Chapter Twenty Five - Of Blackmail, Bonding and Evil Pranks!
"Itching Powder, shinobi blend?"
"Check!"
"Red paint?"
"Check!"
"Whipping Cream?"
"Check!"
"Insta-Wart, extra large?"
"Check!"
"Two packets of Ten-Minute-Curse-in-a-Bag?"
"Double check!"
"Yatta! We're making headway now!"
The Hospital Wing was suddenly filled with uproarious laughter, its two patients laughing till they had tears in their eyes. The commotion, however, did not go unnoticed by the school's matron. Plum haired and livid, Rin came stomping out of her back office with hands on her hips.
"Naruto, Ron - would you two please just stop that? Those pranks are what landed you two here in the Hospital Wing in the first place!"
The shaggy haired blonde looked up from his checklist, grinning foxily at the older woman who was standing over.
"Nah - its too much fun!
"Naruto…"
"But Rin-neechan!"
"No buts! In my three weeks working here at Hogwarts, you alone have been here ten times!"
"But he does have point!"
Rin whirled on Ron suddenly causing the redheaded youth to shrink in fear.
"What was that Mr. Weasley?"
"Well…" he sweated. "It really is fun! Hell, Minato's here more times then us. Last week he took on Lockhart on in a duel to prove that fruitcake was fake! What did Lockhart do? Summoned flowers for Heaven's sake! To top it off, he had to go and tease Sakura about her newly perverted qualities…"
The two boys shuddered.
"Yeah, tou-san is still back and blue!"
"Oh, come on!" they cried, and Ron continued. "Fred and George have been getting better - a lot better - at matching us in the pranks lately. Sure I know they've been at it longer then me, but I'm just as good! Its like they have someway to cheat…"
"Like your Seireimegan?"
Ron and Naruto looked at each other. "You don't think…"
"No, couldn't be. That takes a 'near death' situation - I was technically killed on my first real mission"
The blonde frowned.
"Yet Fred and George do crazy things everyday that could get them killed"
Those words only served to make the redhead pout.
"But that would just suck! Even though it's a family bloodline, the Seireimegan is supposed to be mine and only mine!"
"We don't know if they have it yet, but at least it isn't not Percy, right?"
Ron just glowered, muttering curses under his breath. Rin looked at the two boys a moment longer before giving up with an exasperated sigh - once a prankster, always a prankster. So as the plum haired medic left them alone once again to tend to other business, Naruto smirked deviously as he turned to his redheaded who suddenly shrank back from the sheer 'evilness' of the blonde's expression.
"So Ronny-chan, how was your 'Top Secret Date' Sakura last night?"
If it were possible for Ron's already pale skin to go lighter, it would have.
"H-h-how d-did you k-know about t-that?"
Naruto snickered "A master never reveals his secrets!"
That answer, however, didn't bode will with the red haired boy and he suddenly launched himself between their cots and started ringing the laughing blonde by his neck.
"TELL ME HOW YOU KNOW! TELL ME NOW, OR THERE WONT BE ENOUGH PIECES OF YOU LEFT FOR RIN TO HEAL!"
"Want a recap?"
The Great Namikaze Naruto's Flashback
a.k.a
'What Sakura Doesn't Want the Rest of Us to Know'
It was late, and Naruto had just finished the last touched to tomorrow's version of 'Who can Torment the Slytherins Best?' He knew that he would be having to leave the Great Hall soon before old Filch or Mrs. Norris caught him when they came by on their night round (no, he had gotten caught four nights ago by his dad, who, believe it or not, had been setting up a prank of his own).
Yawning, the blonde looked down at wristwatch and noticed that it was already 12:30 am in the morning - he had been working on this prank for almost four hours strait!
"I guess time really does fly when your having fun" he smiled, looking appreciatively over his work as he reached into his robes and withdrew the Marauder's Map. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good!"
Like always, the trusty map began to bleed with its telltale ink. Opening it up to its full size, Naruto smiled again as the little blurbs that represented people began to appear. Like usual, the dots Argus Filch and Mrs. Norris were prowling the corridors, but safety for the blonde fox vessel, on the other side of Hogwarts. There was dot Taizenko Rin pacing the Hospital Wing, fussing over the dot Namikaze Minato, since his father, who was still there after landed himself in the infirmary for thanks to beating he received ('big bad' Hokage or what?) from Sakura and Inner Sakura. In Gryffindor Tower, the dots Hermione Granger, Harry Potter, Uchiha Sasuke and Ginevra Weasley slept peacefully in the own respective dorms…
But where were Ron and Sakura? Speaking of Sakura, the dot marked Haruno Sakura making its way up to the Astronomy Tower.
