Day 4- Late Morning
Veronica:
I pulled a stack full of files from the old filing cabinet, blowing forcefully across them- causing the dust to explode into the room. Sure enough Logan was the target of the dust bomb, as he looked up from the large pile of papers I had put him on sorting. He sneezed loudly wiping at his nose, looking up with eyes slightly annoyed.
"Sorry." I smiled with gritted teeth, proudly displaying both rows of mine.
He smirked slyly as he wiped at the black v-neck that was now covered in a dust picture. "What do you think your father is going to say of your 're-organizing'?" His brow raised and his large eyes had a "you're in trouble" implication.
"The guy is in the stone ages." I lifted a tall group of manila folders, losing my grasp quickly, all of them crashing to the floor. "Case in point. This never happens when all these files are filed away on a hard-drive." I pointed to the mess on the floor, as I crouched down to pick it up.
I heard his chair slide out as he came over to help. "I am sure your dad will love hearing you say how behind the times he is."
I sneered in a half playful glare. "My battle to fight, I suppose."
Logan had one of those snarky and combative smiles, the kind that usually appeared in our verbal sparring- our version of foreplay. I had always gotten a thrill from the exercise, even when he and I "couldn't stand each other", as I would hold my breath for his response.
Before he could one up me his phone buzzed and I deflated, him winking at me as he made his exit into the reception area. I had seen that look before and knew all its hidden meanings- I'll be back to pick this is up - right where we left it.
"Hey." The familiarity to his tone indicated he knew the caller well, peaking my usual curiosity. "Yeah, the charges were dropped and they just reinstated me back to active duty."
He paused and I kept my ear alert as I skimmed the pages in front of me, suddenly I was not as preoccupied by the work at hand.
"Thanks, man I appreciate it. No, I have not heard yet. I expect a call soon, probably today in fact." He sighed under his breath at whatever he heard next. "Yeah, that is what I figured."
I walked over slyly to the window that gave way to a clear view of the other room, casually glancing up from the paper work, his eyes on me in complete knowledge of what I was up to. He cocked his head to the side as he shook it in a mixture of amusement and frustration, the stressed look from before reappearing quickly. Good thing he found the sleuthing cute- that had saved my ass on more than one occasion when he caught me in compromising situations.
I marched back over to the desk after being found out, my eyes falling on the old computer. The man had really gotten behind with technology when I left. I would need to get Mac to do an overhaul on this place ASAP.
I scanned the room as that lurking sensation of "having to know" overcame me again. I craned my neck as I stretched, standing on my tip toes as I glanced back up to the window. Maybe I could get another look?
He was grinning wide now at whatever the caller was saying, his eyes darting back up to find me. I shrunk down quickly, giving myself a reprimand. He would surely remind me of this for a long time.
I could hear him chuckle under his breath at me before he responded to whoever he was talking to. "Yeah, the pictures are true- for once the internet is not speaking lies. Yeah, we should. I will call you back and let you know." He took a few steps and stopped."Alright man, later."
The sound of his footsteps filled the office again as he rounded the corner, leaning against the door frame. "Hard at work in here, Mars?" He bit back his rascally smirk as he waited for my answer.
"Yes, doesn't it look like it?" I motioned to the towers of papers around me.
He nodded, now letting the ornery grin spread across his face as he went back to his seat to continue sorting the papers. He knew exactly what he was doing, and that there was nothing more infuriating to me than not being "in the know". I felt my annoyance grow as he kept his eyes down, and I tapped my foot loudly to get his attention. Still no response from him as he continued to smile while doing his task. I could tell he was enjoying the game of cat and mouse, our best flirting was always in this game- we were quite good at it.
Normally I would not have given in, played my part better- but I was too intrigued, too overcome. I stomped over standing in front of him with arms crossed, his eyes slowly moving up my frame as they waited for my confession.
"Fine, I was spying. You got me."
"I am concerned you have gotten rusty, I found you out pretty quick." He retorted, enjoying every second.
I ignored him as I grew impatient. "So, what was that?" I knew my need to know was more the feeling that this information had to do with where he was going for six months.
He laughed as he stood to his feet. "That was one of my aviator buddies- Jeremy. He was calling to check in about my suspension and if I was going on leave with them."
"Ah, so he will be going with you?"
He nodded. "Yeah, he also wanted to know if you and I were available for dinner tonight. They live in San Diego, but his wife loves the beaches here and wanted to get away before he ships out."
The idea struck me funny- this was an aspect of Logan's life that I really had no knowledge of. There were people, stories, experiences- I had no relation to, nothing to even compare it to. I nodded.
"Sure, I would love that." I swallowed as I studied the ground, not sure if I wanted to know what I was about to ask or if he would even answer. "Did he say anything of where you are going?" I looked up now with dread at his response.
