I Do Not Own Degrassi

It's another long one sorry

Thanks for all the reviews everyone

Ch.25 Dead Walking

(CLARE)

"Come on," Eli smiled, "Let's get you dressed." He took her hands to help her sit up.

It was Sunday afternoon and she was recovered from her surgery enough that the doctor was releasing her to go home. Her parents were signing her out and getting her prescriptions for more antibiotics and more pain meds filled. Darcy and Jake had already piled all of her flowers, cards and gifts into his truck to take them home. The doctor had spent an hour talking with her, and Eli and Adam, about how she had to remain on bed rest for the next 48 hours and then come back to see him before he would let her return to school. Even when she did there was a mile long list of provisions. She would have an inhaler and portable oxygen if she felt it was hard to breathe. She wasn't supposed to walk much and there would be a wheelchair for her to use at school. The doctor had said the bacterial pneumonia would take another two to three weeks to clear up entirely. That coupled with the damage already done to her lungs it would be at least a month before her lungs would heal and she could breathe easily again, even so her lungs would never be the same she'd lost about 10% capacity. The doctor had assured them that she'd be fine and live a perfectly normal life, but she may have reactions or trouble with harsh chemical smells and things like that. Her oxygen saturation was up to 86% and climbing steadily but she would be weak for a while longer, her muscles atrophied a bit and tasks that typically came easy to her would be a struggle until she got her strength back. She would have to start physical therapy but not until next week, she needed more time to heal from surgery and regain some strength. And until her stitches dissolved she couldn't bend or stretch or do any heavy lifting, not that she could or wanted to bend, stretch or lift anyway. She and even Adam had absorbed it all and been relatively happy about it but she had noticed that Eli had looked sick or scared the whole time the doctor was talking. But he'd kissed her softly and looked fine as soon as the doctor had left.

She took his hands and he helped her to sit up straight, but when she took in a sharp gasp and wrenched her face in pain from the movement his hands tightened around hers so much he began cutting off the circulation. She opened her eyes to look at him; he looked terribly concerned and sort of guilty. She let out a deep breath and smiled at him and his face relaxed. He let go of her hands and took folded the blanket off her legs, then gingerly grasping her ankles moved her legs so they were hanging off the bed. Then he and Adam each came to her sides and she put an arm around each of their shoulders, Eli put an arm around her lower back and Adam had his around her upper back and going under one arm to help her off the bed to stand. As she hadn't stood or used her legs in five days when her feet hit the floor she felt a little like a newborn fawn, her legs shaky and weak, she gripped their shoulders and they strengthened their hold on her to keep her from falling. After a minute she loosened her grip a little.

"I think I'm going to need you both to get me to the washroom. I'm sorry." She said in a bit of a pained breath, then biting her lip and looking down slightly embarrassed. She hated how the simplest tasks like sitting and walking were suddenly so ridiculously hard.

"Clare you've barely moved in five days, you collapsed, stopped breathing had surgery and you've still got pneumonia and infections that your body is using most of its strength to fight. The doctor told you that you'd be weak and it would be hard to do things don't feel bad." Adam reassured her.

She smiled, "I know but I'm seventeen and I can't even stand on my own, it's terribly frustrating."

"I know, it felt like it took forever for me to get use of my arm back but this is temporary Clare, you'll get stronger and until you do we'll be by your side to help." Adam affirmed.

"Okay let's go." She said pointing to the washroom with her finger.

She took a few shaky slow steps and then Eli sighed and just picked her up. She looked at him and blinked wondering why he'd seemingly gotten so frustrated so quickly but she was afraid to ask.

"Adam get the door will you?" Eli commanded.

She looked at Adam and he was giving Eli a confused look as well, but he shrugged and walked ahead opening the washroom door for them. "I'll be right outside the door if you need me to help just holler." Adam said.

Eli gave a curt nod and shut the washroom door setting Clare gently on the on the closed toilet seat so she could sit. "Stay right there I'm going to get the bag your Mom brought for you." He commanded.

He left the washroom and reappeared a few seconds later with the small blue duffle bag. He set it on the edge of the bathtub, opened it up and took out her bra and shirt. He was moving hurriedly and his face was hard and unreadable. She bit her lip afraid he was angry at her or something.