"What the heck could Sakura be doing at this time of night?"
His question was answered immediately, in two different ways.
Another dot, this one marked Ronald Weasley soon followed, as well as a little thought bubble that however next to it that said:
'As a world famous prankster, you must you must crash this privet date! - Padfoot'.
"DATE?"
Nothing seemed to process clearly.
Sakura?
Ron?
On a date?
Naruto snorted and started to laugh silently. It figured. The love-bug seemed to have infected everyone in their little group, so why not have the two perverts got together! This was soo gold - blackmail material baby! Ero-sennin would be so proud!
Snickering, the blonde, and with a little help from a cunning Kyuubi, snuck stealthily out of the Great Hall and proceeded to make his way towards the Astronomy Tower. He arrived ten minutes later, masking his chakra as he stuck himself to the rafter as he spied on his best friend and former crush.
"So, you seemed awfully happy this morning…" Sakura said, turning nonchalantly to the redheaded boy sitting next to her.
"Why wouldn't I have been?" Ron countered with a smile. "This is the third date you've agreed to go out with me. Why can't we do this often?"
The pink haired girl frowned.
"Well its not like there's much to here on a date then you could in Konoha. Besides, I've already got half the school teasing me since we got here about being a 'pervert'. I don't want to have more people on my case if they find out like you of all people!"
"Hey! What's that suppose to mean?"
"Ron, you have just as bad a reputation as a pervert as I do. Put two and two together"
"What? You mean you and 'Kura-chan?"
Naruto had to bite his cheek to keep from laughing out loud as Sakura punched grinned fool - hard.
"Ouch, not so hard…" Ron whined, rubbing his now tender chin.
"Oh, don't be such a baby"
The pair sat in silence for a moment longer before Ron asked "So when will we tell the other?"
Sakura pondered the question for a moment, playing with a strand of pink hair before smiling.
"After graduation"
"You can't be serious!"
"Oh yes I can!"
"But - "
But the scary kunoichi raised a fist. "My word is final. Breathe a word about this to anyone and I will personally relocate your privets"
Ron whimpered, hands instinctively covering his nether reigns.
And Naruto was soo at the' near-bursting-limit'…
"Do I still get the goodnight kiss?"
Not able to contain himself any longer, the blonde burst out laughing and the only thing that saved his live was the sound of old Filch yelling about students being out of bed at the same time he laughed. Thankfully, Ron and Sakura were too distracted with leaping out a window and running down the walls to notice that there had also been the sound of mirth filled laughter following them down…
Ron was currently twitching, looking very much like he was about to have a seizer. "Sakura is going to kill me!"
"No she won't…"
The redhead looked at the blonde incredulously, still reeling from the tale Naruto had just told.
"Yes she will! When Sakura finds out that you know - "
"Who ever said she was going to find out?" Naruto grinned.
"Are you blackmailing me?"
"Kinda looks that way doesn't it!" the young demon vessel smirked. "If there ever comes a time I want something, be ready, but what I really want is to be the one that tells Sasuke upon graduation that Sakura is going to be his sister-in-law!"
- One Week Later… -
A week later found Naruto plotting yet another prank. This one though, was going to be the gem of the whole school year! There were no classes today, but the blonde was currently sitting at his desk at the back of the empty classroom that Hogwarts' resident shinobi used for chakra practice. Normally his friends would have been with him, but they had other things to do…
As it was, Hermione had taken to heckling Sasuke about that dairy he had found and why he had been in the Girl's Bathroom in the first place while Ginny tried to fend her off. He was certain Ron and Sakura were meeting in secret (like in the broom closet!) while Harry constantly writing letters to Sora and Sirius until his hands went numb.
Sigh! Sometimes it sucked to be alone…
"Hey musuko, what's up?"
Naruto let out a frightened yelp and he whirled around in his seat to find himself staring into a pair of grinning blue eyes.
"Tou-san, don't do that!" he snapped, hand over his heart as he flopped backwards.
"Where would the fun in that be?" he chuckled and took a seat next to him. "So…"
The younger of the pair began to feel as uncomfortable as the elder looked.
"So what you here for? Father - son bonding?"
The both laughed nervously.
"Something like that…" Minato admitted truthfully. "You've been rather busy lately, so…"
"Rin-neechan forced you get it over with before you began regretting holding back?"
"How'd you know?"
"She gave me the same lecture too"
"She got that from your mother…"
They went quite after that. It seemed to be getting to the point that could drive a person crazy faster then the old water torture method.
"What was she like?"
