Chapter twenty-six: I'm scared, okay?

After some boring and uncomfortable silence, Piper spoke.

"And now what?"

Grams sighed. She was sad about Cole's daughter, as all of us to be honest.

"The woman said that now that she had found him, the girl was his responsibility. She said that tomorrow she's going to send him her stuff and that she didn't want to know anything about the girl; that he owed her the money she had spent in nannies and her needs," she replied.

"What a bitch," complained Piper, who never used those words.

"You said it right," seconded Grams.

The rest of us were surprised, if she hadn't scolded her for the language it meant that she was really pissed about this.

"I'm shocked," said Paige, "Poor Cole, I mean, he has been living a lie. He spent six years of his life locked in a rehab center and it was all a lie".

"That must to be really hard to accept," muttered Andy.

"I understand his pain," said Grams, she had also lost her only one daughter, "but somehow I'd rather had lost years away from my daughter than knowing that she will never come back".

Piper stood up and hugged our grandmother. All of us could feel that our mom was missing. How much we missed mom. How much I needed her right now.

I felt egoist about Cole, Paige was right: he was in a real life roller coaster and I only was making things harder when I was supposed to be a help, a support as I had promised.

"Wait," I said standing up.

Andy and Paige tried to stop me but I left the manor anyhow, trying to find my family. The night was cold and windy but I didn't care, I just held my heavy belly with my right hand and tried to give my back some resistance with my left hand: walking fast wasn't easy.

"Phoebe!" I could hear Paige and Andy, running after me but I ignored them.

"Wait!" I shouted when I saw the Turners, "Wait!," I shouted again; I couldn't walk anymore I was tired and my feet hurt.

Cole heard me and stopped walking to turn around and see me half of the block of distance.

"What are you doing out?" he shouted, running with his daughter in his arms until he reached me.

"Cole, you can't go alone in the middle of the night with a girl," I told him trying to catch my breath, "You're renting a room you share with a lot of strangers, what if something happens to her?"

"What do you want me to do?" he asked me, looking in my eyes.

"Stay tonight. Please, we will figure out what to do about all this madness tomorrow, but now the most important thing is your safety," I asked him with a serious expression.

He stared at me for a few seconds. I looked in his eyes, I handed him my hand to show him that I wasn't mad or anything, just confused. He kissed my forehead and with his eldest daughter on his hip and me walking before him with our hands over his youngest daughter, we made, slowly, our way to the Manor.

A new day arrived to San Francisco after a really strange night for us. Andy had slept with Prue at his place, he had said that he was going to explain to her all what had happened and try to stop her fury, but he needed to take her out of the house for her own mental health. Piper shared room with Paige instead of Prue tonight, she left Cole and Johanna her room with the king size bed. Grams in her room.

I slept in my bed, alone; well, I actually stayed up.

"Morning," I said to whoever who had opened the door of my room, without looking. It was eight in the morning but everyone was asleep since today was Saturday.

"Hey, how you doing?," Cole asked me, sitting on my bed.

I looked at him and sighed, he took my hand.

"I'm fine, just...tired, yesterday was tiring. How are you?," I asked back. I didn't feel like talking but I appreciated his intentions.

"I know this is hard for you...Phoebe, I swear that I didn't know about this you have to belie..."

"I believe you," I interrupted, "I know you too well, Turner," I smiled weakly. He smiled back, thankful.

"That means a lot to me".

"You were shocked last night. Did you talk to her? Had she said something? She was really scared".

"She spoke almost the whole night," he smiled, "She knows that her mother is dead. I explained to her the truth..."

"What truth?," I asked him. I didn't know if he had been selective or not.

"All what happened. I didn't really want to tell her but I owed her that. I thought that she would hate me but..."

"She loves you even when she doesn't know you," I told him stroking his cheek, "A girl's dream is being a princess, fathers are our princes when we are little and when we lose them...we are always expecting for them to come back to us".

He cleared my face of hair; he knew that I was talking about my own perspective and my nonexistent relationship with my father.

"Thank you for allowing us spend the night here. I was worried, my place isn't a place for a girl, or, a woman actually".

I nodded, and then closed my mouth. I was really tired and kind of depressed. He took my face in his hands.

"What's bothering you?," he asked me softly. We both knew that there were several things, but he meant right now.

"I didn't sleep last night. I'm tired, that's all..."

"Don't tell me that's all".

I looked down, to my hands.

"Phoebe...," he said tenderly.