That question certainly was powerful as it wiped all playfulness from before off his face, it contorting in worry and frustration as he ran his hand down the back of his neck.
"Not much. I will know more shortly, Veronica." There was an edge to his voice.
My stomach dropped. He was protecting me, which is why he had not wanted me asking questions. He looked uneasy as he placed his hands on his hips with a sigh. His friend Jeremy must have said enough to make him tense.
"Logan, come on, you can tell me."
He exhaled as his body relaxed, his hands grasping me around the waist. Now he was trying the distraction method. Not sure I minded it though- he knew about the only thing that would get me off the pursuit, at least temporarily.
"You know it is a good thing I find the entire spying thing so damn sexy."
"I was thinking something similar just a moment ago."I smiled with a flirtatious look- he knew exactly how to read it.
His hands now shifted under my shirt as he lifted me up, resting me on the old desk. He placed his hands on either side of me as his face was cocked to the side with raised features- his expression almost an invitation to a challenge. He knew how to bait me.
"How would you feel about giving all these dated office supplies a little show?" He slowly brought my bottom lip between his and I melted, my firm grasp on the desk giving way. He pulled back teasingly as he felt me give,shooting his eyebrow up to see if I accepted the challenge.
I leaned my head forward, my chin sticking out as I grinned, letting my hands slide down his back.
"I thought you were never going to ask." I mimicked his raised brow from before and that was all he needed. Suddenly my father's out of date office seemed a touch more modern.
We both would catch the other staring with looks of remembrance as we each sat at our own respective places. My feet were propped on top of the desk as I swiveled in the office chair. My boots made a thud like noise when I moved them slightly, Logan's eyes revisiting the spot we knew well hours ago. He raised his brow, as his brown eyes of temptation and desire and all things that were my weakness, were on me; a naughty grin on his face now at my flustered behavior.
"Stop it." I gave him a stern warning. I even added finger pointing along with it to show how serious I was.
"I didn't say anything." He licked his lips as he looked back down at his assigned work.
I did the same once I was pleased he was cutting it out- we had a lot to do before dinner with his Navy friends and I knew if he kept it up we would end up doing exactly what we were before.
I leaned over, grabbing my lap top from my bag and placing it in front of me to start cataloging the recent and still open cases. I started with the most recent, working back- my dad seemed to not be hurting for business lately.
I began to type in the word processor, Logan's voice gruffly filling the room as he hummed a familiar tune. I looked up now with slanted eyes as he continued to read, acting like he was not aware of my glances as he went on with his private concert.
"I smell sex and candy here; Who's that lounging in my chair; Who's that casting devious stares.." He looked up now with an "oh so proud" expression as my mouth had formed a straight line in annoyance. "In my direction." He finished with a suggestive smirk.
"Very funny." I now pursed my lips together. "We have a lot to do before we go to dinner, mister." He did not look a touch remorseful as he still seemed pleased with himself.
He now leaned forward. "I thought you were going to help your dad with his open cases- not re-organize the entire place."
I started typing again, my eyes darting away from his accusations. "Well, I plan on coming back to work here. He just doesn't know it yet- and well this is how I would have done things if I had stayed."
"So you are going back to the Private Dick life for sure?" He said it with a knowing smirk, he already knew this.
"Well, I will need to get certified again- but if you're good at it then-"
"And if you enjoy it." He said with a supportive tone. He seemed to be the only person not totally against this crazy idea."Listen, you know I fully support you and well, I have no problem spending hours upon hours with you here again in full risk of your dad's anger later. But we have a dinner to get to and I would really like to shower off the dust explosion that I am covered in."
"You are only brave because you will be thousands and thousands of miles away when Keith Mars sees the remodel."
He sat on the desk now. "True. See your detective skills are coming back quickly."
I rolled my eyes. "Fine, we can go. I probably should freshen up too, your friends meeting me in combat boots and an old hoody is not the best impression." I put my lap top in my bag, reaching for the lights.
He followed behind grabbing my heavy purse from my shoulder as he opened the door. "I don't know what you are talking about, this is my favorite." He eyed me with adoration and I shook my head while locking the door.
"Always, so smooth, Echolls. So smooth."
"What? I was serious." He fired back with a laugh and I waved my hand as I hit the stairs.
"Always trying to seduce me with words or looks- and now serenading." I glanced over as he met me at the third step.
"Are you complaining of my methods?"
My shoulders tensed as I gave, smiling. "No, no I am not."
He bit his full lip as he quickly took the last few steps."I didn't think so." There was that proud expression again.
We both walked into the suite, and I threw my bag on the couch- quickly joining the seat beside it as he made a beeline for the bathroom. It was funny how we had obtained the Logan and Veronica version of domestic bliss in just a short amount of time. Sure hanging out at PI office and counting the days to deployment weren't most people's normal- but hey, it was us.