Minato turned and looked at his son. "Why are asking me? You can ask her anytime you like with the 'Looking Glass of Detraped'"
Naruto smiled. "One, I've lent the Looking Glass to a friend in order to get some help with a prank. Besides, I want to know what she was like to you"
"What can say" the elder blonde smiled sadly, his blue eyes clouding over. "You mother was amazing. There is no real way to describe what she was like. I remember the day I first met her - Roza, Kozue, ero-sensei and I were returning to Konoha after a successful month long mission in Tea Country. I remember that Roza was going on and on about being board out her skull. We were all board, but she was just making the rest of us annoyed. We ever nearly home when Kozue decided that enough was enough. He had been about to kiss her - it wasn't well known, even when they both died, but he loved her and her pervert ways…
Well, that was when she came. I have no idea how long Kushina had been hiking for. When I stumbled upon her, unconscious in the bushes due to heatstroke and dehydration. Even though she was so dirty and caked in mud, I fell in love at first sight. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. As soon as the rest of my team caught up we took her back to Konoha with us, having no idea that she was really a Taki missing-nin. After she recovered, Kushina told old Sarutobi about her plight and was granted asylum and status as Konoha medic-nin. I had been certain after that, that she wouldn't notice me - not with all the other boys following her around like faithful puppies. But she did. Out of all the eligible batchers in the whole village, she choose me"
"Did you ever ask her why?"
His father grinned foolishly, blushing. "She said she had dreamed of a face with blue eyes and blonde hair ever since she could remember. She said I was her destiny…"
Naruto snorted. "Sounds kinda sappy to me"
"You wanted to now squirt! Besides, from what I've seen, you have sweet little Hinata-chan following you around like a puppy while you were still oblivious during your 'Sakura-phase'"
This was Naruto's turn to blush.
"Anyway, enough with dredging up the painful stuff for right now. What's this?" Minato smiled and snatched up one of the younger blonde's prank diagrams before he could say a thing. They were really good - genius - and was about to say something about it when suddenly there was puff of smoke and a box with a small orange frog on top appeared on the desk between them.
"Gamakichi!"
The frog grinned widely.
"Yo! How's it going Minato-nii? I heard you came back from dead and its true! How come you haven't summoned us yet? Pops is mad at you - he keeps complaining to the old pervert every time he gets summoned"
The two blondes laughed.
"Well," Minato laughed. "I can't go about summoning ol' Gamabunta here in the Wizarding World now can I? That would raise to many questions"
Naruto nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, like when Sakura and Sasuke learned to summon. Dumbledore-sama had to Obliviate over half the school's populace after Katsuya and Manda made an appearance on the school grounds! It was crazy!"
The little orange frog shrugged.
"Oh well, now where my Pumpkin Pasty?"
The younger blonde handed the sweet over, where Gamakichi promptly snatched it away and swallowed it in one bite.
"Mmm… this why I like these wizards," Gamakichi smiled, smacking his lips. "They know how to make a fine treat. Its just too bad that we have little to no contact with them…" shacking off his mournful reminisce, the frog patted the box. "Well I got you package you wanted. That Maito Gai dude was creepy - I don't understand what the Turtles see in him. Anyway, he and that Lee kid were more then happy to help out"
"Thanks 'Kichi!" Naruto grinned foxily and offered another Pumpkin Pasty. "One for the road?"
"You're the best!"
Minato pouted. "I thought I was?"
Gamakichi stuck out his tongue as he took the proffered sweet. "No offence man, but I haven't seen for nearly thirteen years - I was still nothing more then a tadpole then. Later!"
They waved farewell as the he disappeared with a pop, leaving the father and son alone in the classroom with the box.
"So, what's in the box?"
"Snape and Lockhart's impending doom. You wanna help?"
It took only an hour to devise, but when it was done and ready for detonation, the blonde duo couldn't have been more pleased. Proud of their work, the pair went to the Great Hall for dinner that night sharing identical devious grins that could make the hair on anyone's necks stand on end.
That was the look of 'Sinister Tidings®', so unlike Iruka's look of 'Impending Doom®' that had been copyright infringed by Hermione last year.
It meant that prank was coming.
"What are you didn't sitting with us Minato-san?" Sakura asked puzzled as the pair seated themselves with the rest of the Gryffindors.
There were nods coming from all over the table from Lavender and Parvati to Shamus and Dean to Fred and George (who looked kinda sick…) to half the First Years to an annoyed Prefect Percy.
"Wait and watch - give it a few minutes"
"Hunh?"
"Shush!"
And there was silence.
When it was getting to the point that someone was about to scream from the pressure, singing suddenly filled the Great Hall. With the singing came the lights, and with lights came the dancing. Dancing? Yes, dancing. Well, it was only two people dancing and singing, neither with control over their own bodies, but it was enough to get the whole school roaring with laughter.