"I just...I'm scared Cole, okay?," I said taking his hands off of my face, "I'm scared of what's happening. Cole, I, a few months ago, was nothing but a seventeen-years-old trouble marker livin' la vida loca and doing whatever I wanted. Fearless, irresponsible. I was out of control, I was free. I was single I went to anywhere I wanted and did anything I felt like. I had some friends willing to do stupid and even illegal things without even thinking it twice. I was the bad girl; people either feared and hated me or loved me and wanted to be like me".

"And now?" he asked me, trying to be comprehensive.

"Now...," I sighed biting my lip, "I'm an eighteen-years-old mother-to-be. I have a boyfriend, supportive boyfriend, who has a nine years old daughter that's now here sleeping in my house and it's going to be his responsibility".

"Does that bother you?" he asked me serious, "Is it a problem that I have another daughter?"

"Yes," I said it quickly. He didn't change his serious and calmed expression, "It's a problem because...because before our story happened I knew you had her and I...never thought about her before, you know...sleeping with you".

"I don't think I understand," he said puzzled.

"I'm disappointed. I...deceived myself...I did things I shouldn't had and I'm not saying I regret them," I said immediately, "I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. I had never felt more responsible and happy with it, than when I accepted that I was going to become a mother. And I really want to spend the rest of my days with you...but...I...," I took a deep breath, then sighed heavily, "I don't know if you want to spend yours with me, or...if you're here just because of our daughter, or...I don't know and...even though if you were here because of me and you wanted to buy a little house and live there with me until one of us die, I don't know how I'm going to be mature enough to take care of this baby or your daughter. I feel so young, I feel so inexperienced, I feel so lost and so scared. Cole, please! This baby is going to see the light within 4 weeks, in a blink of an eye and I'm still sleeping with a teddy bear pajama!," I yelled throwing my pillow away, in total anger "I feel like I'm not good enough to face my own life, and having to face a stable relationship isn't easy because, because...because now we are okay but what when we have a fight? I don't feel capable to raise this baby and give her the life she deserves, and least to be a maternal figure to a girl only nine years younger than me. Who could be my own sister...it's almost the same difference that Prue has with Paige and..."

"Stop," he asked placing a finger over my mouth.

"Have you even told her about us?" I asked him anyway.

Cole shook his head slowly. I felt a stab in the ribs.

"We spent the night talking about each other. She told me about her life, her likes and dislikes and I told her about mine. I thought telling her about you and her sister," we smiled at that word, "but I felt that it wasn't the moment...she was really shocked. She said that Carry had been trying to get rid of her a lot of time ago. I had to calm her down, explain to her that she had a home now..."

"I understand Cole, the last thing I want to do is interfere between you and your daughter," I told her softly. I wasn't trying to call his attention or to make myself a victim of fate; I was being honest and trying to be supportive.

"You're never an interference," he said taking my face in his hands again, "You're my life, the woman I love, the mother of my child and definitely the one. You've a special place in my heart and nothing is going to change that".

I rubbed my eye, trying to distract him because I felt so weak and insecure that I just wanted to cry, but he noticed.

"Phoebe, listen: I..."

We heard a low crack from the door along small steps walking away in a hurry. Cole caressed my face as he stood up quickly to leave my room. I sighed, feeling lonely. I took the Teddy bear he had bought for our daughter from the table next to my bed and hugged it tight. I lay down again trying a fetal position to feel more secure.

I pressed my eyelids. I was lost, what wasn't something new, but this time it was dangerous because soon there's going to be one little person depending on me and that was even scarier.

I, for the first time in my life, didn't know what I was feeling. It was a mixture between happiness, sadness, anger and anxiousness, but mainly, fear. I was scared of all the changes and the little Phoebe living in me wished that I was still a kid, or a free teenager, meanwhile the teenager was silent trying to focus all her energy on becoming an adult.

But neither one was succeeding.

Review(s) response(s) :

Frush: Hey! Welcome here, nice to meet you! I hope you liked this chapter, thank you so much for leaving a review it means a lot, seriously! I'd like to ask if you read "Sincerily, Freebie"?

Kt: Hello! Well, you didn't read it because we're seeing through Phoebe's eyes, but since I'm the boss here haha I can tell you that Cole tried to help Phoebe but Paige didn't let him, and later he tried to sit next to her but Paige again didn't allow him -she was mad at him-. No, Beatriz is gone, sadly or luckily? I don't know! Thank you SO much for all your sweets reviews, they mean the world to me!