"I can do it Eli you don't have to help me." She said in a small voice.

He stopped and looked at her, either her tone or her facial expression seemed to get through to him because his face softened and he came to her kneeling down so he could meet her eyes. "No you can't you could barely stand, I'm going to untie your gown now."

He reached behind her and untied the two ties in the back of her gown. He began to pull it down her arms and she jumped the tiniest bit and gasped just slightly. He immediately jumped back from her a look of pained guilt on his face.

"You didn't hurt me Eli your hands are cold." She explained.

He let out a sigh and smirked, "Sorry." He began rubbing his hands together to warm them, Clare grabbed the sink bracing herself and using all of her strength slowly stood. He came to her side placing his hands at her hips to support her and she winced. "Clare what are you doing?"

"Can you leave for a minute please?" She asked taking a deep breath and looking into the sink.

"Clare…"

"Eli please," She pleaded cutting him off.

He looked at her a minute and then sighed heavily. "Okay but I'll be right outside the door."

She nodded and he let go of her, keeping his hands hovering over her hips another moment ready to grab her again if she faltered, when she stayed standing under her own power he went to the door and opened it, Adam's curious face appeared and Eli shrugged at him closing the door leaving her alone in the washroom. She moved around the sink, taking a minute to let her legs steady and then let go of the sink, she looked in the full length mirror on the back of the door. She had of course already seen her battered face in the mirror before and by this point most of the bruising had healed to a green or pale yellow, same with her arms. But she'd never looked at her front and back, not once and although Eli had seen the pictures he'd always looked her in the eye when helping her to dress and undress so he'd never seen them in the flesh so to speak. She pulled at her hospital gown and let it fall to the floor, but instantly closed her eyes afraid to look.

She gripped the sink again and turned a little so her back was partially facing the mirror and slowly opened her eyes. She swallowed hard, tears breaking free and streaming down her cheeks, it seemed unreal; scattered over her back and hips some of the welts had begun to turn to scars some of the others had healed or nearly healed completely. She moved her eyes down and her heart stopped, she knew they were there she had felt the knife trace the letters into her lower back but she had never looked at them. No longer open cuts but swollen and red and made all the worse by the infection, the B and the T they had carved into her, branded her with were strawberry red. They seemed huge, she felt like they took up her entire back and as hard as she tried to stop them the memories came rushing back flooding her mind. She bit hard on her lower lip breaking the newly healed blood vessels into a fresh bruise. She closed her eyes and took a breath turning again to view her front. Before she dared to open her eyes there was a knock on the door.

"Clare are you okay?" Eli's worried voice resonated through the door.

"I'm fine Eli, just give me another minute." She called, knowing her voice sounded distressed and tear choked.

When there was silence on the other side of the door her eyes opened slowly. Her stomach was variegated with shades of blue, green and yellow. The inside of her right breast ranged from bright red to deep purple, in the middle of which was a circular bite mark now scabbed over and healing into a scar. And then there was the sutured incision from her surgery, it was about 6 inches long and more diagonal than horizontal, it was a straight cut unlike the ones on her back but it was also fresh and to her mind was just another wound to heal into yet another scar. She sank to her knees, the cold tile shocking her skin and sending a wave of goose bumps over her bare flesh. She grabbed her hospital gown pulling it to her chest to cover herself and broke into hysterical crying. It only took a second for the door to burst open and Eli and Adam to rush to her sides, each sinking down next to her. Eli took her hand and Adam placed a hand gently on her arm.

"What happened? Are you in pain?" Eli asked.

"Did you fall? Are you okay?" Inquired Adam.

They both talked at once in nearly the same worried tone and it took her brain a minute to register the questions. She shook her head gripping her hospital gown into her chest and crying into it, her head down.

"I look like Frankenstein." She sobbed.

Both boys let out a relieved sigh and chuckled lightly. She sobbed harder scrunching up her face in anger she didn't think it was funny.

"You look beautiful blue eyes." Eli assured her kissing her head.

"Adam make him stop." She complained.

"Stop what?" Adam chuckled from her side.

"Telling me I'm beautiful when I look hideous." She said.

"I don't think I can, he loves you so I'm pretty sure to him you always look beautiful." Adam assured her.

