HUZZAH! A NEW CHAPTER! I am so sorry that I haven't updated in a week, but I just was so stuck with what to do for this chapter but I finally plowed through it by starting a whole new story. If you have seen the movie "Howl's Moving Castle" go read it and review pretty pretty please. It's only one chapter but I might write a new one tomorrow. In other news, I found a new person that looks like Andrew, but only in this one picture that I have to find on the Internet because I found it on Myspace: Jared Leto from 30 Seconds to Mars. When he goes all goth and emo (remember, Jared fans, i have only seen this one picture, so he might be like that all the time.) he looks like a more hard-core version of Andrew. also, I may have commited a cardinal sin of Edwardology (this cult/religion that my friends and I have made up. I'm one of the 'cheifs'. We're going to make tee-shirts for the Breaking Dawn party and the movie premiere.) Jake and Sasha, if you ever read this, please do not sacrifice me to a pack of ravaging wolves. Enjoy.
"The Grandpa: When Buttercup heard the news that Westly was murdered, she locked herself up in her room, and for days she neither slept or ate.
Buttercup: I will never love again."
-The Princess Bride"
EPOV
"Charlotte never was the same after that." I sighed, trying desperately to avoid looking at Andrew's grief-stricken face. "She never ate. She barely slept. All she seemed to do was sit on the windowsill and stare out into the city." I remembered how Char had been in those dark days.
"What was she like?" my head snapped up at Andrew's words, surprised that he would want to know.
"Are you sure you want to know about that? I mean, I know that you are the master of all things masochistic, but that is pushing some boundaries, Andrew." Andrew never broke my gaze.
"Edward, if you were in my position, which you are, in fact, wouldn't you want to know what you had done to the woman you loved?" I knew that he was right, and he knew that I had very little to argue with on that point. Seeing no way out, I surrendered. I opened my mouth to speak, and failed to find the words that would properly describe what I had seen Charlotte go through in the month that I was there for it.
"I know that you may not understand, but it's hard to find the words." I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples, listening to Andrew's steady breathing. He waited patiently for me to say something. I thought of all the things that I would have to tell him that he caused; all the horrors that I didn't even want to believe was possible to happen to someone as kind as Charlotte. I finally looked up again.
"It was like someone had taken all the happiness that she had ever contained, leaving her with only a shell. The light was gone from her eyes. She never smiled or laughed, as if her lips had been sewn into a tight line that never stirred. I stopped trying to talk to her after the first two weeks, knowing that no matter what I did, it would never make a dent in her apathetic exterior." I stopped, trying to hold back the memories that were flooding through my mind. I rubbed my temples again. "The worst part was the nightmares. She and I still stayed in the same room, so they were kind of hard to ignore.
"Every night for a full month, Charlotte would wake up screaming in the dead of night, shaking violently, muttering about empty rooms and dark forests. I stopped hoping that it was a phase after she almost jumped off of the balcony." That caused Andrew to give me his undivided attention.
"No love is worth being suicidal over." My eyes fell to the floor, trying, once again, to block the image of my Bella destroying herself from my mind. "Oh, damn it; I've done it again, haven't I?"
"It's no big deal, what's done is done. There's no need for you to be walking on eggshells when you talk to me." Andrew, being the considerate and understanding person that he was, backed off. I had to give him his credit, no one else that I know, except perhaps Jasper, but he cheated, would have done that.
"Is there anything else?'
"No, she didn't have many 'symptoms', but what she had was very severe." My next words came out in a bitter hiss. "For the time that I could watch her so that she wouldn't harm herself." Confusion spread over Andrew's face. "My mother decided that I was being too overbearing. That I wasn't giving her time to heal properly. She insisted that I needed to let her alone so that she could take her time away from my overly watchful eyes." A flash of anger swept though Andrew's eyes, and I knew that mine would mirror his. "Mother dearest decided that the rational solution would be to send me away to my Aunt Bertha in Rhode Island for a month to calm my nerves." Andrew seemed thoughtful.
"That would explain why I never saw you around when I came back." My eyebrows shot up. "Well, you didn't expect me to stay away forever did you? I'm not that strong." He chuckled darkly. 'I can even remember my first day back, but that story can wait. What about yours?"
EPOV
"You can not be serious mother! I can't just go to Rhode Island without any kind of warning!" I was pacing the study, flailing my arms at my mother, who was insisting upon my imminent departure from Chicago.
"Nonsense. Your Aunt says that she can take you in as early as tomorrow. You're going to go on a train tonight. You leave in three hours." I stopped, glaring at my mother in fury. I tried to stay civil, tried to keep my voice level, but that was very difficult when mother was being so obtuse.