Severus Snape and Gilderoy Lockhart were currently dancing atop the high table, singing and dancing in the most traumatizing-just-to-be-looked-at skintight green spandex jumpsuits!
"Body... wanna feel my body?
Body... such a thrill my body
Body... wanna touch my body?
Body... it's too much my body
Check it out my body, body.
Don't you doubt my body, body.
talkin' bout my body, body,
check it out my body"
At the sound of the two men singing what all the Muggleborn students knew as one of the most horrendous Muggle songs of all time just got them laughing harder (even most of the staff too) - it made things all better because it looked like Lockhart was actually enjoying himself while Snape looked positively enraged.
Every man wants to be a macho macho man
to have the kind of body, always in demand
Jogging in the mornings, go man go
works out in the health spa, muscles glow
You can best believe that, he's a macho man
ready to get down with, anyone he can
Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Macho, macho man (macho man)
I've got to be, a macho man
Macho, macho man
I've got to be a macho! Ooh.…
Macho, macho man
I've got to be, a macho man
Macho, macho man (yeah, yeah)
I've got to be a macho!
Body, its so hot, my body,
Body, love to pop my body,
Body, love to please my body,
Body, don't you tease my body,
Body, you'll adore my body,
Body, come explore my body,
Body, made by God, my body,
Body, it's so good, my body
You can tell a macho, he has a funky walk
his western shirts and leather, always look so boss
Funky with his body, he's a king
call him Mister Eagle, dig his chains
You can best believe that, he's a macho man
likes to be the leader, he never dresses grand
Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Macho, macho man
I've got to be, a macho man
Macho, macho man
I've got to be a macho! (all right)
Macho, macho man (yeah, yeah)
I've got to be, a macho man
Macho, macho man
I've got to be a macho! All Right!
Ugh! Macho… baby!
Body, body, body wanna feel my body,
Body, body, body gonna thrill my body,
Body, body, body don'tcha stop my body,
Body, body, body it's so hot my body,
Every man ought to be a macho macho man,
To live a life of freedom, machos make a stand,
Have their own life style and ideals,
Possess the strength and confidence, life's a steal,
You can best believe that he's a macho man
He's a special person in anybody's land
Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Macho, macho man (macho man)
I've got to be, a macho man
Macho, macho man
I've got to be a macho! (dig the hair on my chest)
Macho, macho man (see my big thick mustache)
I've got to be, a macho man
Macho, macho man
I've got to be a macho! (Dig broad shoulders)
Macho, macho man (dig my muscles!)
I've got to be, a macho man
Macho, macho man
I've got to be a macho!
Macho, macho man
I've got to be, a macho man
Macho, macho man
I've got to be a macho! HEY!
It ended with a big flair of colorful lights and the pair doing the spits on the table. As soon as it was over, Snape started screaming blue murder, demanding the culprits literately be hanged, or at least, drawn and quartered. To make matters worse for him, Lockhart was bowing and blowing kisses at the laughing audience, even going as far as to strike a pose.
They were still wearing the spandex…
"NOW! I WANT TO KNOW NOW!"
And he even got his answer. In bright glowing golden letters, words began to form in the air above the hall.
The Marauders Strike Again!
Down to All Greasy Haired Bigots and Goldilock Fakes!
Shall the New Generation Conquer All!
Moony
Wormtail
Padfoot
Prongs
Introduce
Ninetails
Spirit-Eyes
Flash
and
Double Trouble
This had to be the great prank in the history of Hogwarts!
.
That night, Rin was keeping a close watch on two boys particular boys. They were her regular, regular visitors, but they were more frequent then half the half the school. All she could do was sit back and wait for the storm to pass…
It wasn't long before the light out was to be used for all students when she found the Weasley twins at her door. They had come to her a little over two hours ago, both of them complaining of sever migraines. Upon observation, the young medic had noticed that twins shared an odd problem.
It had to with their eyes.
As it were, the blood vessels in Fred's right eye and George's left eye had been increasing agitated, rupturing under the pressure to the point that the whites had been dyed scarlet. It was the wizarding kekkei genkai - the Seireimegan, the Spirit Eyes.
She remembered Minato-sensei telling her about Ron's powers, about how amazing they were, but she also remembered him telling her that it was normally stayed dormant. Ron had been the first Weasley in over a thousand years to manifest the power of the Spirit Eyes. Now it suddenly seemed like it was happening to the twins, but something was wrong.
Maybe it was to do with the fact that they were twins because after all, twins, whither in the Muggle, Wizarding or Shinobi Worlds were special…
If she was right, and she knew she was right, Rin knew that they were literately sharing their awakening bloodline limit.
And it was killing them…