Life was all right. Life was glowing. Life was golden. But I still had to commit to what I said.
I pulled away from Kaoru slowly, savoring the last few moments of us together. It was my dream come true, and when I told Haruhi that dreams changed, I wasn't lying. I wasn't going to stay, and that broke my heart to admit, but I had to stay true to that.
"Kaoru", I started, whispering his name like a prayer, one I'd repeat for days. "I still have to go." My voice trailed off towards the end of that brutal sentence; it was my sentencing to a future that meant struggle, and success. I knew what I had to do, and fuck whatever was going to stop me from doing it. I refuse to let myself around one problem, one person, one fixation, because my life is too full of potential and complexities to stay stagnant. Everyone had my best interests at heart, I have full faith in that. So I can do this.
"Go."
He said it with a surety that made me nearly burst into tears again, the surety of a boy who had total faith in a concept, an image, and the surety of a man who could see a future despite odds. He smiled at me.
And that was all I needed. I grinned. I nodded. I stood up. Actions that seemed inconsequential, but really they were the beginning of a story I couldn't wait to experience, a piece I couldn't wait to design.
Music Room 3 was quiet in a solemn way. The boys and us girls were sitting amongst each other, reflecting on the past few months and how far we've come. It was almost like a coming of age ritual, an acknowledgment of what we've accomplished. It was like a funeral in our minds. It was a sad day in Music Room 3.
"So what now?"
"Well, she goes to college, I guess," Hikaru said, looking at Tamaki as he spoke. "What else is there to it?"
Kaoru slumped back in his chair, a pensive look on his face. I could tell he was bothered by the reality of our situation. But I wasn't about to let that bother me. I had a future to chase.
"I'm going, guys, that's the end of that," I said with a tone of finality. "I'm not going to let this go, it's what I've wanted for years, and," I took a pause, contemplating my next words. "And I want this more than anything, and I know I won't lose you guys in the process. Hell, there's no way you're getting rid of me now, not after everything we've done so far, what's left to do."
I blinked up at them tearfully, a fresh set of tears on the brink of crashing down. "I love you all, and I'm gonna miss you like hell."
That did them in. Most of them were emotional after that; the ones who weren't were reclining away from me, turning their faces away to not peer at my teary eyes. But in that moment, we all felt the camaraderie that brought us together in the first place and that kept us together. There were clubs, then there was the Host Club, a batch of splendidly brilliant individuals brought together by a blond madman with a vision. I wouldn't have had it any other way these past few months. It felt like a lifetime that I've known them, and the reality of only knowing them a few short months bore down on me.
"It's been a fun ride, hm?" I mumbled, crossing my arms and leaning back in the plush couch.
"Yeah, it has," Kaoru said from beside me.
I glanced at him before looking away, out the window I loved so much, vast and open. "It's not over, though, dork, don't act like we're done either. I'm finding your ass the minute you're out of here. And you all get breaks, I get breaks, etcetera. You're out here sounding so pessimistic – I thought that was Hikaru's job," I said, laughing after.
That received a shout from Hikaru across the coffee table, but I ignored him; I only had eyes for Kaoru. "Consider this a warning: I'm not looking at anyone else at this fancy college, I already have my fancy boy here."
He blushed like he'd never heard a confession out of me, sputtering and covering his face, meanwhile the boys and Haruhi all smiled fondly at us. I loved them all. I loved Haurhi. I loved Kaoru. I wasn't going to let them go so quickly.
At that, Renge popped up of the ground in her typical way, smoke and lights appearing out of nowhere in Host Club fashion. With the voice of an announcer, heady and loud, she exclaimed, "And with a grand finish, Chiyo Naotosuta exits the story!"
I gave her a deadpan look, shifting away from her. Yet inside, I felt a flutter in my stomach – always the stomach – because I'm leaving. It was a bittersweet moment, one that had to happen. And I can't wait for the rest of the journey.
so this is not the end yet, I do want to write an epilogue about a couple years into the future because that's the right kind of closure to give both to myself and you all, featuring everyone at some point and them getting a final scene with Chi. But yeah, this is almost the end, I'm so sad my baby has come to its near conclusion, but thank you all for supporting me thus far.