The roar of the shower filled the bathroom, and I glanced at the time. I had enough time to make that call to Mac about a re-vamp on our technology and then I would need to change. It was odd- I actually felt a twinge nervous over meeting these friends- I guess with Logan I was use to all things being familiar.
She picked up quick. "Hey there, Bond- I have been getting all these texts from you of links to very nice machinery. Has someone stolen your phone?"
"Very funny, friend. No I have a secret. Can you keep it?" I asked in a playful tone.
"That depends.. what is in it for me?"
"Lots of red licorice?"
"Sold. Do tell-"
"Well, I may have been doing some restructuring at my dad's office today, and I saw how seriously lacking he is in the technology savy department."
"Veronica Mars went against her dad's wishes? So utterly shocking." Her sarcasm was one of her many talents.
"I know- so unlike me. Anyways can you help me figure out exactly what we need?"
"Yeah, of course I will. But you know it will probably be a little pricey."
I scowled, money always had just a pure hate relationship with me. "Yeah, I will have to figure that one out." I sighed. "Okay, I better go- we have dinner with one of Logan's aviator friends and his wife."
"You two are double dating? Wow, you truly have matured."
"You are just so full of surly comments today." I played back. I heard the shower turn off. "Okay, gotta go get beautified."
"Okey dokey, I will spend my boring evening researching for you. Enjoy your exciting life for me."
"Will do. Bye, pal."
I walked to the bathroom, going to freshen my make up, when my hand hesitated at the door as I heard his voice. I had an inkling he was keeping the conversation private and I stayed still, not moving as I slowly placed my ear closer to the door. What can I say old habits and all.
"Yes, sir. I understand." He didn't say anything else for a moment. "Okay, thank you, sir. See you soon." He paused again. "Goodbye."
I stepped back quickly as I didn't want him to catch me listening, if he wanted me to know he would tell me. But I had this gnawing sensation that he had just found out the question that had been sounding in my head for days. Where he was going.
I waited a few moments and he never came out, so I figured it was a safe amount of time for me to walk in unsuspiciously. I obviously caught him off guard as he had a firm grasp on the sides of the counter as he leaned forward. The look on his face was not reassuring as I saw the glimpse of stress and worry causing his stance, before he hid it behind a smile. He was good at it after all, years of paparazzi and movie star parents.
I swallowed trying to not show the sickening feeling rushing through me- that face meant nothing good.
"I was just going to fix my make up." I said as I slid behind him to the open mirror. He tried to inconspicuously splash his face with water to recover, but I noticed.
He shut the water off, looking at me in the mirror as I reapplied my eyeliner, my hand slightly shaking.
"I am almost ready. I will wait for you on the couch." He said as he gave me a faint smile like he normally did when he was exiting the room, but I could see the thousands of thoughts filling his head.
"Okay." I nodded. "I wont be much longer."
Once he disappeared from the bathroom, I assumed his stance from before, gripping the edges of the granite counter. Logan had a good poker face, and right now- it had sucked. I knew what that meant, I knew what had shaken his mood. It was a worst case scenario situation.
I evened my breaths, getting a glimpse of my blue eyes in the mirror as they had a crystal appearance at the tears that I saw welling up in them. I touched the corner of my eyes. I would not cry, I don't cry- I said in my head over and over. That is unless I was in the shower where I was sure no one could hear me, and I could wash away the memory that it ever happened.
My nose sniffled as I finished applying my make up, the last sign left of my almost break down in the bathroom. I threw on a black sweater and gray jeans, with my favorite pair of boots. It was me, I felt comfortable in it- and I needed all aspects of comfort to get through this night without crumbling at the unknowns and what they possibly meant.
His eyes darted up at me, as he was zoned in on his phone with emotionless expression before, a now appreciative smile on his face. "You look amazing."
"You look pretty great yourself." I smiled with just lips as I clapped my hands together." You ready?"
Day 4 - Evening
Logan:
The car ride was quieter than I wanted. I was trying my best to push through and not show the weight that had just been dropped on my shoulders- but it was nearly impossible not to be preoccupied by it.
My commanding officer had called and had confirmed what I had been feeling. They were sending us far off the map on the edges of the Persian Gulf. Our main tasks would be to be on call for the more confidential missions, just using us for mainly night bombings- especially on specific targets. He had reminded me of the importance of my discretion and that this would be the most important mission my unit had been on yet. They tried to be concise over the phone, we would get a full debriefing for two days once we reached the base. That would be where we got the full impact of what we were in for.
It was as risky as I had thought- probably more so. A part of me was looking forward to it- after all this is what they had been training me to do for years. But right now, there were people I was leaving behind that needed me to make it back alive.
