleep. Although, Hiccup's didn't last long. He was up an hour later just laying on the roll in deep thought about everything that had happened since he'd come back to Berk. It seemed like so much but it wasn't, just a few things that were really big events. Hours passed that he laid awake staring at the ceiling, Hiccup sighed as Toothless lifted his head and looked over at him through the darkness.
"Hiccup, I know you're awake...You okay over there?" Toothless asked.
"I don't know bud...So much has happened in the last 3 months, I know I've managed through it all but this...Kari almost dying tonight and I don't even know why she's here or what happened. This is huge, Toothless...I just got back here, defeated Alvin, finally got Astrid as my girlfriend, forgave my dad, became chief...and now this...I feel like the Gods are testing the limits of my sanity..." Hiccup sighed out heavily glancing over to him.
"Perhaps they are. Its nothing you can't handle, Hiccup. Just wake up tomorrow and take it slow alright. Its going to be confusing for everyone, people are going to have questions, want to meet Kari and you know she's going to be frightened and scared of all this new atmosphere...The first thing needing to be done is talk to the people she came in with...So that's what we'll do. Kari will want to be with us because its where she's most comfortable...We'll go to Gothi's tomorrow before people start waking up. Dagur can manage things an hour or so while we handle this." Toothless offered.
"You're right bud...I'm just thinking to hard about...I only need the story of why they are here...then I can figure something out. Okay...It's like maybe 3am...And I'm beat...Night bud and thanks, you always manage to get me to think straight again." Hiccup smiling.
"You're welcome, Hiccup. Get your rest." Toothless said going back to sleep. Hiccup closed his eyes and fell asleep not long after Toothless had. It was already a long night with all that happened, and the next day was sure to be even longer and full of questions and confusion but Hiccup knew he'd be just fine. He had Toothless, Astrid, his friends, his parents, and now his little girl. There wasn't anything he couldn't do with them on his side. The rest of the night was peaceful.