"But I'm still all bruised and the scars and cuts and now there's another one and…"

"From surgery Clare to keep you alive." Eli said wrapping an arm around her.

"I never looked before, I knew they were there I could feel them that was enough for me, but I looked. I saw everything, the belt marks, their initials in my back, the bite on…" She couldn't finish because she was crying to hard.

Adam took her hand and held it tightly and Eli hugged her close leaning her head onto his shoulder and stroking her hair gently. "Baby the bruises will heal." Eli soothed into her ear.

"What about the scars? I have some from being whipped with the belt, two bite marks, the one from the surgery and let's not forget the brand on my back my step bastards way of making sure I never forget I belong to them." She wailed into Eli's shoulder.

Eli cupped her chin in his hand and forced her to look at him, she was crying so hard his face was a blur but she could make out the green of his eyes. "You belong to me blue eyes and they will never lay a hand on you again. You hear me? You belong to me and no one else." Eli stated his voice was kind but had a strong determined edge to it and she smiled, "Well maybe Adam." He added and she laughed.

"Oh definitely me." Adam said sardonically.

Clare smiled taking a deep but shaky breath to stop the tears, she kissed Adam's cheek softly and then turned and took Eli's lips in hers kissing him gently but just for a second, pulling away nervously. Eli didn't seem to notice just kissed her forehead and smiled at her reassuringly.

"Come on your parents will back soon ready to leave so let's get you dressed so we can all go home." Adam said standing up and pulling her hand with him.

Eli stood too and pulled her other hand and they helped her to her feet, her gown falling to the floor once again. She shyly bit her lip and looked down as much from the shame of her battered and scarred body as from modesty from being nude with Adam watching, she chanced a glance at him but his eyes were closed, he was only there to help her stand.

"Adam take her hips so I can let go." Eli instructed.

Adam moved behind her taking her hips, she could see in the mirror that his eyes had opened just slightly to find her hips and he quickly shut them again. Eli let go and grabbed her bra sliding it onto her arms and then hooking it for her in the back. A skill he was now good at having helped her so many times. It took nearly ten minutes for her to get dressed, even with their help. When she was finally dressed, Adam brushed her hair and then Eli carried her back out to the room where her parents and a nurse was waiting with a wheelchair ready to wheel her out.

"Ready to go home sweetie?" Her Mom asked.

"Very." She breathed.

Eli set her in the wheelchair and the nurse wheeled her out to the curb, Glen had pulled the car up and she moved to stand but Eli picked her up again before she could. He set her gently in the backseat and then he went around sliding into the middle and Adam sat on his other side, her parents got in and they began driving home. The entire drive home her Mom repeated everything the doctor had told them, most of which Clare had already heard from the doctor himself. But her Mother was saying it an almost condescending manner, talking to Clare like she was a small child, telling her all of the physical restrictions and things she could and could not do. Clare rolled her eyes, she'd already heard all of this and she knew very well the limitations of her body at that time. Finally they arrived home, everyone else got out of the car and Eli came around and picked her up again before she could even try to stand on her own. Glen unlocked the door and stepped aside and Eli carried her in.

"SURPRISE! WELCOME HOME CLARE!"

She smiled widely, the downstairs was packed full of her friends and of course Jake and Darcy. It seemed like everyone she'd ever known who still lived there was at her house; Jay, Connor, Wesley, Dave, the entire Bhandari family, Jenna, Cece and Bullfrog, Katie, Drew, Bianca, the Torres parents, Dallas, Campbell, Luke and Becky, Imogen, Fiona, Zig, Maya, Tori, Tristan and of course Owen. Eli set her down in the oversized arm chair and she saw a pile of gifts and flowers and cards on the coffee table, new ones that hadn't been in her hospital room. Jake told her that most of the gifts were from the people that couldn't make it to town to welcome her home like Declan and K.C. and said she could look at them later.