Veronica was tough, I knew she could live without me- but I knew what losing me would do to her. I could imagine, because I knew what it would do to me. She would be alive- but it would be debilitating. It wasn't just about me anymore- she and I were involved in something more permanent now, and I owed it to her to be careful.
I inwardly felt sick at the conversation I knew we would have to have later. There were facts, they were plain. With increased risk- meant more exciting missions- more important tasks- but with those meant a greater risk of death. I knew it, everyone knew that. It was always something you had to consider when going on leave. They always wanted your affairs in order when leaving for such discreet operations. My affairs consisted of what they had since I joined- Veronica was the majority beneficiary of my assets if I died. And now that we were together, I had to let her know. Problem is- I have an inkling that is not going to go over well.
Veronica, lightly traced my hand - drawing back my attention as I tried to give her a reassuring glance, but there was no use- she was on to me. The girl was well known around Neptune as having laser like discernment skills- there was no way she was not clued in to that something was off. My brow furrowed slightly as I looked back to the road- she was different though. She knew I was acting different, but she was not asking me why. That just made me more uneasy. As much as her inquisitive side and barrage of questions could bother me, it was still her- and when it was absent it just concerned me.
"You excited to see your friends?" She said breaking the silence.
"Uh," My voice trailed off before I could catch up. "Yeah, yeah I am." I smiled.
Her face tightened a little as she noticed my obvious tension, her mouth closing. It was almost like she was physically barring it shut from asking me.
We pulled in front of the beach side restaurant- the place considered the house of lobster in Neptune. Jeremy suggested it, saying it had sentimental value.
"Veronica, I appreciate you doing this, it means a lot." I said.
"I am excited. It is neat to see a part of your life that I do not know much about."
I nodded as she got out of the car. I had not really thought of it. Veronica was my only civilian friend who was mixing with my other life. As close as Dick and I have been over the years, he had never been one that I discussed much with. He was someone who was loyal- who we had stayed close because of history- not our relatable interests currently. She would be the first I let mingle between both worlds, I had never even let Carrie into this world.
We reached the lobby and I immediately spotted them. Jeremy with more traditional military cut, and his stocky stance. He was like a brick wall- you could not miss him. His wife Angie was glued to his side, he would be gone soon- she had that body language. I had seen it multiple times, the wives and committed girlfriends of my buddies latching on tighter and tighter with each deployment.
Jeremy grinned wide as he saw me, coming at me with a bear hug, as he always did.
"Echolls, my man. Good to see you."
I returned the gesture as I firmly patted his back. "You too, man."
Angie was now in line for a hug, and I immediately embraced her. She had always been so kind to me. Cooking many a meal for me and letting me crash at their place over the years.
"Logan, you are as handsome as ever." She smiled sweetly, her eyes going to Veronica. "And you must be the girlfriend." Her smile was even bigger now. "So happy to meet you." She reached out for a hug.
I chuckled at watching Veronica embrace the stranger, her body slightly stiff. "Thank you, you guys too." Jeremy was now reaching for her hand and she shook it, seeming glad at the lack of personal space being invaded by his method of greeting.
"So shall we?" He asked and we nodded as the hostess took us to our table.
Angie unfolded the napkin as she placed it in her lap. "So Veronica, are you from Neptune too?"
"Yes, I grew up here. I moved away for awhile but I am back now." She smiled. It was always funny hearing someone tell the shortened version of a story you knew.
"I always make Jeremy take me here before he ships out. It is silly really, I just love Neptune beaches. I know they aren't any more special than others." She paused, a fond expression on her face. "My dad use to take me here as a girl, and to this restaurant, hence why we suggested it. It just has special memories." She teared up a bit as Jeremy grabbed her hand.
Veronica's eyes narrowed sympathetically at her, as she seemed confused. What she did not know was the norm of this situation- most of the women that were experienced military wives got this way. They knew how hard the separation was and that it was just waiting around the corner.
Jeremy leaned back in his chair as he gave me a grin of relief. "Logan, I am so glad that you beat those charges, man. You had me worried."
"You and me both. Just glad it is behind us and they have the real killer." My face was solemn now, the mention of the charges always brought the image of Carrie to mind.
Jeremy must have sensed it as he offered his condolences. "I am sorry to hear about Carrie."
I nodded as I squeezed Veronica's hand under the table reassuringly. I wanted her to have no doubts of how I felt for her- of how she was the one I wanted.
"Me too. I hate it- she was a good person, just had a lot to overcome. Unfortunately her friends made sure she did not."
"Well, I am glad you didn't take the fall- it was ridiculous that they even considered you." He paused as he looked to Veronica. "I hear we have you to thank for getting our boy free."
