AN: Double update. Which technically scores me less reviews, but you know, whatever. (Lol I have a system). It's 16 minutes into the fourth day of 2011 and I really should be asleep but I owe you guys after making you wait so long last time.

And in case anyone's forgotten-

...ahem. Like I did-

Jessie yelled at Rachel's kid, then she slapped Rachel, then she had (yet another) breakdown and then Brady kissed her.

Let's see what happens next.

Love,

Lena xo

Chapter XXIV

I'm here again

A thousand miles away from you

A broken mess

Just scattered pieces of who I am

→ Pieces, Red

"Jessie."

"Mmm?" I shifted under the sheets. Brady sat on a chair next to me, an orange juice carton in his hand. The sun had set four hours ago and I was already half-way asleep.

"I want you to come with me when I visit Collin tomorrow."

I froze under the sheets.

"Jessie." His voice was gentle and patient.

Just like he had been this whole time, for me.

"I need to think about it," I whispered.

"Ok," murmured Brady in a soft voice. He moved forward and kissed me on the forehead. "Try and get some sleep, I'll be back from patrol in about five hours. Night."

"Night."

He hesitated at the door, tossing the empty carton up and down in his hand. "Just... just think about it."

It was the first time I hadn't given him a flat out no. Every week he went to "see Collin". Every night he did, I'd see it in my nightmares. I was restless as I heard him leave the house, but eventually my eyelids dropped and everything was black.

I was laughing and walking hand in hand with Collin. Suddenly, a wolf howled in the distance.

"Brady." Collin kissed the back of my hand and reluctantly let it go.

"I have to go and see. I'll be back soon."

The last words.

His hand gently brushed my cheek and his lips brushed my forehead.

He was gone.

As I wandered I somehow found myself out of the green forest and on La Push beach. The ocean was dark but calm, reflecting the grey clouds above.

Out of the corner of my eye, on the cliffs, I saw a figure moving. A wolf? As I squinted, I realised it was Collin, prowling restlessly.

"Collin!" I shouted, climbing up the path of the cliffs. I slipped several times before getting to the top.

"Collin-" instead of my favourite wolf, all that was present was a cruel grey block of granite.

His name was carved on it.

"No." I was whispering, getting louder and louder until I was screaming. "NO!" I was scrambling down the rocky path, falling and scraping my palms and still always running.

I could hear another noise. A wolf's howl.

"Brady." Soon I was screaming his name instead, running blindly, trying to find him. Tears were streaming down my face.

He's in the forest, I realised. I turned, trying to get off of the beach and into the trees.

From the shadows a darkness lunged at me.

I screamed and fell back. It lunged again, the face-less, shape-less monster as I screamed and screamed until I couldn't scream anymore.

Again I was running back up the cliff path over the dirt and lose stones.

It made no noise as it followed me.

As I reached the top, I hid behind his gravestone. Only a few feet from me lay the edge of the cliff and the crashing waves on the rocks below.

It no longer called to me.

I shut my eyes. All I could hear was the howling of Brady and all I could feel was the hard stone at my back. I could sense the darkness slowly coming closer...

I sat up, wrapped in the sheets and blankets and covered in a cold sweat. I waited, breathing slowly, as my heartrate went back to normal and the fear subdued.

It never disappeared, only quietened.

I checked the time. Brady wasn't due back for another hour or so. As I wandered through the house towards the kitchen, I noticed a cardboard box shoved behind the television set. As I dragged the heavy package out, I realised what it was.

The memories of Collin. From Emily.

Fingers trembling, I chose a random disc from the pile and inserted it into the DVD player.

An image of Seth grinning flickered up on the screen. He was strumming a guitar and in the flickering firelight I could see Kaylie leaning against his shoulder. Soft voices murmured in the background and as Seth began to sing, the camera swung around.

I hit the pause button.

The girl in that image was very different to the one sitting here.

So young, and innocent, I thought patronisingly. You have no idea of the horrors that are in store for you.

Almost suddenly I was unbelievably jealous. I felt the envy flare up inside of me as I glared at this girl.

She had no idea of what loss means. I would kill to be her. To rewind time and be her again.

My eyes drifted to the young man in the frame. Tears welled up in my eyes but I felt the smile cross my face despite that.

He was sitting protectively behind her while she leaned back into him. His arms were strongly around her waist and his lips were in her hair. He was a head taller than her and the orange glow of the fire's light reflected perfectly off of his russet skin.

His eyes were wide and brown as they were fixed adoringly on her. Adoration she never deserved, but adoration and love that he gave freely to her anyway.

I'm not sure how long I sat there, staring at the image. At least until Brady came home. He stood there and watched me for ages, not saying anything. Finally, with a shaking hand, I pointed the remote at the tv and switched it off. I turned to Brady.

"I'm going with you tomorrow."

XxX

My hands stretched and flexed out in front of me, little red scars scattered all over my palms. I looked up at Brady who was driving, his head set straight ahead on the road.