Everyone stayed almost three hours, her parents or someone had gotten food and people were eating and talking and spilling out to the back porch. It was a real welcome home party and Clare wished she had the energy to fully enjoy it, but she didn't. She ate a little, only enough to take her meds, and even though she sat in a chair in the back of the room, never moving from it she wasn't lonely. Mostly because everyone came to talk to her, ask her how she was feeling and when was she coming back to school and the like. As much as she was enjoying the fanfare and the company she quickly became tired of answering the same questions and smiling at everyone to assure them she was fine. And as much as she appreciated everyone being there to welcome her home and wish her well, she was beginning to feel weary but she didn't want to say anything after all everyone had come there for her sake. Dallas and Luke had just finished apologizing for being jerks for what had to be the fifth time since they'd first come to see her in the hospital and she hoped this time they had listened when she said she'd forgiven them. There was about a three second gap between them leaving her side and Owen sitting on the arm of her chair.

"You look tired, you should go lay down we can all leave." He said giving her a slight scowl.

She shook her head, "I don't want to kick everybody out they all came to welcome me home."

"And we have and you're still sick, I don't want you to get overwhelmed your first day home I heard your Mom telling Adam, Alli and Eli's parents everything the doctor told her." Owen said.

Clare rolled her eyes, of course her Mom was telling everyone. "I'm okay Owen really, it's been a long afternoon and I am a little tired but it's my first day home and all my friends came to see me." Owen looked her over carefully and nodded but he stayed at her side. A few minutes later she readjusted in the chair and then coughed; taking in a wheezing breath and Owen grabbed her hand. She looked down to see a little blood on it. "It's the pneumonia the doctor said I might cough up a little more blood, its fine really."

He grimaced at her and turned, "Drew," He called to the spiky haired boy talking to his girlfriend near the food, Drew looked over. "bring me a napkin." Owen commanded.

Drew walked over a few seconds later and handed the napkin to Owen and then turned going back to Bianca. Owen wiped the blood from her hand tossing the napkin over everyone's head into the trash bin her mom had put out near the table.

"You should have gone out for basketball." She laughed.

He shook his head, "Conflicts with wrestling season. Now you need to rest." Owen insisted to her and before she could argue he stood up. "PARTY"S OVER CLARE NEEDS TO REST EVERYBODY OUT!" He yelled over the caucus of everyone talking. Everyone stopped the entire house was still and quiet; they all looked at Owen and then Clare and then back to Owen. "I SAID MOVE!" He commanded and then they all began to gather their things.

Clare laughed at how quickly everyone even the adults jumped to attention and did as Owen told them. Before leaving they all came over to say goodbye everyone she went to school with saying they'd see her when she returned to school, Drew said he'd come by tomorrow. Sav said he had to get back to university but he'd be calling to check in on her and of course Alli would keep him informed. When everyone was gone her mother, Glen and Darcy began to clean up and Eli picked her up from the chair and carried her upstairs followed closely by Adam and Jake. He carried her into her room and laid her on her bed, only it wasn't her bed it was bigger and the bedding was different.

"Your Father and Stephanie had it delivered, they gave your Mom some money and she and Darcy picked out the bedding. Guess my Dad told them how Adam and Eli were staying with you, sleeping at your side and they thought you'd all be more comfortable in a larger bed. I think it's a small token of apology." Jake explained all though the words came out of his mouth with a fair amount of venom still.

(BIANCA)

"Ummm Drew why are we at the park, I thought we were going to your place?" She asked as Drew parked her car.

He got out, came around opened her door and held out his hand. "Walk with me." Was all he said.

She took his hand and got out of the car, their arms linked and their fingers intertwined they strolled in silence for a short while and then Drew stopped, he turned to her taking both her hands in his.

"I love you Bianca."

"I love you too."

"If these last three weeks have taught me anything it's that life is short and precious and the only thing I'm sure of is that I want to spend the rest of my life with you." Drew said suddenly dropping to one knee and Bianca gasped. "Bianca will you marry me?"

She stared at him for a minute unsure if she'd heard him right and when the words repeated in her mind and she was sure she'd heard him correctly a smile spread across her face. "Yes Drew I will marry you."

He got up and kissed her passionately and she kissed him back meeting his passion. He swung her around and set her back down and she was giggling. She was actually giddy, happier than she'd been in a long time.

"I want to celebrate with you and revel in this but…" She began.

"We should go back and tell Clare and my brother." He finished for her and she nodded.

They wrapped their arms around each other and walked in a state of elated bliss back to the car.