She shook her head humbly and I jumped in. "Yes, you do. It isn't the first time she has saved my ass either."
"You're a PI correct?" He asked.
Veronica cleared her throat as she scooted closer into the table. "I used to be. My dad is one- and I grew up helping him. I got my Private Investigator's license a long time ago, but have not been involved with it for awhile. That is, until Logan called me."
Jeremy looked at her in astonishment, I understood feeling overcome with the emotion when taking her in. "You are like a chick super hero or something. Spunky blonde, bad ass and crime solver."
Veronica cracked a smile at the comparison. "Well, I don't have a costume."
"But she does have a weapon of choice- a stun gun."
She laughed. "It gets the job done."
Angie and Jeremy were amused. "I am sure it does." Angie shyly giggled. She crossed her hands in her lap as she leaned closer to Veronica. "So is this the first deployment that you have been with Logan?"
Veronica's ease from before disappeared slightly as she nodded, clearing her throat again. "Uh, yes."
Angie looked sympathetically and I could tell Veronica noticed. "It is hard, but if you love each other you will make it. Just enjoy your time now." She advised. "You know we have a group- me and some of the other wives, fiancés, and girlfriends. We call each other and get together randomly while they are shipped out. It really helps to have people around who understand what you are going through, you know?"
Veronica's muscles tightened, I could sense from the stoic look plastered across her face- she was terrified. I swallowed hard as I touched her leg, just her pinky grazing my hand as she barely moved.
The air was slightly tense as she forced a smile. "You are kind. I will get your number."
Angie lit as she began to fetch a pen from her purse and Veronica seemed to exhale as her attention was off her for a moment. She glanced at me cautiously and I smiled kindly, her eyes filling with a resolve at the sight. I knew the mention of support groups, and seeing the worn and weary expression of an experienced military wife had to be spooking her. If I were truly honest the sight spooked me as well, it made me feel guilt to ask her to take on this life. I would hate myself if I ever wore her down to that state. Angie was a strong woman too, she had years of this under her belt now, she loved Jeremy enough to put up with him gone. But you could see the lines of worry growing each time you saw her and I never wanted to see those marks on Veronica's face- not from knowing I caused them.
"You know, I feel like I know you already. I would have recognized you anywhere- after seeing your picture so much." Jeremy said fondly.
Veronica's brow furrowed with confusion. "Picture?"
It was my turn to experience the onset rush of rigor mortis as my body stiffened, and my hand released- loudly banging on the table. "Uh- the few circling the news right now. You know because of the case."
Her face scrunched even more as she eyed me like I was insane, her eyes slanted now. "Okay." She chuckled awkwardly.
"Uh, that is not what I was referring to." Jeremy continued and I cringed, lowering my head in defeat. There was no use fighting it now. "I am talking about that picture that Echolls here- had either in his pocket, taped to his cockpit or bunk. It goes without saying that I have seen a lot of your face over the years." He smiled, seeming completely oblivious to the grenade he was launching; and I ran my hand back and forth across the back of my neck nervously- just waiting for the explosion. "I did not see it out as openly last deployment, figured it was do to Carrie. And just when I thought I wasn't going to see your smiling face, I found Logan pulling it out of his pocket right before one of our missions- I have to say it made me happy. Guess I got used to you being around." He chuckled.
Most woman would be flattered by this reveal, it would be romantic. But with Veronica you could assume that whatever most women liked she would have the opposite reaction to it. There was a reason I had kept this information quiet. I did not think she would respond well.
She shook her head, as she wore an uncomfortable smile. "Oh no, I think you must be mistaken."
Jeremy began to open his mouth again, and I took a sharp breath, cutting him off as I turned to her. "No, it is you. It is you he is talking about."
Her baby blues radiated pain as I saw a glimpse of tears move through them before the flashes of anger took over. Her mouth gravitated to one side as she eyed me. I could see all of her fiery temper nearly bubbling to the surface before she seemed to remember our company. The range of emotions coming from her was layered as she took a cleansing breath, seeming to shut me out as she turned her attention to our guests.
"Wow, I had no idea." She smiled and Angie awed with delight, completely buying Veronica's acting of flattery.
"How romantic." Angie seemed to feel toward the situation as most people would.
Veronica gritted her teeth like a pit bull, I had a feeling there was no prying them open at this moment- and I was now thankful for the beer the waiter just dropped at the table as I took a large swig. I had predicted right what her reaction would be. Most would not understand her feelings toward it, I did not even understand it- but all that mattered was that I had been right- she was upset.
Three beers later and a partially empty plate- and we were still here. Veronica had put her best effort forward to stay polite and cordial to our guests, after all she knew it wasn't their fault that I had upset her.