"Mother, you don't understand. I need to stay here." I hissed through my teeth. Mother eyed me over her reading glasses.
"You mean Charlotte needs you to stay here." It was not a question. Mother sighed, putting down her book and sitting back in her chair. "Edward, if you hang around her all the time, how is she ever going to heal properly? You mop up every tear, heal every wound, and if you keep doing what you're doing, she's going to end up completely dependent on others for the rest of her life." I opened my mouth to say something but she quickly silenced me with her hand. "Numbing her pain, will only make it worse when she finally feels it. You, Edward, are doing her no favors by caring to her every need. Charlotte is a grown woman, and, as such, she is perfectly capable of dealing with her problems on her own." She looked at me with a glare that dared me to defy her. I took the challenge.
"So you're saying that I should have let her throw herself off of our balcony, then?" I looked her straight in the eye, not caring if it got me into trouble. "Or would that be 'numbing her pain'?" Mother's eyes displayed shock at my first question, and pure, unbridled fury at my second.
"Go pack. You'll be there for a month. Be back in half an hour." She dismissed me and went back to reading her novel.
I stormed up the stairs, slamming my bedroom door closed and kicking the wall. I let out a cry of outrage and despair and sank down onto the cold hardwood. The warmth of a body settling next to mine startled me out of my internal rant. I looked up to stare into a pair of ocean blue eyes.
"Oh, Charlotte, I'm sorry. It's just my mother is forcing me to leave for the month so I can go visit my Aunt in Rhode Island." Charlotte, instead of the anger that I thought would have been evident on her face, looked confused.
"Why would that make you this angry? It's only for the month, and you'll feel better after you get out of the city and get in some of that ocean air." I blinked. This wasn't at all what I had expected. Sure, I hadn't expected Char to break down in a fit of tears, but some sorrow would have been nice; anger would have been nice too. Instead, all I got was this…acceptance as if she…but no, Char couldn't want that.
"Do you want me to leave? Are you sick of me too?" I regretted my selfish words as soon as I said them and saw the pain reflected in her eyes and the tears starting to slip down her cheeks. Her arms slipped around my shoulders in a strangely protective gesture, as if she was trying to anchor me to the ground we were sitting on.
"Of course not, Edward. You're the only person who loves me in the whole world, why on earth would I want to banish you from my company?" I felt my arms slip around her waist of their own accord to comfort her and wipe away her tears. After a month this action had become an automatic reflex.
"The reason that I was so angry was that, first, my mother is making me go without you even though she forced us to be together, which , quite frankly, I don't understand, and second, she's making me go so that I won't be so overbearing and worrisome about you." I chuckled darkly.
"Well, she does have a point." I pulled back from Charlotte so I could look at her face, anger flaring in my mind.
"What?! The woman is trying to tear you away from me, and you say she had a point?" Charlotte looked taken aback at my tone, but said what she was going to say anyway.
"I only mean that," she paused, choosing her words very carefully, "you spend all your time taking care of me and nothing else. When was the last time you left the house?"
"I don't since last week."
"Why?"
I looked at eyes, trying to show her how serious I was.
"Charlotte, I don't go out anymore because I'm terrified that you won't be alive when I get home. I know that you and mother think that I worry about you too much, but I just don't want to see you hurt." I nuzzled my face into her neck, trying to get her to understand. "Please, Charlotte, please just try to see how much I care." I felt her hands working their way through my hair, trying to calm my nerves.
"I heard your mother talking about you leaving, so I did you the favor of packing. I knew that you wouldn't be able to say no, and I'm not so brave as to stand up to that tiger of a mother you have, and it kept me out of trouble." Charlotte pulled gently on the back of my head, making me loosen the death grip I had on her waist. When I looked into her eyes again, I realized what I was doing.
I was abandoning her, the wonderful woman that stood before me. The next thing I knew, my lips were pressed against hers.
CPOV
Edward's kisses were…different.
Not better not worse, just…different.
Very different.
For one, Edward was warm and not hard like stone; that in itself made it a different experience. His lips didn't crush mine the way that his would. Edward was gentle and soft, as if he was trying not to scare me away, which, of course, he was. One of his hands drifted up to my neck to hold my face to his.
The strangest thing about Edward's kiss was that it didn't repulse me the way it would have if anyone else had kissed me. He made me feel safe and warm, like I was being wrapped in a security blanket. Without waiting for confirmation from my mind my left hand leaned itself against his cheek, my thumb stroking the soft skin of his face. His hand left my neck to cover mine.