(CLARE)

She was on her bed between Adam and Eli they were watching a movie on the TV Glen and Jake had set up in her room. Her family was still cleaning downstairs as the party had ended about half an hour ago, so when someone knocked on her door she expected it to be Darcy or Jake or perhaps her Mom and was surprised to see Drew and Bianca open the door with bright smiles on both their faces.

"Hey what are you guys doing back here already?" She asked as Eli paused the movie.

"Well we wanted to tell you guys first," Bianca said pausing for a second and Clare looked at her expectantly, "that we're engaged!"

"That's fantastic news congratulations you two! I couldn't be happier for you guys!" Clare squealed sitting up a little and then holding out her arms. "Now come here so I can hug you both."

Adam got off the bed and Drew and Bianca came over hugging Clare together. Eli leaned over and shook Drew's hand congratulating him when Clare released them from the hug. Then Drew got up and Adam hugged him and kissed Bianca's cheek welcoming her to the family.

"It just happened and I don't even have a ring yet let alone a date but I would love it if you'd be my maid of honor Clare?" Bianca requested.

Clare blinked at the vivacious raven haired girl, "Are you sure isn't there…"

Bianca cut her off, "I don't see my parents I don't have any siblings, I live with my aunt but I'm not close to her. The only other close girlfriend I have is Fiona and I want her to be my bridesmaid. I know we haven't been close very long but these last three weeks have been a lifetime and you've become one of my best friends in that time."

Clare could feel tears at eyes but for once they were happy, "I feel the same way Bianca and I would be thrilled to be your maid of honor."

Bianca smiled and hugged Clare again. "We'll wait until your all better and can walk down the aisle so don't worry."

"You'll be my best man of course bro." Drew said to Adam.

"I better be." Adam joked, "So uh when are you telling Mom?"

"We'll tell her tomorrow, right now we'll let you rest and we want to go celebrate." Drew said pulling Bianca off the bed and Adam resumed his spot.

(ELI)

He woke up suddenly he was panting for breath, sweating and tears rolling down his cheeks. He'd been torn from sleep by a horrific dream; it had disturbed him so badly he was wide awake now. He stilled his breathing not wanting to wake Clare or Adam for that matter. He looked at the clock it was just past five in the morning, he and Adam were supposed to go to school that morning, at Clare's request. She had sworn she'd be fine that her Mom was staying home from work to care for her and all she could do was lay in bed anyway. He got up from the bed and went to the bathroom to shower, he turned the water on letting it get hot, he disrobed and stepped in to the hot water hoping it would wash away the images in his head.

(CLARE)

Aware that her comforter suddenly felt lighter, that she was suddenly able to move beneath the covers she woke up. She looked to her side to find Eli was gone, she tried to sit up but Adam's weight was still on the comforter at her other side and the movement woke him up. He yawned and looked at her, she smiled at him, he looked at the clock and then back at her then he seemed to notice Eli was gone as well.

"I hear the shower it's probably him." He told her, and she nodded. "You sure you want us to go to school today?"

"You guys have missed almost as much school as me and you're not sick, you have to go back. I'll be fine, Mom will be here and I have a whole pile of school work I'm supposed to work on if I feel up to it." She assured him.

Adam looked at her a second and then nodded. "You want some breakfast? I can carry you down the stairs."

"No I'm not hungry but I hear Jake in the kitchen if you're hungry you can go eat." She told him.

"I'll sit with her." Darcy said entering the room. "After all I have to leave for the airport in an hour."

Adam nodded and got up, leaving the room to eat and Darcy took his place on the bed. "I can cancel you know and stay here, I'm sure Jake can sleep on the couch a few more nights."

"Darcy you need to go back I'm gonna be okay and you saw how many people were here yesterday I've got tons of support. Just be sure to e-mail more often." Clare requested.

"You got it baby sister, once a week I promise." Darcy smiled.

They talked for a while longer until they heard the shower shut off and then Darcy said she was going down to eat breakfast. A minute later Eli appeared in her room a towel wrapped around his waist, his hair dripping wet.

"You were up early this morning." She said noticing that he looked tired and somehow distant.

"Didn't sleep well, guess I got so used to that cramped hospital bed." He smirked but she knew he was lying.