My eyes had stayed on her frequently but she never looked my way; and she was able to be quiet without being rude as Jeremy and Angie were quite the talkative people.
"You know your boy, Logan here is one BA behind a fighter jet. It was like that dude was made to be an appendage of one- he has serious skill." Veronica picked at her salmon on the plate as her eyes traveled slowly up. "Some of us have dreamed our entire lives to be Naval Aviators, and have to bust our asses to be good. And then you have a rich, trust- fund brat deciding suddenly to join- and he is born with all the skill." He smirked at me. "Life's not fair." He now smiled proudly.
Veronica tightened her mouth again as I could see her try to fight back the feelings Jeremy's stories evoked. "Well, Logan has always been one for being good at the reckless behavior- so glad he has put it to good use."
Jeremy's loud laughter bellowed out as he wiped at his eyes. "I like this girl, Logan- you need someone whose smart mouth is stronger than yours. To keep you in line."
I raised my eyes brows as I downed the last sip of my beer. He had no idea how much trouble I was in. Veronica's eyes were on both of us now as she wore than cocky, smug expression- the kind that was always present when she was grilling me when angry. "So you two seem close." She stated.
"Well, yeah- the guy saved my life first week out on our first leave. That is destined to make you close I would say."
Angie's gaze was on me appreciatively and I lowered my head as I could see the remainders of that smug expression on Veronica's face fade as Jeremy continued. "It was one of our first missions-they sent four of us. We aren't allowed to discuss too many of the specifics, but to say that it all went to hell would be accurate. They were calling us in for a retreat and as we turned back towards the direction of the air craft carrier my machinery began to fail. I was flying completely blind. I still have no idea how that plane got cleared for duty- but if Logan had not guided me back to that ship I would be buried in an ocean grave yard, that is for sure. It was dark, and well when you find yourself in those situations- sometimes all you can manage to see are your loved ones. I had no business flying a plane at that moment, and thank God, Logan was there." The loud and confident man always had a vulnerableness to him when he shared the story. I hated the story- it made me seem like some sort of hero. I wasn't anyone special- any decent human would have done that.
Veronica folded her napkin in her lap. "I am glad you are okay." She now seemed uncomfortable as the stories were throwing bombs into that wall of hers.
"Me too." Angie looked at her husband with a desperate need as she squeezed his arm gently. "I have to say I do get some peace in knowing these two are watching out for each other when they are gone. I know that means they will return safe."
There was a truth to all that Angie stated, all she and Jeremy represented. This was the reality of this life- as much as they loved each other they faced months of separation and the knowledge that each time he left it may be their last goodbye. No one knows when their last day will be, but when you sign up for this job- you always have the weight of an early death hanging over you. We would all gladly pay the price- we know this when we sign up. But the ones left behind are most affected, and judging by the terror on Veronica's face- she saw that.
I knew the revelation about the picture would in normal circumstances upset her, it was just how she was- but now it was a catalyst to start shutting me out. I could tell, she had already begun. I knew not to take it personally. In a weird way I knew if it didn't affect her then she didn't care- it was just one of the many things about her.
The waiter brought the check and Jeremy reached for it and I scowled with a reprimand as I grabbed for it. "This is on me." I said strongly.
"Is there any use fighting you?" He asked.
"No, I will win." I smirked.
Veronica grabbed her purse from the back of her chair like a caged animal ready for her escape, and I suddenly dreaded the rest of my evening. I just hoped there would be reasoning with her.
We all stood, and she got as close to the exit without being overly obvious, while we said our farewells.
"I'll see you soon. This one is going to be a doozy, I believe." Jeremy said as he grabbed both my shoulders. I nodded with complete knowledge, Veronica's mouth hanging slightly ajar as she stood beside us- listening to every word.
Angie scooped her in. "Veronica, please call me if you need anything."
She had a genuine desire to her voice as she softened. "I believe I will. Thank you for offering."
Jeremy held her hand cupped between his."Veronica, great to finally meet the person behind that face. Have to say, I understand now why this boy couldn't shake you."
"I am glad he has you looking out for him. Please come back safe."
"We do our best." He swooped his wife into the crook of his arm as they went through the door. "We will celebrate- do this again when we get back. See you later and thanks for dinner." Angie waved as her husband bid us farewell and Veronica and I waited until there was no sign of them before we headed to the car.
The sound of her boots crunching the gravel in the paved parking lot, and the distant roar of the waves was all that was heard in the quiet walk to the car. The sweet chirp of the unlocking of the BMW was the only welcoming sense around us as we crawled in. She had a death grip on her purse, not saying a word as I hesitated starting the engine. I placed my hands on my legs as the air escaped threw my nose heavily.
"Okay, Veronica, I know you are upset at me. And this is not the best of timing, but we need to have a talk when we get back to the room."