He shouldn't have kissed me.

It had made me question everything.

He wasn't Collin. He could never be Collin.

But did that mean I couldn't be happy with him?

Collin had always wanted me to be happy. Would it mean I was betraying him if I accepted Brady's kiss for what he had meant it for?

Or maybe I didn't even have the right to.

Was it even fair on Brady... to say I loved him... when my heart had died alongside Collin?

So many questions colliding in my head.

I didn't want to answer any of them.

Finally we pulled to a stop and Brady got out of the car.

My hands were clutched tightly around a single daffodil.

Too tightly. The stem was being crushed underneath my fingers.

Brady walked without a single word, automatically tracking his way through the dreaded grey stones. I followed always some metres behind him, terrified of seeing it. The horror of the last time I'd been here, the.. funeral – I struggle to even think the word – it's not one I want to particularly relive.

Then Brady suddenly squats down next to a small grey solid block.

This is it.

My hands are still trembling as I start walking forward.

And I can't breathe and the tears are just there, about to fall, but not quite, as if I don't even get the satisfaction of crying whole-heartedly for my love. Not like I haven't a million times but it suddenly feels like I need it this time, just this one more time to cry until the tears are dry.

It doesn't come and all I can feel is the deep crushing darkness inside of me that used to be filled with Collin.

I sit in front of the grave and Brady has laid a hand on the grey stone. He is whispering, muttering almost, in soft undertones that I can't decipher. Instead, I look at the stone.

It's simple. His name carved at the top in a simple script; his dates of birth and death underneath in smaller writing.

A loving son, brother and soul-mate.

The simple inscription.

And then- I squint as I try to read the even smaller words.

"Lean in," Brady suddenly says. I jump, his voice breaking my train of thoughts.

"I know you didn't bring your glasses. It's ok, you can lean in and see what it says." I obey him, crouching low on the ground and leaning right in.

It's a hand-made inscription. I vaguely recognise the messy handwriting.

Died a hero.

Underneath, carved into the stone, is a wolf.

My throat closes up and suddenly I can't breathe.

I fall back straight into Brady's arms and they encircle me and finally, I get my wish.

I cry and cry and cry and as the tears fall, Brady murmurs to me in a soothing tone that slowly calms me down.

"It was Seth. He came here the night of the funeral and scraped it into the stone. He said it hadn't felt complete... it is now."

I'm twisting my hands into Brady's shirt and I realise that the daffodil is getting crushed in my hand.

I open it and let it fall onto the green grass next to me.

Brady presses a small kiss to my forehead.

And the next thing I know, his lips are on mine.

I don't fight him off, or just sit there like I did last time.

I kiss him back.

Then I see your face

I know I'm finally yours

I find everything I thought I lost before

You call my name

I come to you in pieces

So you can make me whole

AN: Ok, so I wrote chapter 25 (and it's AN) like two days after I did the last upload. You guys inspired me so much and made me realise how much I missed the reviews. I got some way through this chapter then I couldn't finish it. Then, you know, stuff went down today which left me in a sad/angry mood which is the perfect one to write this. And it makes me feel better :)

Thankyou to all my wonderful reviewers:

Fairielover93

HunterofArtemis1136

genies9

Lily CullenSalvatore

peggy cook :D

BatManAndFairyFace (previously eeyore-ft-tigger) – welcome back :D Thankyou for the theme song, it was perfect :)

ImDaMnShOrTaNdPrOuD (if you haven't read her stories, check 'em out, they never fail to make me laugh! And I hope you don't mind that I've borrowed your way of setting out reviewers?)

and the always present IzzyRoseXD – thankyou for all the mental support babe xoxo

And my anonymous reviewers, who I shall reply to underneath. These guys rule. It was you guys especially who got me writing so quickly-

Julie & Ginglocks & A Long Time Lena Fan

Check out your review replies down the bottom ;)

This chapter's for ignorant little fluffy tale for the song rec WAYYYYY back in September. I love the song and although I don't know if I'll have enough room to use it in this story (...I'm already collecting for this one's sister story) you have gotten me addicted to Carrie Underwood.

Julie: I hope you know that even just the line you dropped made my day :D

Ginglocks: Dude, I hope you realise how resolved your review made me to finish this story, and in quick time, too ;) I swear here and now never to abandon this story – or you :) Thankyou for your review and the comments you made:D Writing so fast my keyboard can't keep up ;)

A Long Time Lena Fan: I was so surprised to see the name you chose, you really have no idea how humbling it was :) I know you reviewed on You Belong With Me but I hope you read this- your name alone made my day but the comments you left and the compliments you gave me will be an inspiration I hold for a long time :D

Readers: thankyou for taking the time to read my work, and reviewers: thankyou for taking the time to tell me what you thought.

Don't forget to check out the HWY poll on my profile.

Love,

Lena xo

See... proof, reviews really DO make people write faster :)