Suddenly, my breath came in a small gasp and I was kissing him back, my arms wrapping themselves loosely around his neck. I don't know how long we sat there in each other's embraces but the sound of Elizabeth's cries soon made me pull away, much to my own disappointment. He sighed and rolled his eyes in disgust.
"You should go or Elizabeth will pitch a fit to put grizzly bears to shame." I laughed, surprised by the sadness in his eyes that appeared at my words. He pulled me close and I laid my head on his shoulder.
"But I don't want to go. I want to stay here with you." His hands absent mindedly rubbed my back. We were silent for a moment. "You know, you're pretty small, do you think that you would be able to fit into one of the suitcases?" I laughed again, hitting him on the shoulder. Elizabeth's shrill voice drifted up to us once again, shooting through at least three octaves in the process. "I think I can convince Mother to let me stay."
"Bring me back that snowball from hell, and then we'll test that theory." I got up, pulling Edward with me. I shoved the suitcases that had been sitting patiently on the foot of the bed into his chest. "Now, you really have to go! Do you want your mother to throw me out of the house for turning you into a middle aged spinster while you're seventeen?" Edward's mouth dropped in mock outrage. I put my hand on my hip and cocked my eyebrow, making a glimmer of fear flit through his eyes.
"All right, I'm going. If I didn't know you better Char, I would say that you are trying to get rid of me!"
"Oh now, I couldn't pull that one off if I tried, you'd make sure of it." I laughed as Edward went to put the suitcases down by the front door. I skipped down to the kitchen, looking for something to eat; I was suddenly ravenous for no apparent reason. I saw a bronze head poke around the corner of the door and the body that it belonged to follow soon after. I felt a pair of hands settle at my waist, turning me slowly. Edward placed his forehead against mine.
"Charlotte, please be good while I'm away. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if anything happened to you because of me." I heard his voice break and saw the tears flow down his face at the images his mind had thrust upon him. I reached to brush them aside; it pained me to see him in pain on my account.
"Come now, don't you start that. I promise I'll be good, and I promise that I won't do anything irrational." For you, Edward. Not for me. I added inside my own head. He smiled his most beautiful half smile and kissed my forehead. I stood by the counter as I saw him walk out of the door to the kitchen and I heard the slam of the heavy oak front door, signaling his departure.
I raced back up the stairs and leaned over the balcony in our room to get one last look at him. I could just make out his shape in the late evening darkness and I waved when he turned around to look at me. I could see him smile from my perch as he climbed aboard the car that Elizabeth had hired for the occasion. I stared after him as the loud and rickety machine disappeared down the street towards the train station.
It was then that my mind finally caught up with everything that had occurred over the last half hour. I thought of Edward's silent proclamation of love and the chaste consummation (A/N: Yes, word nerds, I am aware of the contradiction in that statement.) that had occurred not long after. I thought of how much that kiss had warmed me, had made me feel whole for once in what felt like eternity. I thought of Edward and how he had saved my life many times over and in more ways than one. I thought of the thoughts and feelings that I was putting into his head.
I wept for my crimes, tormenting an innocent boy like that. I was far too broken, and I could never love him properly, and yet that was what I had promised him moments before. I could never love anyone ever again; not really.
You could try. A small voice whispered in the back of my mind. He's so kind and warm and loving. He wouldn't care how broken you are. He loves you, for better or worse. I laughed at my subconscious's choice of words.
I still couldn't admit it, but I silently agreed.
Edward was reliable and loving. He would never leave me. He would be there to love me with everything he had for as long as he was able or for as long as I lived, whichever ended first. I would never be able to tell him how much he meant to me.
But yes, I could try to be good enough for him.
My thoughts at ease for the night, I slipped in between the, now cold, covers of our bed, missing the warm arms that would protect me from myself, and surrendered my mind to my nightmares.
Third Person POV
Edward road towards the train station, thinking only of Charlotte.
Charlotte drifted into sleep, thinking only of Edward.
The pair of them were so preoccupied with each other that night as both readied themselves for the other's absence, that neither of them had cared to notice the black-haired man that had been watching them.
He had seen everything: the fight between Edward and Elizabeth, Edward's words of love to Charlotte, and, especially, the lingering kiss that neither of them had wanted to end. He had felt his heart shatter again at the sight of the pair of them, so concentrated on each other that they had failed to notice the world around them.
Andrew Ravenwood stepped from the shadows and began walking towards the Parish of St. Francis, tears of venom flowing down his pale, gaunt face, looking as one dead.
Okay, I lied, Andrew is coming back sooner than expected, but he still will not be in the story much for a few chapters that I have planned out. Please don't kill me. Review if you want to kill me, give me a medal, or somewhere in between.
Until we meet again,
the3rdbronte