"I am not upset, Logan." She looked straight ahead, her hands still attached to her purse. "It is just a lot to process."
I ran my hands over the smooth leather of the seats. "I know." She swallowed hard as she nodded. She wasn't giving me anymore and I knew to just accept it for the time being, as I started the car. We had all night to talk.
The car ride had been as quiet as I expected, and her arms stayed folded across her chest like armor through the walk through the lobby and the long elevator ride. Her face was creased with lines of frustration and worry and I had no way of knowing what was about to take place. There was no basis for how she would react- how this would play out. I could compare it to our younger selves, but that had been so long ago, we had both changed in a lot of ways.
She slung her bag on the table and immediately slumped into the couch, bringing her legs up like a teenager as she looked at me with stony expression.
"So you said we need to talk?"
I nodded as I slowly sat, making sure I did not sit too close. Veronica always wanted her space when she was unhappy. I laced my hands together tightly as I studied the intricate rug beneath us and all it's patterns, rehearsing yet again how I was going to break this news.
"I got a call from my commanding officer, right before dinner."
"I know." She said cold and flat.
My face scrunched as I kept the questions from escaping. Why had she not said anything? "Okay." I nodded as my hands separated. "Well, we are going to be executing some pretty important missions on this leave. I don't know all the details yet, they will debrief us once we are on base- but it is going to be a huge step in my career."
"And by important you mean dangerous? Right?"
There was no such thing as rose colored glasses in her world. "Yes, it will have risky moments."
She laced her arms around her knees now as her jaw tightened. "Okay."
I braced myself, for what I would say next. "The military is very forceful about us having our affairs in order when we leave. Especially when we are going on deployment to -"
"To places where your return is more in question?" Her lip twitched with emotion.
I nodded. "It sounds worse than it is, Veronica, but we have to be prepared. It is just a morbid part of the job. And because of this I wanted you to know, in case of anything happening, I have you listed as my main beneficiary. Dick gets a small portion, but the majority goes to you."
There it was -the fire brewing again as her muscles went rigid, the look of every annoyed and bitter emotion on her face. "Why wouldn't you discuss this with me? Before you went and made a will? We are together- you should have consulted me. That is a huge decision."
I clenched my jaw as the words quietly escaped. "Well, this was not a recent matter. It has been this way awhile."
Her head laid limply to the side in disbelief at what she was hearing. "Come again?"
"You." I sat up straighter, looking her directly in the eye. "I have had you and Dick listed as my beneficiaries since I joined. And since we weren't exactly talking, getting your permission was kind of hard."
Her jaw came unhinged. "Well that is just twisted." She stood to her feet almost without the need of bending her knees.
"What is?" I kept my voice even though the room began to shake with a volatile surge.
"So let me get this straight? You and I weren't speaking, and if in case God forbid you died a hero's death -over somewhere fighting a war- I would have gotten the wonderful surprise of inheriting your millions?"
"That is correct."
She laughed now. "Well, isn't that great. Was that supposed to be my punishment, Logan? You die and I am left with a pile of guilt in the form of thousand dollar bills? 'You ignored me for years, Veronica- so here is your punishment. You are stuck with an eternity reminder'?" She gnawed at the side of her lip as her hands shook at her sides. "That is sick, real sick."
I stood now slowly, my voice shaky at all she implied. "No, that isn't it at all." It cracked under the pressure. "Veronica, I have no family. Except a crazy, adopted sister who wants nothing to do with me, and a half brother who made it clear long ago we would not be in each other's lives. It was Dick and then there was you. I just wanted to know it went to the people I cared about- I wanted to take care of you somehow, I guess." I pleaded for her to see the truth.
"Oh so it is about money again? You pitied me?"
My face contorted in disgust. "I have never pitied you. You know that."
She paced as her voice grew louder. For someone so small her voice could carry. "What about Carrie?" She stopped, looking at me with accusation. "You are telling me all that time you were with her and you never changed it?"
My last breath of air hitched as I lowered my head, bringing my hands to it. "No, I never did."
"And did she know about this will?"
I looked up. "She found out about it, yes."
Her eyebrows raised. "And she did not care? You did not change it?"
"Of course she cared Veronica, and no, I still didn't." I said defensively.
"So, you make me your beneficiary and then you also carried around pictures of me for years? A reminder of me when you were thousands of miles away- after years of distance. I bet she would have loved to know that, Logan."
"What Veronica?" I lost control now. "You are mad at me because I couldn't forget about you?!" My veins protruded through my arms as I could feel the red spread across my face. "You think I liked that after years- you were still the person I felt most connected to? You want to talk about twisted. The person I felt closest to for all that time was someone who wouldn't even return a phone call. You don't think I have not spent hours analyzing how messed up that is?"