He took off the towel, he already had boxers on she saw, and he began getting clothes out of his bag locking her door so he could get dressed.

"Eli is everything okay? Are you worried about leaving me because I'll be fine, my Mom is going to be here I won't be alone."

He slipped on his shirt and came over to her kissing her cheek lightly. "Everything's fine blue eyes." He left her side going to his bag again and pulling out his jeans, he began putting them on and she threw off the covers moving as fast as she was able but he was faster pulling his jeans up quickly and fastening them and then rushing to her taking her arms and stopping her from moving. "Clare what are you doing, you're not supposed to get out of bed."

"I can get up to use the washroom Eli, I'm not totally helpless."

"Ask for help Clare I'll carry you to the washroom." He scolded her scooping her up before she could protest.

"Eli the doctor said I should try and walk a little, you were there." She sighed as they entered the washroom.

"I know but I don't want you to try too much too fast and hurt yourself even more. You heard the doctor give you all those warnings and safety instructions he told you to stay in bed for the next two days so you can heal from surgery. You still have the bacterial pneumonia, your still coughing up blood and…"

"Eli I know!" She snapped at him, "I'm the one who's sick remember, I know my bodies limitations right now. You can wait outside the door I can use the washroom on my own."

He nodded and left the room and she sighed, he was acting weird and she wasn't sure why. As much as he was being overly protective and hovering he also seemed to be somehow absent or distant. She moved slow not able to bend very much because of her stitches, she sucked in pained breaths unwilling to make any noise afraid Eli would just break down the door to come to her aid. She finished and went to the sink to wash her hands catching sight of her face in the mirror and a thought occurred to her, had Eli been lying to her when he kept insisting she was beautiful despite the bruising, that the scars really did bother him? Not that she could blame him, she knew she looked horrid, disfigured her scars painful and permanent reminders. She opened the bathroom door and looked at Eli, his eyes were full of worry, his face hard to read his arms out ready to scoop her up again but she batted them away.

"I want to try and make it on my own Eli, I'm not going to get stronger if you carry me everywhere." She said bracing herself on the doorway.

"But Clare what if you fall?"

"Adam tell him I have to try and walk a little that I have to use my muscles a little." She pleaded to her friend as he reached the top of the stairs, unwilling to start fighting with Eli but feeling frustrated.

"Why don't you go eat dude I'll stay with her." Adam insisted.

Eli looked between them a second, then hung his head a little and moved past Adam and began descending the stairs.

"I have to try and walk on my own Adam." She said in a determined voice letting go of the doorway and standing under her own power. She felt proud and pathetic at the same time, that standing under own power was such a victory seemed so terribly paltry.

"I know Clare I'll be right behind you just in case." He told her.

She smiled at him, "Okay here it goes." She took a deep breath and took a step and then another, her legs felt weak and she felt again like a newborn fawn, her legs shaking but her muscle memory was good and she made it all the way to the bed on her own. She collapsed on it exhausted feeling more like she'd been running for two hours and not walked across the hall but hey it was a start.

"See you did it, we'll have you up and dancing again in no time." Adam smiled sitting on the bed at her feet.

"Could you tell Eli that." She said scrunching her eyebrows together.

"He's just worried about you Clare, don't forget we watched you almost die, and worried that you may never wake up."

"Yeah but you did too, you saw me collapse in the music room and you gave me mouth to mouth and saved me, which I never did thank you for. Adam I can never repay…"

He interrupted her, "You're my best friend Clare, when you collapsed my own heart stopped, I wasn't about to let you die. You being alive is all the thanks I need. I don't know what I'd do without you or Eli."

She smiled at him gratefully and blew him a kiss rather than risk bending forward. "My point is you're not worried like he is, you don't hover over me and treat me like I'm helpless."

"I know but I can relate a little and Eli's…well Eli." He said.

"I know, I just feel like something is going on with him. I feel like he's pulling away Adam."

He moved to her side and put an arm around her, "Eli loves you Clare."

She nodded. "I know." She said laying her head on Adam's shoulder.

Update soon I'll try and get one up by Sunday evening.

So this story has a few more chapters in it but will be ending relativley soon. I've had the more requests to do a Clare/Owen story next so that's what I'm going to do. I may even start it before I end this one.