Her face quivered as it was losing its resolve to stay stern. "I tried okay, I tried to move on as best as I could. And yes I took your picture with me to training and my first leaves. What can I say? It got me through -as cheesy as that sounds. And when I was with Carrie, I felt ashamed bringing it, but it had brought me back so many times. I just could not leave it." I evened my breath as she lowered herself back to the couch.
"How do you think that makes me feel?" Her voice was cracking with twinges of anger and sadness. "I was the bitch who never called you back, who left you- and there you were taking my picture on leave and wanting me to have your everything in case you didn't make it. What does that make me?"
"It makes you a person who was trying to escape. You needed out of this place- it had screwed you over far too many times. Veronica, it doesn't make you heartless or a bad person."
"Yeah, but you were the martyr, mourning me and setting it up for me to have a lifetime of self hate if you died."
I shook my head. I never understood how she could turn things to such twisted realities in her mind. "Veronica, you were always with me. I don't know what else to say. And the only peace I could ever find was in the fact that I had some connection to you. If it was a picture- or knowing you were taken care of in case of my death. I never got over you. Truth is I didn't even really try to. You were it for me. I am sorry if that pisses you off- but it is just how it is. And I have every right to dictate how I feel."
"Logan." Stray tears slid down her somber face as her mood shifted drastically. "I can't lose you- not now- I couldn't have lost you then." Her hands cupped her face now as I witnessed the rare occurrence of Veronica Mars crying. I hesitated to touch her as her body language was still rigid. "Logan, what if-" I scooted closer now, reaching my arm around her. "What if you had died? I would have hated myself. I would have-" She wiped under her eyes vigorously trying to keep up with the droplets escaping. "If I lose you now- I still have all those years hanging over my head. How badly I screwed it all up."
And there it was. Veronica Mars, marshmallow center and all. The girl hated needing me, tried hard not to- but all this aggression was as usual her way of hiding the fear that was over taking. She was scared I wasn't coming back.
"So you are going to feel guilty for the fact that it was you that brought me back every time?" I smiled, rubbing her shoulder gently as she peered up. I had a stray laugh. "No regrets, Veronica. You have always been what was best for me." I lowered my eyes to meet hers. "You woke me up from that numb state I was spiraling into after Lilly. You helped me not lose myself when my mom died, and when my dad turned out to be a murderer. And you stood by me even when you disliked me when I faced murder charges yet again that fateful senior year." I reached for her hand, though she still had a hard time accepting the affection. "And most importantly you taught me what it was like to truly be in love. And you left me when I needed to be left." Her face looked confused now and I grabbed her chin between my fingers. "I needed you to leave me so I could grow up. And you never returning those calls killed me -yes. But I needed it. I am who I am today, because of you. So if anything ever happens to me, you just remember that."
She sniffled as she laughed a little. "You know I have no way of possibly topping what you just said."
I laughed bringing her under my arm. "I don't expect you to."
She wrapped her arms around me now, her chin leaning against my ribs. "Logan, you better come back to me."
I looked down with a smirk. "Haven't you already figured out that I always come back to you? I have a pretty good track record."
Her blue eyes found a grasp of peace as she looked up through mascara smeared eyes. "Well, you better keep that track record."
"Planning on it." I pulled her back onto the couch, and she crawled on top of me sweetly as she placed her head on my chest. "Ah, memories." I said under my breath as she settled into a comfortable position.
She propped up on her elbows. "What?"
I grinned, placing my arms behind my head. "First night I moved here to The Grand with Duncan- you crawled on top of me like this, mistaking me for your then boyfriend. Remember? It was nice." I winked.
She laughed, the feeling of her pointy ribs against mine caused a ticklish sensation "Yeah." She said dryly. "About that. I have a confession." She looked at me with a sheepish expression. "I may have played dumb, I think I saw what I wanted to see if you catch my drift?" She raised an eyebrow.
"So you are saying you took advantage of me?" I smiled.
"Yes, or the situation perhaps?" She grinned. "Hey, your face was covered by a magazine. How was I to know?" She winked.
"Well, aren't you sneaky? And you said I was bad."
She laid her head down again. "We are both bad- you know that."
I exhaled deeply, her sinking farther into my chest, my hand playing at her hair. "So are we okay? You and me?"
Her jaw moved against my skin as she spoke. "Yeah, we are perfect." She sighed letting a frustrated groan escape her. "I am sorry we fought."
"Eh, that's okay." I continued to play with her hair between my fingers.
"Oh yeah, cause not fighting is just so horrible?"
I chuckled at her exasperated tone with herself. "No, it's not horrible- It's just not us. You and I. We fight hard- but love harder. It's just how it is."
She seemed to be pacified with my statement. "I guess I can accept that."